


Amaranth

by Soap_Queen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: !BRIEF mentions of suicide!, !Panic Attacks!, !There are Trigger Warnings!, Annie's a bitch for the most part, F/F, F/M, Flowers :), I have mixed feelings about this story, Let's pretend the plot is good, M/M, Mikasa has claustrophobia O_O, Mikasa is a hot mess in the beginning, Sasha is the biggest sweetheart I love her, mikannie - Freeform, slowburn, yumikuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 28
Words: 128,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29142636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soap_Queen/pseuds/Soap_Queen
Summary: Mikasa and Annie are both girls with troubled presents who are tormented by the past and unsure of the future. Both find solace in each other being that they feel they are similar. Animalistic, predators, monsters. Although it takes them a while to admit these things, they find comfort in the fact that if they have no one, they have each other. Of course, they first must get over their predatory instincts.After all, all animals, when backed into a corner, will fight tooth and nail to protect themselves.
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart
Comments: 240
Kudos: 417





	1. Daffodils

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daffodils: New beginnings/introductions

_“Mommy! Mommy!” Mikasa shouted to her mom as she dashed out the door and into her backyard._

_“Wait up, Mika,” her mother scolded with a smile, “I’m not as young as I used to be.”_

_“Sorry, Mama,” Mikasa apologized, “I’m just excited!”_

_“I can see that,” her mother laughed as she caught up and grabbed Mikasa’s hand._

_“What flowers are we learning about today?” Mikasa asked as she swung her mother’s hand back and forth while walking towards the family garden in the mountains._

_“Depends on what we run into,” her mother said as she ran off, daring her daughter to keep up with her._

_After running for a while, the two fell down in an open field. Mikasa had landed on top of her mother, giggling. Her mother laughed as well, and it was just as joyful. There was no doubt in the minds of anyone who knew the family that they were joyful and genuinely happy together._

_“Hey, Mama?” Mikasa asked as she lifted her head up and looked to the right._

_“What’s up?” her mother asked as she propped herself up on her elbows._

_“What’s that flower?” she asked as she pointed._

_“Ah,” her mother sighed as she lifted her into her arms and carried her to the bush that held the flower. “These are Amaranths.”_

_“They’re pretty,” Mikasa mumbled in awe._

_“It’s important too,” her mother informed her with a smile, “they’re a source of vitamin C that help you heal and get strong.” As she said the last bit, she jabbed her daughter’s stomach playfully, almost tickling her, causing Mikasa to squeal and giggle._

_“What do they symbolize?” Mikasa asked her mother excitedly._

_“They symbolize immortality,” her mother smiled as she put Mikasa down and sat cross-legged in front of the flowers._

_“Wow,” Mikasa mumbled in silent awe._

_“Mikasa,” her mother said her name firmly._

_“Yes, Mama?” Mikasa asked._

_“I want you to know something,” the older woman said as she pulled her daughter into a tight hug, “No matter what happens, there will come a day when I’m not around. People can’t be immortal like flowers.”_

_“We can’t?” Mikasa asked with a pout, “but I don’t want to live in a world without you.”_

_“I know, baby,” her mother smiled at her softly as she kissed her head, “I’ve lived a world without you, and I don’t want that ever again.”_

_“I don’t want you to leave me,” Mikasa whispered as tears filled her eyes at the mere idea of losing her mother._

_“That’s the great thing,” her mother mumbled as she pulled Mikasa out to arms length away, “People aren’t immortal, but can you guess what is?”_

_“What?” Mikasa asked, excited, hopeful even._

_Her mother’s answer was short and sweet, but it made the world seem so much warmer and colorful to a young Mikasa. “Love.”_

***********

“Ah!” Mikasa screamed a little as she heard her alarm go off. “Fuck,” she murmered to herself as she rubbed her head. It was nearing the anniversary of her parents’ death and the events that occurred that day and memories always seemed to get dragged up around this time. 

Mikasa forced herself to get out of bed as she walked to her dresser to get dressed. She never really dressed up, so she decided on black ripped jeans and a gray hoodie. After she was clothed, she went to the bathroom to brush her hair before running downstairs and getting something to eat.

“Morning, Mikasa,” her adoptive parents, the Jaegers, greeted. 

“Morning, Carla,” Mikasa greeted glumly as she grabbed a bowl of cereal. The Jaegers were well aware of what had occurred to Mikasa this time 7 years ago, so they knew better than to pry. As much as they hated it, they accepted the fact that Mikasa was the type to work out her problems on her own, and there was nothing they could do to change that.

“Anything we can do for you this morning?” Grisha asked as he entered the room from his study, likely there to eat as well. 

“I’m alright, but thanks,” Mikasa thanked them, “Where’s Eren?”

“I think he left early,” Grisha shrugged.

“That’s odd for him,” Mikasa mumbled to herself as she fiddled with the red scarf he had given her the first day she had lived with them. It seemed like a small gesture, but it had made her feel so much safer with the Jaegers than she initially felt. 

When Mikasa finished eating, she thanked the Jaegers before going upstairs to brush her hair and collect her things for school. 

Once she had her things, she sprinted out the door, throwing a lazy “See ya!” over her shoulder as she made her way to school. While she was old enough to drive and even had her license, Mikasa preferred to walk to school, so she didn’t bother grabbing keys or anything.

The walk to school was pretty short, so she arrived there after about 10 minutes. When she arrived, she noticed there was a lot of commotion outside. After a few moments of investigating, she realized it was some couple asking each other to homecoming. That sort of stuff never failed to make her cringe.

Not that she didn’t like love or anything, she just never saw much point in it, especially given her personality. Her only friend at school was her adoptive brother because no one could put up with her cold personality. If no one could put up with her enough to be her friend, how was she ever supposed to find a boyfriend? With that in mind, she gave up on the concept. 

After a few more minutes of wandering, she found her way to her locker. She stuffed some of her things in as well as took out the few items she needed for her class. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw popular cheerleader, Hitch Dreyse, talking with someone she didn’t quite recognize. It wasn’t strange for her not to recognize someone, especially someone who talked to Hitch, so she didn’t think much of it and walked to class.

In her next class, she saw that there was a blonde standing at the front of the class, and she immediately made the connection that she had been the one talking to Hitch. She was rather short, no taller than 5 foot, but she still seemed like she could hold her own. Her blonde hair was probably medium length, but it was pulled back in a bun with strands of hair framing her face. Her physique was admittedly desirable, and she seemed to have relatively attractive facial features, high cheekbones, a sharp jawline, and piercing blue eyes that Mikasa was almost envious of. 

However, it wasn’t that that caught Mikasa’s eye. The blonde’s facial features were set in a firm position, and they reminded her somewhat of herself. The emotionless face, cold eyes, and an unbothered expression. They were all things reflected in herself, and she found herself wondering what the blonde had been through to end up like that.

“Class,” the teacher said to get everyone’s attention, “This is Annie Leonhart. She’ll be joining our class for the rest of the school year.”

Everyone’s expressions remained neutral as the teacher told the blonde, Annie, to pick a seat to sit at. The teacher also added that that would be her seat for the rest of the year. Mikasa looked around, trying to see where the blonde might sit, when she realized the only open seat in the class was right next to her. 

“Alright,” the teacher began once Annie was seated next to Mikasa, “Let’s begin.”

When her first class ended, she began packing her stuff up and easily left the room. While she was curious to know more about the blonde, she wasn’t the type to force a conversation, especially not around the anniversary of her parents’ death. 

Her next few classes passed slowly until lunch when she sighed a breath of relief. She didn’t mind her classes, but sometimes the small rooms filled with a bunch of kids got to her. Her life in the wilderness had made her accustomed to the open world, and while it had been 7 years since she was last there, she still felt that any building with four walls was always too cramped for her. 

At lunch, she sat with her usual group. All of them were Eren’s friends, but they all put up with her. Well, by put up with, she meant they ignored her just as she ignored them. She only sat with them because Eren didn’t want her to sit alone, and she didn’t want to look pathetic. 

At the table, Eren was talking with his childhood best friend, Armin, while the other two, Ymir and Historia, were talking to themselves. It was no secret that Historia and Ymir were the resident gays of the school, and many suspected that they might win homecoming queen and… queen because of their popularity. 

Well, not if Hitch had anything to say about it. She was incredibly homophobic, and she technically ruled the school. Still, there were people who were fond of Ymir and Historia for their bravery in being openly out.

Mikasa, as always, sat alone and picked at her food. During this time, she rarely ate aside from mornings to ensure that she didn’t die. All around, this time of year made her feel sick to her stomach, and the idea of eating physically hurt her. 

Aside from the idea of food hurting her, it was fucking cold which was no help to her state. It was fall, how fitting, and it happened to be the time that the flowers and her parents had died. She knew it was a coincidence, but it was almost ironic how almost poetic it was. Her mother and father, who dedicated themselves to all things wilderness, had died in the time of year that everything slowly begins to fall apart. 

Her mother would probably say something like “Yes, things fall apart in autumn, that’s why they call it fall, but they fall apart so better things can bloom.” Mikasa liked to believe that, but she wondered if that was true. Every winter after fall always seemed to be more miserable than the last, and the lingering reminder of her parents death was never helpful. 

“What’s up, bitches!” Sasha said as she sat down at the table. As far as the people who sat at the same table as her, Sasha was the only one Mikasa would consider something akin to a friend. They occasionally talked, and Sasha always treated Mikasa as if they had been besties since childhood when they had only met in high school. 

Of course, always attached at the hip, Connie sat down with Sasha, and the two began bickering instantly. Sasha had stolen Connie’s potato so he took Sasha’s cookie and then Sasha took Connie’s-

“Here,” Mikasa said as she shoved her towards them and stood up. 

“S-sorry,” they apologized, stuttering. While they were “friends” with Mikasa, it was no secret that she scared them. 

“No worries. I’m not hungry anyway,” Mikasa told them as she smoothed out her clothes, “I’m going to the soccer field.”

Eren nodded, albeit reluctantly, and she left. “The hell is her problem?” Ymir mumbled.

“Be nice,” Historia scolded, “You know what she goes through around this time of year.”

“Yeah, but literally no one knows why,” Ymir groaned, “Why does she get to be all… grumpy, and why are we expected to put up with it?”

“No one expects you to put up with it,” Sasha said, defending her kind of friend, “She might be grumpy on the outside, but when you look past that, she’s really kind and enjoyable. I mean, look, Connie and I were fighting, and she gave us her tray so we’d be happier.”

“I guess,” Ymir shrugged, “I just wish she was more…. Social?”

“Some people just aren’t people people,” Historia told her with a smile. 

“Plus, Mikasa’s been through a lot. I don’t know the whole story, but I know enough,” Eren told them.

“I don’t get why she can’t just open up,” Ymir mumbled, “It’d be so much better for her.”

“It’s probably not something she wants to talk about,” Historia told Ymir gently, “especially if even Eren doesn’t know the full story.”

“What’s up,” Jean said as he sat down at the table and noticed the poor mood, “Where’s Mikasa?”

“Sulking,” Ymir answered sourly, resulting in a jab to the side from Historia. She and Mikasa were also rather close friends, although their friendship stemmed from a sport-related rivalry. 

Meanwhile, Mikasa had made it to the soccer field. In soccer, she was pretty competitive, especially with Ymir. According to her coaches, she was an amazing player. It was also the one thing that brought her joy in life now. Soccer always managed to pull her from her thoughts, and she appreciated that. Even if it was for a short time, she was able to get away from everything in her head. 

She began by just shooting a nearby ball in the net from different distances and angles. She managed to get it in almost every time, only occasionally hitting the post or crossbar since she’s a little upset.

After a while, she felt like someone was watching her, and she turned to the bleachers. To her surprise, the blonde from her morning class was sitting there, silently watching her. Mikasa gave her a curious look before returning to taking shots on goal. 

A few more minutes passed, and she heard the blonde get up and walk towards the field. “Practice doesn’t do you any good if there isn’t a goalie,” was all she said as she stood in goal.

“You don’t have gloves,” Mikasa warned her, bored. She may be mean and grumpy, but she knew she kicked hard.

“Don’t worry about me,” the girl waved her hand dismissively as she got in position.

Mikasa was still hesitant. There had been a time when she kicked the ball into a girl’s foot, and the girl fractured her ankle. She had also kicked a girl’s knee out of place during a failed attempt at a slide tackle. Apparently, she just had a lot of pent up anger. 

It shouldn’t have been a surprise, really. As a child, she was carefree, kind, happy even, but after looking at her parents, she got mad. She was mad at the world for taking them, mad at her parents for leaving her, mad at the people who killed them, mad that she was too young to do anything. Mad. Mad. Mad. Mad.

“Oh shit,” the girl flinched as Mikasa sent the ball speeding towards the goal. Mikasa just shrugged unapologetically. She had warned the blonde, after all.

“You better watch where the hell you kick!” the other girl scolded.

“I tried to warn you!” Mikasa said as she rolled her eyes.

She saw the blonde mumble something to herself, but Mikasa couldn’t make out what she had said. The blonde kicked the back back to her, and Mikasa easily received it. 

She spent the next few minutes taking shots, and since that first one, she hadn’t managed to get a single shot on goal. She turned to the blonde and nodded to her curtly, almost in thanks, before spinning around and walking back to the school, preparing for her next class period.

Her next few classes seemed to drag on until the bell finally rang. She was excited since today was the first day of the new soccer season, and she was excited to go to games again. The team had been unsure about having her on the team due to her history of breaking bones -accidentally of course, but they had added her in the end because they saw how talented she was. 

It had actually surprised her when they let her play her Freshman year. She knew the teachers knew everything about her records. Everything. They knew she wasn’t a good person, and they knew she was troubled. Maybe that’s why they let her play soccer? Either way, she was grateful.

When she finally made it to the locker room, she quickly walked inside and changed into the soccer clothes she had left there during her gym class. She tried to change as fast as possible to get to the field. There was no one else in the locker room so she could take her time, but she felt like getting back to the field as fast as possible.

Once she finally changed and made it to the field, she saw that not even the coach was there. She laughed to herself before deciding to just start stretching. She sat on the ground and began reaching for her toes and trying to touch her nose to the ground. She was rather flexible, so they were pretty easy for her usually.

“Look who’s early, as always,” she heard Ymir comments as the girl joined her. Ymir and Sasha were the closest thing she had to friends on the team, so the three often stretched and warmed-up together. 

Rather than answer, Mikasa focused on stretching. “Mikasa, can I ask you something?” Ymir asked as she began doing a stretch similar to what Mikasa was doing. Mikasa reluctantly nodded as she pressed her feet against each other as she bent her knees. “Why are you so quiet?” Ymir asked.

“I never know what to say,” Mikasa answered easily after a few minutes of thinking about it.

It was true. She never did know what to say to people. She wasn’t the best at reading social cues, and she definitely didn’t like talking to people. Meeting new people always made her uneasy. What if they judged her? What if they hated her? What if they ignored her? What if they found out? In the end, she decided it was easier to just hate, judge, and ignore people first.

“I guess that makes sense,” Ymir shrugged slightly.

After she was done stretching out her legs, she stood up and began cracking and stretching her back. She bent back until her hands could touch her ankles, and she held that position for a few moments before she got up and twisted her torso side-to-side to crack any extra tension.

“How the hell are you so flexible?” Ymir complained as she stood up and was barely able to reach her toes. Mikasa just shrugged as she stretched her arms up to the sky before letting them fall back to her sides.

“Hey, my bitches!” they heard Sasha exclaim as she walked up next to them and began her stretches.

“Late, as always,” Mikasa mumbled.

“Not late, fashionably not on time,” Sasha corrected as she pointed an accusatory finger at Mikasa’s face.

“Why are you always ‘fashionably not on time?’” Ymir asked.

“Well, Connie always steals the food I hide in my backpack, so then I have to wrestle him to get it back which usually results in teacher involvement. Poor Mr. Ackerman is so tired of us he just lets us go without punishment. 

“Speaking of, your original last name is Ackerman, right?” Ymir asked, much to Mikasa’s dismay.

She loved her last name, but she had decided to change it to Jaeger when she moved in with the family. Her last name connected her to her parents, but it also easily allowed anyone to read about the incident. If you looked up Ackerman, you’d find her parents’ obituaries and details of the event that day. 

“You do look alike now that she mentions it,” Sasha commented.

Mikasa just shrugged. She genuinely didn’t know how -or if- she and Mr. Ackerman were related, but she had been admittedly curious when she first met him. She briefly wondered if he had known her parents, but she didn’t have the guts to talk to him, let alone bring up her parents in front of him. 

“Just drop it,” Mikasa told them.

“Are you not curious about your biological family?” Sasha asked curiously, obviously not dropping it.

“I said to drop it!” Mikasa yelled a little louder than necessary. “Sorry,” Mikasa apologized. She usually wasn’t the type to apologize for her actions, but these two were people she considered friends. They were two of the only friends she had, and she figured she should do her best not to scare them away.

Sasha squeaked in fear before collecting herself. “It’s alright,” Sasha smiled, “I was the one who kept prying.”

Mikasa nodded as she decided to go ahead and run laps. Their coach was late which was unusual for him, but she decided to get started anyway. “Race ya!” Ymir teased as she and Sasha followed behind.

By the time the Coach, Erwin Smith, showed up, most of the girl’s had stopped running except Mikasa who was still jogging at a comfortable pace. She didn’t like standing out like this, but she needed to run off some of the excess emotion swirling inside of her head. 

“Jaeger,” Erwin said, obviously getting her attention. She cringed when he called her that. Of course, a lot of people called her by her “last name” but it never felt like it was her last name. It made her think of Eren, not her. Ackerman was her last name, there was no doubt about it, but she was determined to fit in. If anyone found out about her family, they’d treat her differently. 

Mikasa turned her attention to Coach Smith who smiled at her. “Always overachieving, I see,” he commented, which had her rolling her eyes, “That’s why you’re going to be team captain.”

“What?” everyone, Mikasa included, exclaimed.

Mikasa was beyond surprised, but she said nothing more. She hadn’t expected to be team captain. With her poor social skills and all around lack of using the English language, she had expected she’d be one of the last choices for captain. 

“Ymir is going to co-captain,” Erwin answered, obviously having predicted this kind of reaction from, well, everyone, “Mikasa will handle workouts and soccer-related drills while Ymir will handle the more social things.”

“Damn,” Ymir muttered, “Of course she gets to be captain!” Mikasa just smirked to herself, knowing she had beat Ymir in their race to captain. 

Good job you two!” Sasha exclaimed as she pulled the two into a hug against their will, “I’m so proud of you!”

“Sasha,” Mikasa said evenly, “Let go before I gouge out your eyeballs.”

Immediately, Sasha released her grip on the two. Mikasa smoothed out her clothes before thanking Sasha. It’s not that Mikasa didn’t appreciate Sasha’s enthusiasm, in fact, her enthusiasm was admirable. Mikasa just wasn’t a fan of small spaces. Never had been and probably never would be. They made her feel trapped, cornered, and most importantly, scared. Every small space she could remember from her childhood had been tainted by the murder of her parents, and since then, she’s never been a fan of anything that makes her feel like she can’t run. 

“Alright, let’s get started!” Coach Smith said as he began ordering them around. The girls had run passing drills, throw-in drills, and goal drills. Of course, Mikasa made every goal because their goalie would yelp and squeak when it was Mikasa’s turn.

“Alright ladies, go change,” he told them, and they all sighed in relief except Mikasa.

“You two go ahead,” Mikasa told them, “Don’t wait for me.”

With that, Mikasa grabbed a ball and began shooting, occasionally dribbling and adding in footwork as if she were dodging the feet of another team. She did that for so long that she didn’t even notice the sun had set. She checked her phone and saw that it was already 8 o’clock. “Fuck, the Jaegers must be worried,” Mikasa mumbled to herself.

“You’re out late,” a voice said from beside her as she was walking to the locker room.

“Ah! Fuck,” Mikasa said as she put a hand over her heart, “Don’t do that!”

“Sorry,” the person apologized unapologetically as they followed her into the locker room.

“What are you doing?” she asked as she pulled out her phone to text the Jaegers and apologize that she lost track of time. 

“I’m bored,” they mumbled, “and you’re the only person still here.”

“Speaking of, why are you here?” Mikasa asked.

“I didn’t feel like going home,” they answered. Now that Mikasa was in the lighted locker room, she could tell that it was the blonde from morning class and her lunchtime practice, Annie, she thought her name was. 

“Yeah,” Mikasa mumbled, “Me too.” She then walked to her locker and grabbed her shower stuff. She didn’t necessarily like showering at school, especially when other people were around, but it was better than hiding in her room like she knew she would at the Jaeger house. 

Mikasa then walked to the shower stall and set up her hair and body soaps before stripping down. She hung her clothes on the stall door so they wouldn’t get wet before finally turning the water and allowing it to rush over her body.

“So, why soccer?” the blonde asked, and it sounded like she was right outside the stall door. It didn't necessarily bother Mikasa, but she was unsure as to why the blonde was even there.

Mikasa said nothing, and the room was silent for a while. Mikasa almost forgot there was someone else in the room when the voice finally said, “Not much of a taker, eh?” They paused before adding, “I guess I’m usually not either.”

“Why aren’t you like… I don’t know, telling me to go away?” Annie asked after a while, figuring she was probably just Annoying Mikasa at this point.

“Why would I?” Mikasa asked as she started scrubbing soap into her hair, “It’s not like you’re doing anything wrong, and it’s not like this is my space to tell you to get out of.”

I guess you’re right,” she admitted thoughtfully. “I just have a few friends here that I’ve been friends with since childhood, and they said you’re kind of a bitch. You know, get into fights, kick ass, ignore people, break hearts. You don’t seem like that,” the blonde explained. 

“I only get in fights and kick ass since Eren can’t control himself,” Mikasa explained, “and ignoring people is easier than making friends.”

“Amen to that,” Annie laughed a little, and Mikasa, for whatever reason, found herself wanting to hear the sound again. 

“Why break hearts then?” Annie asked.

“I just don’t like them like that,” Mikasa shrugged.

“Fair enough,” Annie answered as she shuffled around before returning what Mikasa guessed to be her original spot. Mikasa then rinsed out her hair before she scrubbed her body. She was about to put the soap back when she heard her phone ring.

“Fuck,” she muttered. Both girls were silent as they waited for the ringing to stop, Mikasa making a mental note to apologize to whoever called, likely Carla. 

After a few more minutes of showering, Mikasa wrapped herself in a towel before stepping out. Annie jumped a little in surprise before turning her back to Mikasa respectfully. 

“You’re good to look now if you want,” Mikasa said curtly as she finished pulling her shirt on over her head. 

“How long were you sitting in the bleachers and watching me play?” Mikasa asked when they walked over the field to get to the front of the school to walk home. She had been curious for a while, but she hadn’t actually asked until now. 

“Dunno, a while,” Annie answered.

“Why?” Mikasa asked.

“I was bored, and you’re entertaining,” Annie answered.

“Pffft,” Mikasa said coldy, “said no one ever.”

Annie just shrugged. It was 8:45, and neither girl had the patience to argue with each other. “Which way is home?” Annie asked.

“You really are adamant about not going home, huh?” Mikasa asked rhetorically as she pulled out her phone to let Carla know she was on her way.

“Yep,” Annie answered. Rather than saying anything, Mikasa pointed and began walking in that direction.

“Mine too,” Annie said with a groan.

Somehow, she found herself thinking about running away. It would be so easy, after all. All she had to do was run past the Jaeger residence and never look back. 

Her parents had done it, after all. They didn’t have a single dime in their pockets, and they lived entirely on a mountain owned by a friend of the family who let them use the plot free of charge. They had built their house all on their own -chopped the trees, cut it, shaved it, nailed it in, they hunted and gathered food on their own, they grew their own vegetables, they were self-sufficient in every sense of the word, and Mikasa wanted nothing more than to return to that simple, stable life.

Mikasa didn’t even know what money was until the guys who killed her parents mentioned something about a debt. Mikasa had tried to ask them, but she only pissed them off which didn’t end well for them or her in the end. 

It was the Jaegers who finally, properly, explained the concept of money to her, and it all seemed so foreign. Interacting with new people, going to grocery stores, school? They were all completely new to her, and she was, admittedly, terrified. 

It made her think of animals in captivity. Animals that had lived some of their lives in the wild before being brought to zoos, homes and sanctuaries. The change might’ve been less drastic for them, but it was there. She wondered if animals faced the same problems as her -or visa versa- in that sense.

And now she was comparing herself to a wild animal. _This is why no one puts up with you_ , she thought to herself, annoyed. 

“You alright?” Annie asked when she saw the spacey look on Mikasa’s face.

“I’m fine,” Mikasa assured her.

“This is me,” Mikasa told her as they reached her house.

“Really?” Annie asked as she looked at the house. It wasn’t anything special. It was a two story brick house with a basement. It looked like any other house. Well, what Mikasa learned was supposed to be any other house. Admittedly, she hadn’t even known what brick was until she moved here and saw it. 

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed as she pondered what to say. Was she supposed to say something? Were they that close? They had barely talked, and she hardly knew the girl’s name. Then again, she had always been told to thank someone when they did something for you of their own volition. “Umm... thanks for walking me back,” Mikasa decided to thank her in the end. 

“Yeah, no problem,” Annie said with a shrug as she shoved her hands in her pockets and began walking, slowly, in the direction of what Mikasa assumed to be her house. 

Before she could even think about opening the door, it swung open to reveal Eren. He pulled her into a hug and seemed to inspect her face and arms before nodding. _Shit, I forgot to text Carla when she called_ , Mikasa groaned as she silently reprimanded herself.

“It’s 9 o’clock, Mikasa! Where the hell were you?” he asked in a raised, worried voice.

“I was just playing soccer, jeez,” Mikasa brushed past him as she walked to her room, hearing Eren follow behind her as he continued ranting. 

“And what are you doing with that new blonde girl? I thought you didn’t like people?” he continued to rage, “She even hangs out with Hitch. We hate Hitch, more than normal people.”

“I don’t like people,” Mikasa confirmed, “but she reminds me of me.”

“Huh?” Eren asked, confused.

“You wouldn’t get it,” she sighed, knowing she’d sound like a crazy person if she tried to explain it. 

She could only describe it as predatory. Both were quiet, for the most part. Annie seemed to talk when she was curious, but Mikasa understood that. Otherwise, they silently analyzed each other as if, at the drop of a pen, they’d be prepared to attack. Her cold, calculating countenance only added to Mikasa’s suspicion. 

Without much more thought, she shoved him out of her room and closed the door, locking it so he wouldn’t bug her. She heard him fumble with her doorknob before grunting and giving up. 

Mikasa tossed and turned in her bed for a while before she decided to walk out of her room and the house. The Jaegers had a decent-sized backyard, but it was nothing compared to the backyard she had in the mountains.

Still, she had to appreciate Carla as she went out of her way to ensure that there were always flowers in the backyard. Mikasa had showed up to their house with a single item clenched in her hand as if her life depended on it. It was a huge encyclopedia of flowers that her mother had studied as if her life depended on it. Mikasa knew that if she couldn’t have her mother, she wanted to have flowers. Flowers were a nice way to remember her mom. Since that day, Carla did whatever she could to make sure there were always flowers for Mikasa to find.

She walked to the very back of the backyard and sat beside one of the flower beds. She looked at the bed and inspected it, trying to figure out what flower it was. It had become a habit after her years on the mountain. After some investigation, she smiled to herself and cupped the budding flower with her hand as delicately as possible. She then whispered into the wind, “Daffodils.”


	2. Orchids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yellow Orchids: Friendship and new beginnings

_ “She’s a pretty one,” the man hovering over her said. _

_ “She’ll make us good money,” another guy said as he high fived Mikasa.  _

_ Meanwhile, Mikasa was analyzing her surroundings. Her fight or flight instincts kicked in, and she was beginning to feel like a cornered animal. The men in front of her had killed her parents while she watched before tying her up and taking her away with them. She was pissed, and she was scared. Those were never a good combination.  _

_ With as little noise as possible, she managed to slowly pull her arms from the binds she was in. With the extra space, she knew she could easily slide out of the ropes that bound her. She just needed the right opportunity.  _

_ Soon enough, the men left the room without exchanging words. They must’ve been confident in their ability to bind her since they paid her no mind as they left. She quickly took this opportunity to pull the ropes off of her and search the immediate area for a weapon. It was a cabin in the middle of nowhere; there was no way there wouldn’t be a weapon around there somewhere.  _

_ After a while of searching, she found a broom with a blade attached to the end.  _ Score!  _ She grabbed it before slowly prowling around the cabin. She knew that three guys had shown up to her house and at least two had left the room she was in. She was sure they wouldn’t have left the cabin without leaving someone behind, so there had to be at least one of them around.  _

_ When she turned a corner, and felt an angry hand on her back, and she spun around, immediately impaling the person who had touched her. “You bitch,” the man seethed as he tried to bind her hands again. Instead, she stabbed the man in the neck. _

_ She had gone hunting with her dad enough times to know that a cut to the neck and any of the major arteries could have someone, or something, dead in seconds. She attempted to aim for the artery, but even hitting anywhere on the neck would kill him without help. _

_ She had seen this cycle many times. Birds capturing insects in their webs before slowly eating them, bears killing anyone and anything that messed with their babies, birds fighting each other over females and food; it was the way of the world. Kill or be killed, and Mikasa had accepted that long before the death of her parents. _

_ Hearing the commotion, another man showed up, and with no hesitation, she slashed the man in a figure eight, opening straight down to his arteries as he fell to the ground. Mikasa was sure the man had died before he even hit the ground.  _

_ The last man showed up shortly after with a knife. He managed to cut her a few times, but she stabbed him in the stomach over and over again until she was sure he had died. It may have been excessive, but that was the man who had killed her parents. She was angry and hurt. She just wanted a way to show how hurt she was, and with little to no moral compass, she lashed out.  _

_ She slowly stood up from the man’s body, realizing she was drenched in blood, whether it was hers or theirs, she wasn’t sure. Either way, she exited the building and walked back to her house. It wasn’t far, but it took her awhile to get there since she was bleeding and tired.  _

_ When she arrived, she paused beside her parents bodies and sobbed. “Mika,” her mother muttered as she attempted to lift her hand. The older woman managed to put her bloodied hand on her daughter’s face, and despite the gruesome sight -or maybe because of it, Mikasa sobbed.  _

_ “I’m sorry, Mommy,” Mikasa cried, “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.” _

_ “No, baby,” Mikasa’s mom cooed sadly, “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.” _

_ “Save me?” Mikasa asked, “But I’m fine, mommy. I got rid of the bad guys.” _

_ “Your soul, my love,” her mother told her with a sad smile, “I couldn’t save your soul.” _

_ “Mama?” Mikasa asked as her heart dropped to her stomach, watching her mother’s hand fall limply to the ground. _

_ “Mikasa,” the woman said her daughter’s firm name as she coughed a little, blood coming out when she did so, “Remember the Amaranths?”  _

_ “Amaranth..? Yes! The immortal ones,” Mikasa smiled. _

_ “Yes, good job,” her mother praised her weakly, “Remember what else I told you?” _

_ “Hmm,” Mikasa hummed as she thought, “People aren’t immortal, but love is!” _

_ “Exactly,” her mother smiled. “Even though I’m not here,” she began weakly as she lifted a hand and put it over her daughter’s heart, “I’ll be right here. Your father too. We live on through you, with you.” _

_ “So.. as long as I never stop loving you, you can be immortal too?” Mikasa exclaimed excitedly. _

_ “Yes,” her mother answered with a weak smile, “I love you, Mika.” _

_ It was then that her mother’s hand fell to the ground again, and her chest stopped rising. Mikasa could see the signs, and she knew her mother was dead. “I’m sorry, Mommy!” she exclaimed as she cried even harder, putting her head to her mother’s as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’ll love you forever. That way…. that way you can be immortal,” Mikasa said, smiling as she ran out of the house and to the backyard. _

_ After a few moments, she returned with two Amaranth flowers. She smiled as she tucked them behind her parent’s ears. “Now you can live forever,” Mikasa whispered as she kissed both their heads and walked around the house. _

_ It was then that she spotted a book. It was a book of flowers, and Mikasa smiled with teary eyes when she spotted it. She cautiously grabbed it and flipped it open. There, on the first page, was her mother’s neatly written handwriting. The message was simple, but it was there.  _

“Chrysanthemum.” 

_ Mikasa then flipped through the book, searching for the page. When she reached it, more tears fell down her face. Chrysanthemums had many different meanings, but the most obvious ones were “goodbye” and “longevity.” It was her mother’s way of telling her to live a long life, and it was a goodbye. _

_ Mikasa sobbed as she clutched the book to her chest. She then walked out of the house and searched the mountain. She wandered aimlessly, occasionally spotting flowers and using her book to identify them. It was nostalgic, and she even read them out loud as if she were telling her mother everything she had found.  _

_ After a few hours of wandering on the snowy mountain, Mikasa heard voices. Without much thought, she ran to them. “Woah,” she heard a voice. Turning around, she spotted a man in a black uniform. “Hi sweety,” the voice said sweetly, “What’s your name?” _

_ “Mikasa,” Mikasa said as she clutched her book closer to her. _

_ “Here,” the man said as he pulled a blanket off his back and put it on her, “You’ll catch a cold.”  _

_ “Thank you,” she whispered. _

_ “How’d you get all this paint on you?” the man asked, obviously spotting all the blood on her clothes, hands, and book. _

_ “It’s not paint,” she answered honestly, “It’s blood.” _

_ “Oh,” the man said as his eyes widened, “Can you take me to where it was that all this blood got over you?”  _

_ “Mhm,” Mikasa hummed as she tightened the blanket around her and clutched her book closer to her chest.  _

_ Mikasa first took them to her house. The man immediately called for backup and began looking around.  _

_ “Did you do this?” he asked as he pointed to the flowers Mikasa had put behind her mother and father’s ears.  _

_ “Mhm,” Mikasa answered easily. _

_ “What do they mean?” he asked. _

_ “Immortality and good health,” Mikasa told him as she squeezed her book. _

_ “Oh,” he mumbled sadly, “what happened?” _

_ “Some men showed up and killed them before they took me,” she answered quietly as tears filled her eyes. _

_ “Where are these men?” he asked as he turned to her. _

_ “You want to see?” she asked. _

_ “Yes please,” he answered. _

_ Mikasa then led him to the cabin she had killed the three men in. She was almost surprised by her ability to find it again, but she had grown up on the mountain, and her sense of direction was pretty impeccable. _

_ “Holy shit,” the man muttered when he saw all the bodies, “Did you… did you do this?” _

_ “I just wanted to see my parents,” she answered as she clutched her book closer to her while tears fell from her eyes, “They took them from me, and… they mentioned something about money?” _

_ The man made a tsk sound before he began looking at the bodies. “Have you ever been hunting, Mikasa?” he asked sweetly. _

_ “Mhm,” she hummed, again clutching the book, “My dad used to take me once I was old enough.” _

_ The man nodded before speaking into his microphone again. “I’m gonna take you back to my car. We’ll get you all warmed up, alright?” he offered. _

_ “I don’t want to leave my mom and dad,” she said as tears continued rolling down her cheeks. _

_ “I’ll have my buddies take them to a safe place, okay?” the man offered, “I’ll make sure they plant some flowers too.” _

_ “Okay,” Mikasa mumbled as she followed the guy, “Thank you.” _

_ “No problem, sweety,” he said as he grabbed her hand and guided her to the car.  _

***********

Mikasa awoke to her own sobs. She buried her head in her hands and cried. She always remembered that day so vividly it almost felt like she was reliving it. She was so naive, so dumb, so weak. 

“Mikasa!” Eren said as he burst into her room, likely hearing her crying.

“Are you…?” he trailed off.

“Get out!” she yelled as she cried harder. 

“Mikasa-” Eren tried to sound more comforting.

“Get out!” she yelled louder as more tears fell down her face. She didn’t want to cry, and she definitely didn’t want Eren to see her cry. She just needed to be alone so she could calm herself down. 

Eren nodded as he walked out her room and closed her door. Mikasa buried her head in her pillow as she cried harder. “Stop crying!” she screamed at herself. Unfortunately, that only seemed to make her cry harder. She began kicking her legs against her bed in frustration as she whimpered in frustration and sadness. 

She heard her door open so she stopped kicking, but she couldn’t make her cries stop. “I’m fine, really,” she assured the person who walked through the door.

“Mikasa,” the voice cooed as the softly placed a hand on her back. 

Without much warning, Mikasa spun around and wrapped her arms around the neck of who she now knew was Carla. She buried her head in the woman’s shoulder as she continued crying. “Why me?” she whimpered. Carla only rubbed her back as she tried to calm the older girl down. 

“Bubs,” she whispered when the girl had managed to calm down. 

“Hm?” Mikasa hummed. 

“I think you should consider going back to therapy,” Carla offered.

“No way!” Mikasa exclaimed as she jumped away from the woman as if she’d burnt her. The mere thought of therapy, knowing Carla wanted to send her to therapy, it was almost traitorous. Her three years of therapy after the incident may have been the worst years of her life. 

“Mikasa, this is obviously taking a toll on you,” Carla began sweetly.

“I don’t want to go back!” Mikasa exclaimed, almost panicked “I already did my 3 years!”

“Some people need more than that,” Carla said softly.

“Not me,” Mikasa said firmly, not willing to budge.

“Think about it? Please,” Carla said with a smile before leaving the room, “Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes.”

Mikasa rolled her eyes as she laid down in her bed. Carla wanted her to go to school and therapy? Mikasa had a thing about leaving the past in the past, and that’s why she didn’t like therapy. All they did was dig up the past. Then again, it seemed as though her own mind was digging up the past just fine on its own anyway. 

Reluctantly, Mikasa rolled out of the bed and put on some clothes for the day before walking down the stairs and eating. The table was quiet, likely because Eren was confused by Mikasa’s outburst, and Carla had nothing to say to her adoptive daughter.

When they finished eating, Mikasa brushed her teeth and hair before collecting her things for school and soccer. She then walked out the door, Eren trailing behind her. “What was this morning about?” Eren asked after a while.

“Forget about it. It was nothing,” Mikasa said firmly.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” he told her.

“I know, but there’s some things people don’t like to talk about,” Mikasa told him firmly.

He merely nodded, dropping the topic. He was content as long as Mikasa knew he was there for her just as she was always there for him. The rest of the walk was silent, even when Armin met them on the way there. He seemed to pick up on the sour mood, so he decided not to ruin it.

At school, they all went to their lockers to get their things before walking to first period. When Mikasa got to her class, she saw that Annie was already seated at her desk next to Mikasa’s. 

Annie didn’t greet her, and Mikasa appreciated it. She had a feeling she was radiating a kind of talk-to-me-I’ll-kill-you energy right now, and she was glad some people weren’t blind to it. The teacher began talking, giving them an assignment, and everyone worked on theirs diligently. Well, everyone aside from the kids who didn’t care about their grades. 

At lunch, Mikasa skipped and went straight to the soccer field. She grabbed a ball from the shed and began kicking it into the goal with as much force as possible. She was surprised the net hadn’t snapped yet.

“Good God, who hurt you?” someone teased. She looked to her left to see none other than Annie.

“What do you want?” Mikasa asked coldly as she retrieved the ball and walked to the midfield mark.

“I figured I might find you here,” the girl said as she walked to the goal. Mikasa noticed the girl had gloves this time. Mikasa laughed a little at that. Had Annie planned to find her at lunch?

Mikasa continued to kick the ball, not paying much mind to Annie at all. The blonde seemed to realize that Mikasa didn’t want to talk, so Annie didn’t talk either. Mikasa continued kicking with all her might for a while before she sat down and laid on the ground, looking up at the sky. 

After a while, she felt someone lay down beside, but she still said nothing. Well, she didn’t until she suddenly pointed to the sky. “That looks like my dad,” she joked, causing Mikasa to laugh a little. God, it had been a long time since she’d laughed, genuinely laughed.

“That looks like a flower,” Mikasa whispered as she pointed to another cloud.

“Oh, that one looks like a dog!” Annie exclaimed as she pointed to another cloud. 

“I think it looks more like a fish,” Mikasa said as she tilted her head, trying to find out how Annie was seeing a dog.

“No, look,” Annie said as she continued pointing, “That’s the ears. There’s the tail, and that’s the legs.”

“I kind of see it,” Mikasa agreed, “but it still looks more like a fish. 

The two continued pointing to clouds until the lunch bell rang, and they got up. Mikasa offered the girl what she hoped was a smile before returning to the school building, hearing the bell for her next class shortly after entering. 

The rest of Mikasa’s day went by quickly. However, her last few classes gave her a bunch of homework, so she decided to stay after school to complete it. She considered going to the library, but she imagined that everyone would be going there to study or complete homework. Instead, she decided to sit on the bleachers by the soccer field. That way, when she finished her homework, she could get in some extra soccer practice before going home. 

It took about two hours to complete what homework she had. After she finished, she began getting some practice in as planned. She stretched, ran laps, and even had herself do some drills. It was the easiest way to clear her head which is just what she needed with Carla proposing she return to therapy.

Mikasa knew she was weird and different. She also knew that she wasn’t perfect, no one was. On top of that, she knew there was no way she could be as okay as she claimed to be. However, she really did feel fine. She didn’t feel like a murderer or an orphan. She just felt like a relatively normal girl, given her past, and that might be the biggest sign that she truly wasn’t okay. 

“You gonna kick that?” she heard a familiar voice ask. She was able to recognize it as Annie without even looking which made her laugh internally. She then punted the ball from one goal to the other, and it soared into the net.

“Damn, that’s impressive,” Annie laughed a little as she approached Mikasa. 

“Annie?” Mikasa asked after a while.

“Hmm?” Annie hummed as she walked closer to Mikasa.

“I don’t think you should hang around me anymore,” Mikasa said firmly.

“Why not? You said it yourself, you’re nothing like the rumors say,” Annie asked, seemingly thinking Mikasa was being self-destructive.

Maybe she was to some degree, but she mostly wanted to protect Annie from herself. She wasn’t a good person, wasn’t normal, wasn’t okay. She wasn’t any of that, and Annie didn’t deserve to deal with her baggage. 

“I’m not who you think I am,” Mikasa said simply as she walked to her backpack and grabbed her things, putting the soccer ball away.

“Then tell me who you are,” Annie said as she caught up with Mikasa.

“I can’t do that,” Mikasa said firmly as she began walking.

“That isn’t the way to your house,” Annie told Mikasa as the girl walked in the opposite direction of her house.

“I know,” Mikasa said as she kept walking.

“Wait a minute!” Annie yelled as she caught up to Mikasa, “I’m not who you think I am either.”

“So, we’re both liars?” Mikasa asked as she snorted.

“We can be who we aren’t together,” Annie offered.

“You’re suggesting that we let the people we pretend to be be friends?” Mikasa asked for confirmation.

“No one said anything about friendship,” Annie said with a snicker, “but there’s no need to push each other away.”

“I don’t want either of us to get hurt,” Mikasa said firmly as she continued walking, picking up the pace.

“What harm can be done if we’re both lying?” Annie asked as she picked up her pace as well, easily keeping up with Mikasa, “What harm can be done if we’re lying, and we know we’re lying?”

Mikasa thought about it for a moment before shaking her head and saying coldly, “Just… leave me alone.”

Despite not wanting to leave Mikasa alone and not wanting to be alone herself, Annie reluctantly nodded, not that Mikasa could see, and she turned around, walking back to her own house. She didn’t want to go home, but she had nowhere else to go.

Meanwhile, Mikasa sent Carla a message about getting home late tonight before she continued her trek to her destination. It was a while before she reached it, but when she did, she smiled in relief. Mountain Maria. 

She scaled the mountain easily as she had spent many years climbing up and down it. She had practically every corner of it memorized. This time of year, there was snow coating the elevation in which she lived, but didn’t mind. Snow always brought back fond memories of her childhood, just as much as flowers did. 

She recalled days when she and her mother would gear up and play in the snow like two children. Looking back on it, she wondered how young her mother was. At age ten, she was sure her mom couldn't have been more than 30, and that made her even more sad about her mother’s death. Even sadder, her mother hadn’t even lived to see her next birthday. The woman probably never got to turn 30. It was then that Mikasa swore she’d turn 30, for her mother. 

As she scaled the mountain, getting closer to her home, she found herself reminiscing more as the area got more familiar. She could recognize areas that would bloom into beautiful meadows and the areas that were usually rocky and steep. It surprised her how much she remembered after not being here in 7 years. 

At last, she finally made it to her home. She smiled nostalgically at the building as a few tears rolled down her face. She cautiously walked into the house, and she was surprised to find that none of the blood had stained. It had all been cleaned as if nothing happened. On top of that, it seemed that the man she talked to that day -who she now knew was a police officer- had kept his promise and taken care of the girl’s parents. 

She looked through her old items as well as those of her parents. It seemed that aside from simple cleaning, nothing had been touched since that day. As she was walking, she found a small locket that she recognized as her mothers. She popped it open and smiled as more tears fell. On one side was a picture of her as a young child, she seemed to be frolicing in the flowers. On the other side, she saw the well-painted image of a flower she immediately recognized. Azaleas. 

Mikasa had memorized this one well as it was one of the first ones her mother taught her. 

“ _ Azaleas are often used as a way to say ‘take care of yourself for me’, but they also symbolize womanhood and softness.” _

Mikasa’s heart broke as she remembered what her mother had said that day. Her mother had wanted Mikasa to stay safe and pure and soft. She wanted Mikasa to take care of herself well so her mother would never worry. Mikasa clutched the locket as she put it in her pocket. After all, the place would technically belong to her once she turned 18, so it’s not like she was trespassing. 

After some more searching, she walked out the backdoor. Her mind reminded her of all those days she’d excitedly jump out of bed and sprint after her mother. It was bittersweet. Her mind was happily reminded of her mother before also reminding her of the older woman’s death. It was almost like saying Mikasa wasn’t allowed to have good things, or that all good things must come to an end. 

When she stepped out the backdoor, her heart snapped in half. Sitting there, by the spot the Amaranths bloomed were two big stones. Mikasa ran to them, and she saw her mother and father’s names on them. It didn’t have their birthdays, but it had the date of their death. September 29th.

She kneeled down in front of them as tears fell down her face again. She felt them sticking to her cold face as the air up here was colder than below. She knew her parents weren’t actually buried there since they had been murdered, and it’s not like she had the option to bury them or not. In fact, she wasn’t quite sure what had happened to her parent’s bodies in the long run. Still, it was nice that she had a place to come where she could mourn them.

After sitting by their gravestones for a while, she made the trek back down the mountain and to her house. When she entered Carla grabbed her wrist and dragged her to the living. “Where the hell were you? I called you about 8 times, and you didn’t answer! I thought you’d died or run away!” Carla yelled, causing Mikasa to flinch. Carla never yelled, not once in Mikasa’s life.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t have reception,” Mikasa apologized, “the messages must not have come through.”

“I was so worried,” Carla whispered as she pulled Mikasa into a hug. Mikasa apologized again before pulling away and groggily walking to her room. She hadn’t meant to worry Carla. She just wanted to get away from her home for a while. She wanted to return to her roots. 

\----------

The next morning, Mikasa woke up from no dreams. She was grateful for that. She rolled out of bed and walked to the bathroom. After all that time on the mountain, she was feeling a little cold. Additionally, it was her day to shower anyway. 

After she showered, she got dressed and brushed her hair before brushing her teeth. She decided not to eat that morning since she wasn’t feeling very hungry. She then collected her school things as well as the things she needed for soccer since she had practice after school.

“I’m going!” Mikasa announced.

“Wait for me!” Eren yelled as he sprinted down the stairs, skipping two at a time.

“Let’s go,” Mikasa waved after she tied her shoes. Eren followed obediently as the two began the trek to school. 

“So, my mom told me she mentioned therapy to you,” Eren mumbled on their way.

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed, not particularly interested in the topic. She was almost hoping Carla would just forget about asking her in the first place. Almost.

“Are you going to do it?” Eren asked.

“No,” Mikasa said firmly.

“Why not?” Eren asked curiously.

“Because it’s not something I want to relive. If I wanted to talk about it, I would,” Mikasa answered simply as she picked up the pace, an obvious sign that she wanted Eren to drop the subject.

When they finally made it to school, they made their way to their lockers, Armin meeting them on the way. She quickly got her things from her locker before going to her first period. 

The first class of the day always went by the slowest, but she managed to survive it. Her next class, however, was Spanish. Usually, she liked spanish, but they had assigned seats recently, and was sitting next to Hitch. Rightfully nicknamed by Mikasa’s friend group, Hitch the bitch. 

When she entered, she cautiously sat next to the girl, not so subtly scowling as she did. “You know, scowling like that will give you wrinkles,” Hitch commented as she snickered. Mikasa said nothing as she began working on her bellringer.  _ Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore,  _ Mikasa thought to herself as she scribbled out answers.

“Hey, mind if I copy your answers? I heard you’re smart, and I have no clue what we’re doing,” Hitch asked as she leaned onto Mikasa’s desk with what could be considered a charming smile. 

Mikasa turned her head and gave Hitch a “bitch, please” look before looking back to her page and covering her paper. “You know,” Hitch said with a wicked smirk as she leaned onto Mikasa’s desk again, “I heard some rumors about your last name. I googled it, and let me say, it’s not pretty.”

Mikasa froze in fear. She felt like her whole body was limp, and her mind was whisked away to the worst case scenario. Worst case? Hitch knew  everything , and she had no intention of hiding it. Best case? Hitch knew nothing, and she was bluffing. Both were completely believable from Hitch.

“I guess murder might give you wrinkles to,” Hitch quipped in Mikasa’s ear. Without thinking, Mikasa snatched the girl’s collar and slammed her into the wall, glaring at the girl like she wanted to kill her. 

“Easy there, killer,” Hitch teased with a playful glint in her eyes, “I think we can work something out here.”

Mikasa seethed as she slowly put Hitch down and calmly sat at her desk like nothing happened. None of this would help her in the long run; lashing out, talking with her fists, none of it ever worked. She always ended up digging her own grave. 

“You let me cheat off you,” Hitch offered, “and I drop this whole ‘murder’ thing.”

Mikasa inhaled sharply. It wasn’t a bad deal. She knew she wouldn’t be in trouble at home if she got caught and told Carla the whole story, but she’d be in deep shit with the school. Still, any punishment they could think of would be better than dealing with her being outed as a killer, even if it was in self-defense. God knows Hitch would leave that small, but very important, detail out if she ever spilled. 

Rather than answer verbally, Mikasa moved her arm from her paper and angled it slightly, so Hitch could see. “Good choice, killer,” Hitch quipped with a smirk as she began copying Mikasa’s work.  _ Can’t I just kill this bitch too? Could you call it self-defense? It’s defense of my pride _ , Mikasa thought to herself with a huff. 

The rest of Spanish passed fairly smoothly, and when the bell rang, Mikasa darted out of the room. She was just itching away to get away from the shorter girl. Hitch cast one more, knowing smirk at Mikasa before giggling and running off with her friends. 

Mikasa scoffed to herself as she continued to the rest of her classes. All of them passed quickly, especially compared to the complete torture that a class with Hitch was.

At lunch, Mikasa went back to the soccer field. Now, maybe more than ever, she needed to blow off steam. She was ready to snap at the next person who so much as looked at her the wrong way, and she was even battling it in her other classes. 

Once finally on the field, Mikasa sighed happily as she grabbed a ball and began juggling it on her feet, knees, ankles, shoulders, chest, really anywhere she could bounce it off of. She had been lacking on ball control recently since she mainly focused on shooting. 

After some juggling and work with control, she practiced dribbling the ball down the field and taking risky shots that may end up presenting themselves in a real game. She even did some practice where she tried kicking the ball into the crossbar and post purposefully, allowing for more interesting, confusing scoring options. 

After some time, Mikasa realized that Annie had never showed up. She couldn’t blame the blonde, really. Mikasa was the one who told her to leave her alone. She had said those exact words to her, so why was Mikasa upset, even a little angry, that Annie hadn’t shown up despite all of it? 

In the end, she decided she was angry at Hitch, and Annie not showing up only added to the rage.

Finally, after some time, she made it to her last period of the day. Gym. It wasn’t her favorite class, especially since Hitch was in it, but it was a class that she had with Eren, Sasha, and Ymir, even Annie was in her gym class. 

After everyone changed in their locker rooms, they returned to the gym and did some basic stretches and exercises before getting into the main focus of the day. “Today, we’re entering a new unit,” the gym teacher announced, “We’re going to be starting the basketball unit.”

Some people cheered, other’s booed, and some, like Mikasa, remained neutral. Mikasa didn’t know much about basketball, but she knew she was a good enough player that no one would pick on her or anything. 

“We’re going to vote on team captains to pick teams,” the gym teacher announced as he let everyone have at it.

“Oh! Can we do boys versus girls?” one of the boys asked as he raised his hand. Some of the girls groaned, but despite their rejection of the idea, the gym teacher allowed it to happen. 

The gym teacher stood in the middle of the court with the ball held high in his hand. Mikasa and Eren were facing off for the ball since everyone seemed to think it would be funny to pin the siblings against each other. Admittedly, the two were rather competitive, especially given that they weren’t biologically related nor did they technically grow up together. Still, it was no secret that Mikasa excelled in most things she did, especially those that were physical.

Without warning, the gym teacher tossed the ball in the air, and Mikasa’s competitive nature kicked in. Even though Eren was a good 6 inches taller, Mikasa managed to get the ball, almost tackling Eren in the process. “Hoe,” he mumbled which made her stick her tongue out at him. Had anyone else called her a hoe, she probably would’ve punched them. 

Mikasa easily dribbled around people, passing the ball to one of the other girls who shied away from it, allowing the other team to get it. Mikasa rolled her eyes, but she made no other signs of disappointment or anger. 

The game went on like this for a while until the girls team eventually won, much to the boys dismay. In fact, the boys had been whining about it the whole time. Most of the girls weren’t much better since they weren’t very humble about their win.

“It’s unfair that you guys got Mikasa! She’s like an athletic god,” one of the boys complained, making Mikasa smirk to herself. 

“Maybe if you exercised as much as her, you wouldn’t feel so inferior,” Ymir teased as she slung an arm around Mikasa, resulting in a glare from the latter. 

“Pffft? Inferior?” one of the guys asked with a condescending air, “As if, I could take her any day.” 

Mikasa looked at him with dead eyes, and his reaction was proof enough that no, he couldn’t beat her. He had kept eye contact with her for a few seconds before shrinking away and walking to the boys locker to change. 

Mikasa smiled to herself as she too continued to the locker room and changed before walking to the soccer field for practice.


	3. Flannel Flower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flannel Flower: Represents mental illness

On the field, Coach gave all the girls a pep talk about their upcoming game before putting his hands together, as if he were going to make an important announcement. “-And we’ve got a new member on the team,” Coach Smith finally announced as Annie walked out of the locker room. She glanced at Mikasa with bored eyes, and Mikasa returned the look. If Annie was going to be cold to her, Mikasa would do that same. 

Mikasa ran harder, kicked harder, and all around played harder than she thought she ever had. Half her team looked terrified of her as she was kicking the soccer balls with so much force they were sure they could break bones. Today had been a real shit show for her, and she needed to blow off steam. 

When Coach finally dismissed them, everyone practically ran away from Mikasa. She rolled her eyes before kicking the ball from midfield into the other goal as if it were a piece of cake. “Staying after?” Ymir asked as she walked away with Sasha following beside her. 

“Yeah,” Mikasa answered easily. 

“Okay, get home safe,” Sasha said as she dragged Ymir to change. 

Mikasa nodded as she allowed her mind to wander. Someone knew. The worst possible person to know had found out her deepest, darkest secret, and they planned on milking it for what it was worth. Hitch held the power to single-handedly wipe Mikasa out of the high school hierarchy. To summarize, Mikasa was going to become Hitch’s bitch. 

With this thought, Mikasa kicked the ball harder, ran harder, and generally got angrier. She was tired of people fucking with her because they could. She was tired of being people’s doormat and getting stepped on, but what could she do? She could allow Hitch to reveal her secret, but the thought itself made her nauseous. She’d lose the few friends she had, everyone would lose their twisted respect for her, and there was the possibility that one of the most important people in her life, Eren, would hate her. That, above all else, was the worst case, and for that soul reason, she’d do whatever Hitch asked. 

Eventually, Mikasa couldn’t put up with kicking the soccer ball around anymore, and it was getting late. Surely Carla would want her to return home soon. As she was walking, Carla called her. “Oh lord,” Mikasa muttered to herself as she silenced her phone. “Hello?” Mikasa said as she answered the phone. 

“ _ Hey, bubs, _ ” Carla greeted, “ _ When are you getting home? _ ”

“I’m on my way now,” Mikasa said honestly as she left the school property. 

“ _ Okay, _ ” Carla said, almost thoughtfully, “ _ We have some things to discuss when you get home. _ ”

“Nothing…. Bad…. right?” Mikasa asked, worriedly.

“ _ No, no, _ ” Carla assured her, “ _ Just wanna talk. _ ”

Okay…” Mikasa said, trailing off slightly. The two then said their goodbyes, and Mikasa continued her walk home. 

“When she arrived, she saw Carla waiting at the door for her. Once Mikasa entered the house, Carla gently grabbed her wrist and dragged her to the living room.  _ Shit _ , Mikasa thought to herself as she entered the room and saw that whole family seated there,  _ This is some kind of twisted intervention _ . 

“We were discussing you going back to therapy,” Carla admitted as she sat Mikasa down on the couch.

“No. Way,” Mikasa said firmly, “I already told you I don’t want to go back.”

“I found a new therapist, and she has great reviews,” Carla said, trying to convince her.

“N.O,” Mikasa said as she stood up, resulting in Eren grabbing her wrist and giving her a pleading look. Mikasa snarled at him as she pulled her wrist from his grasp, but she reluctantly sat back down. 

“We’re just worried. You know that, right?” Eren asked genuinely. Since the beginning, it had been blatantly obvious to her how much Eren cared for her, and she appreciated it. It just made it that much harder to be honest with him about her past. He was important to her, and losing him would be like losing her heart. Well, that might be dramatic. Maybe something more like her kidneys.

“I know,” she told them honestly, “but did any of you think to consider my feelings? Feelings farther than just being upset and grumpy? Did you forget that the years I was in therapy were some of the worst in my life? I was miserable, and I don’t want to live through that again.

“I get it, bubs,” Carla said as understandingly as possible, “We just want what’s best for you. We want to help, and this is the only way we can think of to help you.”

“Help me by staying out of the way and leaving me alone,” Mikasa scoffed.

“You know we can’t do that,” Carla reminded her sadly, “That’s just going to leave you to wallow in your own sadness.”

“I’m not gonna throw myself a fucking pity-party,” Mikasa said as she rolled her eyes, “I just don’t like people prying into my life, and that’s literally a therapists job.”

“You need to know how to handle your feelings,” Carla said more firmly.

“I handle my feelings fine!” Mikasa exclaimed before taking a deep breath, “See? I get angry, and I take it out in a healthy way.”  _ It’s not like I go around murdering people, _ she thought to herself with an almost bitter laugh. 

“You can’t just kick things when you get angry!” Carla exclaimed in exhaustion, “and you can’t keep relapsing into this…. State every year. You need to move on.”

_ Move on.  _ How was she supposed to move on from something so important. She can’t just forget the existence of her family. That’s the whole basis of her pain. Surely, getting rid of the feelings would be easier. Forgetting everything? God, it would be so much easier, but she’d lose all the good memories as well. She couldn’t move on because moving on meant leaving her parents behind, and she wanted to bring them with her everywhere. “Moving on” was not an option, not for Mikasa. 

“Fuck this!” Mikasa yelled, unable to deal with the fast current of feelings that flowed into her. Although, to her credit, she hid her inner turmoil well. As she turned on her heel and left the house, everyone had yelled after her, but she didn’t stop. She ran and ran as far as she could. She couldn’t deal with all of this change on top of her parents death. She just needed to get away and breathe. 

By the time she stopped running, she found herself at the bottom of Mount. Maria. She smiled nostalgically as she began the climb. Mount. Maria was her safe place; her home away from home. After coming back the first time, she felt the need to come back again. It made her feel safe, happy even. 

When she reached the cabin, she found the heater and turned it on. Apparently, the owner’s of the land had kept the electricity on. Maybe no one told them her parents had died? Maybe they thought Mikasa still lived there on her own? Who knew?

After that, she walked to her old room and laughed in her old bed. Everything about it was comforting. Sad, but comforting. It almost felt like everything was normal, and she appreciated it. It was just what she needed right now. 

Before she knew it, the familiarity and comfort of her old room had lulled her to sleep.

\-------------------

When she woke up the next morning, she wasn’t quite sure what time it was, but she knew she didn’t want to face her family. She loved them dearly, but she just couldn’t look at Carla after she had genuinely told Mikasa to “Move on”. She couldn’t face her right now. She was worried she might just punch Carla right in the boob if she saw her. 

She spent that day frolicing in the snow like a child and talking with her parents at their gravestones. She mostly complained about school and her adoptive family, but she made sure to let them know she was happy. She wasn’t sure if they could hear her, but she hoped they could. She couldn’t bear to imagine them not knowing how her life was. 

When her day came to a close, she easily found her way back to her old bedroom where she again fell asleep rather quickly. 

\-------------

The next morning, she woke to knocking on the door, and she knew she’d been found.  _ Oh well, I did get to avoid it for a day at least.  _ She walked to the door and opened it with a groggy look on her face. 

“Come here,” Carla said sternly as she grabbed Mikasa’s ear and dragged her.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,” Mikasa complained as Carla yanked her out of the house and dragged her halfway down the mountain.

“Stop complaining!” Carla yelled at her, causing Mikasa to flinch and shut up.

When they made it to the bottom of the mountain, Carla tossed Mikasa into the car and slammed the door. Mikasa could practically see the smoke coming out of the older woman’s ears, and she couldn’t help but realize she’d never seen Carla so angry before.

“Where are we going?” Mikasa asked as she realized they weren’t driving towards school or home.

“Therapy,” Carla said firmly.

“What the hell?” Mikasa yelled, “I said I didn’t want to.”

“I don’t give a damn what you want to do!” Carla yelled back as she pulled over, parked the car, unbuckled, and turned to face Mikasa. “You’re suffering, I can see it. You don’t eat, you stay out late doing god knows what, you run away, and you constantly hide in your room when you are home.”

“Carla,” Mikasa complained as she somehow managed to work herself to tears, “I really don’t want to do this. Please don’t make me.”

“It’s this or jail. Pick one,” Carla said firmly. It was obvious that Carla was done playing nice. She had tried to give Mikasa a choice, and the girl had only made it worse for herself. She had dug her own grave, and it was time she walked into it too. 

“I don’t want to. I don’t want to. I don’t want to. I don’t want to,” Mikasa repeated to herself quietly. At this point, she wasn’t trying to convince Carla, that wasn’t possible. She was just working herself up and thinking out loud. 

When they arrived, Carla grabbed Mikasa by the wrist, and Mikasa didn’t miss the tight grip.  _ Does Carla expect me to run away? I guess I can’t blame her _ , she thought to herself with a slight shrug. __

Once they were inside the building, Carla told a receptionist Mikasa’s name, and they immediately let her through. _Perks of being a killer, I guess_ , Mikasa thought bitterly. Carla practically threw Mikasa into a room before slamming the door. 

Mikasa looked around with panicked eyes as she tried to figure out what was going on. “Hello,” a voice greeted, causing Mikasa to jump. 

Mikasa said nothing as she sat on the couch. “Let’s see,” the woman said as she looked through what she guessed was Mikasa’s file, “Seems like you’ve been here before.”

Mikasa made no indication that she’d heard the woman, but she continued rambling on. “Oh yes, you’re Mikasa Jaeger,” the woman said as she seemed to recognize Mikasa, “You've grown up a lot.” Again, Mikasa said and did nothing. 

By then, the therapist seemed to get the memo, and she stopped talking as well. Mikasa laid down on the couch and closed her eyes. If she was going to be stuck in this room with this woman, she could at least get some sleep. 

“We only have an hour, so if you want to tell me something, now’s the time,” the woman prompted. Again, Mikasa said nothing as she crossed her arms and relaxed on the couch, eyes closed and all.

“That’s all we have time for today,” the woman announced as she looked at her watch. Mikasa sprung up from the couch as she practically ran out the door. When she exited, she saw Carla looking at her with a scolding look.

“You didn’t talk did you?” Carla asked although it was obvious that she already knew the answer. “C’mon,” she said as she grabbed Mikasa by the collar of her shirt again. 

“Could you stop dragging me!” Mikasa complained as she got Carla’s arm off of her, obediently following the woman instead.

“Sorry if I’m scared you’ll run away,” Carla said, and Mikasa swore she rolled her eyes, “It’s not like your track record is very assuring.”

“My ‘track record’ also suggests I could kill you right now,” Mikasa said as she rolled her eyes.

“Mikasa Ackerman!” Carla scolded as she got in the car after Mikasa.

“What? I was just telling the truth!” Mikasa defended herself.

“Don’t make jokes like that!” Carla berated her.

“What? Scared?” Mikasa as she rolled her eyes.

“Watch the attitude,” Carla said firmly.

“Scared,” Mikasa concluded.

“You’re not a killer, Mikasa!” Carla yelled at her as she spun around to face her adoptive daughter.

“I am!” Mikasa yelled back.

“No you’re not,” Carla said firmly. 

“The bodies of those three guys say otherwise,” Mikasa said as she rolled her eyes.

“Stop acting like this!” Carla pleaded more than yelled.

“Like what?” Mikasa asked as she crossed her arms.

“Like you’re guilty!” Carla told her.

Mikasa laughed bitterly, “but I am.”

“You’re not,” Carla assured her, “The only thing you’re guilty of is protecting yourself.”

“Well, I know that,” Mikasa grumbled, remembering all the times she had seen “kill or be killed” in nature. “I was a kid who had just seen her parents die in front of her. On top of that, they kidnapped me. Of course I’d be miffed and fight back, but it doesn’t change that fact. My small, child hands have taken lives, Carla, and you can never comprehend that feeling. Hell, I barely can.”

“You’re right, I’ll never understand that,” Carla agreed, “but you’re still a good person, bubs. You did it to protect yourself. You didn’t want to kill them… did you?”

Mikasa’s response was silence. She had been angry, yes. So unbelievably, indescribably angry, but would she really kill for anger? Was she so angry she would’ve taken a life? Out of spite or revenge or sadness, whatever it was. That worst part was, after thinking about it, she couldn’t give herself a genuine answer. 

Carla sighed deeply as she glanced at Mikasa. “I don’t think you’re a bad person,” Carla said firmly but kindly, “You were a child who had never been taught right and wrong. You only knew the way of the world, and you knew that to be kill or be killed. You watched your parents get killed, surely that, if nothing else, made you understand that. You had killed animals before. You saw nothing wrong with killing then.”

_ That’s it! _ Mikasa thought to herself. It’s why the line was so blurred for her this whole time! She saw nothing wrong with killing. She had seen animals and insects kill each other for petty things, other than survival. Even if they hadn’t, she had no idea that killing was meant to be wrong. If you could kill to survive, surely you could kill for revenge? 

The part of her who now had a moral compass wanted to believe that she hadn’t wanted to kill those men, but when she thought about it, her 9-year old self had watched them stab her parents till they bled. It only made sense for her to return the favor, karma and all. At least she gave them a quick death, a small mercy they couldn’t afford to her parents. 

Mikasa merely nodded to Carla, accepting the fact. She had spent so much of the day thinking and fighting already, she just wanted to sleep. 

Carla told her as she started the car, “We’re going to eat. Where do you want to go?”

“I can pick?” Mikasa asked curiously.

“Yep, any place,” Carla assured her, “as long as you eat.”

“...Okay,” Mikasa said easily. She wasn’t necessarily hungry, but she had been skipping meals recently. If she wanted to live to 30, she’d have to put more effort into it. Additionally, her talk with Carla had helped relieve some of the guilt plaguing her appetite, not that she’d admit that to Carla. “Can we get Chipotle?”

“Good pick,” Carla said as she smiled at Mikasa through the rearview mirror and drove to their destination.

While they ate, the two talked about gentle topics like school and soccer, or in Carla’s case, work. Neither wanted to fight anymore, and they just wanted to enjoy their lunch and go home. Surely Carla was exhausted from hunting Mikasa down and dragging her around the whole day.

“Sorry about making you go on a wild goose chase for me and what not,” Mikasa apologized as she rubbed her neck sheepishly, “I should’ve told you where I was going.”

“You should’ve,” Carla nodded, “but I guess I was pretty hard on you. I did ambush you, as well. I should’ve expected that kind of reaction from you.”

“Hey!” Mikasa exclaimed in offense, but she smiled to show she wasn’t really offended. She couldn’t deny the fact that she had a tendency to run when things got tough. When the gears in her head began turning, she’d run, but if it was something physically tough, she’d never back down. It was strange, but she accepted it as just how she was. 

After they finished eating, they cleaned up their table and returned to the car to go home. When she got home, Eren immediately hugged her, and she noticed that Armin was also sitting in her house. “Hi,” she said weakly.

“I was so worried about you!”Eren exclaimed as he hugged,

“Don’t squeeze me!” Mikasa warned him, “I might hurl.” He immediately loosened his grip before he slowly let go. Armin hugged her as well before he slowly pulled away as well. 

The group caught up a bit before Carla finally decided to catch everyone up to speed. “I picked her up from the mountain,” Carla said vaguely.

“You went where?” Eren exclaimed.

“And the traitor took me to therapy,” Mikasa seethed, obviously she hadn’t forgiven the older woman yet.

“I found Mikasa on the mountain, and took her to therapy,” Carla told them, “but then I apologized with Chipotle.”

“And you didn’t bring me any?” Eren exclaimed in offense.

“I’ll puke some up for you if you want,” Mikasa teased as she pretended to shove her fingers down her throat to make herself gag.

“Ass,” Eren muttered, so Mikasa would hear but not his mother. 

“I’m going to bed,” she said as she walked up the stairs.

“Goodnight,” Carla said, understanding that her daughter must be pretty tired after the day they had, “Make sure your school work is done!”

“Fuck!” Mikasa yelled although the sound was muffled by her closing door.

She jumped on her bed and pulled out all her schoolwork. She groaned as she saw that Eren, or someone else, had put her missing work on her bed. She’d surely spend the rest of her day going through it. She groaned as she began going through it. 

By the time she finished, Carla was yelling up for dinner, so Mikasa made her way to the main floor. She was still feeling pretty stuffed, but she decided to eat since her brain hurt. She needed the energy too. She had spent the past few days skipping meals and exercising tons, so a little extra food wouldn’t kill her.

“I see you’re joining us today,” Grisha commented as he opened some medical magazines.

Mikasa just nodded as she waited for Carla to place the food on the table for all of them to dig into. She smiled a little as she piled some food onto her plate and began eating slowly since she was still pretty stuffed. She even joined in on some of the conversations since she was in such a good mood. 


	4. Palm Leaves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Palm Leaves: Triumph and victory

The next morning, Mikasa waddled down the stairs after preparing for the day. She saw that Carla had already prepared something for her, likely from the plan Grisha and the nurse devised. 

After a while, she had eaten everything and got her things together for school. She had to get her soccer things because even though they usually wouldn’t practice on Fridays, they had a game tomorrow and needed the extra practice. 

She and Eren walked together in relative silence, even when Armin joined them. It seemed that none of them knew what to talk about now. Mikasa didn’t mind though; it just meant she had more time to think. 

Mikasa walked to her locker and collected her stuff silently before walking to class. 

Of course, nothing’s ever as easy as it sounds, and as she was approaching the class, Hitch stopped her. “Morning, killer,” she greeted with a smirk, “I need the answers to the homework.”

Mikasa groaned as she rummaged through her bag and pulled out the spanish homework, handing it to Hitch who smirked before flipping her hair and walking off. Mikasa found herself imagining the sound that would be created if Mikasa thrusted her hand into Hitch’s face. Surely it would be one of the most satisfying sounds in the world. 

In class, Annie gave her a slightly curious look before returning her gaze to the front of the board. Mikasa tilted her head in curiosity, but Annie didn’t seem to notice, or care about, her confusion.

With that, class started. Their teacher was rambling about grammar which was oddly 

something that Mikasa excelled at. It was the one thing her mother taught her from home. Everything else she had to study extra to understand. Still, she managed to get in the AP and honors classes.

Halfway through the class, she felt a tap on her hand as Annie slid her a folded piece of paper. Mikasa looked at her curiously before opening the note. It simply read, “ _ Sick? _ ”

Mikasa glanced at Annie, shrugged, and handed the note back with no new words. Annie shrugged, but she didn’t bother Mikasa any further. It seemed that Annie was surprisingly understanding of Mikasa’s want to be alone, or at least not get Annie involved in her shit. 

After the bell rang, Mikasa stood up and darted out of the class. She wasn’t excited for Spanish class and seeing Hitch, but she went with it. Not like she had much choice, right?

When she sat down, Hitch slyly slid Mikasa her paperback, and Mikasa nodded as she began working on her work, allowing a small opening for Hitch to copy off her. Thankfully, Hitch seemed to learn how to shut up, and Mikasa didn’t have to listen to her annoying voice at all during class.

Eventually, all her morning classes ended, and it was lunchtime. She decided to go to the soccer field, as usual today, since she wasn’t hungry, still stuffed from this morning and previous meals. 

On the field, Mikasa did her usual drills before she decided to just run the track. She hadn’t done much cardio work this month because of her parent’s death anniversary. It seemed to, every year without fail, always throw her off her usually well-constructed schedule. 

When she finally went back inside and finished up all her classes, she managed to not really interact with many people. In gym, they had a rematch of the previous day where they played boys against girls. Again, the girls won, and again, all the guys complained while the girls gloated. Rather than gloating, Mikasa collected her things and calmly changed into her soccer clothes before walking to the field. 

Once everyone was on the field, she led everyone in their stretches as well as the run before Coach Smith took over and had them do drills to prepare for the game tomorrow. 

They spent all of practice doing shooting drills, and Ymir seemed to notice the frown on Mikasa’s face. “What’s up?” Ymir asked as they waited for their turn to kick.

“Is it just me, or does she seem… slower?” Mikasa asked as she looked at Annie.

“Who, the new goalie?” Ymir asked as she looked at the girl more closely, “I guess she does seem a little slower than she was yesterday, but everyone has off days.”

“I guess,” Mikasa shrugged, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that Annie didn’t seem like the type to slow down. 

Almost an hour later, practice ended, and Ymir began walking to the locker rooms while Mikasa stayed in place. “Where are you going? Practice is over!” Ymir yelled at her.

“I know,” Mikasa told her from the doorway, “but I always stay after.”

Ymir groaned, but she made no other complaints. Mikasa smiled slightly before she turned and realized Annie was taking her gloves off. Mikasa shrugged, and she nodded at Annie when she walked past. Reluctantly, Annie returned the gesture and walked to the locker rooms. 

After getting a few extra hours of practice in, Mikasa returned to her house. She showered before going to bed. Carla tried to convince her to eat dinner, but Mikasa assured her she’d heat a good breakfast before leaving for Trost.

Trost High was one hour away, and still one of the closest schools to hers, Shagninshina High. Shiganshina was in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Most houses were surrounded by trees and streets, and the closest neighboring house was anywhere from a few feet away to a few miles away depending on the area you lived in. 

Compared to Trost, a literal metropolis, Shiganshina was nothing. On top of that, Trost, being a major city, had more funding than them and in turn, better supplies and equipment. However, the real kicker was that Shagshina beat them almost every year, so Mikasa wasn’t too worried. 

With that, Mikasa collapsed into bed, cuddling into it as she climbed under the covers and attempted to warm herself up. Once she was comfortable, she easily drifted to sleep. 

\--------------------

The next morning, Mikasa woke up early to pack for the trip to Trost. She didn’t need much, but she needed to bring her jersey, other soccer items, a change of clothes, and sneakers. Once she had all her things, she brushed her teeth and did her best to put her hair up. It was a difficult task since her hair barely reached her shoulders, but she managed. 

She had already eaten, unfortunately, so when she was done getting ready, she left the house. “I’m leaving!” she called into the house before closing the door and making her way to the school. 

When she arrived at the school, she saw that everyone else was already boarding the bus. She put her stuff in the storage compartment and got on the bus as well. She was going to sit with Ymir or Sasha, but they were sitting together. She ended up finding an empty seat next to Annie, so she decided to sit with the blonde. She scowled slightly since they weren’t on good terms, but she still sat down.

“Why are you sitting there?” Annie asked coldly.

“Because I can,” Mikasa said as she rolled her eyes.

“ You were the one who wanted me to leave you alone,” Annie grumbled, “Make up your damn mind.”

Mikasa grunted as she stood up, prepared to go to a different seat when the bus suddenly jerked forward. She hit her head against the seat which caused Annie to snicker. Mikasa scowled at her before grabbing her phone and playing music. She stared at the ceiling, allowing her mind to drift. 

Upon making it to Trost, they were told they had an hour to explore before they had to meet back at the school for their game. Most people cheered while Mikasa grumpily walked to the field.

She spent her hour lazily kicking the ball around and practicing some last minute tricks. She was surprised no one else decided to use their time in such a way, but she guessed not everyone was as dedicated to the game as she was. 

************

_ “Hey, Mama?” Mikasa asked her mother as they sat on a blanket in a clearing near their house. The place was surrounded by trees and bushes, given it a hidden, magical feeling.  _

_ “Hmm?” her mother hummed thoughtfully. _

_ “What’s it like off the mountain?” Mikasa asked curiously as she looked to the sky.  _

_ “Hmm,” her mother thought, “It’s less lonely.” _

_ “Lonely?” Mikasa asked. _

_ “There’s more people, and there’s more to do,” the older woman elaborated. _

_ “Oh,” Mikasa nodded, “What do people do?” _

_ “Well, some of them had jobs,” she explained, “Some people hunt, like Daddy.” _

_ “Could I be a hunter?” Mikasa asked excitedly. _

_ “If that’s what you want,” her mother laughed cheerfully. _

_ “What else do they do?” Mikasa asked as she sprang up to face her mother excitedly. _

_ “Let’s see,” the woman said with a finger to her chin in thought, “Some kids your age play sports.” _

_ “Did you play ‘sports’?” Mikasa asked curiously. _

_ “Mhm,” her mother hummed with a smile. _

_ “What was it called? How’d you get interested? Did you like it? Do you miss it?” Mikasa bombarded her mother with questions. _

_ The older woman laughed cheerfully as she lifted Mikasa off the ground and put a finger up, telling her to stay put. The older woman ran off, back towards their house, returning with an average sized ball. _

_ “I used to play a sport called soccer,” her mother said with a wistful smile  _

_ “Will you teach me?” Mikasa asked as she rolled back and forth on her heels excitedly. _

_ “Of course,” her mother smiled as she began teaching. _

_ Those days, practicing soccer with her mom, had been some of the best of her life.  _

**********

“Hey!” Ymir said as she put a hand on Mikasa’s shoulder. Mikasa shook Ymir’s hand off her, but she turned to face the brunette. “We’re about to play,” Ymir told her, “We’re changing now.” Mikasa merely nodded as she followed Ymir back to the locker room they were to use. 

Once she changed, she led the team to the field where they began stretching and observing the other team as they prepared. “Number 4 looks dangerous,” Sasha commented.

“Definite Hitch Bitch,” Ymir nodded in agreement. 

“Probably the type to knock you on your ass and get away with it,” Sasha nodded and she groaned a little. 

“Kinda hot, though,” Ymir commented.

“Ymir!” Sasha exclaimed.

“What? I love Historia,” Ymir said defensively.

“I’m telling,” Sasha said as she crossed her arms.

“You wouldn’t,” Ymir said as she glared at Sasha, causing the latter to gulp in fear. 

Mikasa had to agree with them. The girl looked like she dedicated her life to the sport. She also seemed like the rich type whose parents expected her to excel at everything, and for that reason, Mikasa almost pitied her. 

Mikasa’s parents, adoptive and biological, had never expected anything from her other than to live. No one expected her to fail or succeed, swim or drown, climb or fall; only that she’d keep pushing. She couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to have that kind of weight on your shoulders.

When she came back to reality, she led her team on a small run to warm them up and prepare them for the long game of running that was approaching. 

After their run, they did some small drills before the refs came to check their gear, and once they did that, she and Ymir went to midfield to decide which side her team would play on. 

As she looked around, she saw that the bleachers were filling with people, all of them from Trost as far as she could tell. It seemed they’d all come to watch and support their home team.

“The away team calls the toss,” the ref said as they held a coin.

“Heads, of course,” Ymir said as it flipped through the air, and Mikasa nodded her agreement. 

“Heads,” the ref announced when it landed in his hands, revealing the heads side face up, “Do you want the ball or to pick your side?”

“We’ll pick our side. We want this side,” Mikasa said as she pointed to the side where the other team was.

“What the hell?” Ymir whisper-yelled as she nudged Mikasa, “You’re supposed to call the ball first! That’s what we discussed with the team!”

“Trust me,” Mikasa hissed back as she saw the worried look on the other team’s face. 

“Okay, we switch at half time. Trost gets the ball first,” the ref told them as he dismissed them to their teams. 

“We’re on that side,” Ymir huffed as she pointed across the field.

“You’re making us walk all the way over there?” Annie complained as she grabbed her gloves and water.

“Look at the field,” Mikasa said blandly, “this side is rigged. It’s the side most away teams pick since it’s closest to the locker room.”

Everyone looked and sure enough, their side was rigged. Not only was the goal bigger -making it easier to score-, but the goalie box was smaller -meaning there was less space in which a goalie could catch the ball-. It wasn’t obvious unless you were looking intently, but you could tell if you knew what to look for.

“Good catch,” Coach Smith praised with a smile as he collected his things and began walking. 

“The ground is uneven on this side too,” Sasha complained, “They didn’t even bother hiding how rigged it is.”

“Someone’s going to twist an ankle,” Ymir commented knowingly. 

When they arrived on their side, they all put their things down as Coach Smith prepared to tell them the places they’d be playing. “Ymir and Sasha, you’re playing midfield, pick your sides,” the coach informed them, “Mikasa, striker, as always.”

He then went on to tell the other girls their spots, putting Annie in goal. He nodded, seemingly happy with his choices. “Now, go play your hearts out!” Coach Smith exclaimed as all the girl’s put their hands in, throwing them in the air as most of them cheered excitedly. “C’mon Cap, show some team spirit,” Ymir teased as she bumped into Mikasa playfully, noticing the blank look on her face.

“Mmm, I’m so excited,” Mikasa said without emotion as she turned to the field and got in her spot, seeing the other team was already ready. Truthfully, she was excited, she just didn’t really know how to show it.

“She looks mean,” Mikasa heard someone on the other team talk as she got in position.

“I heard she’s got a good kick,” a girl next to her whispered as she glanced at Mikasa, “Guard her good.”

Mikasa smirked as she watched Trost begin dribbling the ball. As striker, she was meant to stay near the goal, but Coach Smith told her she was really allowed to play anywhere as long as she followed the ball. 

The girls who had been talking about her took a shot on goal, but missed as Annie easily caught the ball.  _ Makes sense, I guess, _ Mikasa thought to herself,  _ She was even able to block my shots.  _

Sasha retrieved the ball and let out some kind of weird war cry as she carried it down the field, passing it to Mikasa when she got close enough to the goal. Mikasa, upon receiving the ball, easily danced around the other team as she approached the goal. She kicked the ball, only to have it bounce off the crossbar.  _ Damn, _ she grumbled, annoyed with herself,  _ Get your head in the game! _

“It’s alright,” Sasha assured her as she ran after the ball, “It’s still early.”

Mikasa nodded appreciatively as she decided to hang around the enemies defenders, waiting for the ball. She had confidence that Ymir, Sasha, and their defenders could handle their offense without her. 

“Hey, number 9,” one of the other players said, and she spun her head around, knowing that was her number, “I thought you were meant to be good?” the girl snickered after her statement, but Mikasa shrugged it off as she bent her knees and stretched a little since the ball was still on her team’s defending side. 

“Heads up!” Ymir shouted as she kicked the ball across the field into Mikasa’s control. She juggled it a little to get control before she easily weaved through players, sending a powerful kick straight into the goal. As expected, their goalie jumped away, yelping as she did.

“What the fuck, Danielle?” One of the defenders hissed.

“You guys didn’t stop her either!” the goalie yelled, “That ball was gonna take off my head!”

The defenders grumbled, knowing they had no way to argue that, and they turned back to face the front. Mikasa had returned to her original spot, but she heard everything they said, causing her to smile a little, though not noticeably. 

The game went for a while until halftime eventually rolled around. The score was 4 to 1, Shiganshina leading. “Alright girls, good job,” Coach Smith praised, “but don’t get too cocky. We’re switching sides. There’s gonna be more pressure on Annie since the goal is bigger and the box is smaller. Sasha, I want you to play defense, and don’t be afraid to get scary.”

“So we’ll only have one midfielder?” one girl asked curiously.

“No, Mikasa’s gonna switch to midfield, and we’re gonna go without a striker,” Coach Smith told them, and the girls nodded. 

The ref then blew their whistle, signalling the end of the half. Mikasa got in position as the rest of the girls did, and Mikasa saw she was faced off against number 4, the girl she had seen practicing. The girl smirked at her evilly, and Mikasa got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

Off the bat, her team got the ball to her, and she was struggling to fight off number 4. Whoever she was, she was damn good. The girl had long, black hair, and she was around Mikasa’s height. The girl had deep, green eyes, and Mikasa had to admit, she was the definition of gorgeous. Still, she didn’t let herself get distracted, and she kicked the ball to Ymir who continued down the field. 

Ymir managed to score though it was obviously hard. Mikasa scowled at Ymir who smirked confidently. They were friendly since they were teammates, but it was no secret that the two were competing for most goals. Right now, it was 2 to 2 with Sasha holding their fifth goal.

The game continued until it was finally the last few minutes of the game. Mikasa was sprinting down the field when number 4 slid into the ball, only to kick out Mikasa’s ankle. Due to the uneven ground, Mikasa’s ankle snapped, and the crack was heard around the field. She screeched as she dropped to the ground, holding her ankle in pain. 

“Oops,” the girl said as she smiled and covered her mouth unapologetically as Mikasa fought off tears on the ground. 

“C’mon, that’s a red card!” Ymir complained as she put a hand on Mikasa’s shoulder. Mikasa had pulled herself together somewhat. She was no longer crying, but she was grunting in pain as she attempted to stand up.

“What the hell are you doing?” Sasha exclaimed as she pushed Mikasa back to the ground, albeit gently, “It’s obviously broken.”

“I need to take the penalty kick,” Mikasa said, rolling her eyes.

“If they give us one,” Ymir huffed.

“They better,” Mikasa grunted as she stood up, keeping her injured ankle off the ground. 

In the end, no card was issued, but they were allowed a penalty kick which Mikasa insisted on taking. “Just let me take it,” Ymir pleaded, “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“And let you get more goals than me? No way,” Mikasa said with a smirk that seemed to say that everything was okay, even when it wasn’t.

“You’re an idiot,” Ymir grumbled as she backed off.

“How do you plan on kicking with one foot?” one of the other girls teased. 

“You’d be surprised,” Mikasa smirked as she hopped back a few paces. She then did her best to hop forward and gain speed before she braced herself and used her injured ankle to kick the ball. 

She channeled all the anger, guilt, and sadness she could into that one kick, and she watched it soar. It sped past everyone’s heads so fast they didn’t have time to get it. Even if they did, everyone seemed too shocked that Mikasa had kicked the ball with her injured ankle.

Her team cheered as the ball flew into the goal. Mikasa pumped her fists in the air as she allowed herself to fall back to the ground. Suddenly, her adrenaline was wearing off, and she felt like she was going to pass out from the pulsating pain in her ankle.

“Holy fuck,” she muttered as she wrapped her hands around her ankle, gently rocking back and forth in an attempt to comfort herself. 

“Holy shit, you did that!” Ymir exclaimed as she slid into the ground next to Mikasa and wrapped a proud arm around the girl, “and that’s why you’re our captain!”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Mikasa complained as everyone took a knee, allowing for a ref to appraoch Mikasa. They had checked her ankle before and decided that she wouldn’t be able to walk, let alone run, on it, but she refused to see a doctor until the game ended. 

“We’re calling an ambulance,” the ref said as he removed her cleats, gently, pulling off her socks as well. Her ankle was swollen about twice the size, and it was a mix of reds, purples, and yellows. The ref blew their whistle twice, signalling the end of the game and securing Shiganshina’s win. 

“Yikes,” Ymir commented as she cringed

“Holy shit!” Ymir exclaimed a few seconds later as she looked away.

“What?” Mikasa asked, panicked. 

“Is that your fucking bone?” Ymir exclaimed as she pointed to the girl’s leg. 

Sure enough, it seemed that her bone had snapped and was jutting out the side of her leg. At least it hadn’t broken through her skin. “Oh God,” Mikasa said as she turned her head away from it, “That’s disgusting.”

“You think that girl did it?” Ymir asked as she jerked her head towards number four.

“Maybe,” Mikasa nodded, “but it just as easily could’ve been from me kicking it myself.”

“Are you not angry?” Ymir yelled in surprise.

“Of course I’m angry!” Mikasa yelled back, “There’s just not much to do about it.” 

“You want me to call Eren for you while we wait for an ambulance?” Ymir asked, silently agreeing with Mikasa. By now, their whole team had crowded around her aside from Annie who hadn’t bothered to check on her, not that Mikasa blamed the blonde for that. She was only doing what Mikasa asked of her, leaving her alone. 

“Please,” Mikasa whimpered as she closed her eyes in an attempt to take her mind off the pain.

Shortly after, an ambulance arrived and paramedics rushed to her side. “It looks like you broke your fibula,” the paramedic said as he gently poked the bone, causing Mikasa to squirm and whine. 

The paramedic then helped her onto a stretcher and carried her into the ambulance. “Want anyone to ride along?” the paramedic asked.

“Ymir! Sasha!” Mikasa yelled. Almost immediately, the girls arrived. “Wanna ride along?” Mikasa offered. The girls smiled and nodded as they climbed in and sat beside her while the paramedic closed the doors and told the driver to go. 

“This hurts like a bitch,” Mikasa complained as she tried to angle it in a way that hurt the least.

“You’re the idiot who decided to keep playing on it,” Sasha scolded her.

“I won us the game, got my hat trick, and got more goals than Ymir,” Mikasa said, “it was the obvious choice, and I was angry. Better to take it out on the ball than nasty number four.”

“You’re insane,” Ymir grumbled.

“And that’s why you’ll never be better than me,” Mikasa said evenly as she stuck her tongue out.

They heard the paramedic chuckle a little before Ymir quipped, “With you out with this injury, I might just usurp your spot on the team.”

Mikasa gasped in offense, “You wouldn’t dare!”

“I would,” Ymir smirked. 

“Rude,” was all Mikasa said as the paramedic announced their arrival. They carried Mikasa into a room to begin examining her. 

“We’ll need to take an X-ray,” the doctor announced as they began helping her into a wheelchair to take her to the proper room.

After getting the X-ray, they returned to the ER where she noticed Grisha and Carla were panicking in an attempt to find her while Eren seemed on edge. “Yes, we’re looking for my daughter, Mikasa Jaeger,” Mikasa heard Carla’s voice. 

“Carla!” Mikasa said her adoptive mother’s name as she was being wheeled past.

Carla jumped at the sound of her name, and she smiled as she walked to Mikasa. “You scared us!” Carla exclaimed as she followed the doctor to wherever he was taking them.

“I seem to do that a lot these days,” she muttered apologetically. 

“What’s wrong with you anyway? Ymir just said you were going to the hospital,” Eren asked.

“Some bitch kicked me, and I guess I messed up my leg,” Mikasa shrugged.

“I’ll make her pay,” Eren seethed.

“It’s whatever,” Mikasa shrugged, “It’s not like I haven’t put people in the same position before. Must be karma.” Eren still seemed angry, but he accepted Mikasa’s reasons for not wanting revenge. 

“Alright,” the doctor began, “Seems that Mikasa has completely broken her Tibia and Fibula, and she has a minor ankle sprain.”

“Ouch,” Eren hissed.

“The good news is that it’s an easy fix. We’ll just need to cast it for a while, and she needs to drink plenty of milk,” the doctor said.

Carla and Grisha nodded as they went to wrap Mikasa’s leg and angle. “What color do you want?” the person casting her leg asked.

“Hmm,” Mikasa hummed, “Red please.”

“Waterproof?” the woman asked as she looked at the parents.

“Hmm, no,” Carla answered, “She’ll be fine without it.”

The person casting her leg nodded as they found the red color and began wrapping her leg. She first covered it in cloth and type of sock before wrapping the red colored gauze over her leg and ankle. “This is going to hurt,” she warned as she began wrapping.

Mikasa felt her bones slowly being pulled back into place, and she clenched her teeth tightly. The cast went from her toes almost all the way up to her knee, and she grimaced.  _ There’s no way I can play soccer with this,  _ she thought sadly. 

“All done,” they said as they gently patted her leg. 

“Great,” Mikasa grunted.

“You’ll need crutches for a while,” the woman said as she stood up and grabbed a pair that she must’ve had someone bring while Mikasa was in too much pain to notice, “After that, you can put this on and walk normally.”

They handed her a plastic thing with velcro. “What does this do?” Mikasa asked curiously.

“You wrap it around your foot after two days,” they said as they pretended to wrap it, not actually touching the cast as it needed time to dry and set properly, “then it protects the cast itself from outside forces like uneven terrain.”

“Oh,” Mikasa muttered with a nod.

“You’re free to go, just find the people at the front and they’ll discharge you,” she said as she handed them a paper that seemed to have the fees as well as a signature, likely confirming that she was in fact discharged by a doctor. 

The ride home was relatively silent, and when they got home, Mikasa immediately collapsed onto the couch. “Okay, I’m tired,” Mikasa mumbled as she closed her eyes. 

“Get up,” Eren said as he smacked her good leg, “the team’s going out for a celebratory dinner. As their captain, you’re obligated to show up.”

“Ugh,” Mikasa complained, “I’m injured, I get a pass.”

“Nope,” Eren said as she picked her crutches up and set them up for her to grab and get up, “I’m driving.”

“Like hell you are,” Mikasa scoffed.

“Well mom and dad said they won’t drive,” Eren complained.

“Then I guess we’re not going,” Mikasa said.

“Please,” Eren pleaded, “I’ll do your chores for the week.”

“You’ll probably end up doing them anyway, me being injured and all,” Mikasa reminded him.

“I’ll…” he trailed off in thought, “Ymir said she wants you to show up. The team wants to celebrate with you. It’s literally a party for you.”

“They should know I don’t like parties by now,” Mikasa told him.

“Don’t be a dick,” Eren said as he yanked her onto her feet and shoved the crutches under her armpits, “Be grateful.” he then gently pushed her towards the door as he grabbed the keys.

“You owe me big time,” she grumbled as she made her way to the car.

“Woohoo!” Eren cheered as he got into the driver’s seat. 

They drove to a nearby pizza restaurant where they were meant to meet the team. Once they arrived, they entered the restaurant and were immediately flagged down by Mikasa’s team. She then crutched her way to them and took a seat between Ymir and Sasha who had saved her seat for her.

“Looks like you’ll be out for a while,” Coach Smith commented as he tilted his head towards her crutches.

“Yeah,” Mikasa said apologetically with a grimace.

“No worries,” the coach assured her, “We’ll do fine.”

Mikasa then nodded as she looked down. The team had ordered pizza already, so she grabbed two slices of cheese pizza and slowly ate them.

“What happened?” someone on her team asked, “Like why do you have a cast?”

“Oh,” Mikasa muttered, “I broke my tibia and fibula.”

Everyone around the table winced and made “ouch” noises as they cringed slightly. “She sprained her ankle too,” Eren added as he elbowed Mikasa playfully. She glared at him, and he immediately gulped and pulled his arms away from her.

The rest of the dinner passed with everyone exchanging small talk while Mikasa was mostly silent. When the dinner finished, Ymir, Sasha, Eren, and her all left together, stopping outside of the car Mikasa and Eren arrived in.

“Hey, the group is gonna have a party next weekend to celebrate our win,” Ymir told her, “You should come.”

“Why next weekend?” Mikasa asked.

“They wanted you to come, and they figured you’d be more likely to show up if they let you rest this weekend,” Sasha jumped in.

“I- I guess I’ll show up,” Mikasa grumbled as she climbed into the car. She heard Sasha and Ymir quietly celebrating as they got in their car as well which made her snicker a little. 

When they finally made it home, Mikasa went straight to her room, falling asleep almost immediately. 


	5. Hyacinth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyacinth: playfulness

“Morning, killer,” Hitch greeted.

“Did I ask you not to call me that?” Mikasa hissed.

“Maybe,” Hitch shrugged, “Whatcha gonna do about it?”

Having no comeback, Mikasa rolled her eyes before she began working on the work for her Spanish class, letting Hitch copy her work. 

“I heard you got your ass beat in soccer,” Hitch said as she tilted her head towards Mikasa’s casted foot.

“Yeah,” Mikasa nodded, “but I could still kick your ass with my arms tied behind my back.”

“Easy there, killer,” Hitch smirked, “I was just making small talk.”

Luckily, Spanish passed quickly, and Mikasa was able to escape Hitch. Sadly, the rest of her classes passed incredibly slow, and by the time lunch rolled around, she felt like it had been hours. 

When Mikasa arrived at the table, she saw that everyone was there. Most surprisingly, Annie was at her table as well. “What the hell is she doing here?” Annie deadpanned when she saw Mikasa sit down.

“Did you think I didn’t sit with my brother?” Mikasa asked matter-of-factly. 

Annie grumbled something unintelligible under her breath as she continued eating. “Weren’t you two close earlier in the year?” Eren asked, “Annie used to walk you home.”

Annie and Mikasa both glared at him, silently telling him to shut up and not bring it up. “Oh,” Ymir said with a smirk, “A secret love affair?”

“Ymir!” Historia exclaimed as she jabbed the girl in the side.

“Ow,” Ymir muttered as she put her hand over where Historia had hit her. 

Historia whispered something in Ymir’s ear that made her immediately pale and shut up. Everyone gave the couple a curious look, but Historia just smiled innocently, and everyone backed off.

“So,” Marco, Jean’s best friend, began in an attempt to change the topic, “Did Jean tell everyone the venue for our party?”

“Nope, we’re all in the dark,” Eren said with a pointed look at Jean. 

“Anyway,” Jean said, giving Eren an annoyed look, “We’re going to my parents’ lake house. I know it’s fall, but it’s in the middle of nowhere and will be a good getaway.”

Everyone nodded in agreement as they began talking about how they’d get there. “Mikasa, Armin, and I can drive with a few other people. My mom has a van for family trips,” Eren told the group.

“Perfect,” Jean said, “I can drive a group as well.”

“That should cover it then,” Armin nodded, “There’s 12 of us, so 4 others can ride with Eren, Mikasa, and I while the other 5 ride with Jean and our things. Everyone good with that?”

“Works for me.”

“Yep.”

“Perfect.”

“As long as I get food.”

“As long as I can steal it.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“When are we going?” Bertholdt asked.

“We’re leaving tomorrow from the school and staying until Monday night since we don’t have to come in on Monday,” Jean answered.

“We don’t have school on Monday?” Mikasa asked.

“The teacher’s are doing conferences or something, so they’re giving us the day off,” Jean told her.

“Oh, I didn’t know that,” Mikasa said quietly as she picked at her food.

“Why do you seem upset?” Eren said as he bumped her shoulder.

“I’m not upset,” she told him, “I’m excited. Is it not obvious?”

“You look…. Upset,” Eren repeated.

“Oh, well, I’m not,” Mikasa assured him.

“You’re weird,” Annie muttered, but Mikasa heard it. 

“Really?” Mikasa hissed at her.

“Hey!” Jean said, cutting them off, “We’re all going to get along this weekend, so put your petty cat fight aside and act like teammates, okay?”

Both girl’s huffed as they reluctantly nodded. It should be easy enough. All she had to do was avoid Annie like the plague, and she’d have no reason to get angry. 

“I’m so excited!” Sasha exclaimed as she stuffed her face with bread from the cafeteria, “I can’t wait to party and eat junk food until I puke!”

“That doesn’t sound very fun,” Mikasa said dryly.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Jean smirked as he leaned into the table, causing everyone to lean in as well, “My parents have a huge wine cellar, and they never use it. They won’t notice if a few bottles go missing.”

“Can Mikasa even drink?” Historia asked out of nowhere, always the caring one of the group.

“What do you mean?” Mikasa asked. 

“Aren’t you on medicine? You can’t drink on certain medicines,” Historia told her.

“I know that,” she muttered, “They didn’t give me any medicine.”

“They offered to,” Eren corrected, “but she refused.”

“It doesn’t hurt,” Mikasa shrugged.

“Says the girl who was whimpering on the field,” Ymir added with a laugh.

“You were crying?” Annie asked, seemingly interested.

“No,” Mikasa said firmly, “You would’ve known if you’d bothered to see what was happening.”

“I was just doing what you asked,” Annie scoffed as she looked away from Mikasa. 

“What the hell?” Ymir whispered, but the table was so quiet that everyone heard her.

“It’s nothing,” Mikasa said with a sigh as she stuffed food in her mouth, so she had an excuse not to talk. 

Lunch ended soon after that, and Mikasa rushed to the rest of her classes that passed much faster than her morning ones. Gym was, by far, the slowest class. All she did was sit and watch since she couldn’t run on her foot, even without her crutches.

When school was finally over, Mikasa made her way to the soccer field where she sat on the benches and watched her team practice. She wasn’t allowed to play, but she wanted to be there. 

“How you hanging in there?” Coach Smith asked as he placed a firm hand on her shoulder. 

“Fine,” she assured him as she looked at her casted foot. In the few days since she got her cast, her whole friend group had signed it, and she even got Coach Smith and the soccer girls to sign it as well. 

“If you say so,” he said with a slight laugh as he patted her back, “hang in there, okay kid? I know soccer’s important to you.”

“Yeah,” she muttered, “Thanks.”

When practice finally ended, Mikasa talked a bit with Ymir and Sasha before sitting on the bleachers and looking at the field. She wanted to play more than anything, but she had injured her right leg, the one she kicked with. 

Mikasa jumped off the bleachers and made her way back to her house. There was no point in wallowing in self-pity. She’d play soccer again after her foot got better, and everything would be normal again.

\--------------------

Finally, it was gym on Friday. Usually this wasn’t a good thing, but today was the day she was going to the party. She had been thinking about the party for a while, and she was actually pretty excited now. 

She watched as people ran down the court, dribbling and faking people out, shooting clean shots into the net or missing. She wasn’t a fan of basketball, but watching people play made her miss soccer. She let out a deep sigh as she looked at the clock, seeing there was only 5 minutes left of class.

When class finally ended, she left her friends and began walking to the van she’d be riding in. They had yet to discuss seating, so she didn’t know who else would be riding with her, Eren, and Armin. 

Once she got there, she saw Jean was there with Marco, and Historia and Ymir were quickly approaching. Mikasa grabbed her things from the van and gave them to Jean who packed them into his SUV. 

“It’s gonna be a tight fit,” Jean commented.

“We can take a few things too,” Mikasa told him.

“We should be good, but I’ll keep that in mind,” he said with a nod though he didn’t look at her. 

“We about ready?” Eren asked, just now reaching the cars with Armin.

“Almost, we’re just waiting on Annie, Reiner, Bertholdt, Sasha and Connie,” Marco told him.

A few seconds later, they saw the 5 leave the building at the same time. Connie and Sasha rushed to the cars while Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt walked casually, not in any hurry. “What’d we miss?” Reiner asked.

“Not much,” Marco answered with a nod.

“We just need to discuss seating,” Armin added.

“I’m with Jean,” Annie said firmly as she glared at Mikasa. 

“That works,” Jean mumbled, “I guess that means we’re taking Reiner and Bertholdt too.” Reiner and Bertholdt just nodded as the trio climbed into the car.

“We’ll go with Mikasa,” Ymir said as she grabbed Historia’s hand, gently, and walked towards the car.

“We’ll go with Mikasa too,” Sasha said as she pulled Connie with her.

“Perfect,” Jean nodded, “Now I can put the back seats down and make more room for luggage.”

“You know what that means?” Sasha asked with a smirk, “More food!”

“Heck yeah!” Connie agreed as he pumped a fist in the air. The rest of the group laughed as everyone got into the cars they chose to ride in. 

“Fuck,” Mikasa muttered as she climbed into the passenger’s seat.

“What?” Eren asked as he got in the driver’s seat. 

“You drive like a toddler on steroids,” Mikasa deadpanned as she faced the window.

“It’s not my fault Armin doesn’t have his license yet, and you went and broke your foot,” Eren huffed.

“Just drive better, got it?” she said firmly. 

Although she had been in cars since she was 10 and had her driver’s license, she was very picky about getting in them. She had to be able to see the road, and she had to trust the driver. She hated Eren’s driving, but she still trusted him not to crash. 

“Mikasa, can you put the address in?” Eren asked as he showed Mikasa a text from Jean with the address. Mikasa nodded as she put it into her phone and set it up so Eren could see the directions.

“Ready?” he asked everyone in the car. 

Everyone nodded as they tried to get comfortable in the car. “It’s a 4 hour drive,” Mikasa told them, “and if any of you screams, you’re getting left on the highway.” Mikasa gave a pointed look at Sasha and Connie who were shrinking in their seats. “We have an understanding?” Mikasa asked.

“Mhm,” Sasha hummed as she nodded vigorously.

“Yep!” Connie said with a faux salute. 

The other three just nodded as they laughed a little, and Eren pulled out of the school parking lot, following Jean. Mikasa grabbed Eren’s phone and texted Carla that they were on their way since she asked for occasional updates before she put her head against the window and watched the trees go by.

“So…. pass the aux?” Connie asked hesitantly.

“Noooo,” Sasha whined, “Connie has the worst music taste!”

“I don’t care who plays music as long as it isn’t Eren’s screaming shit,” Mikasa told them as she threw them the aux cord. 

Sasha and Connie wrestled over it a little before Sasha cheered victoriously, quieting when Mikasa glared at her through the rearview mirror. Sasha ended up playing something like alternative music, and Mikasa was okay with that. It was still kind of scream-y, but it was better than what Eren listened to.

Eventually, Mikasa heard a song she knew come on, and she found herself nodding her head and turning up the volume, surprising everyone else in the car. “Didn’t know you liked this music, Mikasa,” Ymir said with a smirk, talking loud enough to be heard.

“My music taste is all over the place,” Mikasa shrugged as she tuned everyone out and listened to the song. 

_ “Memories are just where you laid them, drag waters ‘til the depths bring up their dead . What did you expect to find? Was it something you left behind? Don’t you remember anything I said when I said, ‘Don’t fall away and leave me to myself. Don’t fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again, leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands love lies bleeding.’” _

_ “Oh hold me now, I feel contagious. Am I the only place you’ve left to go? She cries, her life is like some movies black and white, dead actors faking lines, over and over and over again she cries, ‘Don’t fall away and leave me to myself. Don’t fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again. Don’t fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again. Leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again. Leave love bleeding in my hands again.’” _

When the song came to a close, Mikasa felt tears rolling down her cheeks, and she quickly wiped them away, but not quickly enough. Historia got up from her spot in the back of the van and silently handed Mikasa a tissue. The gesture alone was almost enough for Mikasa to burst into tears, and she offered Historia a small, thankful smile as she wiped her tears away.

“You alright?” Sasha asked tentatively.

“Of course,” Mikasa said firmly as if nothing happened. 

“That’s creepy,” Sasha commented as she stood you and grabbed Mikasa chin, tilting it towards her face to look at her. “You were definitely just crying, and now you’re acting like nothing happened?” Sasha asked in disbelief.

“Yes,” Mikasa said firmly, “Is that not normal?”

“Not really,” Sasha shrugged as she sat back down, “but you do you.”

After that, Mikasa turned the volume of the music back up and quietly let the music lull her to sleep. 

“Get up,” Ymir said as she shook Mikasa’s shoulders.

“Get your grimy hands off of me,” Mikasa said groggily as she shoved Ymir away.

“We’re stopping to stretch and fill up on gas,” Ymir told her as she gestured to the gas station they were stopped at.

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed sleepily as she stretched and unbuckled.

“You know, you’re almost bearable, I’d even go as far as to say cute, when you’re asleep,” Ymir commented with a smirk.

“Fuck off,” Mikasa said as she brought a hand to her head, rubbing it slightly. She could feel a headache coming, “I’m not cute.”

“Mhm,” Ymir hummed sarcastically as she pulled Mikasa out of the car. Mikasa grumbled as she rubbed her eyes and pushed Ymir off her again, walking into the gas station to find Sasha and Connie and make sure they didn’t blow their money on food. 

Once everyone stretched, used the bathroom, and bought some snacks, they got back in the car and Eren began driving again. “Oh, oh, oh, we should play never have I ever!” Sasha exclaimed as she put up five fingers.

“Should we do that at the lake house?” Armin asked.

“Why not do it twice?” Sasha asked with a shrug, watching as Connie put 5 fingers up as well. Ymir did too, and Historia followed as well, “We’ll do it with alcohol at the lakehouse too, even better!”

Mikasa and Armin finally put their hands up, and Eren said he’d just tell everyone if he’d done something since he needed to keep his hands on the wheel. “Alright, who’s asking the first question?” Sasha asked excitedly.

“You sound like you have something to ask,” Mikasa mumbled.

“I do,” Sasha smirked.

“Then ask,” Mikasa told her, sounding almost bored. 

“Never have I ever severely injured someone?” Sasha asked with a pointed look at Mikasa.

“Fuck you,” Mikasa muttered as she put a finger down. 

“You’ve hurt more than one person severely,” Sasha smirked.

“I’ve gotta put down a finger for every person I’ve severely injured?” Mikasa asked as she gulped in fear.

“Mhm,” Sasha hummed with an evil smirk.

Mikasa grumbled as she put her full fist down. “I knew you got in a lot of fights but damn,” Sasha commented, “just forget it and keep one finger down.”

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed in an almost I-told-you-so way. 

Mikasa looked back and saw that Ymir had also put her finger down, no surprise there. She and Historia were severely bullied for being openly lesbian, and everyone knew Ymir had a short fuse. 

“Ymir should ask the next question,” Mikasa said, knowing she didn’t have one prepared.

“Okay,” Ymir muttered, “Never have I ever broken a bone.”

“Now you’re just targeting me,” Mikasa groaned as she put her finger down. She also saw that no one else put a finger down. 

“I guess that makes it my question,” Mikasa complained, “Hmm, never have I ever kissed a girl?”

Ymir, Historia, and Sasha all put their fingers down. “Wow, so the girls kissed girls before the guys?” Ymir commented with a snicker, “That’s a little sad.”

“Leave me alone,” Eren grumbled while Eren just laughed.

“It is a little pathetic,” Mikasa agreed.

“As if you’ve kissed a boy yet,” Eren scoffed.

“Hey, that’s by choice. It’s not like I don’t have options,” Mikasa reminded him.

“Screw you,” Eren grumbled. 

“Historia’s turn to ask,” Mikasa said.

“Never have I ever failed a test?” Historia asked, and everyone put a finger down except her, Mikasa, and Armin.

“Nice,” Mikasa commented as she smiled at Historia.

“Anyway,” Ymir said as she rolled her eyes, “Connie’s question.”

“Never have I ever had a food orgasm?” Connie asked as he looked at Sasha and snickered. Sasha bit her lip as she put a finger down, and the whole car burst into laughter.

“It was better than anything a man ever did,” Sasha said as she snorted, deciding to laugh with everyone rather than be embarrassed. Of course this admission only made everyone laugh harder. 

“Wait,” Mikasa said when everyone calmed down, “Sasha’s had sex?”

“Well,” Sasha said quickly, as if trying to explain herself or find the right words, “Not really.”

“This requires a story,” Ymir said as she leaned towards Sasha.

“Okay,” Sasha sighed, “I was dating this dude in freshman year, I think he moved, so you won’t know him, but he tried. He failed, obviously. Poor guy didn’t even know what he was doing. I didn’t know either, to be fair.”

Everyone, again, began laughing hysterically before gathering themselves. “So… did you eventually just get him to stop or…?” Ymir asked as she trailed of, “This is why I’m a lesbian.”

Historia elbowed her as Sasha formulated an answer. “Oh no, he went all the way,” Sasha said as she snickered, “but it wasn’t enjoyable, at all.”

“Did you tell him to stop?” Mikasa asked.

“This is Sasha we’re talking about,” Ymir commented, “She probably didn’t have the guts.”

“Yeah,” Sasha agreed, “I just faked it.”

“You faked it?” Ymir exclaimed as she began cackling.

“What was I supposed to do?” Sasha yelled over Ymir’s laughter.

“Tell him to stop?” Ymir offered through her tears of laughter. 

“As if you never faked it with a man,” Historia said as she gave Ymir a glare, causing Ymir to shut up while Sasha began laughing.

“Hey! That’s private information!” Ymir said with a glare.

“Oooo, exposed,” Connie cooed.

“That’s what you get for being an ass,” Historia said as she crossed her arms.

“Trouble in paradise?” Mikasa asked with a smirk as she looked at Ymir through the rearview mirror.

“Asshole,” Ymir muttered as she glared at Mikasa who just smiled innocently.

“We’re one hour out,” Eren updated them when everything quieted down.

“Alright, I think it’s time to change the game,” Sasha said, “Oh! Let’s play the license plate game.”

A few people in the car agreed and began playing while others did their own thing. Mikasa ended up falling back to sleep as she was pretty tired and figured she’d be pulling an all nighter that night. 

When she woke up, Sasha and Ymir were yelling and arguing. “Did you forget what I said about yelling?” Mikasa asked, loud enough for everyone to hear her. 

“Oh shit,” Armin muttered, “You woke the beast. I tried to warn you.”

“Beast? But she’s so cute when she wakes up,” Ymir commented.

“Eren, pull over,” Mikasa said firmly.

“Huh?” Everyone asked.

“Pull over,” she demanded in a quiet voice. Eren, being a little scared of his sister, pulled over. “Get out,” Mikasa said firmly. 

“Huh?” Ymir and Sasha exclaimed.

“It’s a 15 minute walk from here, quicker if you run, you’ll be fine,” Mikasa assured them. 

“Wait what? We’re sorry! Sorry! We’ll be quiet!” Sasha pleaded. 

“You can walk,” Mikasa said firmly, “Think of it as conditioning. Coach will be happy.”

“I hate you,” Ymir said as she got out of the van, pulling Sasha with her. 

“That was unnecessary,” Armin scolded.

“Maybe,” Mikasa shrugged, “but they’ve been lazy on the field anyway. They’ll thank me later.”

“Who pissed in her cheerios?” Connie whispered, but everyone heard him.

“You wanna walk too?” Mikasa asked without looking at him.

“Nope, I’m good. Sorry,” he said with a fake salute as he made a motion to zip his mouth shut. 

Eren then pulled back onto the road while Mikasa texted Sasha the address for her and Ymir. After that was done, she closed her eyes and smiled slightly at the silence. She knew this would be the last time she’d hear silence for a while, so she wanted to enjoy it as much as possible. 

“We’re here,” Eren told Mikasa as he parked the car and shook her shoulder.

“Mm,” she hummed as she opened her eyes and rubbed the sleep out of them.

“Damn,” she muttered as she opened her eyes and looked at the place, “I didn’t know Jean’s family was this well off.”

The exterior was huge and well built. It had a gorgeous patio in the front that was well decorated. Above the patio was a balcony with pillars surrounding the patio below it. Aside from that, the house had a 3 story garage, and Mikasa guessed there were at least 6 bedrooms inside. 

“Me neither,” Armin said as she got out of the van and stretched his legs. 

“I knew,” Connie said as he got out, “but I’ve never actually seen it.”

“We ready to go in?” Eren asked as he locked the van when everyone was out.

“I’m gonna wait for Ymir and Sasha,” Historia said as she smoothed out her clothes and leaned against the van.

Everyone nodded as they walked to the door, knocking when they got there. “Welcome to mi casa,” he said as he snickered a little at his joke.

“Not funny,” Mikasa deadpanned as she walked in. 

“Where’s everyone else?” Jean asked as he poked his head out of the house.

“Mikasa made them walk,” Armin answered nonchalantly.

“Huh?” Jean gasped in surprise, “The whole way?”

“No, just the last mile or so,” Mikasa said with an unbothered wave. 

“You’re awful,” Jean mumbled, but Mikasa heard though she did nothing about it. 

“Have we figured out sleeping arrangements?” Armin asked as he plopped down on a couch in the living room. 

“Nah, we were waiting for everyone to arrive,” Jean said as he sat down too.

“Are our things still in your car?” Eren asked.

“Nah, we moved them inside,” Jean assured them as he waved his hand toward the garage, “Speaking of, you should put the van in the garage.”

“Oh, can I?” Eren asked as he swung his keys around on his hand. 

“I’ll go open the door,” Jean said as he got up and opened the big garage door while Eren left, presumably to put the van in the garage.

“Have no fear!” they heard a feminine voice yell from the door, “the life of the party is here!”

“So much for peace and quiet,” Mikasa huffed as she glared at Ymir who had just arrived. 

“Don’t be an ass,” Ymir said cheerfully as she sat next to Mikasa and put an arm around her, “You know you missed me.”

“Not at all,” Mikasa deadpanned as she grabbed Ymir’s arm and moved it off of her, “and you’re sweaty.”

“That’s your own fault!” Ymir complained as she aired out her shirt, causing Mikasa to fake gag. 

“Where’s everyone else?” Mikasa asked as she realized it was only the people from her car that was downstairs.

“They’re outside,” Jean said as he jutted his head out towards a door, likely leading to the backyard.

“Should we go get them since everyone’s here?” Armin asked, “We still need to decide where everyone’s sleeping.”

“There’s 6 rooms, so there will have to be two people in each one,” Jean told everyone as he began walking towards the backyard door.

“Historia and I will share,” Ymir said with a smile as she threw her arm around the smaller blonde.

Everyone groaned, but no one argued. “Eren and I will share,” Armin said after whispering with Eren.

“Thanks a lot,” Mikasa deadpanned. 

“Sasha and Connie will probably bunk together,” Armin predicted aloud, “Same with Jean and Marco. Ha! That leaves you with Annie, Bertholdt, or Reiner.”

“Maybe they’ll all bunk together and I can have a room to myself,” Mikasa said hopefully although her voice didn’t show it.

“As if,” Ymir snickered.

“A girl can dream,” Mikasa sighed. 

“Found them!” Jean announced as he returned with the missing four following him. 

“So far, we have Sasha and Connie, Ymir and Historia, and Eren and I,” Armin told him.

“Okay, Marco and I will share,” Jean announced, confirming Armin’s suspicions. 

“Ummm,” Bertholdt mumbled, “Reiner and I?”

“Fuck you,” Mikasa and Annie said at the same time. They both looked at each other with a glare before deciding to glare at Bertholdt and Reiner. 

“Uhh… or not?” Bertholdt said, slightly shrinking back.

“I’ll bunk with anyone but  _ her _ ,” Mikasa said distastefully.

“Ditto,” Annie said with a glare. 

“Is this sexual tension or just tension?” Ymir whispered to Sasha who covered her mouth in an attempt not to laugh out loud. 

“Umm,” Bertholdt muttered, “I guess I’ll share with Mikasa?”

“Works for me,” Mikasa nodded. She didn’t really know Bertholdt, but he seemed like a good guy. It would surely be better than being stuck with Annie. 

“Perfect,” Annie nodded.

“Uhh, okay,” Reiner said as he whispered something in Annie’s ear which resulted in an elbow to his stomach.

“Okay, now everyone can go fight for their rooms,” Jean said with a laugh, “Marco and I get the master.”

“No fair!” Everyone whined as they raced up the steps, well everyone except Mikasa who stayed on the couch with her injured leg propped up on the coffee table.

“Do you care where we end up?” Bertholdt asked.

“Not particularly,” Mikasa answered honestly, “Do you?”

“Not really,” he said as he sat next to Mikasa, making sure to keep some distance since they barely knew each other. 

“Sorry you didn’t get to share a room with Reiner,” Mikasa apologized.

“I figured something like that would happen,” Bertholdt shrugged, “I just don’t get it.”

“What do you mean?” Mikasa asked.

“Why you two hate each other so much,” Bertholdt said, “You’re actually really similar, from what I can see. Is that why you don’t get along?”

“Maybe,” Mikasa said thoughtfully.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry,” Bertholdt said as he waved his hands around, “I was just thinking out loud.”

“It’s fine,” Mikasa said dryly. 

A few minutes later, everyone returned to the main floor and Bertholdt was nice enough to carry both their things up to the room that was left for them. “What’s next?” Eren asked as he laid himself out on the couch with his feet in Mikasa’s lap. She growled slightly, but she didn’t make him move.  _ Sibling privilege, _ she justified in her head. 

“Now, we drink,” Jean said as he put a few bottles on the table. 

“Hell yeah,” Ymir said as she grabbed a bottle, resulting in a quiet scolding from Historia. 

“You know what this means?” Sasha asked mischievously, “Drinking games!”

“Hell yeah!” Connie agreed as he high-fived Sasha.

“Works for me.”

“I’m down.”

“Sure.”

“Perfect!” 

Everyone agreed until it was down to Mikasa. Sasha looked at her with pleading eyes while everyone else simply awaited her answer. Eventually, she finally said, “Fuck it. Why the hell not?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONG: Hemorrhage by Fuel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KwJZT6lOJc


	6. Alstroemeria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alstroemeria: Friendship, fortune, and devotion

After setting up bowls of chips, candies, various other snacks, and shot glasses filled with alcohol, everyone began discussing what drinking game they wanted to play first.

“We could do truth or dare!” Sasha offered.

“Too basic,” Ymir argued. 

“Never have I ever?” Sasha offered.

“We played that in the car,” Connie reminded her.

“We didn’t,” Jean said.

“We didn’t ask that many questions in the car anyway,” Armin reminded them.

“I guess we could play again,” Connie groaned. 

“That work for everyone?” Jean asked. 

Everyone nodded and began discussing the rules. “Alright, here’s how we’ll play,” Sasha began, “We’ll go clockwise asking questions. If you’ve done it, drink. If you haven’t done it, you do nothing. If someone asks you to tell the story of how something happens, you have to tell it 100% truthfully. Anyone caught in a lie has to chug half a bottle.”

“Damn, ruthless,” Connie muttered.

“I take drinking games very seriously, thank you,” Sasha said proudly.

Everyone nodded in acceptance of the rules as they all began formulating questions to ask. “I’ve got one!” Connie announced after a few seconds.

“We’ll start with Connie then,” Sasha told them.

“Okay, okay,” Connie said excitedly, “Never have I ever done drugs?”

Everyone looked around the circle and saw that the only person to drink was Annie. “Do tell,” Ymir smirked.

“My dad made me take steroids,” Annie shrugged, “Oh, and I think Heroin once.”

“Damn,” Ymir cringed. “Oh, I guess it’s my turn,” Ymir said after a few seconds, “Hmm, never have I ever sent someone nudes.”

Everyone drank except Mikasa and Armin. “Eren,” Mikasa said as she turned to face Eren.

“It was to Armin!” Eren defended himself quickly.

“Huh?” the whole group asked.

“He wanted to know... Uhh,” Armin stuttered.

“You know what,” Mikasa cut them off, “I really don’t want to know.”

“I do,” Jean said, mostly just wanting to embarrass Eren. 

“He wanted to know,” Armin said as he gulped.

“If it was too small!” Eren shrieked, wanting to just get it out of his mouth. 

The whole group began laughing for a while before it died down. Mikasa patted Eren’s legs that were still in her lap, trying to comfort him. She hadn’t intended to embarrass him so badly, and she admittedly felt a little bad for him.

“Historia’s question,” Ymir said as she bumped Historia’s shoulder.

“Oh, okay,” Historia said as she began thinking, “Hmm, never have I ever been arrested?”

This time, Mikasa was the only one who drank. “Oh, well now we need a story,” Ymir smirked. Mikasa panicked. She’d rather die than tell everyone. Instead, she reached for the nearest bottle and chugged half of it, surprising everyone. “That bad, huh?” Ymir asked curiously.

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed, feeling a little disoriented.

“It’s Mikasa’s turn to ask,” Historia said as she poked Mikasa to get her attention.

“Oh, yep, sorry,” she apologized, a little giggly from the feeling the alcohol was giving her, “Never have I ever…… walked in on someone?”

Sasha and Connie were the only ones to drink as they glared at Ymir and Historia evilly. “It’s not our fault you didn’t knock,” Ymir said as she raised her head condescendingly. 

“Anyway,” Sasha said as she rolled her eyes, “Eren’s turn.”

“Hmm, never have I ever… had sex with someone of the same sex?” Eren asked. 

Surprisingly, Reiner, Bertholdt, Ymir, Historia, and Annie drank. “Well that’s a surprise,” Ymir said as she looked at Annie. 

“Eh, it was a mistake,” Annie said as she laid her head against a nearby couch, feeling the alcohol kick in. 

“That’s what they all say,” Ymir said as she rolled her eyes.

“Is this you asking for a story?” Annie asked as she looked at Ymir. 

“Hmm,” Ymir thought, “Yep.”

“Okay,” Annie nodded as she walked to Mikasa, picked up the half drank bottle, and chugged the rest of it before walking back to her seat and sitting down. 

“Damn,” Ymir muttered, “You two are tight-lipped, you know?”

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed with her eyes closed, “I need to eat something.”

“Lightweight,” Ymir snickered.

“Fuck off,” Mikasa grunted.

“I’ll order some pizza,” Jean said as she got up and grabbed a phone, “Cheese good for everyone?”

“Yeah, and I want a meat lovers!” Sasha yelled to him. He gave her a thumbs up as he dialed the number. 

“Sasha,” Ymir mumbled as she elbowed the girl.

“Ow! What?” Sasha asked as she rubbed the spot where Ymir had hit her.

“Do you think Annie and Mikasa fucked each other, and that’s why they hate each other?” Ymir asked.

“Mikasa didn’t drink,” Sasha reminded her.

“Damn,” Ymir sighed, “I kinda thought she was a lesbian, at least bisexual.”

“She does have that vibe,” Sasha agreed.

“I’m intoxicated, not deaf,” Mikasa reminded them as she glared.

“Fuck,” Sasha whispered, “We’ve been discovered. Run!”

“It’s not like I could catch you anyway,” Mikasa groaned, “Fucking alcohol. Who thought this was a good idea?”

“Everyone,” Ymir said as she patted Mikasa’s shoulder. 

“Pizza will be here in about 45 minutes,” Jean said as he sat back down.

“I guess that makes it Annie’s question,” Eren said as he glanced at the blonde beside him. 

“Never have I ever gone skinny dipping?” Annie asked. Everyone drank except Mikasa.

“Do you live under a rock or something?” Ymir teased. 

“You forget, Mikasa didn’t have friends until recently, or boyfriends,” Eren teased his sister as he nudged her with his foot. 

Mikasa glared at him as she rotated her body and let her casted foot fall onto Eren’s groin. “Ow!” he squeaked as he curled into a ball with his hands over his crotch. 

“Damn,” Jean said as he winced, “That was cold.”

“So, Mikasa, I kind of move a lot in my sleep,” Bertholdt began with fear on his face, “So, uh, here’s me apologizing in advance.”

“I wouldn’t kick you,” Mikasa assured him, “Eren’s my brother, I’m allowed to beat his ass.”

“Wait, I never thought about this,” Jean said out of nowhere, “You guys look nothing alike.”

“Jean,” Mikasa tsked, “Did you really think we were related this whole time?”

“Even I knew they weren’t,” Sasha jumped in.

“Uh…” Jean trailed off.

“I’m adopted,” Mikasa said nonchalantly. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or just her being socially drained, but she didn’t have the energy to circle around the truth.

“Oh,” Jean mumbled, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Mikasa assured him, “Now, that’s sappy enough for one day.”

“Reiner’s turn,” Annie announced.

“Okay, uhh, never have I ever doubted my heterosexuality?” Reiner asked. Surprisingly, everyone drank.

“I knew it!” Ymir exclaimed as she pointed a finger at Mikasa, “My gaydar is never wrong!”

“No one said I was gay,” Mikasa said as she side-eyed Ymir.

“But you don’t think you’re straight?” Sasha questioned, confused now. 

“I don’t know,” Mikasa shrugged, “I’ve never actually liked someone in that way, not that I can remember at least.”

“That’s…. Sad,” Historia said sadly. 

“Eh,” Mikasa shrugged, “just means there’s less drama.”

“True that,” Ymir said with a nod. 

“Bertholdt’s turn,” Mikasa said, changing the subject.

“Oh, okay, uh,” Bertholdt stuttered, “Never have I ever had the hots for someone here?”

Everyone drank except Mikasa. “My God,” Mikasa mumbled.

“Okay, now everyone has to say theirs,” Connie smirked.

“Huh, why?” Eren panicked.

“It’s no fun if it’s a mystery,” Connie laughed, “I’ll go first if it makes everyone feel better.”

“It’s just gonna make everyone feel awkward later,” Armin told them.

“We’re all too drunk to remember anyway,” Connie said, and that seemed to convince everyone. 

“Okay, you first, Connie,” Sasha said.

“Hmm,” he hummed, feeling slightly buzzed, “Ymir before I knew she was a lesbian.”

“Ew, gross,” Ymir said with a fake gag.

“Can’t say I blame you,” Historia laughed a little, causing Ymir to blush slightly. 

“Sasha’s turn,” Connie smirked.

“Grrr,” Sasha grunted, “I can’t believe you’re making me do this, Connie.” Connie just smirked at her encouragingly. “Mikasa,” she muttered quietly.

“When was that?” Mikasa asked, seemingly unfazed. 

“Probably Freshman year,” Sasha shrugged, “We had gym together.”

“Sasha,” Mikasa tsked, “Please tell me you didn’t-”

“I may have looked a couple times!” Sasha admitted as she covered her eyes in shame. 

Rather than get angry and uncomfortable, Mikasa laughed, wholeheartedly laughed. No one had ever heard Mikasa truly laugh, and everyone went silent at the sound. 

“Is the sky falling?” Sasha asked as she looked up.

“Alright, Ymir and Historia are probably each other’s, right?” Mikasa asked. When they nodded, Mikasa looked to Eren, “You’re turn.”

“Oh God,” he groaned, “This is so embarrassing.”

“Spit it out,” Mikasa said.

“You,” he muttered shamefully. 

Mikasa had to put a hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing. Meanwhile, everyone else was cackling. “Good thing we told them I’m adopted before we had this conversation,” Mikasa snickered, causing everyone to laugh louder.

“We were 10, and I got over it quickly,” Eren assured her.

“Fair enough,” Mikasa nodded, “but I was an ugly 10 year old.”

“As if,” Armin snorted.

“I don’t think Mikasa ever had an ugly phase,” Sasha added.

“Whatever,” Mikasa said, hiding her face as she blushed. 

“Annie’s turn,” Ymir said. 

Rather than say anything, Annie chugged half a bottle of alcohol, again. “Well damn,” Ymir muttered, “I guess you could do that.” 

“Reiner?” Annie said quietly to get his attention.

“Ah, yes, uh,” Reiner stuttered out, “Bertholdt.”

Rather than say anything, Bertholdt just put a hand on Reiner’s shoulder and patted him gently. It seemed that Bertholdt already knew about Reiner’s apparent crush. Perhaps he had been turned down? 

“My turn,” Bertholdt muttered as he rubbed his hands together, “Annie.”

“Wha-?” Annie asked in surprise. 

“It was ages ago,” Bertholdt assured her. 

“Armin’s turn,” Ymir reminded the blonde boy.

“Oh, uh, I had a short-lived crush on Historia way back when,” he admitted.

“Aw,” Historia cooed.

“Hey!” Ymir exclaimed as she put a protective arm around Historia.

“You worry too much,” Historia tsked, “I told you I’m a lesbian.”

“Good,” Ymir nodded though she kept her arm around Historia. 

“Marco’s turn,” Armin told the boy next to him.

“Oh, I think I had a crush on Sasha in middle school,” Marco admitted.

“Woohoo! One point for potato girl!” Sasha exclaimed, causing everyone to laugh. 

“Jean,” Marco said, elbowing his friend. 

“Oh, uh, Mikasa as well,” Jean admitted easily.

“Jesus, she’s not even that hot,” Ymir huffed.

“Tell that to her abs,” Sasha quipped.

“Eh?” Mikasa asked, confused. 

“Oh yes, I’ve seen them. You thought you could hide them forever?” Sasha tsked.

“Sasha’s lying,” Ymir said firmly, “No way she has abs. I refuse to believe it.”

“That’s just because you don’t want to admit she out did you,” Historia revealed.

“That was so not cool,” Ymir grumbled. 

“Anyway, I can confirm that Mikasa at least used to have abs,” Eren shrugged nonchalantly.

“Eren!” Mikasa exclaimed as she hit his legs that were still in his lap.

“What? You act like I’ve never seen you in a sports bra and shorts before,” Eren said as he rolled his eyes.

“That’s… unsettling,” Mikasa mumbled as she crossed her arms. 

“Anyway,” Sasha mumbled, “There’s a way to confirm if Mikasa has abs or not.”

“Oh no,” Mikasa grumbled.

“Strip poker!” Sasha exclaimed excitedly. 

“Oh God,” Mikasa muttered as she buried her face in her arms. 

“We’re all tipsy, we probably won’t remember much anyway,” Connie reminded them.

“This just sounds like an excuse to see each other half naked,” Mikasa grunted.

“It’s just like going to the pool,” Sasha reminded them, “No one’s getting actually naked, we’re not that weird.”

“I guess there’s no harm then,” Eren shrugged. The rest of the guys slowly agreed as well. Ymir was in after a while, and by extension, Historia agreed as well. Sasha and Connie had been in from the beginning, leaving Annie and Mikasa.

“Why the hell not,” Annie shrugged, and Mikasa sighed as she too agreed.

“Perfect!” Sasha exclaimed excitedly. 

As they were about to discuss rules, the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it!” Jean announced as he grabbed his wallet and walked to the door. He collected the pizzas being offered to him before handing the guy some money with a hefty tip. “Alright, you were saying?” Jean prompted as he set the pizza down and sat in his old spot. 

“Okay, so instead of poker we’re going to play Truth or dare. If you chose not to answer honestly or complete a dare, you strip. Once you get to a point where you can’t strip anymore, you can no longer turn down a dare or a truth question. Got it?” Sasha explained.

“Got it,” everyone agreed as they grabbed their slices of pizza to munch on while they played. 

“Alright, who’s starting?” Sasha asked.

“Armin should start since he didn’t get to ask a never have I ever question,” Mikasa decided.

“Okay,” Armin mumbled, “Ymir, truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Ymir said without hesitation.

“I dare you to make out with one of the boys,” Armin said, seemingly proud of himself. 

“Yuck,” Ymir muttered as she pulled her socks off. 

“Boring,” Sasha said as she rolled her eyes.

“Do I ask now?” Ymir asked. 

“Sure,” Sasha shrugged.

“Hmm, Sasha, truth or dare?” Ymir asked evilly.

“Dare,” Sasha said.

“Do an impression of someone here until someone figures it out,” Ymir said with a snicker.

“Oh, easy,” Sasha said as she seemed to get herself into character. She made her face blank and said absolutely nothing. 

“Mikasa!” they all said at the same time.

“Gee, thanks,” Mikasa muttered.

Sasha subtly shook her head as she remained stoic. “Annie,” Mikasa answered simply a few seconds later.

“Ding ding ding!” Sasha said with a smile. “Alright, Mikasa, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Mikasa said.

“Boring!” Ymir said in a deep voice, earning a glare from Mikasa. 

“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” Sasha asked, causing Mikasa to turn pale.

“My God, what did you do to her?” Historia said, slightly panicked.

Silently, Mikasa removed the single sock she was wearing and tossed it to the side. “Connie, truth or dare?” Mikasa asked, leaving no room for questions or comments.

“Uh, dare,” Connie answered. 

“Say penis at the end of every sentence until it’s your turn again,” Mikasa said easily.

“God damnit,” Connie said. After receiving glares from everyone, he added, “Penis.”

Everyone laughed a little before Connie finally asked his question, “Eren, truth or dare penis?” 

Eren laughed before saying, “Truth.”

“If you had to fuck someone in this room, who would it be penis?” Connie asked.

“Uh, I guess Sasha since I know her best?” Eren stuttered.

“I’m honored,” Sasha said with a faux bow as she stuffed a whole slice of pizza into her mouth. 

“Uh, Jean, truth or dare?” Eren asked. 

“Dare,” Jean said proudly.

“I dare you to kiss one of the girls,” Eren said easily. 

“I can pick?” Jean asked.

“Yeah, but chose wisely,” Eren said. 

Jean stood up and confidently walked to Mikasa. Mikasa’s eyes widened as he kissed her rather passionately. When he finally pulled away, Mikasa was still wide-eyed, but she said nothing.

“I thought I told you to choose wisely, asshat,” Eren huffed. 

“I thought I did,” Jean shrugged.

“Oh God I’m gonna-” Eren began but Mikasa put a hand on Eren’s leg, stopping him. 

“He just did what you told him to,” Mikasa reminded him, “Let it go.” 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so merciful,” Sasha whispered to Ymir.

“I know right?” Ymir responded as she kept her eyes on Mikasa, “Must be the alcohol.”

“Alright, Marco, truth or dare?” Jean asked.

“Truth,” Marco said easily. 

“What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told your parents?” Jean asked. 

“Uh… I don’t lie to my parents,” Marco answered honestly. 

“Really, dude?” Jean asked.

“...Really,” Marcon confirmed.

“Oh well,” Jean shrugged.

After a few more rounds of play, most everyone was left in underwear and, in some cases, a bra. The last one to strip being Mikasa.

As she pulled her shirt off, her final piece of clothing, she felt everyone’s eyes on her. After Sasha’s comment, she was sure most of them wanted to confirm whether or not she had abs. She knew she did, and she knew they were probably more defined than the guys’. Still, the thought of everyone’s eyes on her made her uncomfortable.

“Well damn,” Ymir commented when Mikasa finally tossed her shirt to the side. 

“I told you!” Sasha exclaimed.

“Seems she out did you,” Historia giggled, causing Ymir to growl slightly. 

“I think she out did everyone,” Eren commented as he looked at his own abs that were barely visible. 

“Can we not?” Mikasa said as she crossed her arms over her stomach. 

“Wait, no she didn’t,” Reiner said.

“What?” Sasha asked in surprise. 

“Annie’s got abs too,” Bertholdt said as they made her stop hiding as she had been.

“Hey!” Annie exclaimed. 

“Mikasa’s are better,” Sasha huffed as she crossed her arms. 

“Can we not?” Mikasa repeated. 

“For once, I agree,” Annie muttered.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Sasha rolled her eyes, “It’s Mikasa’s question.”

“Ymir, truth or dare?” Mikasa asked.

“Dare,” Ymir said.

“I dare you to kiss Eren,” Mikasa said with a smirk, knowing Ymir didn’t like him very much.

“You were saving that until I couldn’t strip anymore, weren’t you?” Ymir accused her, “you bitch.”

“Have you not learned that I don’t play nice?” Mikasa said with a smirk.

Ymir huffed as she stood up and quickly kissed Eren before wiping her mouth, drinking water, and kissing Historia, as if rinsing out a bad taste. “Okay, Annie, truth or dare?” Ymir asked after a few seconds.

“Dare,” Annie shrugged.

Ymir laughed evilly before saying, “I dare you to kiss Mikasa.”

“Oh you asshole,” Mikasa hissed, “You did that just to get back at me, didn’t you?”

“Maybe, maybe not,” Ymir smirked.

“You bitch,” Mikasa huffed as she saw Annie stand up and walk towards her.  _ Oh God,  _ she thought to herself. 

Annie paused in front of her, moving Mikasa’s legs, so she could actually get to Mikasa’s face without using an awkward angle. She gave Mikasa an I’m-sorry look before kissing her. It was a proper kiss, not just a peck. When she pulled away a few seconds, everyone was quiet. Annie calmly walked back to her seat, wiping her mouth as she did. Mikasa wiped her mouth as well while putting her legs back up.

“I’m I the only one who’s wet?” Sasha admitted, obviously a little too drunk to realize what she admitted.

“Sasha!” Mikasa exclaimed, her face bright red from everything that had ensued.

“Oh, did I say something wrong?” she slurred with a drunken smile, “I think I did.”

“You did,” Mikasa nodded as she rubbed her forehead.

“I think we should call it a night,” Jean said as he began packing things up. Everyone agreed as they helped him clean up. When everything was clean, they all said goodnight as they made their way to their rooms.

Once in their room, Mikasa changed into pajamas she had packed while putting her clothes from earlier in a small pile to remind her they were dirty. “Do you want me to sleep on the floor?” Bertholdt asked. 

“We can both fit on the bed,” Mikasa assured him, “I don’t mind if you don’t.”

“Oh, alright,” he nodded.

Once she changed, Mikasa climbed into the bed and turned away from Bertholdt, attempting to go to sleep. “Hey, Mikasa,” Bertholdt spoke out of the blue.

“Hmm?” Mikasa hummed in question.

“I probably shouldn’t say this,” Bertholdt spoke more to himself than her, “but Annie doesn’t hate you, you know? She just doesn’t understand you.”

“Not a lot of people do,” Mikasa told him.

“She wants to understand you,” he told her, “She might not seem like it, but Annie is… how can I put this? She’s loyal.”

“Figures,” Mikasa said simply.

“My point is, if you can find it in you, to let her in, you should,” Bertholdt said, “If you can’t do that, then I guess keep doing what you’re doing. My point is, You can’t give up without trying first, right?” 

“I’ll keep that in mind, Bertholdt,” she assured him, “Thanks.”

“Thank you,” he thanked her tiredly, and she felt his breathing even out soon after, a clear sign that he was asleep. 

_ She’s loyal? Was he trying to tell me she wouldn’t switch up on me? _ Mikasa thought to herself,  _ I saw her talking to Hitch that day. Are they not friends? Would Annie not just take whatever I tell her and blab it to Hitch? I can’t risk something like that? _

_ Then again, what if Hitch is just manipulating her like she is me?  _ Mikasa realized,  _ Is it possible that Hitch has something life-destroying on Annie, and she’s holding it over Annie? Even so, there’s still no guarantee that Annie won’t tell Hitch anything I say, especially if Annie’s being blackmailed into it.  _

With that, Mikasa made up her mind. She could trust Annie, not yet. Maybe she’d ask Annie about it later? That could be an option, but Annie was just as private as she was. The blonde probably wouldn’t admit a thing to her. 

Her mind, tired from thinking so much, eventually shut down, and she fell into an eventful sleep. 


	7. Pink Carnation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pink Carnation: Gratitude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit heavier than planned, but it I think it really shows Mikasa's true feelings toward herself about the things she's done in the past. I also feel this was hella dramatic -as I make blindingly obvious in the work itself- so sorry if people hate it for that. Anyway, if you're sensitive to heavy things, I suggest you be careful with this chapter, but I do recommend you read it to get the gist since it's a rather important chapter. 
> 
> Also, would you all liked me to, at the beginning of each chapter, explain flower's symbolism in the chapter title? I recently realized it's hard to find the meaning I'm after when googling the flowers and their meanings, so it might be beneficial for me to put them in them in the chapter somewhere. Here in the notes, maybe?
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

_ “Mika,” she heard a familiar voice.  _

_ “Mama!” Mikasa exclaimed as she jumped into her mother’s arms, “Where’d you go?” _

_ “I had to go into town,” her mother said with a smile.  _

_ “Where’s E?” Mikasa asked as she looked around. _

_ “E is going to stay with my parents for a while,” her mother told her as she patted her head, “Okay?” _

_ “Oh, okay,” Mikasa said with a smile, “Can we see her again soon?” _

_ “I don’t know,” her mother said honestly, “We’ll try, okay?” _

_ “Okay, Mama,” Mikasa said with a smile.  _

_ “Okay,” her mother nodded, and Mikasa felt water fall onto her face.  _

_ “Are you crying, Mommy?” Mikasa asked her mother. _

_ “I just miss her,” her mother admitted. _

_ “Me too, Mama.” _

************

Mikasa sprang up from bed in a cold sweat. She panted as she tried to calm her racing heart. She cautiously looked to her side, happy to see that Bertholdt was still asleep.  _ Good, I didn’t wake him,  _ Mikasa thought, relieved. 

Mikasa rolled out of the bed as she stretched a little and quietly walked down the stairs. She stopped at the island counter, leaning against it and stretching her legs out as she took deep breaths. She then grabbed a bottle of water and drank it, followed by some aspirin some kind soul had left on the counter earlier in the night. 

_ 4 in the morning, huh?  _ Mikasa thought as she checked the time,  _ I only got three hours of sleep then? Oh well.  _ Thinking she wouldn’t be getting back to sleep anytime soon, she opened the sliding glass doors leading to the backyard and walked towards the lake. It was a short walk, and with the moon still in the sky, it made for beautiful scenery. She stopped at the edge of the dock and sat criss-cross. She propped her elbows up on her knees and put her chin on her hand as she thought. 

_ Who was “E”? I vaguely remember calling someone by that nickname, but who were they to me? Who were they to my parents? I know I missed them, and my mother did as well. They must’ve been important then.  _

_ Either way, I guess it’s not really important anymore, is it?  _ she thought to herself. She laughed bitterly as she laid on her back, putting her arms over her stomach as she stared at the sky. 

_ Sometimes, I wish I had more time with them,  _ she thought sadly as she extended a hand to the sky,  _ Maybe I could’ve known more about my heritage, my family? Maybe I could’ve ended up with someone other than the Jaegers, not that they’re bad. I might’ve known who E was or met my grandparents. _

_ Who even were my grandparents? Are they alive? I don’t even remember them? Mom had mentioned E living with her parents, my grandparents. Do they still live with them? Maybe they’ve died? Do they know I’m alive or even know who I am? _

_ Why couldn’t things be different? _

Mikasa dropped her hand back to the ground as she sat up and looked around. She saw that the sun was starting to make its appearance, so she decided to go back inside and try to get more sleep.

She plopped herself down on the couch and grabbed a nearby blanket, wrapping it around herself in an attempt to get warm. She had spent about 2 hours outside just thinking, and it was about 40 degrees Fahrenheit outside.

After her teeth stopped chattering, and she was a comfortable temperature, she found herself falling back to sleep. 

\-------------

“Move,” she heard a bored voice. Mikasa grunted as she pulled the blanket around herself tighter, desperate to get more sleep. “I said move,” the voice said more firmly, and Mikasa now recognized it as Annie’s.

“What do you want?” she grumbled. 

“I want to sit,” Annie said. 

Mikasa pulled her legs up, making room for Annie. The blonde grunted, but she accepted the space and sat down. “What are you doing sleeping down here?” Annie asked.

“None of your business,” Mikasa said coldly.

Annie just put her hands up in surrender as she sipped the water she had in her hands. Mikasa grunted a bit, upset that Annie was taking up what little leg room she had. “Of all the furniture, you just had to sit here?” Mikasa asked out loud in an annoyed tone.

“This is the best couch,” Annie offered as if it was a proper answer. 

“Whatever,” Mikasa said as she rolled her eyes, unwrapping herself from the blanket and throwing it at Annie who easily caught it, not that Mikasa saw. 

The taller girl mumbled curses under her breath as she shivered and waddled up the steps, the walk feeling weird and tiring with her casted foot. She heard Annie snickering at her and bit back the urge to yell “fuck you.” It was too early for that, and despite taking aspirin earlier, she felt like she had a migraine. 

When she made it up the stairs, she walked to her and Bertholdt's room which just had to be the farthest from the stairs. Once she finally got to the room, she opened the door and quietly climbed back into bed, careful not to wake the other guy who was still sleeping.

After she got under the covers and warmed up a bit, she began dozing into sleep, and her thoughts were flooded with thoughts of the past. In her last moments of consciousness, she silently prayed -not that she was religious- that she wouldn’t have any nightmares. 

**********

_ “Mikasa!” she heard a frantic voice exclaim. She quickly recognized it as her mother’s. She excitedly spun around, hoping to see her mother again. However, when she did, she saw the figure of her mother standing with a hand over stomach as blood rolled down her body. _

_ “Mom!” Mikasa exclaimed as she ran to the woman, but just as she was about to hug her, the older woman disappeared. Still, Mikasa heard her voice clear as day. _

_ “You’re weak,” the voice spat. It was words that she had never expected her mother to say, but there was no denying that it was the older woman’s voice. “You couldn’t even protect your father and I. You ran like a baby,” the voice continued, each word cutting deeper than the previous one had, “And when you were left with no other choice, you killed. Funny how you killed for you, and not me. Selfish, wasn’t it?” _

_ “W-w-what?” Mikasa stammered as she spun around the area she had recognized as their hidden meadow, the one where she’d first taught Mikasa what soccer was.  _

_ “You killed to save yourself,” the voice elaborated, “had they not taken you, you would’ve never taken their lives, right?” _

_ “N-n-no that’s not-” Mikasa cut herself off. That’s exactly it, wasn’t it? It was true that had they not pushed her into a corner by taking her, she would’ve never killed them. They had killed her parents, and she would’ve let them get away with it.  _

_ “I can see how the guilt plagues you,” the voice said, though it sounded as though it was surrounding her, almost suffocating her, “It emanates off of you. The stench of murder. Taking a life.” _

_ Suddenly, the woman’s frame appeared again, in front of her. There was still blood pouring from her stomach, but it didn’t seem like it had an affect on her. “You know what, Mikasa?” she asked as she approached Mikasa, “You disgust me.” _

_ As the final sentence left her mouth, the older woman drove a knife into Mikasa’s chest. Her heart, to be exact. Despite the pain -both mental and physical- that hit her like a freight train, she couldn’t help but realize how poetic it was. If anything, that solidified her belief that these were her mother’s true feelings. Her mother had always been one for poetic endings.  _

_ She clutched her heart like a lifeline and watched as blood oozed from the wound. As she felt her mind slipping away from her body, she found that the words she longed to say for months, years even, rolled off her tongue easily. It was like a silent prayer that manifested from her final exhale of breath. _

_ “I disgust me.” _

***********

Mikasa woke, again, in a cold sweat, though she heard herself squeal as she shot up out of bed, still clutching her heart. Despite her best efforts, tears spilled from her eyes as a silent cry left her mouth. She covered her mouth with her hand, desperate to make herself shut up. 

“Mi...kasa?” a voice asked quietly. 

“Get out!” she lashed out, not caring who the person was. 

Obviously scared, or maybe worried, the person -who Mikasa now knew was Bertholdt although it still didn’t register for her- ran out of the room, closing it behind them. 

Now that she was alone, she allowed herself to truly cry. Although she now knew it was just a nightmare, she also knew that everything that had been said were things she thought. She believed her mother was disgusted by her, she believed her mother thought she was selfish, she believed the older woman thought she was weak.

And, as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she was disgusted by herself. She was disgusted by herself because she was selfish and weak. She felt guilt for the things she did, obviously, but that didn’t change the fact that she did them. At the time, she hadn’t thought twice about killing them to save herself, but when it was those men stabbing her parents to death, she had been frozen in fear. Why was it different? Why did she value her own life above her parents?

The answer, to anyone but Mikasa, was obvious. She valued her life because it was hers. She was to do with it what she wanted, and she was allowed to determine it’s fate. Her parent’s lives, those men’s lives, they were out of her hands, but her own? She had complete control over it. Had those men fought back as she did, they’d still be alive, so was it their fault they died just as much as it was Mikasa’s?

Again, to someone else, the answer might be obvious. Because they didn’t fight back as Mikasa had, maybe it was partially their fault they died, and the thought brought Mikasa a sense of peace, relief even. Perhaps that’s why she wouldn’t let herself believe that was true?

Suddenly, Mikasa felt sick as the memories poured back into her mind, and she raced to the nearest bathroom, managing to close and lock the door before retching into the toilet. She wasn’t sure if it was the slight hangover, her thoughts, or some other illness, but she threw up as she sobbed. Truthfully, she was an ugly, pathetic sight at that moment. At least, that’s what she thought.

“Are you… alright?” someone knocked on the door.

“Fine,” Mikasa said in as even of a voice as possible, “Maybe a little hungover?” The lie came out of her easily, and the person on the other side of the door seemed to believe it.

“Want me to bring you some aspirin or water?” they asked.

“I’m fine,” Mikasa assured them as her tears came back. There wasn’t much she could do to suppress them. 

She figured she was in such a sorry state due to the month. It was the beginning of September, and she only had about four weeks until the anniversary of her parents’ death and the death of those whose lives she’d taken.

It was no secret to anyone around the Jaeger family in that time period that Mikasa got miserable. Every year, without fail, she’d spend that month mourning, sobbing, puking, binge eating or not eating at all, and she always had nightmares that would leave her in a cold sweat.

Her solution? Soccer, but this year, that wouldn’t be possible. She had no other work around, and she wondered if this year, she'd simply just die from all the trauma the mourning would put her body through. Maybe that was extreme, but the thought still crossed her mind in the haze that was her thoughts at the time. 

“Mikasa, it’s Eren,” his voice came gently, and she heard a few snickers outside the door. It was obvious Bertholdt had gone to him, worried for her, and he eventually realized she’d ran to the bathroom, or perhaps the person who’d seen her earlier told him. By now, he’d probably put two and two together and realized what had happened -her nightmare, the cold sweat, the tears, maybe even the puking. That was probably why his voice seemed to kind at the moment. Their friends, never having heard Eren’s voice so soft, obviously felt the need to tease him.

“Go. Away,” she made sure to say each word clearly through her sobs that hadn’t stopped yet. It was so bad that she was hiccuping and struggling to breathe, but she refused to let anyone see her in such a sorry state. 

“Mikasa,” his voice was still kind, but had a firm edge to it. She heard a thump against the door and the sound of sliding. 

“Goddamnit stop crying,” Mikasa muttered to herself as she hit her head on the seat of the toilet. Probably not the most sanitary thing to do, but that was the last thought in her head right now. 

“Breathe,” he told her calmly. 

“I-I can’t,” she whispered. She hated this. She felt like she was being overdramatic. Actually, she knew she was being overdramatic, but she truly felt like she was suffocating. Honestly, the feeling only made her want to cry harder. 

“Breathe,” he repeated gently, taking a deep breath so she could hear him.

She managed to breath, but it came in small bouts as she fought the urge to hyperventilate. “Is.. an-anyone els-s-se outsid-de?” she stuttered through her tears and hiccups. 

“No, it’s just me and you,” he assured her. 

In the beginning when Mikasa had first arrived at their household, Eren had absolutely hated her and called her a drama queen for all the breakdowns she had. She had to agree with him, it was dramatic, but she didn’t know how to stop it or deal with it. Even after talking to a therapist, she had no solution other than to let it out.

Still, after some time, Eren came to realize that it wasn’t something she couldn’t control. Whether that was from her screaming at herself to stop crying or her tendency -when she was younger- to try and choke herself to stop the tears, he had realized. Since discovering that she hated her behaviors as much as he did, he attempted to help her through them to the best of his abilities.

“O-okay,” she stuttered, feeling herself calm down a little. Her breaths were still coming in quickly, barely helping her get air, but she wasn’t crying as hard. 

“Just breathe with me, okay?” he said as he began breathing. She was silent, trying to hear his breathing. He matched her erratic breathing before slowly normalizing his, causing her to normalize hers. 

When she finally calmed down, she exhaled a sigh of relief. Those small breakdowns she had were her worst nightmare, and the fact that she had one surrounded by her friends, even lashing out at one of them, made her feel even more guilty and upset. Still, she was glad she could breathe again. 

“T-thanks,” she stumbled over her words as she tried to clean herself up, rinsing her face and blowing her nose. She even filled a nearby cup with water and sipped on it to rehydrate since she was feeling a little dizzy. 

“I’ll tell everyone you’re not feeling great, alright?” Eren said, more asking for permission than anything.

“Yeah, thanks,” Mikasa sighed, “Oh, and tell Bertholdt I’m sorry if I scared or worried him.”

“Will do,” Eren nodded, and Mikasa could practically feel him smiling through the closed door. She carefully brought her scarf to her face as she breathed, silently thanking Eren for his help.

Once she fully pulled herself together, she left the bathroom and went back to her shared room with Bertholdt. She tiredly climbed into the bed and wrapped herself in the warm blankets. Her crying had taken a lot out of her, and she wanted nothing more than to sleep. However, she refused. She didn’t want to risk another nightmare that would only cause her to repeat the previous cycle of breaking down.

Instead, she felt her mind drifting into a more dreamlike state, and she welcomed it with open arms. Perhaps she was a little sick?

**********

_ “E!” Mikasa exclaimed as she shot up out of bed. She raced to the other bed in her room and crawled in as her eyes glazed over with tears. _

_ “Kasa?” the voice cooed sleepily. _

_ “E, I had a nightmare,” she whimpered as she crawled into the bed with the other person. _

_ “Oh,” the voice muttered in realization as they scooted over, making room for Mikasa.  _

_ “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” Mikasa asked tentatively. _

_ “Mhm,” they hummed with a dopey smile, patting the bed for her. _

_ “Thanks,” Mikasa mumbled as she climbed into bed. Mikasa felt arms wrap around her, and she knew E was trying to make her feel better. She smiled appreciatively, not that they could see, as she allowed herself to fall back to sleep. _

***********

“Mikasa’s not feeling good,” Eren informed the group as he made it down the stairs, seeing all eyes on him.

“Makes sense,” Historia nodded, “she seemed miserable when she ran into the bathroom.”

“It happens every year, without fail,” Armin muttered, having been privy to this knowledge. He went to the Jaeger house a lot- though he tried to avoid it during September now-, and he had caught on quickly to Mikasa’s dilemma. Like Eren, though, he didn’t know the full story behind why she got so… miserable. 

“Is she really this miserable about losing her parents?” Ymir huffed.

“Ymir!” Historia exclaimed quietly, “We’ve had this talk before.”

“I know, I know,” Ymir mumbled as she wrapped an apologetic arm around Historia.

“Really though, isn’t this a bit dramatic? It’s been seven years,” Annie jumped in, “just get the fuck over it.”

“Can we not fight about this?” Armin jumped in, sensing that Eren was about to go into big-brother-mode. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Annie muttered, not wanting to fight either. She just didn’t understand it. One second, Mikasa was pushing her, and everyone else away, and the next she was trying to become the center of attention? It was annoying, quite frankly. 

“Can someone make or order food?” Sasha asked from the couch, laying her head in Connie’s lap while he leaned his head against the back of the couch, obviously nursing a headache. 

“We’ll find something to cook,” Marco assured them. 

“Can you cook?”

“No.”

“Can you?”

“Nope.”

“Nope.”

“Not at all.”

“Why the hell did we come here and not bring anyone who can fucking cook?” Jean cursed.

“Mikasa can cook,” Eren said sadly. 

“Of course she fucking can,” Jean said as he let his head hit a wall in both frustration and humor. It was ironic that the one person who could cook was ‘sick’.

“Didn’t you learn anything?” Ymir jabbed, “You lived with her for years, after all.”

“I can make eggs,” Eren shrugged.

“Then cook!” they all exclaimed as they pointed to the kitchen. He grumbled something under his breath as he made his way into the kitchen, preparing to cook eggs and toast for everyone. 

As he was serving food, he thought about Mikasa. He turned his head towards the stairs, considering bringing her a plate. She threw up, so she should be hungry. Even if she isn't she still needs to eat, but he couldn’t help but wonder if she managed to fall back asleep. He wouldn’t want to wake her up if that was the case. “I’ll be back,” he told them as he prepared a plate and decided to bring it up to her. 

When he made it to her room, he didn’t bother knocking. He just pushed the door open and was surprised to find her laying down in the blanket. She was obviously awake, but she seemed to be spaced out at one spot on the wall. 

He had never actually seen her after a breakdown like this, so he wasn’t sure what he expected to see when he entered the room. It was always Carla who visited her, comforted her, and brought her anything she might need, so he wasn’t quite sure how to handle the situation. 

“I brought you eggs,” he whispered after realizing she hadn’t noticed him.

“Oh,” she muttered in realization as her eyes moved to him, “thanks.”

He couldn’t help but notice how… dead they looked. It wasn’t quite sadness, anger, or guilt like he’d usually see in her eyes. They just held a whole bunch of nothing as far as the eye could see. Admittedly, it was scary to see his sister so silently distraught.

“You know,” he began gently, “You can tell me anything.”

“I know,” she said easily, trying to force some emotion into her voice. 

“Okay,” he nodded as he patted her leg comfortingly, “make sure you eat. I’ll come check on you in a bit?”

“‘Kay,” was all she said as she stared at the food. 

“I’ll know if you don’t eat,” he said as he closed the door. He knew she had a tendency to skip meals when she got like this, and he wanted to make sure that wouldn’t be a problem.

“It seems like she’s been off the whole trip,” Ymir commented. Eren hadn’t seen her as he was coming down the stairs, so he stopped to listen without being seen. 

“Yeah,” Sasha agreed, “She even cried. In the car. In front of everyone.”

Eren felt himself fume slightly. They were talking behind her back. While it wasn’t anything mean, it still bothered him. Still, he tried to bury his anger as Armin had taught him, and he continued to listen.

“It must be a tough time for her,” Historia sympathized, “I mean, I love my parents to bits. I think I’d be a wreck if they died too.”

“But wouldn’t you move on?” Ymir jumped in, “As Annie said, it’s been 7 years. She needs to get over herself and move on.”

That’s when Eren couldn’t take it anymore. He silently prayed that Mikasa would forgive him for sharing this bit of information as he sat down, glaring at all of them as he did. 

“Mikasa was raised near the peak of Mount. Maria,” he revealed, surprising everyone. Mount Maria was known for being secluded, and not many people lived there, temporarily or permanently. Not to mention, it had harsh weather, and the animals there weren’t easy to deal with either, “Her mother and father were the only people she knew growing up. Obviously, she’d take their deaths hard. Her mother was her best friend, and both parents taught her everything she knows. So yeah, I think she has a pretty damn good reason to flip out.”

“I-I never knew,” Ymir stuttered, somewhat apologetically while Historia gave her girlfriend an I-told-you-so look. 

“No shit,” Eren said as he rolled his eyes, “that’s why you shouldn’t talk shit about her without knowing the whole damn story. That’s not even half of it from what I gather.”

“Not even you know everything?” Sasha asked, interested, as she gobbled down her eggs as if she was half starved.

“Only she and my parents do,” Eren told them.

“And they keep it from you? That’s pretty shitty,” Ymir mumbled, but everyone heard it.

“I’m sure she has her reasons,” Eren nodded confidently. There was no doubt in his mind that Mikasa had a lot of trust in him, so the fact that she wouldn’t tell him about this meant it was something she didn’t like to talk about. Still, it irked Eren that she didn’t feel comfortably enough around him to confide in him. 

After saying that, he got up and began cleaning up. He usually hated cleaning up, but in other people’s homes, he tried his best to be as helpful as possible. 

“I got it, Eren,” Marco said as he came up behind Eren and started washing dishes, pushing Eren out of the way.

“Oh, thanks,” Eren said sincerely as he dried his hands and decided to go upstairs to check on Mikasa, making sure to bring her some water. 

He knocked on the door, quietly telling her he was coming in, before entering the room. Mikasa seemed to be in better condition now as her eyes were less spacy, and she had even eaten all the food on her plate. 

“Wow, you actually ate,” Eren teased, trying to lighten the mood. Rather than answer verbally, Mikasa nodded as her eyes never left their place glued to the wall. “I brought you some water,” he told her as he handed her the glass.

“Thanks,” she muttered, her voice a little hoarse from the recent events of the day. She took the glass from his hand and drank some of it, reveling in the feeling it had going down her sore throat.

“If you’re not feeling good, I can drive you home,” Eren told her, seeing that she still seemed rather miserable.

“We can’t do that to everyone, he drove half of them here,” Mikasa told him, a little more tuned into the conversation than their previous ones. 

“True,” he mumbled in realization. 

“And I don’t want to ruin the mood,” Mikasa told him. 

“Just try to rest, alright?” he said as he patted her on the back and collected the now empty glass from her hands as well as the plate. 

“Yeah,” she said quietly, almost thoughtfully, “I think I might.”

“Good,” he nodded as he left the room, quietly closing the door as he watched Mikasa curl up and close her eyes. 

He carefully made his way down the stairs, putting the dishes in the sink as he sat on the couch, laying his feet in Armin’s lap since Mikasa wasn’t there. Everyone else was also seated in the living room, discussing what they could do for the day. 

“There’s some good hiking trails nearby,” Jean offered.

“Can we save that for tomorrow?” Eren suggested, “Mikasa likes hikes.”

“Yeah, fair enough,” Jean nodded, and everyone else seemed to agree. 

“Wait- I got it!” Sasha exclaimed.

“Well spit it out,” Ymir hissed as Sasha paused longer than necessary.

“Karaoke!” Sasha exclaimed. 

“Sounds like it could be entertaining,” Eren agreed reluctantly. It was unfortunate that Mikasa wasn’t here. Although it was rare, Eren had heard her sing a few times, and he knew her voice was absolutely heavenly. He also knew that she hated singing in front of people, so he was sure she wouldn’t be missing out on much. Had she been there, she wouldn’t have sang anyway. 

Reluctantly, everyone agreed to Sasha’s karaoke idea. Sasha and Connie volunteered for the first song as they set up their phones and pulled out a bluetooth speaker to blast the music through. Given its size, the speaker actually played the music rather loud. 

Everyone took turns singing aside from the few that were content to just watch. In the end, the only one who absolutely refused to sing was Annie. There wasn’t much surprise there, in hindsight, Annie didn’t seem like the type to “let loose”.

By the time they ended their shenanigans, it was about 5:30 pm, and Eren decided to check on Mikasa. It had been about 5 hours since he last checked on her, and he hoped she had managed to sleep through the music and felt more refreshed now. 

As he was walking up the stairs, however, he was met with the sight of Mikasa. She looked better than he expected given that she spent most of the morning crying, the middle of the day thinking, and the last 5 hours sleeping.

“I was just coming to get you,” he told her as he turned around and went back down the stairs.

“Here I am,” she said with fake enthusiasm.

He analyzed her silently as he let her pass him on the stairs. She definitely seemed less disheartened, and her eyes held emotion now. She seemed to have gotten past whatever block had gotten in her way that morning, and he decided that a nap and eggs was just what she needed to get back into the swing of things. He silently pat himself on the back for his successful attempts at helping her by himself for the first time ever. 

Everyone welcomed Mikasa back with open arms despite all the things they had said behind her back. It infuriated Eren to some degree, but he also figured they were mostly just worried for her. Well, everyone aside from Annie. The blonde seemed to genuinely hate Mikasa, for whatever reason, and that left a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“So, I was thinking,” Jean said after Mikasa finally settled down on the couch between Eren and Armin, “Why don’t we have a bonfire tonight?”

Everyone cheered excitedly, obviously in favor of the idea. “I was thinking I’d grab my guitar, and we can sing some songs and what not. Get to know each other better,” Jean offered.

“It’s strange that all of us have basically been friends for years, but we don’t know much about each other,” Historia commented.

“Yeah, cuz we’re all friends through Eren or Mikasa,” Sasha chimed in.

“Not me,” Annie scoffed.

“You’re friends with Reiner and Bertholdt who are friends with Eren,” Sasha explained, “You are.” Annie huffed in defeat, obviously having no way to refute her point.

“So, it’s settled. Bonfire after dinner?” Jean offered, and everyone agreed excitedly before arguing about what time dinner should be and what they should eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... So Mikasa is a little crazy. Also, don't hate on any of the characters for their feelings about Mikasa. I think if I were her friend given the circumstance, I'd find her a bit annoying and dramatic too if I didn't know that story. While I don't approve of them talking behind her back, most of them did it out of worry and concern for her and not from a place of hatred or resentment. 
> 
> Feedback would be appreciated for this chapter!  
> I'm always open to suggestions :)


	8. Crocus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crocus: Joy and cheerfulness

Eventually, everyone managed to agree on eating leftover pizza for dinner. While they ate, the group joked and playfully teased each other. Mikasa appreciated the easy-going atmosphere, and she felt herself easing into the conversation. She didn’t say much -she never did-, but she’d smile or nod her head with certain statements.

“Alright,” Jean said as he got up and began taking the now empty pizza box to the trash can, “I’ll go set up the fire.”

“Wait!” Sasha yelled as Jean was about to leave to the backyard, “We need marshmallows…. And chocolate!”

“And graham crackers!” Connie added, obviously in agreement. 

“We don’t have that at the house,” Jean told them before leaving the house and going to the backyard.

Sasha and Connie whined and complained about not being able to make s’mores so much that Eren finally caved and said he’d drive to the store and get them as long as they paid.

“Deal!” they exclaimed as they got their coats.

“Anyone else coming?” Eren asked with the keys in his hand.

“I want to tag along,” Reiner said as he got up.

“Sweet,” Eren nodded. He hadn’t talked with Reiner recently, so he figured it would be good to catch up a bit. 

Once the four left, the rest of the people in the house went to the backyard to talk with Jean. Not to mention, it was a comfortable temperature outside, so it wasn’t unpleasant to sit around. 

While everyone walked to the fire, Mikasa walked to the lake. She sat on the dock and took off her sock and shoe before dipping her uncasted foot into the water. She shivered a little at the initial shock of the cold water, but she acclimated quickly and swirled her foot around in the water. As she did, she looked at her reflection and couldn’t help but be transported to a simpler time.

**********

_ Mikasa sat on the edge of the creek, kicking her legs in the shallow water. She leaned over and almost jumped when she saw her reflection. She giggled happily as she splashed around in the water, not caring if she got wet.  _

_ “What are you doing, Kasa?” a familiar voice asked.  _

_ “I can see me,” she told them with a curious smile. _

_ “Huh?” the voice asked, thoroughly confused. _

_ “Look!” Mikasa said as she pointed to the water, showing the reflection of the other person with her.  _

_ It was then that she realized how similar she looked to the other person. They had the same hair, similar height, even their facial features were similar. The only obvious difference was the other person’s green eyes while her own were a stormy gray. _

_ “Wow,” the voice whispered, entranced. _

_ “Hey!” they exclaimed after a while, “You look like me!” _

_ “No, you look like me!” Mikasa said, pointing an accusatory finger at them. _

_ “No, you look like me!” they argued. _

_ “Girls?” her mother showed up, smiling at the two. _

_ “E thinks I look like her!” Mikasa said, still pointing her finger at the other girl, “but I think E looks like me!” _

_ Her mother laughed wholeheartedly before sitting at the bank of the creek. “Well, Mikasa was born first, so technically, E looks like Mika,” she explained. _

_ “Hey! No fair!” E exclaimed as she grumpily crossed her arms and sat down where she stood, angrily. Of course, she was still standing in the creek, so she only managed to get herself soaked to the bone in the freezing water. “Eek!” she exclaimed as she jumped out of the water.  _

_ Mikasa laughed at the other girl as she extended her hand, offering it to the struggling girl. “Don’t laugh at me,” E huffed, though she accepted the offered hand. Mikasa chuckled as she pulled the other girl up, helping her back to their home to warm up.  _

*********

When Mikasa was pulled from her memories, something clicked for her.  _ ‘Girls’ plural? So E is also a girl?  _ She thought to herself as she swung her leg that was lowered into the lake,  _ she looked like me as well, so we must be related in some way. Cousins? ...Siblings? Surely not. My parents would have told me if I had a sibling… right? E didn’t treat my mother like she was also theirs, so perhaps we are cousins? _

Rather than dwelling on it, Mikasa pulled her foot out of the water, shaking it off to try to dry it off. She then stood up, holding her sock and shoe in her hand as she walked towards the fire Jean had since started. 

“Nice of you to join us,” Annie said sarcastically. Mikasa made a grunt of acknowledgement as she sat on a camping chair that had been set up around the fire.

“How’s your foot doing?” Jean asked as he looked at her casted foot.

“Fine,” she answered simply, “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“That’s good,” he nodded. 

“Speaking of, are you really not gonna do anything to that girl?” Ymir asked curiously, “You could sue her and have her pay the hospital bills or something.”

“I don’t think it would work out,” Mikasa mumbled, “She could just argue that the break came from me kicking the ball, not her kick. I don’t even know which action was responsible. Though, I do feel bad about making Carla and Grisha pay.”

“I’m sure they don’t mind,” Armin spoke with a caring smile, “They love you like their own daughter. A little money to make you better is nothing.”

“Yeah,” she murmured, more to herself than anyone else. 

“So, you’re adopted?” Annie asked. She obviously learned this last night, but it didn’t really set in until now.

“What’s it to you?” Mikasa huffed. Maybe she was being petty, no, she was definitely being petty, but the blonde really got on her nerves. It’s not like they were friends before Mikasa pushed her away. They just met up occasionally and happened to have the same friend group. It’s not her fault they keep running into each other, so why does the blonde blame her so much?

“I was just thinking, that means Jaeger isn’t really your last name,” Annie shrugged. When this information clicked in Annie’s head, she wondered if this is what Mikasa meant by ‘I’m not who you think I am’. Was it really something as simple as not truly being a Jaeger? Was there more to it? Annie wanted to know. She couldn’t explain why she wanted to know, though. It was like an instinctive drive, a need to know more. 

“It’s not,” Mikasa confirmed suspiciously.

“Then what is it?” Annie asked curiously.

“It’s-” Ymir began, but Mikasa cut her off.

“None of your business,” Mikasa finished. 

“Don’t be like that,” Ymir sighed.

“What’s so bad about telling me your real last name?” Annie asked, “Obviously Ymir knows.”

“Yeah, ‘cause Eren doesn't know how to shut his damn mouth,” Mikasa seethed obviously angry.

“Obviously, it’s a sensitive subject,” Historia jumped in, attempting to diffuse the situation, “Let’s just drop it for now, okay?”

“Sure,” Annie said skeptically as she eyed Mikasa. Why was she so reluctant to tell the blonde? It was just a last name, the hell was she gonna do? Google her and learn all her family history? Well, to be fair, that was exactly Annie’s plan, but was there really something so awful there that she didn’t want anyone to know about? The thought only made Annie’s curiosity grow. 

“Thanks,” Mikasa mumbled.

“I’ll make sure Ymir doesn’t say anything to her,” Historia whispered in Mikasa’s ear with an honest smile. Mikasa smiled back appreciatively.

The rest of the time passed smoothly as everyone shared stories. Well, everyone except Annie and Mikasa. As everyone agreed the previous night, the two were tight-lipped and rarely talked about themselves. 

Soon enough, Eren, Sasha, Reiner, and Connie returned with a bag of marshmallows, a bigger-than-necessary bag of chocolates, and a decent-sized box of graham crackers. “We brought the food,” Connie announced as he put it on a nearby table.

“You can thank me in the form of sharing your portions,” Sasha said with a smile as she grabbed a marshmallow to eat.

“The roasting sticks are over there,” Jean said, pointing to a few sticks near the end of the table. 

“Score!” Sasha exclaimed as she grabbed the roasting stick and put her half-eaten marshmallow on it. 

“We should play a game to get to know each other,” Armin offered.

“Well all of us know each other pretty well except those two,” Ymir said pointing a finger at Annie and Mikasa.

“Let’s keep it that way,” Mikasa said, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

“You’re no fun,” Sasha grunted sadly.

“C’mon, don’t you ever get lonely not having friends?” Ymir teased, possibly trying to goad her into saying something. 

“No, not really,” Mikasa said nonchalantly.

“Oh yeah,” Ymir muttered, “I forget you never had friends growing up.”

“How’d you know that?” Mikasa said defensively.

“Oh shit,” Ymir whispered.

“Good going,” Eren hissed at her.

“How. Did. You. Know. That?” Mikasa asked more clearly, hoping for an answer.

“Eren said it!” Sasha said, the first to crack under the pressure.

“Gee, thanks!” Eren exclaimed as he smiled at his sister apologetically. 

“Good, that means I can beat his ass,” Mikasa said as she stood up and slowly walked towards him.

“You see- I’m just gonna,” he stuttered as he pointed in the direction of an open section of trees, “I’m just gonna go…” He then started running. He had expected that Mikasa would be slowed down by her casted foot, and he might be able to outrun her.

Unfortunately, he was wrong. Even with a casted foot, Mikasa was faster than him. She quickly caught up with him, tackling him to the ground. “How much did you tell them?” Mikasa asked in a low tone. Eren almost equated it with that of a growl, but he’d never admit that to Mikasa. Admittedly, he was scared shitless. 

“They were making assumptions, so I told them some stuff to help them understand,” Eren told her somewhat vaguely.

“What did you tell them?” Mikasa seethed quietly, her teeth clenched in anger. Though, upon further inspection, Eren would’ve realized that it wasn’t truly anger that Mikasa was feeling. She was afraid.

This was the same feeling as being backed into a corner. So hopeless that she’d resort to any means to protect what she had. The thought of not being able to escape -their angry, disappointed, disgusted gazes, the other assumptions they’d make, the inevitability of everyone hating her- made her shake with fear, but a long time ago, she’d promised not to let fear paralyze her anymore, not as it once had. Instead, she got angry because the anger hid the fact that she was afraid. She, herself, sometimes couldn’t tell the difference between her anger and her fear. 

“I told them that you grew up near the peak of Mount Maria, and that your only friends were your parents,” Eren admitted, “I said you had the right to be so upset about their deaths since you were everything to them. That’s it. I swear.”

“I know you’re a private person,” he added, “so I did my best to tell them as little as possible while it still made sense. I was just trying to get them to understand.”

“You didn’t tell them how my parents died or anything?” she asked.

“No,” he confirmed, “I only told them that they did die, though they already knew that.”

“Good,” Mikasa muttered as she got off him. 

She wasn’t necessarily angry with Eren; she knew he had her best interests in mind. She was afraid of what might come from Eren’s words. They’d only get more curious about her. Curiosity led to answers, and answers led to realization. They’d soon realize everything Mikasa was, and that terrified her. Even if they, somehow, managed to not hate her, they’d still look at her differently. It would start as them flinching when she got angry, or maybe they’d tip toe around her like the sleeping animal she was. And that, the idea of them looking at her differently, that was the scariest thing in the world to her. 

The two walked the few feet back to the group, and everyone ignored what had happened between them. By now, they all understood that they had family drama, and what happened then was a part of it. It wasn’t their business to know about it, and it wasn’t Mikasa’s, or Eren’s, obligation to tell them.

When Eren returned, he grabbed two marshmallows as he roasted one for himself and the other for Armin. The two chatted quietly though they seemed invested in whatever they were talking about. 

Everyone around them was discussing upcoming classes or, in Sasha and Ymir’s case, talking about their upcoming game the coming weekend. They were playing some random high school a few hours from Shiganshina, and Mikasa was a little happy she didn’t have to go. Busses, and even cars, made her uneasy as they were small and cramped. 

“Speaking of games,” Ymir said as she turned to Mikasa, “If all goes well, you’ll be back for our rematch with Trost. You can kick number four’s ass!”

“Yeah!” Sasha agreed, though her mouth was full of marshmallow, so it was a little hard to understand her.

“That’d be nice,” Mikasa agreed with a nod. 

“Also, what’s everyone doing for Homecoming?” Jean asked. “Since most of us are single,” he said with a pointed look at Ymir and Historia, “I was thinking we could all go together as a group?”

“I’d be down.”

“Sounds fun.”

“Great idea, Jean!”

“I can’t go,” Annie said.

“Why not?” Reiner asked. 

“My dad has something planned that I can’t miss,” Annie told everyone.

“Screw your dad,” Reiner said, an undertone of anger in his voice, “Come hang out with your pals.”

“You know I can’t do that,” Annie told him, and Mikasa noticed that she sounded almost sad. 

“Yeah,” Reiner sighed sadly.

“I can try to work something out with him,” Annie assured Reiner, seeing how upset he seemed.

“Good,” Reiner nodded approvingly. 

Everyone then jumped into talking about grades. It was no surprise that Mikasa, Armin, and Historia had the best ones as they were the most involved in academics. “Wait, if Mikasa lived on the mountain, did she not go to school?” Sasha asked, thinking out loud.

“Correct,” Mikasa confirmed. While she didn’t like sharing about her past, this was something she was proud of. She was proud that despite missing 5 years of school, she worked hard to catch up to -and even surpass- students her age. 

“And you’re still smarter than me?” Sasha exclaimed, seemingly upset.

“It’s not about being smarter,” Mikasa told her as she put a marshmallow on a stick for herself, “It’s about having the determination to be better.”

“Explains why you’re good at everything you do,” Sasha huffed. 

“That sounded like something off a poster in the councilors office,” Ymir snickered.

“It probably was,” Mikasa shrugged in agreement as she put her marshmallow towards the fire, warming it up. Somehow, that statement made almost everyone laugh, and she found herself smiling amongst them. Admittedly, it was nice to have friends, as she was slowly but surely learning. 

After a while, Jean grabbed a guitar and handed it to Marco. “Now, who wants to start us off?” Jean asked as Marco began tuning the guitar.

“Oh, me, me me!” Sasha exclaimed as she grabbed Connie’s hand and raised it, “We want to!”

“Take it away,” he said, making a gesture as if saying ‘you have the floor’. Marco began strumming the guitar, likely testing to see if it was in tune. 

“What tunes do you sing around a campfire anyway?” Sasha asked.

“I think you’re supposed to sing like… country music or something,” Ymir supplied.

“That… that makes sense,” Sasha agreed. “Marco, what can you play?” Sasha asked.

“Anything really, as long as I can find the tabs for it,” Marco explained.

“I have no clue what that is,” Sasha said.

“It just means that as long as google tells me how to play it, we’re good,” Marco explained.

“Ah, okay,” Sasha nodded, “Good.”

“Alright, now pick your damn song,” Ymir said.

“Patience, Ymir, patience,” Sasha said in a calm, whispery voice, causing everyone to laugh while Ymir huffed angrily. 

“Alright, let’s sing…. Ooh, ohh, what’s the one song by… Carrie underwood?” Connie thought out loud.

“Oh, uh, I know what you’re talking about,” Sasha nodded, “That’s a good one, Connie, good one!”

“What are you talking about?” Marco asked, obviously not following their thought process. 

“You know, the one that’s like ‘I dug my key into the side of his dfsvcvfd dfadvsfd djbsf four wheel drive’,” Sasha explained, singing and stumbling over some of the words. 

“Before he cheats?” Marco asked for confirmation.

“Yeah, that one!” Sasha exclaimed excitedly.

“Let’s see,” he said, scrolling through his phone, “Yep, found it!”

“Woohoo!” Sasha and Connie cheered as they prepared themselves to sing. 

As Marco began stemming the song, Sasha and Connie began singing -more accurately, screaming- the lyrics, and soon enough, some of the other’s in the group joined in. Almost everyone screamed the lyrics, and those who didn’t smiled as they nodded their heads along with the music. By the end, they had practically drowned the sound of Marco’s playing, but he never stopped.

“That was a good first choice,” Ymir nodded when everyone was quiet enough.

“Damn straight it was,” Sasha said as she high-fived Connie.

“But I’ve got a better one,” Ymir smirked. 

“Give it to me,” Marco said, prepared to play it. 

“I kissed a girl by Katy Perry,” Ymir said with a smirk. 

“Really, Ymir,” Historia deadpanned.

“For the girls and the gays,” Ymir whispered, but everyone heard her and laughed little.

“Alright, I can make it work,” Marco said as he scrolled through his phone, “Ready?” 

“Ready,” Ymir nodded, “I can carry this song. I mean, it was my anthem when I was like 8.” Again, everyone laughed as they waited for Marco to begin playing. 

When the song finally started, Ymir began singing. She had a surprisingly good singing voice though she refused to believe it when people complimented her on it. “ _ This was never the way I planned, not my intention _ ,” she sang, causing everyone to look at her as she did, “ _ I got so brave, drink in hand, lost my discretion. It’s not what I’m used to, just wanna try you on. I’m curious for you, caught my attention. _ ”

Ymir paused to breathe before the chorus, and this time, Sasha and to everyone’s surprise, Annie, sang along. “ _ I kissed a girl, and I liked it. The taste of her cherry chapstick. I kissed a girl just to try it. I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it. It felt so wrong; it felt so right. Don’t mean I’m in love tonight. I kissed a girl, and I liked it. I liked it. _ ”

Ymir sang through the rest of the song, Historia joining after some coaxing from Ymir. The two actually sang quite well together, so everyone was mostly listening to the natural harmony their voices had. 

Once one of the last verses came in, Annie and Sasha jumped back into the song with them, “ _ Us girls we are so magical. Soft skin, red lips, so kissable. Hard to resist, so touchable. Too good to deny it. Ain’t no big deal it’s innocent. _ ”

When the song finally ended, Ymir glared at Annie although it wasn’t hostile. “Cherry chapstick,” Ymir said simply.

“The innuendo?” Annie asked, somehow understanding what Ymir was asking, or implying. 

“You know what it means?” Ymir asked, seemingly surprised.

“I’m not an idiot,” Annie said as she rolled her eyes. 

“What… uh… you mean it doesn’t just mean cherry chapstick?” Sasha asked innocently. 

“Oh lord,” Ymir muttered. 

“Uh… There’s an innuendo?” Mikasa asked, confused.

“You don’t know either?” Ymir gasped in surprise.

“...No,” Mikasa said as if it was obvious.

“I should’ve known. You’re a prude,” Ymir shrugged as she turned to Sasha.

“Wow,” Mikasa mumbled, “Thanks.”

“Even I knew it was an innuendo,” Eren muttered.

“Not helping,” Mikasa mumbled. 

“Let’s just say it’s not actually about ‘kissing’ a girl,” Ymir said with air quotes.

“That’s all we get?” Sasha whined.

“It’s about going down on a woman,” Annie said nonchalantly.

“Like…?” Sasha trailed off.

“Yes, like that,” Annie nodded in confirmation.

“AND YOU LET ME SING IT?” Sasha exclaimed as she looked at everyone before shaking Connie, not that he knew the innuendo prior to Annie’s explanation either. 

Everyone laughed at Sasha’s outburst as Sasha pouted. “I need food,” she complained. Connie offered her some of the chocolates from the table, and she gratefully accepted them as she shoved half of them in her mouth at once. 

“Alright, who gets the next request?” Marco asked. 

“Eren doesn’t get a request,” Mikasa decided, “His music is shit.”

“No, actually, it’s really good,” Eren defended himself, “and your music is shit too.”

“I didn’t plan on making a request,” she said with an obviously fake smile that made Eren scowl at her. 

“That’s unfortunate,” Eren said with a smirk; it was obvious that he just got an idea Mikasa would hate.

“...Why?” she trailed off, not sure what he was trying to achieve.

“‘Cause you have such a beautiful singing voice,” Eren praised.

“Really? Mikasa?” Ymir asked in surprise. 

“Oh yes,” Eren confirmed, “She sings in the shower.”

“Eren!” Mikasa exclaimed as she hit his shoulder. 

“Everyone sings in the shower, Mikasa,” Historia assured her, and Mikasa smiled at her, appreciating her efforts to make Mikasa feel better.

“Anyway, I think our shitty chorus could use your amazing voice,” he said with a smirk. The praise obviously had truth to it, but Eren was making her seem better than she was so others would pressure her into singing.

“Oh no. Absolutely not,” Mikasa said as she saw the pleading looks on everyone’s face.

“Please,” Sasha said with a pouting face.

“Nope,” Mikasa said, turning her head away from the group.

“Please!” Sasha said more desperately. 

“No way,” Mikasa said firmly.

“Guys, don’t pressure her,” Marco said, sticking up for her.

“But I want to hear her angelic voice,” Sasha pouted.

“Nope,” Mikasa said firmly, crushing any hope Sasha had of hearing Mikasa’s voice.

“That’s too bad,” Armin jumped in, “It is really nice. No one will judge you, you know?”

“You too?” Mikasa exclaimed in surprise.

“Sorry, I just speak the truth,” Armin said with an apologetic smile. 

“Still my answer is a very firm ‘no’,” Mikasa said with her arms crossed.

“Fine, be that way,” Eren sulked, “I guess I’ll just pick a song then.”

“Fine,” Mikasa said, not having the energy to argue with him.

“Oh, I see how it is,” he said with a smile as he scrolled through his phone, probably looking for the right song to play. With a smirk, he suggested the one song Mikasa hoped he wouldn’t play, “Hemorrhage by Fuel. Can you play it?”

Without another word, Mikasa stood up and walked into the house. The song was one she loved, yes. It was one of the only loud songs she could listen to without getting a headache, but she knew the song always made her cry because it struck a chord with her, understandably. 

When she got inside, she sat on the couch. She could still hear the faint sound of Eren screaming the song as Sasha jumped in as well, but she didn’t mind. She only left the group because she knew she’d cry, and she didn’t want to face the questions they’d almost definitely ask. 

After a while, she heard the song end, and she wiped away the few tears that left her eyes. She had sang along with the song from inside the house since she knew no one would hear her, and although she was crying, she felt a small smile on her face. 

Once she was sure no one would know she’d been crying, she walked back to the group. “You good?” one of them asked, and she was surprised when she realized it was Bertholdt.

“Oh yeah,” she assured him with a slight smile, “I just had to use the bathroom.” He nodded in acceptance as he refocused on the campfire and the rest of the group. 

“Next song,” Marco said.

The group continued listing songs and screaming them until it was late in the night. It was around midnight when they finally went back inside, but none of them were tired yet. Jean walked off and returned with alcohol, offering it to those who wanted it as he went to the kitchen to collect munchies for everyone. Marco had followed him, returning with glasses for everyone. 

Everyone poured themself a glass except Mikasa. “You sure you don’t want any?” Reiner, who was next to her, asked before taking it.

“Nah, you can have it,” she assured him. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol, but the nightmares she had last night weren’t something she wanted to experience again. She figured if she didn’t drink tonight, she’d know if it was the alcohol or not for sure. 

Everyone spent the rest of the night chatting aimlessly. The conversation got weirder as people drank more, but Mikasa just sat back and enjoyed the conversation. As the only sober one, she knew she’d likely be the only one to remember everything everyone was saying.

Around 3 in the morning, people started getting tired, and Sasha and Connie had already passed out on the couch. Mikasa, being the only sober one, decided to help everyone get to their rooms. Armin had helped Eren, so she didn’t need to worry about that. Armin had drank, but he made sure to keep his intake low.

After some more looking around, she noticed that the only other’s too drunk to take care of themselves were Reiner and Annie. Bertholdt was struggling to help both of them and, after some debate, she decided to help him. She slung Annie’s arm around her shoulder, deciding she likely wasn’t capable of helping Reiner. They guy was like 6’3 with huge muscles, after all.

“You sure?” Bertholdt asked her, obviously referring to her carrying Annie since, to his knowledge, they hated each other.

“Yeah,” she nodded as she helped the blonde.

“Get off of me,” Annie grunted when she realized she was being carried by Mikasa.

“If you want to fall on your ass and crack your head open,” Mikasa teased.

Annie then dropped her weight on the ground, making it 10 times harder for Mikasa to carry her. “My God, don’t be a baby. Your legs still work,” Mikasa grunted as she tried to get Annie back on her feet.

“I told you to get off of me, woman,” Annie lsurred, and Mikasa had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing. Drunk Annie was quite the hilarious sight.

“You better thank me tomorrow,” Mikasa grunted as she put her arms under Annie’s legs and lifted the girl bridal style.

“Woah,” Annie said, obviously in awe, “You’re strong.”

Mikasa snorted as she carefully put a foot on the steps, praying she didn’t lose her balance. “Woah,” Annie said again as she put one of her hands on Mikasa’s arms.

“Having fun?” Mikasa asked sarcastically as she struggled to make her way up the steps. Annie wasn’t necessarily heavy, but the girl was moving around a lot, and Mikasa’s casted foot was messing with her balance. 

“You have nice muscles,” Annie commented as if it was the most casual thing ever. Mikasa couldn’t help but laugh, causing Annie to make an almost sad face. “I didn’t say anything funny, did I?” Annie asked, seemingly confused.

Mikasa just snorted out a laugh as she continued up the stairs. “You have nice shoulders,” Annie complimented as she eventually wrapped her arms around Mikasa’s neck tiredly. 

“...Thanks?” Mikasa said, not quite sure what she was supposed to say. She didn’t know there was such a thing as ‘nice shoulders’.  _ Must be a drunk thing _ , she thought to herself. 

After a few moments, she heard soft snoring coming from the blonde, and she sighed thankfully. She was sure the girl would regret ever existing if she woke up and remembered how much she had complimented Mikasa, who she was supposed to hate. It was almost laughable.

Eventually, she saw Bertholdt coming out of a room, and he jutted his thumb towards the room, trying to tell her that that was the room the two of them had picked. She nodded in understanding as she made her way to the room. 

She did her best to get Annie on the bed and under the covers, but the girl’s arms were still locked around her neck. “Annie, let go,” Mikasa whispered to the girl, trying not to wake Reiner. Annie made a tired noise of complaint as her grip only tightened. “Annie,” Mikasa said in a firmer voice, “There is no way I’m staying like this until you wake up,” Mikasa said as she tried to untangle the girl’s fingers that were securing her place attached to Mikasa.

Unfortunately, Annie was a hell of a lot stronger than she looked, and she had great grip. “Oh my God,” Mikasa muttered as she made a whining sound of complaint. Truthfully, she had nothing against Annie, in fact, she liked the blonde as a person, but she knew the blonde hated her guts. She didn’t expect Annie would be happy to wake up and find them in such a position, and it definitely wasn’t comfortable. 

“Annie,” Mikasa said firmly, still trying to get the girl to wake up. Again, her grip only tightened, pulling Mikasa closer to her, and Mikasa felt herself fall onto the smaller girl. She grunted as she attempted to stop her fast-falling face from impacting with the girl’s head.

She was barely successful, and she rubbed her chin as it had grazed the girl’s forehead due to their height difference. The bigger problem was that Annie’s face was now buried in her chest. “I’m never going to let her live this down,” Mikasa muttered a silent promise to herself. As she tried, to no avail, to get off the blonde. “Well, this is quite the compromising position,” Mikasa said to no one in particular. 

She then heard the shutter of a camera, and she smiled to herself in an attempt to hide her growing anger. She turned her head to see none other than Ymir. “I thought you were drunk?” Mikasa hissed in a hushed voice. 

“I thought you weren’t,” Ymir snickered, obviously referring to her being in a compromising position with Annie.

“You better delete that,” Mikasa said firmly.

“Why would I? It’s great material,” Ymir snickered, “Plus, I want Annie to remember how clinging she was, and who she was clingy to, of all people.”

“Would you just help me?” Mikasa muttered. She wasn’t super tired since she slept a lot during the day, but she was mentally and emotionally tired. She just wanted to climb into bed and sleep.

“Oh no way,” Ymir snickered, “You’re on your own.”

“I hate you!” Mikasa exclaimed loud enough for Ymir to hear while making sure it wouldn’t wake the two people next to her.

“Sweet dreams, Cap,” Ymir smirked as she walked away, closing the door.

“I’m going to kill her. I’m going to kill her. I’m going to kill her,” Mikasa muttered as she closed her eyes as tightly as possible, trying to block out the pure rage she was feeling. 

After a few moments, she sighed in acceptance as she attempted to shift into a more comfortable position. It was getting pretty obvious that Annie had no intention of letting her go. At the moment, Mikasa was straddling the blonde with her hands just barely holding her weight off the other girl. 

With the realization of their position, she also realized she couldn’t move. She could escape or run away, and she felt a familiar panic set in. “Fuck fuck fuck,” she muttered as she struggled to breathe. 

Thankfully, before things could escalate, Bertholdt opened the door to Annie and Reiner’s room, likely realizing that Mikasa never made it to theirs. “Thank God,” she muttered with her eyes closed. 

“Ah, I should've warned you,” he snickered as he approached the two, “She’s a clingy drunk.”

“Thanks, Captain obvious,” she said, obviously not amused. 

“Give me a minute,” he said as he turned away.

“Don’t you dare leave me here to suffer,” she hissed.

“I’ll be back in like 2 minutes,” he assured her, and she nodded. Bertholdt seemed like a trustworthy guy. Admittedly, he was one of the only guys she’d trust to hold her drink at a true party with people she didn’t know, so she was confident that he wouldn’t just leave her there.

Sure enough, he returned a few moments later, and he was holding a small glass of water. “What’s that for?” Mikasa asked.

“I apologize in advance,” he said as he poured the water on the back of her neck. She quietly squealed as the water was ice cold. She heard Annie make a similar noise as her hands disconnected behind Mikasa’s neck, falling to her sides. 

Mikasa was freed. “Oh thank God,” Mikasa muttered as she got off the blonde. 

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t warn you,” he said with an apologetic look, “It kinda slipped my mind until I walked in her.”

“It’s all good,” she nodded as she took a few deep breaths, “At least you actually took the time to help me,” Mikasa seethed, still a little angry with Ymir, obviously.

“Someone else didn’t?” Bertholdt asked with a slight laugh as they walked back to their room.

“Ymir,” Mikasa said, the one word and realization seemed to dawn on Bertholdt’s face.

“You know what,” he said with a slight laugh, “That makes a lot of sense.” 


	9. Cornflower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cornflower: Hope for the future, nature's simple beauty, and the fullness of life's cycle

The next morning, Mikasa woke up around 7 in the morning. She noted that she had no nightmares last night, thankfully, so she was in a relatively good mood. She rolled out of bed and stretched a little, smiling when she heard the satisfying crack of her joints. 

After she stretched, she changed into some casual clothes before going downstairs to eat something. When she made it to the kitchen, she brewed some coffee. She wasn’t a big fan, but she didn’t get much sleep. 

When it was ready, she poured some milk into it and added some sugar. Once she had it prepared the way she liked it, she sat at a small table in the kitchen and sipped it. She sighed happily as the warmth filled her mouth and throat. The taste wasn’t as sweet as she would’ve liked, but it still tasted good. 

She put her head down on the table when she finished drinking. She still felt tired, and she wasn’t hungry. After a few moments like that, she got up and decided to sit on the dock. She pulled on a shoe and walked out the back sliding glass doors. 

She walked across the dock slowly before sitting on the edge and crossing her legs. At this time of morning, the lake looked clear, and it was a gorgeous, sparkling blue. Mikasa was surprised it looked so clean, but it was a private lake. Perhaps she should’ve expected it to be clean?

After a while, she fell on her back and stared at the sky. Somehow, the water was bluer, and she found it amusing. She tilted her head back, attempting to get a better look at the sky, but when she did, she saw something behind her to her left. She propped herself up on her hands, looking to her left to see what exactly was behind. 

Upon further inspection, she saw a small blonde. She immediately knew it was Annie since the only other small blondes were Historia and Armin who weren’t early risers like her. She watched the blonde from a distance, trying to understand what she was doing. 

Mikasa watched in awe as the blonde punched forward and kicked. It was oddly mesmerizing, especially from a distance. She looked almost ethereal. It looked like she had perfect form, and it suddenly made sense why the blonde was so fit. This was likely something she did everyday, or at the very least, often. 

Thoughts of the previous night hit Mikasa in the face, and she couldn’t stop herself from groaning. Ymir surely would show everyone the picture, and everyone would get the wrong idea. The two didn’t even like each other, let alone like each other in that way. She was sure Annie hated her guts, and the blonde would only be pissed off to see it. 

That’s when she got an idea. Without any more hesitation, she jumped up from her spot and ran back inside. She quietly made her way up the stairs and slowly opened the doors of the rooms until she finally found Ymir and Historia’s. 

She carefully tip toed inside and walked to the bedside table where she saw Ymir’s phone. She cautiously picked it up and attempted to open it, only to be greeted by a password. “Fuck,” she cursed quietly, double checking her voice didn’t wake either girl. 

_ What would Ymir make her password? Her birthday? Historia’s birthday? Something completely unrelated?  _ Mikasa thought,  _ I don’t even know their birthdays….  _

“Damnit,” Mikasa huffed as she put Ymir’s phone back down and left the room, carefully closing the door behind her. At least no one could say she didn’t try. 

When she went back downstairs, she saw Annie walking back in from whatever she’d been doing outside. Annie scowled slightly at her while Mikasa just nodded her head in acknowledgement. The two walked past each other, and Annie went up the stairs, presumably to shower. 

Mikasa, finally feeling a little hungry, opened the fridge and cabinets, looking for anything she could use to prepare breakfast. She had hoped to make pancakes, but they didn’t have everything she needed. Instead, she found the things needed to make french toast, so she went with that. 

In her time with both her biological and adoptive families, she’d learned a lot about cooking, and she thought she was pretty good at it. It took her awhile to wrap her head around certain things like the names of spices and chicken eggs. 

She had never had chicken eggs in her life since chicken’s didn’t leave on the mountain. They usually ate duck eggs, and admittedly, chicken eggs were a big let down when compared to the tastier, richer flavor duck eggs had. Spices were confusing as well since she’d always called them ‘the green spicy one’ or something along those lines. Luckily, Carla had been good at knowing what she was talking about and patient enough to help teach her what they were called. 

Looking back on those days, Mikasa found herself smiling. It was almost laughable how uneducated she was in the things that mattered. She didn’t know about money, spices, certain animals, and so many more things. On the other hand, she also had a lot of knowledge about things that could prove helpful such as her skills with a gun and her ability to identify poisonous plants from safe ones. 

She pulled herself from her reverie and began mixing ingredients to make french toast. She cracked the eggs, added milk, some vanilla, and a sprinkle of cinnamon before heating a pan and putting some butter in the pan. 

She set up a plate to put the cooked toast on and took out the syrup to bring it to room temperature. She made sure that she made enough for everyone although she was sure they'd end up sleeping well into the day. 

It took her close to an hour to cook all the french toast, but it came out well. Even Annie took a few slices after smelling it, and Mikasa saw the look on her face when she tasted it. Obviously, it turned out just as good as she’d hoped. 

“Eren mentioned you could cook,” Annie said suddenly, breaking the awkward silence between the two.

“He did?” Mikasa asked, surprised. Rather than a verbal answer, Annie nodded as she cut up a piece of her food and took a bite. “He usually complains about my cooking,” Mikasa told her although she wasn’t sure why. 

“I’m not sure how he could,” Annie said nonchalantly, but Mikasa accepted it as a compliment.

After that, silence fell on the table again, but neither girl broke it. Things were tense, and it was obvious things would only get worse. Annie clearly didn’t remember their encounter last night, and as much as she’d like to keep it that way, Ymir definitely wouldn’t let that happen. Annie would definitely distance herself even more from Mikasa.

But isn’t that what she wanted? Annie to leave her alone? So why does she feel so determined to not let that happen?

Mikasa subtly shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. Her mind was trying to trick her into thinking she could trust Annie. She couldn’t, that was for sure. As earnest as she may seem, it was obvious she was hiding things. Mikasa was too, of course, and it was Annie’s voice if she wanted to reveal what she was hiding just as much as it was Mikasa’s. 

So, that put them in a kind of stalemate. Neither had the trust in the other to open up, and Mikasa determined it would probably remain that way for a long time. They’d only drift further as trust was neither built nor destroyed. 

Both were afraid of the other’s reactions. Mikasa couldn’t help but think that showed a level of care. If Annie really didn’t care about her, and visa versa, wouldn’t they have opened up? If Mikasa didn’t care, she would’ve told Annie because it wouldn’t have mattered if Annie hated her, pitied her, or was disgusted by her.

Did that mean Annie cared about her too?

Surely she was looking too far into this. Annie only wasn’t saying anything because she knew they’d be stuck together so long as Reiner, Bertholdt, and Eren were friends. She could hate Mikasa’s guts, and they’d still be stuck by each other’s sides. She was only withholding information because it would result in people disliking her and still being stuck with her. 

Again, Mikasa shook her head, pulling herself from her reverie. She had a tendency to overthink things because her mind always wanted to find a deeper meaning in things. It’s one of the few things that gave her life. If she believed everything had a deeper meaning to be discovered, she wanted to live long enough to discover them. 

A short while later, Mikasa finished her french toast and put the plate in the sink. Annie had put hers in the sink as well, and Mikasa decided to wash them to make room for other dishes later in the day. Not to mention, they’d be leaving the lake house today, and she didn’t want to leave it in poor condition after all their shenanigans.

When she finished cleaning, she went upstairs to the bathroom closest to her room and brushed her teeth and hair with the toothbrush, toothpaste, and hairbrush she’d brought from home. 

After she finished that, she went into her room and grabbed a book. She hadn’t read much recently, so she decided she’d waste some time reading on the dock since the weather was nice enough. 

On the dock, she let her uncasted foot rest in the water as she swirled it around, enjoying the calming sound of the splashing water and the cool sensation of the water hitting her skin. The book she was reading was a romance about a man and a woman who met shortly before falling in love. 

The story itself was good, but it was just as predictable. She could easily tell you what would happen before it happened. It’s one of the reasons she wasn’t entirely interested in it because nothing was a surprise. 

The characters became best friends before suddenly admitting their feelings before spring break. Every book seems to have a thing about making character’s fall in love in spring. Mikasa understood the appeal since spring was the time of new beginnings and lively colors, but wasn’t there other things to equate love with?

Mikasa just couldn’t believe that all love was sunshine and butterflies. Sure, it was nice to compare a new love to budding flowers, but was it really the most accurate comparison? Mikasa always imagined love was the sort of thing that came in slowly while feeling like it was instantaneous, not the type that came slowly and felt slow like blooming flowers. 

She imagined realizing you were in love would cause time to stop. It would be like everything in your life was finally in place. Everything would suddenly make sense. At least, that’s what she hoped and imagined, but Mikasa knew very well that the world had a way of destroying her dreams before they could become a reality. 

Despite that, Mikasa still loved reading romance books. She had never experienced romance, so experiencing through fictional characters was the closest she could get to it. 

Realistically, Mikasa knew that love wasn’t something she’d find, and if she did find it, she knew it wouldn’t be something she deserved. If she really loved them, she wouldn’t have the guts to admit all her sins to them, and if she did, she was sure they’d hate her -for hiding the truth, for what she’d done, for letting them believe she was a good person.

Love just wasn’t something she was capable of in that sense. She’d decided that a long time ago. 

Eventually, out of frustration with her thoughts, she closed her book quite aggressively after marking her page. She placed the book behind her as she propped herself up on her arms and gazed across the lake. 

She thought the way it glittered and sparkled was almost mocking. She felt like it was saying ‘look at how shiny, perfect, clean, and pure I am’, and she couldn’t help but look. It was always the pure things that were the prettiest. No one wanted something tainted as she was, at least, not once they knew she was tainted. 

In frustration, she got up, grabbed her book, and walked back inside, slamming the sliding glass doors as she did. “Easy there,” Jean scolded her, causing her to jump and yelp slightly. “Sorry,” he laughed a little, “didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she assured him as she put her shoe down and put her sock back on. “Who else is awake?” Mikasa asked as she entered the kitchen where Jean was standing. 

“I think everyone except Eren and Ymir,” Jean informed her.

“Oh, where is everyone then?” Mikasa asked. She could only really see inside the kitchen, so she hadn’t seen where everyone else was. 

“Historia and Armin are trying to wake Eren and Ymir. Marco, Reiner, Annie, and Bertholdt are in the living room. And Sasha and Connie borrowed my car to go to the store and buy snacks,” Jean told her.

“Should they even be driving?” Mikasa asked tentatively.

“They seemed fine when they woke up. They seemed to bounce back pretty quickly when it comes to alcohol,” Jean noted.

“I guess you’re right,” she nodded, “I’m gonna go to the living room with everyone else.”

“Alright,” he nodded, “I’ll be there soon.”

Mikasa then left the kitchen and walked to the living room where she sat on one of the few couches. “When’d you get up?” Bertholdt asked her.

“Umm,” Mikasa muttered, not sure what time it was now, “Around 7 I think.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Reiner commented, “You didn’t drink, after all.”

“What time is it now?” Mikasa asked as she looked around for a clock.

“About 1,” Annie answered for her.

“1?” she exclaimed in surprise.

“Mhm, you’ve been outside for quite some time,” Annie commented. 

“Oh,” Mikasa mumbled as she put her book on the coffee table, so it wasn’t in her hands anymore. 

“Oo, what’s this?” Annie said, seemingly intrigued.

“Oh uh- it’s-” Mikasa tried to stop her, but Annie had already picked the book up and was reading the summary.

“Ooo, romance,” Annie hummed, “I didn’t think you were the type to read romance.”

“I thought you hated romance or something?” Reiner asked, “You know, being miss heartbreaker and all.”

Rather than say anything, Mikasa snatched the book back for Annie and sat it next to her where no one else could read it. “I didn’t think you were a reader either,” Marco added as he had been watching the events unfold.

Mikasa just shrugged. She had always loved reading. Her mother would buy books from nearby libraries and help Mikasa learn to read. It was one of the things Mikasa loved doing in the cabin when her mom had to do work she couldn’t help with. It was like an escape from reality, and she loved that. Not that her reality was bad, but she loved the slight escape it gave her. She still loved it. 

“Wassup, bitches,” Ymir commented as she stumbled down the stairs, smirking at Mikasa as they made eye contact. 

“Morning,” Mikasa greeted as everyone else said something similar. 

“You know, I saw something interesting last night that I wanted to ask you about, Mikasa,” Ymir commented as she wrapped an arm around Mikasa from behind.

“Get off me,” Mikasa said firmly, “and now is not the time. Brush your teeth or something first.”

Ymir fake winced, “Ouch. That hurt.”

“Good,” Mikasa said firmly as she pushed Ymir back towards the door, “I hope you don’t kiss Historia with that mouth.”

“Me too!” Historia yelled from upstairs, her voice slightly muffled causing everyone to laugh. 

“Fuck you, Jaeger,” Ymir said. She paused slightly before saying Jaeger, but it seemed she wasn’t in the mood to mess with Mikasa. 

“I don’t think Historia would appreciate that,” Mikasa commented smugly as she walked away.

“I hate you,” Ymir huffed as she stomped up the stairs. 

“Who pissed in your cereal?” Jean huffed as he sat on the couch next to her while leaving a comfortable amount of space between the two. 

“She did,” Mikasa answered easily as she looked at Bertholdt who was trying to fight against laughing.

“Bert, do you know something about this thing Ymir saw last night?” Annie asked, knowing Bertholdt could barely ever lie, especially to her.

“I… uh… well-” Bertholdt stuttered, side-eyeing Mikasa.

“Say a word to her, and I’ll break your balls,” Mikasa threatened.

Bertholdt made a high-pitch squeak of both fear and anticipated pain as he closed his lips together and bit them to stop himself from talking. “Sorry, Bert,” Mikasa apologized since she actually liked the guy, “but I gotta do what I gotta do.” Bertholdt nodded in understanding as he kept his lips together.

“So, you obviously did something bad,” Annie commented as she glared at Mikasa. Admittedly, her look was almost as scaring as her own. Almost.

“Something like that,” Mikasa said, not having the guts to tell Annie it was her fault. 

“I’ve returned!” Ymir announced as she sat on the other side of Mikasa.

“Ymir,” Mikasa said in a warning tone.

“Sorry Cap, but you don’t scare me,” Ymir smiled as she opened her phone and handed it to Jean, “Pass it along.”

“Oh… well this is going to be hard to explain,” Jean muttered as she passed it to Marco on the couch across from him.

“This is- uh… wow… okay. I didn’t know you-” Marco began.

“I don’t,” Mikasa said firmly, cutting him off before he could finish his sentence. 

“Oh,” he muttered as he passed it to Bertholdt who immediately passed it to Reiner as he already knew what the picture would be.

“Oh God,” he said as he started laughing, “This should go in the yearbook or something.”

“Great idea!” Ymir exclaimed as she applauded slightly.

“Absolutely  not !” Mikasa said sternly as Reiner passed it to Annie. 

“Mikasa,” Annie said, pure rage in her voice, “I implore you to explain this before I completely lose my shit.” 

“Oh shit, she used her big words,” Reiner whispered to Bertholdt who looked scared shitless. 

“It wasn’t me,” Mikasa said defensively.

“It sure as hell looks like you!” Annie exclaimed. 

“That’s not what I-” Mikasa cut herself off, taking a deep breath, “I meant it’s not my fault.”

“Like hell it’s not your fault!” Annie yelled lunging at Mikasa who, unfortunately, yelped. 

“Woah there,” Bertholdt said, catching Annie’s wrist before things could escalate, “Let her explain.”

“You’re taking her side?” Annie exclaimed.

“Cuz she didn’t do anything wrong,” Bertholdt assured her, “Neither did you.”

“This picture begs to differ!” Annie yelled at him.

“Hear her out,” Bertholdt said calmly, causing Annie to calm slightly as well. He then tugged her wrist and forced her to sit down again, much to her dismay. 

“You have one minute,” she hissed at Mikasa.

Mikasa stuttered in surprise at Annie's leniency, “Uh- okay, so I saw Bertholdt struggling to get you and Reiner up the stairs so I offered to help since I was completely sober. I didn’t think I could carry Reiner, so I offered to help you-”

“Why the hell would you do that?” Annie seethed.

“It was that or you crack your head open going up the stairs on your own,” Mikasa said firmly, “I might be an asshole, but I’m not that cruel.”

“Sure,” Annie said sarcastically, “30 seconds.”

“Anyway, after putting up some fight, I got you to calm down and carried you upstairs, but you’d wrapped your arms around my neck and wouldn’t let go,” Mikasa explained.

“Aw,” Ymir cooed, earning a jab in the stomach from Mikasa and a growl from Annie.

“Like hell I did!” Annie exclaimed.

“It’s true,” Bertholdt assured her, “I wouldn’t let her lie about something like this.”

“Plus, we know you get clingy when you’re drunk,” Reiner jumped in.

“Hmph,” Annie huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Anyway,” Mikasa continued, “I put you down in bed, but you wouldn’t let go. Eventually I moved around to get comfortable since I didn’t see you letting go anytime soon, and you pulled me onto you. Hence, that.”

“Bullshit,” Annie said, refusing to believe it.

“Mikasa’s not a liar,” Eren grunted as he entered the living room, followed by a confused and uncomfortable-looking Armin. 

“So… you’re telling me… that’s my fault?” Annie asked tentatively.

“Well I wouldn’t say ‘fault’,” Mikasa said thoughtfully, “More like you created the situation.”

“Well fuck,” Annie muttered, “That’s just great.”

“Very,” Mikasa deadpanned.

“Well, that was entertaining,” Ymir chuckled.

“Yeah, and you’re not off the hook for fucking leaving me there!” Mikasa yelled as she pointed a finger at Ymir who, despite her best efforts, flinched.

“She fucking left you there?” Annie exclaimed in disbelief.

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed angrily. 

“Oh, you’re fucking in for it,” Annie said as she cracked her knuckles.

“As if I’m scared of you,” Ymir laughed. 

“You should be,” Reiner told her, “I’ve seen her hospitalize a guy bigger than Bertholdt and I.”

“Oh,” Ymir said in surprise and a little fear. 

“But let’s not beat the shit out of each other,” Bertholdt said as he put his arm in front of Annie, stopping her from moving. 

“You’re no fun,” Annie complained. 

“We should all pack. We want to be out of here by 3,” Jean mentioned as he got up, likely to pack.

Everyone booed as they remembered they had to return to school, but they got up and went to their rooms to pack their things, complaining the whole way.

Once in her room, Mikasa collected the few things she left laying around and put her dirty clothes in a bag to wash when she got home. She double checked that she had everything before going back downstairs and putting her things by the door, so she wouldn’t forget it. 

About an hour later, everyone else made it down the stairs with their things, and they worked together to pack their things into the cars. Since they’d be individually dropping everyone off, people’s things had to ride in whichever car they were riding in. 

“It’s 2:30. Do we just want to leave now?” Jean asked as he looked around the house for anything people might have left. 

“That works for me,” Eren nodded.

Everyone else reluctantly agreed. While they would’ve loved to stay longer, they had school tomorrow, and they still had homework to complete from Friday. It would be smarter to get home as fast as possible and complete the homework then. 

“I’ll miss you, lake house!” Sasha exclaimed as she hugged the wall and shed fake tears.

“We should come back in the summer,” Jean proposed, “It’s a lot nicer then.”

“But that’s a whole year away,” Sasha whined in complaint.

“It gives you something to look forward to,” he assured her as he grabbed her arm and pulled off the wall, pushing her towards the car. 


	10. Bouvardia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bouvardia: Enthusiasm

It was Tuesday, the first day back at school since the lake house trip. Annie huffed as she got out of bed and grabbed her clothes for the day. She never wore anything special, so she decided on a simple hoodie and jeans. 

Once she was dressed, she ran down the stairs and entered the kitchen where she saw her father drinking coffee as he scrolled through his phone. “Come home straight after school,” he ordered.

“I have soccer practice after school,” Annie told him as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

“Well that’s too damn bad,” he said firmly as he lifted his eyes to glare at her, “I said be here, so be here.”

“Whatever,” she sighed as she put two slices of bread in the toaster. 

Annie knew her father was scary and intimidating, even she feared him to some degree, but she knew he had her best interests in mind. He had always told her, from a young age, that no matter what happened and no matter what she did, he’d always be on her side. It was comforting, especially given the power he held in their area. 

He was the sheriff of the police in their area, and Annie knew he had worked hard to get there. She remembered him spending countless nights scouring the internet and numerous books as he studied for the position. As you can imagine, his position made him rather intimidating. 

“My captain’s going to be pissed,” Annie mumbled as she sat down with her toast, hoping he’d maybe let her go to practice rather than coming home. She knew anything he had planned would be a hundred times harder than soccer practice. 

“Captain?” he asked thoughtfully, “Who’s she again? I think you mentioned her once or twice?”

“Maybe,” she shrugged, “Her name’s Mikasa… Jaeger.”

Her father had a thoughtful look on his face before it morphed into something akin to realization, sadness, and curiosity. Rather than say anything, he seemed immersed in his phone, and she imagined he was researching her. He had done that with all of Annie’s friends despite her asking him to stop multiple times.

“Dad, stop looking for files,” Annie sighed tiredly, “Jaeger isn’t even her real last name.”

“I’m not googling her,” her father assured her, “I already know who she is.”

“You do?” her father asked in surprise. 

“I met her a few years ago,” her father nodded almost reminiscently. 

“Oh,” Annie nodded suspiciously, “Did she do something bad?” 

“No,” her father assured her, “Not really.”

“‘Not really’ is different from ‘no’,” Annie told him. 

“Hmm,” he hummed carelessly. He seemed completely uninterested in telling Annie about her history, something uncommon for him. He always rushed into telling her about all his interactions during work, and he never failed to rant about the bad things people she knew had done. So why was he suddenly so uninterested?

“You’re not going to tell me?” Annie asked, almost offended.

“Her case still haunts me,” he told her solemnly, as if trying to find the courage to speak.

“That bad? What, did her parents like… neglect her to the point of near-death or something?” Annie asked sarcastically. 

“No, no,” Annie’s father said as he shook his head, “Not at all.” 

Annie then remembered Mikasa had been arrested. She revealed it while they were playing the drinking game at the lake house, and she had been so adamant about not sharing her story that she drank half a bottle of alcohol. Had her father been the one to arrest her? Did he know what she did? It couldn’t have been that awful if her dad was defending her. He had said she didn’t do anything bad.

“If you don’t want to tell me then don’t,” Annie huffed, deciding to keep this information to herself. She wasn’t trying to convince him to talk now. At this point, she just wanted him to make up his mind. 

“Are you friends?” her father asked, seemingly curious. 

“Not really,” Annie shrugged, “We’re in the same friend group, but I think she hates me.”

“Why do you think that?” her father asked as he put down his phone, giving Annie his full attention.

“We were somewhat close for a while, but then she just pushed me away out of nowhere. Something about her not being who I thought she was?” Annie explained.

“Oh, my. Poor girl,” Her father cooed softly. She’d never seen him look so concerned for anyone aside from herself. She raised a curious eyebrow at him, but he just waved a hand dismissively. “If you make friends with her, you’ll have to bring her over sometime,” her father said as he stood up and began cleaning his cup, a clear sign he wanted to drop the topic.

“Okay?” she said skeptically, “What are we doing after school?” 

“Training,” her father answered simply, “and you might come with me to the station.”

“Umm… why?” she asked. 

“The higher-ups want to switch me to canine, and if that happens, I want you to help me pick out a dog. If it happens, it would live with us full time,” her father explained.

“A dog? I thought you hated dogs?” Annie answered, “I spent most of my formative years begging for one and you turned it down immediately. Why the change of heart?”

“This is for work,” her father told her, “It’s different.”

“Whatever you say,” she sighed as she walked up the stairs to finish getting ready for the day. 

“Hey, Dad?” she asked when she came back down with her school things. 

“Hmm?” he hummed, his eyes not leaving the eggs he had made himself for breakfast.

“Can I have Friday the 22nd off?” Annie asked hesitantly, “You know, no training or anything?”

“What for?” he asked.

“Homecoming,” she answered, “My friends want to go as a group, and they want me to go as well.”

“It’s a group thing, not a boyfriend thing, correct?” he asked skeptically. 

“Yes, Dad,” she said as she rolled her eyes. Honestly, she was more into women than men, so he didn’t have to worry about boyfriends. He didn't know that though.

“I suppose,” he agreed reluctantly, “You’ll have to train on a different day that week then.”

“Got it,” she said as she rushed to the door, “Bye Dad! See you after school. Love ya!”

She raced out the door, sprinting to school. Her house was a little far, but she enjoyed the run in the morning. It didn’t take her long to reach Mikasa’s house as it was just up the street from hers, and she froze outside of it. For some reason, she always found herself looking at the house when she passed it.

After a few moments, she shook her head to clear it and ran the rest of the way to the school, waiting for Reiner and Bertholdt at the entrance. Luckily, it didn’t take them long to show up, and the three walked into school together.

“I got my dad to give me Homecoming off,” Annie said with a smile.

“Perfect!” Bertholdt exclaimed happily, “There’s supposed to be an after party at someone’s house as well. I think it’s Dreyse or something.”

“No way in hell I’m going,” Annie said firmly. 

“I know you two have history, but she’s not gonna touch you with a ten foot pole while we’re around,” Reiner assured her.

“History?” Annie asked with a bitter laugh, “She almost ruined my life.”

“Okay, true, but she’s going to be hanging out with her friends,” Reiner reminded her, “She’s not gonna mess with you.”

“I’ll think about it,” she agreed reluctantly, wanting her friends to leave her alone. She loved them to pieces, but they never knew when to drop a subject.

“Great!” Bertholdt smiled as he clapped his hands together. 

As they entered the school, Annie separated from them to walk to her locker. Since she came to the school a little late, her locker was in a separate wing from everyone elses. She actually liked it since she didn’t have to interact with as many people.

Well, that was usually the case. As she walked to her locker, she saw the last person she wanted to see waiting next to it. She scoffed to herself as she approached her locker. “Hitch,” she greeted as she opened her locker.

“You don’t seem happy to see me,” she pouted.

“Of course I’m not,” Annie laughed bitterly. 

“Anyway,” Hitch said as she rolled her eyes, “I want to invite you to my party, formally.”

“Okay…” Annie said, not seeing why that was necessary. 

“Maybe I’ll get drunk enough that we can have some fun…. Again,” Hitch said as she whispered in Annie’s ear seductively. She was slightly taller than Annie, so she had to lean down a little to reach her ear. 

Annie made a disgusted noise as she pushed Hitch away from her. “Never again,” Annie hissed.

“Oh, fierce,” Hitch smirked, “That’s what I like about you.”

“Yes, well, I like absolutely nothing about you,” Annie assured her as she slammed her locker shut and began walking away.

“Not so fast,” Hitch said firmly as she stepped in front of Annie, pinning her to a locker, so she couldn’t leave. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Annie exclaimed quietly. Annie easily could’ve gotten out of the position, but she was curious about what Hitch had to say. 

“Listen closely,” Hitch whispered in Annie’s ear, fighting the urge to shiver at the sensation. It wasn’t that she enjoyed it, quite the opposite actually. “You’ll do what I ask of you, or I tell,” she threatened.

“You tell, and I’ll tell,” Annie hissed, “and I promise, it will hurt you more than me.”

“Hmm, you make a good point,” Hitch said with a hum, “I might have something better to offer.”

“Doubt it,” Annie scoffed.

Hitch smirked as she put her mouth over Annie’s neck, causing the short blonde to make another noise of disgust, though she didn’t move. “Everything you want to know about Mikasa,” she offered.

“I’m not  that interested in her,” Annie scoffed, finally pushing Hitch off of her.

“There was a time you looked at me the same way you look at her,” Hitch commented, “I know when someone piques your interest.”

“Put it this way, it’s not enough to get anywhere near you ever again,” Annie answered as she tried to leave, only to be stopped by Hitch again.

“I guess threatening you works better than offering something,” Hitch commented, “I always thought you were the pain over pleasure kind of girl.”

“What the hell?” Annie exclaimed as she shoved Hitch away agai, only for her to pin her… again.

“If you don’t do what I ask of you, I’ll actually ruin your life this time,” Hitch said with an evil smirk.

“As if you have the information for that,” Annie scoffed.

“You act as if there wasn’t a time when we told each other everything,” Hitch laughed, “I miss that.” she then grabbed a strand of Annie’s hair, causing her to growl.

“Fierce, as always,” Hitch laughed.

“Prove you have something on me,” Annie dared her.

“I’ll tell the whole school what your father did,” Hitch hissed, causing Annie to squeak in surprise. She didn’t remember revealing that to Hitch, “and if that’s not enough, I’ll tell the whole school everything Mikasa is. She’d be destroyed. The attention whore might just kill herself, finally.”

“You wouldn’t,” Annie hissed angrily. 

“Oh yes, darling, I would,” Hitch said with an innocent smile.

“You disgust me,” Annie said as she shoved Hitch off of her, again, trying her best not to ruin the girl’s disgusting face. 

“Is that a yes?” Hitch smiled.

“I’ll do whatever the hell you want,” Annie growled as she walked off.

“Good choice!” Hitch yelled after her as Annie sped walked away. 

In first period, she sat beside Mikasa and couldn’t help but think about her conversation with her father and Hitch. They knew things about her, bad things. It left a pit in her stomach. She couldn't help but imagine what the hell Mikasa could have possibly done. Were they not as similar as Annie had initially thought?

The rest of her classes passed in a flash. Her brain was too focused on her thoughts of Hitch, Mikasa, her father, and how they were all connected. When lunch rolled around, she grabbed her tray and sat at her usual table between Bertholdt and Reiner who were already there. 

“We saw you and Hitch at your locker,” Reiner whispered, “We were going to get you, but you had that murdery look in your eyes.”

“She’s blackmailing me again,” he told them, “but it’s whatever.”

“You shouldn’t just let her do what she wants to you,” Bertholdt said sadly. 

“She’s got serious stuff on me, Bert,” Annie said, “Mikasa too. Probably all of us. If it was just me, sure, but it’s everyone. I can’t let her do that.”

“We’d all be fine,” Bertholdt assured her.

“We don’t know that,” she said with a stormy look at Mikasa who had her head turned to her tray of food. She was mindlessly pushing her food from side to side, not eating it. 

“You don’t need to play hero,” Reiner told her, “We can all handle ourselves. Her the most.”

“She’s physically capable, yes,” Annie agreed, “but we all know she’s not completely here mentally.”

“I guess,” Reiner shrugged.

“Hitch has something huge on her,” Annie said, confident in that. While Hitch was the type to bluff, Annie knew her tells like the back of her hand. She wasn’t lying.

“Okay, fine,” Reiner agreed, “just don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

“It’s a little late for that,” Annie sighed as she began eating.

“What are you three whispering about?” Ymir said noisily. 

“None of your business,” Annie said nonchalantly, “It’s nothing important.”

“They’re definitely hiding something,” Mikasa jumped in, “but it’s whatever. Aren’t we all hiding something?” 

“That sounded deep,” Historia commented worriedly, “Are you alright?”

“Fine, I’m just speaking the truth,” Mikasa said as she finally took a bite of her food as if that would assure Historia that she really was fine. 

The rest of lunch passed smoothly and quietly. Even the rest of her classes flew by, though she did have a mountain of homework to complete which would suck to do after training. When gym finally rolled around, she excitedly changed into her sports wear and met everyone on the court to play basketball. She watched Mikasa look at the court with a longing look before she sat on the floor against the wall. 

Annie felt bad for her. Anyone could tell how important sports, especially soccer, were to her, and now she wasn’t able to play them? Even Annie felt it was unfair. It’s not like she could do anything about it, but she could sympathize. 

They ended up electing Eren and some other boy to be team captain. They faced off viciously, and Annie wondered if the two had history. It sure as hell seemed like it. 

“That was definitely a foul!” the other boy exclaimed as he threw his hands on the air from his spot on the ground, watching as Eren continued dribbling.

“Foul!” the gym teacher announced.

“The hell? I know you just fell on purpose! I didn’t even touch you!” Eren exclaimed as he walked to the other guy. 

“You shoved me!” the guy said as he stood up, getting in Eren’s face.

“Knock it off,” the gym teacher warned, but things kept escalating. They guys had grabbed each other’s shirts as they yelled at each other. 

Everyone watched in slow motion as the other guy swung his fist at Eren. Eren, seeing this coming, threw his own fist. Everyone gasped in anticipation, but the satisfying sound of connection never came. 

Everyone blinked in surprise as they saw Mikasa standing between the two, having caught their fists before they made contact. “Don’t you dare touch him with your dirty hands,” she seethed at the other guy, twisting his hand until he whimpered in pain.

“And you need to get your shit together,” she said as she shoved her brother before limping back to her spot against the wall. 

“You need to get down off your fucking high horse,” the guy hissed at Mikasa, now approaching her.

“Excuse me?” Mikasa asked curiously, not even angry. 

“You think you’re so much better than everyone just because you live a perfect ass life. Your family is rich as fuck. You’re probably spoiled rotten and conceited. This is why no one fucking loves you,” he seethed.

Mikasa’s eyes widened in surprise before her face slowly shifted to sheer rage. Eren seethed silently as Armin stopped him from interfering. They had seen how poorly Mikasa reacted when she was truly angry, and Armin had never seen Mikasa look so enraged.

“Walk. Away,” Mikasa told him.

“What? To scared to fucking hit me? Daddy gonna take away your Range Rover? Oh? Or does Daddy beat you when you act up? I’m sure you like it too,” he spat as the gym teacher stared at him in horror.

Mikasa’s mouth parted as she licked her teeth with a fake smile. It was a clear sign of her anger. “As if you’d know,” she jabbed, “You’re just upset the drugs didn’t work.”

Everyone looked confused aside from Eren who knew everything that had happened. He looked about ready to kill someone, but he knew Mikasa could handle her own, as she was doing right now. 

The guy confronting Mikasa looked to be at a loss for words before he lunged at her, catching her by surprise. He had wrapped his hand around her throat, causing her to gasp in surprise. “I knew you liked that kind of thing,” he smirked.

“Okay, now you’ve pissed me off,” she hissed as she kicked him, with her casted foot, in the crotch. He squealed in pain as he fell to the ground. Mikasa then kicked him as hard as she could, again using her casted foot. 

Everyone watched in surprise as he slid halfway across the gym, squealing in pain. Annie, for one, was horrified. She had thought she’d seen Mikasa angry before, but she’d never seen such blind rage on her face. She was panting like she’d just run a marathon as she slowly walked towards the crying boy on the floor. 

Slipping out of Armin’s hold, he sprinted ahead, stopping Mikasa before she could reach the boy. The two had a heated discussion before Mikasa eventually rested her head on Eren’s shoulder. Her back was bouncing up and down, and Annie assumed she was crying. The sight made Annie’s heart ache.

Eren smiled sadly as he wrapped a hand around Mikasa’s head and pet her hair gently in an attempt to soothe her. She didn’t think she’d ever seen Eren look so caring. She’d only ever seen him angry, or slightly less angry when Armin or Mikasa was involved. 

“Go to the principals,” the gym teacher ordered angrily. 

“I think she broke his ribs,” Eren said with a slight smile as he looked at the boy writhing in pain. Annie had to cover her mouth to suppress a laugh. Honestly, it wouldn’t be surprising. She’d seen Mikasa kick a ball with her foot, and she knew the stories of her breaking bones. That was without a cast. She couldn’t imagine the damage with one. 

“Take him to the nurse first,” the gym teacher said, but he didn’t sound sympathetic in the least. 

Mikasa had lifted her head off Eren's shoulder, seemingly thanking him as she sniffed and returned her face to her usual neutral expression. She calmly lifted the boy off the ground as Eren helped her. The guy seemed like he was saying something to Mikasa, and Annie guessed it was something offensive considering the angry look Eren was giving him while Mikasa had a fake smile on her face. 

The rest of gym passed easily, and after changing, Annie left back to her house. She silently hoped no one would miss her too much, but she was pretty sure they barely knew she existed. 

When she finally arrived back at her house, her father was waiting for her. “How was school?” He asked, seemingly interested. 

“Umm, fine,” she shrugged, “I think Mikasa broke a guys ribs, so you might hear something from his parents later.”

“I’m sure she had her reasons,” her father nodded.

“You have a lot of faith in her considering you barely know her,” Annie commented, trying to get information out of him.

“I trust that her heart is in the right place,” her father assured her as he stood up and put his shoes on.

“Dad,” Annie asked seriously.

“What?” he asked as he faced her.

“What happened to Mikasa?” she asked.

“It’s not my place to say,” he said as he opened the back door, silently telling Annie to follow him. 

“You tell me about all your other cases,” Annie complained.

“Yeah, but you know her. You should get the information from her if you want it so badly,” her father said as he walked into the wooded area behind their house. 

“You make this so unnecessarily difficult,” Annie said, rolling her eyes. 

The two then entered a shed in the middle of the woods. This was where her father stored protective gear for the two. They put it on before entering the wooded area outside the shed.

“You ready?” he asked.

“Come at me,” she said with a confident smirk

\-----------

After a few hours of throwing a series of punches and kicks at each other, she reached her least favorite part of the day. Her father had decided he wanted her to be able to withstand a taser. She had been against it, but he said it might come in handy one day. 

Being a teenage woman, Annie knew she always had to be suspicious. It was the sad truth of the world. She also knew her father was just trying to keep her safe, but the idea of being tasered multiple times until she could put up with it made her cringe. 

“Ready?” he asked.

“Not really,” she admitted as she removed the gear.

\-----------

A few more hours and many more bruises later, she hissed as her father helped treat the small burns in and marks she had from the taser. “This is how I prepared to be a cop,” he assured her, “so I know this pain.”

“And you decided to inflict it upon your daughter,” she hissed at him as he wrapped gauze around her torso.

“I’m trying to protect you,” he said as he looked at her seriously.

“I know,” she sighed.  _ But aren’t there better ways to go about it?  _ She thought to herself as she stood up. 

“The station called and said they found someone else to do canine,” her father assured her, “so you’re free to do whatever you want the rest of the night.”

“Great,” she said as she grabbed her backpack and walked upstairs to her room to do her homework.

After finishing her homework, she laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Her whole body ached, and after a while, she decided to take a bath.

She didn’t like baths as much as showers, but she often took them after training to help soothe her muscles. They even had epsom salt which could be added to help even more. Additionally, it helped with skin and stress.  _ Mikasa should take an epsom salt bath _ , she thought to herself,  _ that girl needs a chill pill.  _

When Annie finally got in the water, she sighed happily. The warm water washed over her angry muscles and soothed them. It almost reminded her of how Eren had soothed Mikasa. Even though they weren’t biologically related, they really did love each other like siblings, and Annie found herself wishing she had a sibling to do something like that for her. Then again, she supposed Reiner and Bertholdt did that for her.

After about half an hour of soaking, she got out of the tub, draining it as she did. She winced at the pain she felt in her torso as she wrapped a towel around herself and walked back to her room to change.

“Annie,” a voice whispered when she opened her door.

“Eek!” she exclaimed as she gripped her towel tightly, desperate to make sure it didn’t fall. “What the hell are you doing here?” she asked when she recognized the voice as Reiner’s.

“We wanted to check on you,” Reiner said as Bertholdt peaked around her door. 

“We have bad timing, Reiner,” Bertholdt told him, “She’s naked.”

“And you saw?” Reiner exclaimed quietly.

“Annie, are there people in your room?” her father called up to her.

“No, dad!” she yelled back quickly, “I’m just on facetime with the guys?”

“Right after a shower?” her father yelled back ,”you better not be doing something I wouldn't do!” her father yelled back.

“Ew, Dad, gross!” she yelled, “They’re like my brothers!” 

“They damn well better be,” she heard her father huff as she slammed her door.

“Oh, she has a towel on,” Reiner sighed.

“Why, did you want to see me naked?” Annie asked as she pretended to drop her towel.

“No!” he exclaimed as he covered his eyes. 

“Chill, dude,” Annie laughed, “As if. Now turn around or something, so I can put clothes on.”

“Got it,” they said with a nod as they turned around, even covering their eyes.

“You’re good,” she told them as she pulled her shirt over her head. 

“So, what happened today?” they asked, knowing her father had done training with her.

“The usual,” she answered nonchalantly as she laid on her bed and plugged her phone into her charger. 

“Oh,” they sighed, “Anyway, did you hear what happened to Mikasa and Eren?”

“Something happened to them?” she asked, “Oh yeah, they went to the office.”

“Yeah,” Reiner nodded, “Eren isn’t in trouble, neither is Mikasa, and the other guy got suspended and can’t go to homecoming.”

“How the hell did Mikasa not get in trouble?” Annie asked in surprise, “I was pretty sure she broke bones.”

“Not sure, but Eren said something about him doing something to her in the past. I think they went to your dad, but he couldn’t do anything about it because there wasn’t proof,” Reiner told her.

“How the hell…” she muttered, “It was important enough to go to my dad?”

“I think he drugged her at a party,” Bertholdt jumped in.

“What the fuck,” she muttered.

“Guys are assholes,” Bertholdt said.

“You’re a guy,” she told him.

“I know,” he nodded, “My point stands.”

“How the hell did he even manage that?” Annie asked.

“She probably got too drunk to realize, or she wasn’t paying attention,” Reiner guessed.

“Damn, that’s pretty shit,” Annie muttered as she took her hair out of her usually bun and brushed it back with her hand. 

“Men are shit,” Reiner said.

“Agreed,” Annie nodded as she laid down.

“Anyway,we just wanted to pass on the news and check on you,” Bertholdt said.

“How’d you even get in here without my dad knowing?” Annie asked.

“Oh, so I got in Bertholdt’s shoulders and climbed into your window then I pulled him up. Ta-da!” Reiner explained.

“My God,” Annie sighed, “Was all this really so important you couldn’t have just texted?”

“Well du-.... You know what, you make a good point,” Bertholdt decided as he laughed.

“This way was more fun,” Reiner explained with a shrug.

“Have fun getting back down,” Annie teased.

“Fuck,” Reiner cursed, “This is all your fault, Bert.”

“My fault? You’re the one who suggested it!” Bertholdt defended himself. 

“Okay, I’ll lower you down, and then you’ll catch me?” Reiner offered.

“Okay, but if you drop me, I’ll kill you,” Bertholdt said as he reluctantly agreed.

“You too,” Reiner said as they walked to Annie's window. 

As promised, Reiner lowered Bertholdt onto the ground. When his feet finally made contact with the ground, he gave Reiner a thumbs up. “Bye Annie,” Reiner said as he climbed through her window, “see you at school tomorrow!” 

“Bye guys,” she laughed as they exited.

“Don’t you dare drop me!” Reiner yelled quietly as he jumped. 

Annie heard a muffled string of curses, and she guessed that, despite his promises, Bertholdt had dropped Reiner. She quietly laughed to herself as she crawled under her covers, deciding to get some sleep before tomorrow. 


	11. Goldenrod

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goldenrod: Encouragement, growth, and luck (Often given to people during times of hardship or mourning)

“Annie!” her father yelled as he knocked on her door, “Your friends are here!”

“Huh?” she asked, disoriented. She slowly lifted her head off her pillow and rubbed at her eyes.

“Nice to see you too,” Bertholdt teased as he entered the room, Reiner following behind him. 

Annie just grunted at them, still too tired to formulate proper words. “It’s Saturday,” she mumbled, “Why are you here?” 

“Eren’s having a get together at his place to celebrate Ymir and Sasha’s win,” Reiner explained as he pulled the blanket off Annie, causing her to squeal as the cold air hit her, “Speaking of, why aren’t you with them?”

“Our other goalie wanted to play,” Annie told them sleepily, “so I stayed home.”

“Ah,” Reiner sighed in understanding. 

“They haven’t even played yet…?” Annie said groggily as she got out of bed to grab a hoodie, immediately laying back down, “How does Eren know they’re gonna win?” 

“Eren thinks they’re gonna win, so he’s having the rest of the group meet him at his house to surprise them,” Reiner explained, “If they lose, then it’s gonna be a party to cheer them up.”

“Do I have to go?” Annie groaned as she hugged her pillow, still trying to warm up.

“Yep,” Reiner said as he scooped her up easily.

“Hey! Put me down you whore!” she exclaimed as she kicked around.

“If you say so,” he smirked as he dropped her on the floor, not bothering to make the landing painless.

“You little shit,” she winced as she rubbed her back that had hit the ground.

“Love you too,” he assured her with an arrogant smile.

“Fuck yourself,” she hissed as she stood up and stretch a little, trying to wake herself up. 

“Anyway, I think everyone’s gonna be there,” Bertholdt updated her as she changed. Hr and Reiner had turned around respectfully, but Bertholdt didn’t like the odd silence.

“I think he said Mikasa will just hide in her room as well, so you’re good to go,” Reiner assured her. 

“I hope she’s okay,” Bertholdt mumbled.

“You two seem close,” Annie pointed out.

“Yeah, when did you guys get all buddy-buddy?” Reiner teased as he bumped into Bertholdt playfully. 

“It was definitely when they shared a room at the lake house,” Annie decided.

“What? We’re not even that close,” Bertholdt defended himself, “We just talked a couple times. Same as you and her. You just hate her for whatever reason.”

“I don’t hate her,” Annie said as she rolled her eyes.

“Then why are you so vicious to her?” Reiner asked, obviously believing Annie hated Mikasa as well.

After a few moments, Annie answered, “It’s easier to ignore her than to make friends.”

“Why are you so adamant about not being her friend?” Bertholdt asked, “I think you’d actually get along if you could get past this…. Whatever it is.”

“She asked me to leave her alone,” Annie revealed as she pulled her shirt on over her head, “I’m only respecting her wishes. If she decides she wants me in her life, then maybe I’d consider it.”

“Well aren’t you respectful,” Reiner said sarcastically. 

Annie tapped their shoulders, silently telling them she’d changed, and they could look. The boys turned to face her, and their jaws dropped. “Trying to impress someone?” Reiner teased.

“Huh?” she asked as she looked at her outfit. It was nothing special, at least, she didn’t think so. She was wearing high-waisted black jeans with a white built and a low-cut tee. She didn’t think it was anything special, but apparently it looked good on her. “I just put on the things I found first,” Annie defended herself.

“Whatever you say,” Reiner teased with a wink.

“You suck,” Annie huffed as she and the boys left her room and walked out of the house. 

“Did you walk here?” Annie asked as she realized their car wasn’t there.

“Yeah,” Bertholdt admitted, “It’s not like the Jaeger’s is that far away anyway.”

“Fair enough,” Annie agreed as they made their way there. 

When they arrived at the house, an older woman opened the door. She guessed it was Eren’s mother, and she greeted the two politely. Annie politely introduced herself, and the other woman did the same. 

“Nice to meet you, Carla,” Annie said politely as the woman, Carla, moved out of the doorway for the three to enter. 

“It’s nice to see you boys again,” Carla said with a smile as Reiner and Bertholdt entered.

“Yeah, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Reiner agreed. 

“Eren’s in the kitchen,” Carla informed them, “Mikasa’s not feeling well, so she’s in her room.” 

The three nodded as they made their way to the kitchen and greeted Eren. To their surprise, Historia, Armin, and Connie were already there. Annie had expected Connie and Historia to go to the game with Sasha and Ymir, but she guessed they decided to stay because of the long drive. 

“Hey,” Annie greeted with her hands in her pockets.

“I’m surprised you showed,” Eren said as he looked at Annie.

“Yeah, well, I heard Mikasa was staying upstairs,” she answered. Truthfully, she would’ve liked to see Mikasa, but it seemed that the girl was busy. 

“Don’t be an ass,” Bertholdt said as he hit Annie. He had intended to hit her chest or stomach, but because of their height difference, he ended up smacking her right in the forehead.

“Ow, what the fu-” Annie stopped herself, “fudge.”

“I didn’t mean it I swear,” Bertholdt said with his hands raised in surrender. Annie just growled at him, obviously not having the patience to do anything about it. 

“Hey, is Mikasa okay?” Bertholdt asked after a while. 

“What’s it to you?” Eren asked defensively.

“I was just curious,” Bertholdt said reassuringly. It was obvious that Eren was defensive of his sister, but Annie hadn’t expected him to be so upset about someone wanting to know if she was okay. 

“She’s fine,” Eren assured him as he started mixing something.

“What are you making?” Reiner asked as he looked at the counter they were surrounding.

“We’re attempting to make a cake,” Historia answered for him. 

“What kind?” Bertholdt asked as he looked at the mess on the counter. 

“Chocolate,” Connie answered this time, “It’s their favorite.” 

“Just… don’t burn anything,” Reiner said cautiously.

“God damn Mikasa and deciding not to help,” Eren huffed.

“It must be hard for her,” Bertholdt sympathized, “seeing her team play without her.”

“I suppose,” Eren agreed, “Soccer is practically her reason for living.”

“She must be taking it pretty rough,” Bertholdt nodded sadly.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Annie said as she rolled her eyes, “It’s just a cast. It’ll fix itself in a few weeks, and she’ll play again like nothing happened.”

“I guess,” Bertholdt agreed.

“That’s like if you lost the hoodie your mom gave you for 6 weeks,” Reiner whispered in her ear, causing Annie to straighten, “Have some sympathy.”

“Sorry,” she muttered quietly. Everyone stifled a gasp, not expecting Annie to seem so sincere, even if it was quiet. 

“You’re good,” Eren assured her.

“Eren!” Annie heard a masculine voice yell. 

“Yes, Dad?” Eren yelled back as he continued mixing ingredients for his cake. 

“Do you know where your sister’s book is?” Grisha asked as he looked around the house.

“Which one?” Eren asked, knowing his sister had a lot of books.

“Her favorite,” Grisha answered as he looked up and realized other’s were in the house, “Uh… the one she brought with her from home.”

“Oh, that one,” he nodded as he thought, “Last I saw her with it was the living room.”

“Ah, okay,” his father nodded as he walked back to the living room.

The friend group was silent for a while, not sure what to say after that. “Cake needs to bake for 40 minutes,” Eren told everyone, breaking the silence. 

Historia quickly put the cake in the oven before returning to the group. “What should we do for the next 40 minutes?” Connie asked. 

“Not sure, but I have a question for everyone,” Reiner said, “Are you guys going to Hitch’s after party?” 

“Absolutely not,” Historia answered immediately. 

“Why would we?” Connie asked, “She’s like… evil.”

“Agreed,” Eren agreed.

“Oh,” Reiner muttered, “Well, we’re going, so we were going to ask you guys to tag along. I guess that’s a no, then.”

“Well... if you’re going,” Eren muttered, “It’s not like we actually have to interact with her.”

“Why are you guys going anyway?” Armin asked, “I was sure you guys hated her as much as we did.”

“We do,” Annie confirmed quickly, not wanting her friends to tell the group her real reason for going, “but she throws good parties.”

“You seem like you know from experience,” Eren commented suspiciously. 

“I do,” she confirmed vaguely.

“We don’t get a story?” Connie teased.

“Absolutely not,” she said firmly. 

“Should’ve seen that coming, pal,” Armin said as he clapped Connie on the back. 

Everyone stopped talking as Mikasa entered the room. Admittedly, she looked like hell. Her hair was a mess as if she’d just woken up from a long nap though her eyes told you she hadn’t slept in days. 

“Oh,” Mikasa mumbled, realizing there were people in the house. She immediately turned around and walked out of the kitchen, going back to her room.

“Mikasa!” Eren yelled after her.

“Hmm?” Mikasa hummed, not turning to look at them.

“What did you want?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she assured him as she walked back to her room.

“The hell happened to her?” Annie asked unsympathetically.

“She’s having a tough time,” Historia answered, “The anniversary of her parents death is in 2 weeks.”

“Hmm,” Eren hummed in agreement, “She was up all night puking her guts out.”

“That bad?” Annie asked, “Seems a little dramatic.”

“She hates it just as much as everyone else,” Eren shrugged, “If she could make it stop, she would.”

“Why was she throwing up if she’s sad?” Reiner asked, not understanding.

“Dunno,” Eren shrugged, “I always thought it was from crying too much, but my parents said it’s something else.”

“They won’t tell you?” Connie asked now.

“Nope,” Eren answered easily as the group walked to the living room where Carla was.

“We don’t tell you because it’s not your business,” Carla said as she looked up and smiled at her son.

“I’m not complaining,” Eren said as he put his hands up, “Though it’s a little rude to leave me out of the loop.”

“She’ll tell you when she’s ready,” Carla assured him as she scrolled through her phone.

“She’ll probably take it to her grave at this point,” Eren sighed as he flopped onto the couch.

“That’d be her choice,” Carla said.

“Sounds like it’s really bad,” Annie commented, “My dad said he was haunted by what happened to her.”

“Your dad knows?” all of them exclaimed in unison.

“Yeah…” Annie answered as if it was obvious, “He’s the sheriff. He knows everything that’s happened here in the last 10 years.”

“Your dad is sheriff Leonhart?” Carla asked with wide eyes.

“...Yes,” Annie answered matter-of-factly. 

“I’ll be back,” Carla said as she jumped up from her spot and sprinted up the steps.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her run before,” Eren commented as he watched his mother run up the stairs, “let alone that fast.” 

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Annie said slowly as if that would help her and the other’s understand, “I thought everyone knew.”

“I guessed,” Historia confirmed.

A few moments later, Mikasa sprinted down the stairs. She still looked like a mess, but she’d fixed her hair, and her eyes bags were less obvious. “You seem to be in a hurry,” Annie commented nonchalantly. 

“Is your dad really the sheriff?” she asked. She looked a little crazy at the moment. “How’d I not realize it sooner?” she mumbled to herself, “Her last name’s Leonhart, after all.”

“Umm… what’s it to you?” Annie asked defensively. 

Mikasa grumbled something under her breath before saying, “just tell him I said thank you, for everything.”

“Huh?” Annie asked curiously as everyone else looked at Mikasa, confused. 

“Can you just… tell him please?” Mikasa asked as she turned to Annie. Annie was stunned when she realized that the taller girl’s eyes were pleading. Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears, and Annie found herself unable to deny the girl.

“Uh… yeah. Sure,” she agreed.

“Thank you, Annie,” Mikasa said sincerely as she made her way back up to her room.

“The hell?” Annie mumbled to herself when Mikasa was out of earshot.

“Leonhart. Leonhart. Leonhart,” Eren muttered to himself.

“Okay, now you sound like the crazy one,” Annie commented.

“No, it sounds familiar, not because of you,” he assured her.

“Okay…” Annie said though she didn’t quite believe him.

After a few moments, he gasped in realization and seemed like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. “You’re not gonna share your grand epiphany with the class?” Annie asked.

“I think your dad’s the reason Mikasa is here,” Eren nodded, “You know, alive and at our house.”

“Huh?” practically everyone asked at the same time.

“Don’t look at me,” Eren shrugged, “I don’t know the rest.”

“This secret shit is starting to get really annoying,” Annie said as she rolled her eyes.

“You’re keeping secrets too,” Eren pointed out. 

“Yeah, but I’m also not throwing up all night or looking like a crazy person because of them,” Annie defended herself.

“Watch what you say about her,” Eren warned her.

“Yeah, yeah,” she sighed thoughtfully. 

_My dad’s the reason she’s alive? He must’ve found her in pretty shitty condition then. He even said it haunted him, and he’s seen a lot of gruesome shit in his career_ , Annie thought to herself, _God dammit I wish she’d just open up. Then again, Hitch did promise to tell me about her if I went through with what she said…. Seems a little dirty… and cheaty though. I wish she’d just tell me to my face._

After a few more minutes, Historia received a call from Ymir, and the blonde told them that Ymir and Sasha had won their game. Historia congratulated them before hanging up. They were trying to surprise the group, so Historia had to keep the call short. 

\-------------

When Ymir and Sasha finally arrived -after Historia told Ymir she and Connie were at the Jaeger house-, they were happy to find all their friends there. Jean and Marco had even arrived about an hour before them. 

“Where’s Mikasa?” Sasha asked as she looked around for her friend, “I thought she’d be the first to congratulate us.”

“She’s staying in her room,” Eren told them.

“Ah yeah, it’s almost the 29th, isn’t it?” Sasha sighed sadly.

“I hope she gets over it soon,” Ymir sighed as she wrapped an arm around Historia, “I was hoping to gloat about my 4 goals this game.”

“I don’t think that would help with her mood, Ymir,” Sasha silently scolded her. 

“I guess,” Ymir sighed sadly as she kissed Historia’s cheek. 

“I’ll be back,” Sasha said as she walked towards the stairs. 

“She doesn’t want to be bothered,” Eren warned her.

“I won’t be long,” Sasha assured him as she walked up the stairs.

“It’s her funeral,” Eren sighed.

Meanwhile, Sasha knocked lightly on Mikasa’s door. “Go away,” she said simply.

“It’s me,” Sasha said through the door, and she heard quiet footsteps. Mikasa’s door unlocked, and she heard Mikasa walk away. She took that as a sign that she could walk in, so she entered. 

“What?” Mikasa asked without much emotion.

“I just wanted to check on you,” Sasha said as she tentatively sat on Mikasa’s bed, “I mean, we are friends. Friends check on each other.”

“I guess,” Mikasa agreed as she got under her covers. 

“So, what can I do?” Sasha asked cheerfully.

Mikasa thought about it for a moment before answering, and Sasha took that as a good sign. Rather than answer verbally, she patted the side of her bed. Sasha gave her a curious look before slowly sitting on the bed. Mikasa nodded contently as she laid down and faced the girl. Sasha did the same, turning to face Mikasa.

“I-” Mikasa began before stopping herself. Sasha just smiled at her encouragingly, and she saw that Mikasa’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you,” she said instead as she lowered her head, looking away from Sasha.

“Mikasa?” Sasha asked.

“Hmm?” Mikasa hummed in question as she fought off tears.

“Can I hug you?” Sasha asked as she held her arms out for Mikasa. 

After a few moments, rather than saying anything, Mikasa put her head against Sasha’s chest, and Sasha carefully wrapped her arms around her friend. Sasha carefully patted her friend’s back as she heard her start crying softly. 

“It’s okay to cry, you know?” Sasha told her, “I cry all the time.”

“Really?” Mikasa asked with laughter.

“Mhm,” Sasha confirmed, “Like when Connie takes my lunch. I cried one time because I was on my period, and I really wanted that potato.” Sasha smiled when Mikasa genuinely laughed. “Is it ‘that time’?” Sasha asked curiously.

“...How’d you know. Is it really that obvious?” Mikasa groaned though she laughed at the end.

“Not really,” Sasha assured her, “just a lucky guess.”

“I couldn’t even sleep,” Mikasa complained.

“Still can’t sleep?” Sasha asked curiously.

“I’m tired as hell,” Mikasa admitted, “but I don’t want to sleep.”

“Nightmares?” Sasha asked knowingly.

“Can you read my mind?” Mikasa joked.

“Apparently,” Sasha laughed. 

“Why aren’t you downstairs with everyone else?” Mikasa asked.

“I figured you were hurting, so I wanted to check on you,” Sasha answered honestly.

“Thank you, really,” Mikasa thanked her. 

“Of course,” Sasha smiled, “We won, by the way.”

“Good,” Mikasa nodded, “Don’t ruin our record of being undefeated so soon.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Sasha assured her with a laugh.

“Don’t you want to go back down with everyone else?” Mikasa asked, “I’m sure Connie is wondering where you are.”

“I was going to stay here until you fell asleep,” Sasha offered, “unless you want me to go.”

Mikasa was silent for a while before she gently grabbed Sasha’s arms, loosening their grip around her. Mikasa then gently wrapped her arms around Sasha’s back and closed her eyes. “I think this is the first time you’ve ever hugged me back,” Sasha joked.

“Don’t make me regret it,” Mikasa grumbled groggily, “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“Got it,” Sasha nodded as she smiled. She gently rubbed her friend’s back, and it wasn’t long before she heard her start snoring. 

\-----------

“Did Mikasa eat Sasha or something?” Connie asked as he checked the stairs for the third time, trying to see if she came back.

“Maybe they’re banging,” Ymir joked.

“You’re actually disgusting,” Eren gagged.

“What, it’s a possibility,” Ymir shrugged, “We both know Mikasa has a soft spot for her.”

“Can’t deny that,” Armin agreed. 

“Don’t say that to her face,” Eren laughed. 

“What’s so special about Sasha?” Annie asked.

“What? Jealous she hates you?” Ymir said with a laugh. 

“No,” Annie huffed.

“She definitely is,” Ymir whispered, but she made sure to say it, so everyone could hear. 

“I’m not jealous,” Annie assured her, “I just don’t get it.”

“None of us do,” Ymir told her as she sipped water, “She’s like a cat. She only clings to certain people, usually for no reason.”

“I think that’s the most accurate description I’ve ever heard,” Eren agreed, and Armin nodded with him.

“Should we go check on them?” Connie asked.

“Probably,” Eren nodded, “Sasha might be crying in the bathroom because Mikasa yelled at her. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“I thought Mikasa had a soft spot for her?” Annie asked, confused.

“She does,” Eren answered matter-of-factly. 

“I’ll go,” Connie volunteered. 

“Good luck,” Ymir said teasingly.

Connie cautiously made his way up the stairs. When he reached Mikasa’s door, he knocked lightly. After a few moments of waiting, however, no one answered. Hesitantly, he tested the doorknob and silently celebrated when he found that it was unlocked. He gently turned the knob and pushed the door open, only to cover his mouth in surprise and cuteness. 

“Ymir,” he whisper-yelled from the top of the stairs. 

“What?” she yelled back, “and why are you whispering?”

“You’re gonna want to see this!” he yelled back to her, making sure not to be too loud.

Ymir grumbled something unintelligible as she walked up the stairs. “What?” she asked him, annoyed.

“Look,” he said as he guided her to Mikasa’s room and opened the door. 

Ymir had the same reaction as Connie. The only difference was that once she calmed down, she took her phone out and snapped a picture. “That’s too fucking cute,” she said as she looked at the picture.

In Mikasa’s room, Sasha and Mikasa were cuddled together, both snoring softly as they slept. Sasha was obviously tired from her game, though Ymir was surprised she fell asleep knowing their cake would be done soon. 

“Let’s let them sleep,” Connie said as he closed the door and made his way back downstairs, making sure Ymir followed him.

“So, what’s the verdict?” Jean joked.

“They’re asleep,” Connie said as he sat on the couch.

“Together,” Ymir added as she handed the picture to Eren, signalling for him to pass it around.

“Odd,” Eren commented as he looked at the picture, “She always yells at me to go away when she gets like this.” He huffed slightly as he passed the phone to Armin who was seated next to him. 

“Awe,” Armin cooed as he passed it one.

Everyone had similar reactions, and the phone eventually made it back to Ymir. “She’s going to kill you for taking that picture,” Historia warned her girlfriend as she sat back down beside the blonde. 

“Maybe, but it will be worth it,” Ymir nodded with a smirk.

“Cake’s done!” Marco yelled from the kitchen. Apparently, he knew how to bake, so they’d entrusted the rest of the cake process to him. 

“Poor Sasha,” Connie laughed as he got up and walked to the kitchen.

“You’re not gonna wake her?” Jean asked, surprised.

“You snooze, you lose,” he shrugged.

In Mikasa’s room, Sasha slowly woke to the sound of laughter downstairs. She blinked a few times to wake herself up before realizing that Mikasa was still asleep. Most people would realize that by the fact that someone’s eyes were closed, but Sasha knew because Mikasa was clinging to her like a lifeline. Sasha couldn’t help but laugh at the sight, knowing she’d never see it again. 

Sasha was about to leave when she heard something she hadn’t expected; quiet sobs. “Mikasa?” she asked curiously.

The girl slowly looked up at Sasha, and Sasha realized that Mikasa must’ve been awake for a while. “Sorry if I woke you up,” she grumbled as she wiped at her tears viciously.

“Didn’t I tell you it’s okay to cry?” Sasha laughed a little as she tried to stop Mikasa from rubbing her eyes. She was doing it so aggressively that Sasha suddenly realized why her eyes were always so swollen.

“I hate it,” Mikasa admitted as she whimpered.

“It just lets you get your emotions out,” Sasha assured her, “It’s probably why you cry so aggressively. You just have a lot of emotion. That’s not a bad thing, Mikasa.”

“What the hell happened to Sasha?” Mikasa asked as she laughed, “I don’t remember you being this wise.”

“Must be from just waking up,” Sasha decided with a slight laugh.

“Thanks for staying with me,” Mikasa said as she let go of Sasha, “The cake’s done downstairs.”

Sasha immediately jumped out of the bed and ran to the door, stopping before leaving. “Do you want me to bring you some?” she asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” Mikasa assured her, “I’m going to try to go back to sleep.”

“Okay,” Sasha nodded as she left the room, closing the door behind her.

Sasha stumbled down the stairs as she did her best to not to fall while hurrying to the kitchen. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Annie greeted as she was the first to see Sasha.

“Huh?” Sasha asked as she rushed to the cake, quickly cutting herself a rather large slice as she found a fork to eat it with.

“Seems Mikasa doesn’t hate you as much as the rest of us,” Reiner commented.

“She doesn’t hate you all,” Sasha said as she rolled her eyes, sitting at the table with the group, “It’s just that none of you make an effort. You accept that she’s scary, but did you ever stop to consider that she’s scary because she’s scared?”

Everyone was silent as they accepted Sasha’s words. Unfazed by her own words, Sasha shoveled the cake into her mouth as if it would disappear in the blink of an eye. 

“So, you’re suggesting that she’s scared, and she uses anger, tears, and aggression to hide that fact?” Armin asked, “I suppose it’s believable.”

“Yeah, no shit. It explains a lot,” Ymir agreed. 

“I feel like I wasn’t supposed to say that,” Sasha said, her voice muffled and contorted by all the food in her mouth.

“Probably not,” Ymir said as she put a hand on Sasha’s shoulder, “If she comes after you, you’re on your own.”

“Wow, you’re a great teammate,” Sasha said sarcastically, her mouth still full of cake.

“I know,” Ymir smirked as she patted Sasha’s shoulder before removing it. 

\------------

An hour or so later, Annie made it back to her house, and her father greeted her. “Welcome home,” he said as she entered.

“Hey, Dad,” she greeted as she entered the house, slipping off her shoes at the front door.

“How was the get together?” her father asked.

“Fine,” Annie assured him. Her mind flashed back to Mikasa’s words as well as Eren’s about knowing her father. “It was at the Jaeger’s,” she added.

“Oh?” he asked, “Did you see Mikasa?” 

“Kind of,” she nodded, “Somehow you got brought up, and I guess she remembered you or something. She said to thank you ‘for everything’.”

“That girl is an idiot,” he said as he shook his head, “You should invite her over sometime.”

“No way! I hardly even know her!” Annie defended herself, “She doesn’t even like me.”

“Whatever you say,” her father smirked as he looked at his phone.

“Stop acting so smug like you know all the world’s secrets,” she scoffed.

“I know all your world’s secrets,” he smirked, “I think I have the right to be smug.”

“I’m going to sleep,” she grumbled, not wanting to put up with her father.

“Goodnight, Annie,” he said with a laugh, watching has his daughter angrily walked up the stairs to her room.


	12. Red Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red Roses: Love and romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've literally had half this chapter planned out for like a week now, so I hope it turned out okay LMAO

“Annie, you ready?” Reiner asked as he knocked on her door.

“I will never forgive you for making me wear this,” Annie hissed 

“It’s just a dress, don’t be so dramatic,” Reiner said as he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah,” she sighed, “Can you come in and zip this?”

Reiner cautiously opened the door and zipped Annie’s dress. “See, it looks good on you!” he assured her.

“It feels like I’m being suffocated,” she complained.

“Well, if you wore tight clothes more often it’d feel normal,” he said as he led her out of the room towards the main floor. 

While looking through clothes for Annie to wear for homecoming, Annie’s father had silently given Reiner a dress and told him to have Annie wear it. Apparently, it had been her mother’s dress for her senior prom, and her thought she’d appreciate the opportunity to wear it. Annie’s father’s only condition was that she not know it was her mother’s until she returned from the after party. Reiner suspected it was because she wouldn’t want to wear it if she knew. 

“Bertholdt is waiting in the car. Let’s go!” Reiner spoke again, trying to get Annie to pull her shoes on quicker.

“Fucking heels. Damn beauty standards,” Annie grumbled under her breath as she put heals on. The heels were short and thick, so they’d be easier to walk in compared to other pairs. Of course, Annie, the girl who always wore sneakers and combat boots, wouldn’t like to wear heels at all. 

“Let’s go,” Reiner repeated as he opened the door. 

Annie made her way out the door, shivering a little as the cold air hit her legs. Her dress was around knee-length, so the rest of her legs were left to freeze. “Damnit it’s fucking freezing,” she hissed, “This is why I don’t do dresses.”

“Calm down,” Reiner huffed, “It’s just a few hours. You’ll live.”

Annie shut up as she climbed in the car with Reiner. “I see you got her in it,” Bertholdt commented.

“Barely,” Reiner sighed. 

“Alright, ready?” Bertholdt asked.

“Just drive,” Annie said as she crossed her arms, trying to warm herself up. “Why the hell’d you make me wear a dress in the middle of fall?” Annie huffed.

“Because everyone’s wearing dresses,” Reiner told her matter-of-factly.

“Ymir isn’t,” Annie huffed.

“Ymir’s a lesbian,” Reiner answered easily.

“One, women can wear suits without being a lesbian. Two, so am I!” Annie explained.

“She’s an out lesbian,” Reiner added.

“That doesn’t change the fact that you don’t have to be a lesbian to wear a suit,” Annie told him. 

“I guess, but don’t you not want to draw unnecessary attention to yourself?” Reiner agreed.

“I guess,” Annie sighed.

“Good, not shut up and suck it up,” Reiner said as he turned up the heat. 

When they finally made it to the school, they got out of the car and walked to the cafeteria where they were supposed to meet the rest of the group. Homecoming itself was being held on the football field before going to the gym to celebrate, but the group wanted to meet before entering the gym. 

Once they finally found the group, Annie was surprised to see Mikasa with them. Last she heard, the raven-haired girl wasn’t planning on coming. “I’m surprised to see you here,” Annie commented as she approached Mikasa.

“I was brought against my will,” Mikasa explained.

“Me too,” Annie said with a slight laugh. 

“I don’t even like parties,” Mikasa huffed.

“Are you going to the afterparty?” Annie asked curiously.

“I’m also being forced to go to that one,” Mikasa agreed with a nod. 

“Let’s go party, peeps!” Jean exclaimed as he led the way to the football field.

“Aren’t you meant to be getting ready to play?” Annie asked Reiner and Bertholdt. She was surprised -though she really shouldn’t have been- to find that Reiner and Bertholdt along with Eren and Jean attempted to get on the football team and were all successful. 

“That’s why we have to hurry,” Jean said as he clapped his hands and sped up his pace. 

“Alright, this is where we leave,” Reiner told Annie as he handed her his jacket, knowing she’d be cold while watching the first game of the season. Bertholdt also gave her his jacket since it was bigger, and they didn’t have space for them in the locker room. Eren gave his jacket to Armin to hold onto while Jean passed his to Marco.

“See you guys after we win,” Eren smirked.

“Don’t get too cocky,” Mikasa scolded him.

“Yeah, yeah, Mom,” he huffed as he ran off. Mikasa very noticeably rolled her eyes as she led them towards seats. 

Annie wondered what had happened between the two. They were usually close -as she saw the other day when Eren comforted Mikasa-, but today, things between them seemed tense. Perhaps they got in a fight? Eventually, she gave up on thinking about it since it wasn’t her business anyway. 

When they all sat down, Annie put Reiner’s coat in and put Bertholdt’s over her legs to protect them from the breeze. She was seated between Historia and Sasha, and she hoped they wouldn’t pose too much of a problem. She was sure Historia would be fine, but she knew Sasha was rather noisy. 

The first quarter of the game was slow as most players were still warming up and getting a feel for their positions on the team. Jean was quarterback, Eren and Bertholdt were wide receivers, and Reiner was a linebacker. All-in-all, they seemed to be pretty good at what they were supposed to do, but Annie wasn’t a football expert. 

Towards the end of the second quarter, their team was leading by 7 points, and the teams took a break. The school marching band played as well as cheerleaders. Annie watched with disdain as Hitch flipped through the air and across the field. There had been a time when they were best friends, closer than that even, but now she couldn’t even stand to look at the girl. She couldn’t help but wonder how Hitch could smile so innocently while making half the school miserable by simply existing. Not that she wanted Hitch dead, she wasn’t that evil; she just couldn’t understand how Hitch could seem so innocent. 

By the time the third quarter rolled around, the other team had finally started properly playing. They managed to catch up and even surpass the home team by 7 points. However, it was their team’s ball, so Annie had hope that they wouldn’t be behind much longer. 

When it was finally the fourth and final quarter, the teams were tired. It was obvious by everyone’s slower speed and reflexes. It was a wonder that the players would have the energy to celebrate and go to parties afterwards. 

After the game was finally over, Shiganshina ended up winning by a mere three points, a field goal they had scored just before the end. They had to wait a while for their friends since they were showering and changing in the locker rooms, but it didn’t take too long until the whole group was there. Annie congratulated her friends as she gave Reiner and Bertholdt their jackets back, and the group made their way towards the gym.

In the gym, the group split into groups and went off on their own. Historia and Ymir, Sasha and Connie, Jean and Marco went off while Eren, Mikasa, and Armin went towards the drinks together. 

“What should we do now?” Reiner asked.

“I guess we just hang around here until people start leaving,” Bertholdt shrugged. 

“Works for me,” Annie nodded as she walked around, the boys following behind her. 

There were a few times that people tried to dance with her or talk to her, but she ignored them easily. She didn’t have a specific destination in mind, but she was sure she wasn’t going to dance or converse with anyone outside of her group. 

“I’m gonna get drinks and eat something. Want anything?” Bertholdt asked his friends.

“I’ll go with you,” Reiner offered, “That okay with you, Annie?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” she assured him.

“Want anything?” they asked.

“Nah, I’m good,” she answered easily as she walked to the back of the gym. 

As she was walking, someone grabbed her arm and put a hand around her wrist. Without thinking, she easily flipped their position. She was disappointed but not surprised to find that her attacker was Hitch.

“What the hell do you want?” Annie asked as she let the girl go.

“I’ll be leaving soon,” she told the blonde, “I expect you to be there in an hour.”

“Don’t you need time to get drunk before you bang me?” Annie droned. 

“An hour will be long enough,” Hitch assured her as she looked the blonde up and down. Annie gagged a little internally as she nodded with an eye roll.

“See you soon, blondie,” Hitch smiled with a giggle as she ran off.

“Don’t call me that!” Annie yelled after her.

“I’ll call you whatever I want,” Hitch said as she turned around and grabbed the collar of Annie’s shirt, “You’re my bitch, remember?” Annie just growled as she pushed Hitch off of her and walked away. 

She made her way to the table with food and drinks, knowing she was bound to find at least one of her friends there. Sure enough, Reiner and Bertholdt were talking animatedly as they picked at food and sipped their drinks. Likewise, Sasha and Connie were eating everything in sight, often being scolded by the chaperones. 

“Reiner,” Annie whispered as she got to him.

“What?” he asked.

“We’ve gotta leave in half an hour,” Annie told him begrudgingly. 

“Huh? Why?” Reiner asked. 

“Because I said so,” she said as she looked at them and then Connie and Sasha, implying that she couldn’t say anymore because those two could hear. Luckily, the guys seemed to get the memo as they nodded in acceptance. 

Annie spent the next half hour finding the rest of her friends and telling them she’d be leaving. Ymir and Historia said they were leaving around the same time while the rest said they’d probably stay later though they’d still go to the party. 

By the time she told everyone she was leaving, she had to waddle out of the school and back to her friend’s car, so she could leave and make it to Hitch’s house on time. “Ready?” Annie asked as she got in the car.

“You sure you want to do this?” Bertholdt asked, “You can always just say no.”

“You know it’s not that simple,” she said as she accepted the jacket Reiner silently handed to her. 

“Yeah,” Bertholdt nodded, “I just wish it was.”

“You and me both,” Annie nodded as Bertholdt started driving.

The drive was short since Hitch lived close to the school. Her house was huge, to say the least, but Annie knew her way around quite well. She easily led her friends to the living room to hang out until Hitch inevitably found her. Sometimes it was like Hitch had a compass that immediately led her to Annie when she was drunk enough. It was almost laughable. Almost. 

Eventually Ymir and Historia joined them, and Annie prayed to any and every god that Hitch wouldn’t say anything stupid in front of them. Everyone knows Ymir can’t keep a secret, and she was sure she’d say something to the group. Hell, Annie walking off with Hitch would be suspicious enough. 

She was about to leave when Hitch found her.  _ Fuck _ , Annie cured in her head,  _ She always has the worst timing _ . 

“I’m just going to steal her,” Hitch commented as she grabbed Annie’s arm, practically clinging to her as if her life depended on it. Considering how heavy Hitch was, Annie guessed she might’ve been trying to keep herself upright.

“Um, why?” Ymir asked as she eyed Annie who smiled reassuringly at the brunette, “Don’t you hate her?” 

“It’s complicated,” Annie told Ymir.

“Let her go,” Ymir said firmly as she looked at Hitch.

“It’s fine,” Annie said as she cringed internally. She lifted Hitch, causing the girl to squeal before giggling, “She can barely walk.”

“The hell are you doing?” Ymir asked.

“I’m not evilly enough to leave her while she’s about to pass out,” Annie told Ymir with an eye roll as she walked off. 

Hitch laughed as she wrapped her arms around Annie’s neck. “Hmm, that was hot,” Hitch hummed as she put her head against Annie’s chest.

“Something like that,” Annie agreed as she walked up the stairs.

“I’m surprised you lied for me,” Hitch teased, “I guess you must really want that information to stay a secret.”

“Something like that,” Annie repeated.

“Ugh, you’re no fun,” Hitch complained as she rolled her head back. 

“Neither are you,” Annie agreed, “but here we are.” 

“Your sense of humor is so dry,” Hitch complained as Annie opened the door to Hitch’s room. 

Annie ignored her as she put Hitch on her bed and walked back to the door. “Where are you going?” Hitch whined in complaint.

“You think I want to have sex with you sober?” Annie asked with a bitter laugh, “No way.”

“Fair enough,” Hitch complained as she laid back on the bed, “but if you don’t come back, I leak the information.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Annie hissed as she left the room and hurriedly grabbed the strongest thing she could find from the alcohol. A few people complained as they saw it leave, but the second Annie glared at them, they were quiet. 

When she made it back to the room, Hitch had fallen asleep. Annie silently celebrated as she opened the door, prepared to leave. “Not so fast,” Hitch said, sounding wide awake.

“That was a test, wasn’t it?” Annie complained as she turned to face Hitch again. 

“You catch on quick,” Hitch smirked as she sat up.

“You see a lot less drunk now,” Annie commented observantly.

“I’m only tipsy,” Hitch assured her.

“That’s convenient,” Annie droned as she rolled her eyes. She carefully opened the bottle she’d grabbed from the main floor and chugged a good bit of it, scrunching her face in distaste as the awful taste hit her.

Hitch barely gave her time to swallow before her tongue was in Annie’s mouth. Annie gasped in surprise, but she went along with it. A small part of her wanted to throw up, and she wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the thoughts of what she was about to do and who she was doing it with.

It didn’t take long for Hitch to remove Annie’s shirt, and she easily pushed the blonde onto the bed. Annie easily followed whatever movements Hitch made as she had no interest in making her own moves. 

Hitch climbed on top of her and began kissing her neck and jaw before pausing and giving Annie a curious look. Eventually, she sat on her knees as she gave Annie a bored look. “Can you not lay there like a dead fish?” Hitch requested, “It makes me feel like a rapist.”

“Kinda are,” Annie whispered under her breath as she took another large sip of the alcohol. She then leaned up and kissed Hitch, causing the other girl to smirk. 

“Better,” Hitch spoke into the kiss. 

\-------------

“Have you seen Annie?” Ymir asked Mikasa who she found drinking alcohol in the kitchen. She was surprised by how much she was drinking, but she wasn’t the girl’s mother. She also didn’t judge people. She just decided to keep an eye on the girl and make sure she stayed safe. 

“Hmm, no,” Mikasa answered as she frowned.

“Wait, miss her?” Ymir teased.

“Huh? No,” Mikasa answered coolly, “I just expected her to be by the alcohol.”

“It’s the last place I expected to find you,” Ymir said as she laughed.

“Hmm, rough day,” Mikasa answered as she took another sip. Ymir laughed lightly as she patted Mikasa’s shoulder. She then walked off, finding Sasha. 

“Sasha!” Ymir exclaimed in a friendly manner as she threw an arm around the girl’s shoulder, “How do you feel about helping me find blondie.”

“Historia?” Sasha asked with a mouthful of food.

“No, the other blondie,” Ymir answered with an eye roll.

“Armiph?” Sasha asked as she put more food in her mouth.

“No, Annie, dipshit,” Ymir said as she smacked the girl in the back of the head.

“Ow,” Sasha complained as she swallowed her food and rubbed the back of her head.

“Will you help me or not?” Ymir asked impatiently.

“Why are you looking for her, anyway?” Sasha asked.

“Because, the last time I saw her she was with Hitch, and I don’t trust that bitch,” Ymir answered easily.

“She’s with Hitch?” Sasha asked with wide eyes, “Yeah, I’ll help.”

“Good choice,” Ymir nodded as she led the way to the stairs. 

When they walked up the stairs, they walked around, opening all the doors. Well, until they reached the door farthest from the stairs. “I don’t think we should open that,” Ymir commented as she skipped it.

“Why?” Sasha asked.

“Listen,” Ymir told her.

Sasha put her ear against the door as she concentrated on the noise. She heard muffled moans, and she immediately jumped away from it. “Exactly,” Ymir commented with a laugh. After hearing another muffled moan from inside, however, Sasha put her head against the door again. “What the hell are you doing, you creeper!” Ymir hissed silently.

“It sounds like Hitch,” she determined with a focused look on her face.

“Huh? How would you- nevermind,” Ymir sighed as she too put her ear to the door. “Well I’m be damned, it does sound like her,” she commented after a while.

“You don’t think…” Sasha commented as she looked at Ymir with wide eyes.

“-Annie’s in there?” Ymir finished Sasha’s sentence for her.

“You think she’s in there?” Sasha asked.

“Probably,” Ymir sighed with a shrug, “It’s not our business.”

“What if she’s… not into it? It’s not like we heard her,” Sasha argued for her friend.

“Do you want to walk in there?” Ymir asked.

“... For Annie?” Sasha asked, “I… could.”

“You’re too loyal for your own good,” Ymir sighed, “Be my guest.”

“Wait, stay here,” Sasha said as she saw Ymir walking away.

“I don’t want to see ‘that’,” Ymir said as she pointed at the door.

“Yeah, but what if they like… eat me,” Sasha asked, concerned.

“Fine, but my eyes are staying closed,” Ymir agreed as she closed her eyes.

After a few seconds, Sasha cautiously turned the doorknob. “Amateurs couldn’t even lock the door,” Ymir commented , having heard the door open. Ymir then heard the tell-tale sign of Sasha covering her eyes as she slammed the door. 

“I’m scarred for life,” Sasha commented as her eyes remained covered.

“I warned you,” Ymir commented.

“Annie’s kinda hot though,” Sasha nodded.

“God, and they say I’m the lesbian,” Ymir sighed.

“What do you want?” they heard a familiar voice from the doorway.

“What the hell are you doing with her?” Ymir hissed at her blonde friend who was hiding behind the door, obviously still naked.

“I’ll explain later,” Annie said as she casted a glance back at Hitch.

“You’re okay though, right?” Sasha asked worriedly.

“Fine,” Annie confirmed.

“Then continue,” Ymir said with a smirk, “Have fun.”

“Something like that,” Annie sighed as she closed the door. Ymir heard the door lock behind her, and she couldn’t help but laugh a little. 

“That was traumatizing,” Sasha complained as she made her way down the stairs.

“You volunteered,” Ymir laughed.

“Well at least we know she’s not being raped now,” Sasha said, obviously not regretting her choice in the long run.

“I’ve officially seen every lesbian in our group naked,” Sasha sighed.

“Technically, we don’t know if Annie’s lesbian,” Ymir said.

“Well, she obviously likes women,” Sasha decided.

“I’m still holding out hope that Mikasa is bisexual,” Ymir sighed.

“Why?” Sasha asked.

“My gaydar has never been wrong,” Ymir commented, “I can’t ruin it’s streak now.”

“Fair enough,” Sasha agreed as she walked back to the kitchen to eat food. Ymir walked back to the living room where she met up with Historia. 

Meanwhile, in Hitch’s room, the taller girl had decided that she was too tired to continue. Annie silently cheered in her head as she stood up and began putting her clothes back on. “You're not dating anyone new yet, right?” Hitch asked.

“You ask that now?” Annie asked, annoyed.

“Are you?” Hitch asked again.

“I wouldn’t have agreed to this if I was,” Annie told her.

“I guess that’s true,” Hitch agreed, “You are the loyal type.”

“Yeah,” Annie nodded as she slipped back into her dress.

“Come here,” Hitch said after a few moments.

“Why?” Annie asked skeptically.

“You’ve been struggling with that zipper for the past 2 minutes,” Hitch commented.

Annie huffed as she slowly backed up, so Hitch could pull the zipper up. “Thanks,” Annie huffed as she adjusted the dress, making sure it was on correctly. Annie easily made her way to the bathroom connected to Hitch’s room where she checked her hair, quickly fixing it as she washed her face. 

“You sure you don’t want to shower?” Hitch offered, “You probably smell like sex.”

“Your whole house smells like sex and alcohol,” Annie commented, “I doubt anyone will notice.”

“Okay,” Hitch whined, “I’ll get you your information on Mikasa next week.”

“That’s not why I did this,” Annie told Hitch.

“Hmm, figures,” Hitch sighed, “I’ll tell you then, anyways.”

“Whatever,” Annie huffed as she left the room.

“See you Monday,” Hitch giggled as Anine left, causing the blonde to roll her eyes.

Sometimes she wondered how she got herself into this mess, this sort of push and pull relationship she had with Hitch. She guessed it stemmed from her mother’s death. The time had been traumatic, and it caused her to look for anyone who would give her affection. As you can guess, that first person happened to be Hitch. 

\----------

On the main floor, Mikasa sat by the alcohol as she drank. Oddly, she felt that alcohol seemed to clear her mind, or maybe it gave the illusion of a clear mind. Either way, she found herself drinking as much as she could.

Eren and Armin had abandoned her to dance together or find people to play drinking games with, she didn’t bother to ask. She’d had a few people come up to her, trying to convince her to dance or do other things, but she always turned them down. 

It’s not that she didn’t want to dance or let loose, she was just scared.  _ I’ll always be a coward _ , she thought to herself with disdain,  _ I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of love and not being love, and I’m scared of failing and succeeding.  _

\-----------

_ I thought I wanted someone to fill the void, but when I had it, or thought I did, I still felt just as empty as I had without it. Once I found the person to fill that void, I still felt empty and wanted more _ , Annie thought as she slowly walked down the stairs,  _ I wanted to find someone who would love and accept me for everything I am, and that person wasn’t Hitch. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to leave her, and it only made things escalate. Eventually, we ended up using each other, threatening each other, and constantly hating each other: things we still do to this day. _

_ Isn’t it funny how you want something until you finally have it and realize just how worthless it is? _

When Annie finally reached the main floor, she walked straight to the alcohol. She took a few sips before she started to feel a little cramped. In the end, she ended up weaving her way through people and walking to the backyard. Hitch had a heated pool, and a few people were in it. Annie, however, walked to a corner with a few lounge chairs, and she closed her eyes as she laid down on one. 

_ Sometimes, I wonder if this is what animals feel like? Wanting something only to get it and hate it. I’ve seen countless animals jump for joy upon finding scraps in the woods, only for them to be repulsed by their taste _ , Annie thought to herself with her eyes closed,  _ Wanting the idea of something rather than the something itself? I’d notice that when those same animals appeared in the woods again, they ignored the food they knew was disgusting. It was a slow learning process. I hope that eventually I can learn the difference between wanting something and wanting the idea of it because right now, this purgatory between them is getting really tiring. _

She was pulled from her reverie when she heard the rustling of the chair beside her. She slowly opened her eyes to see Mikasa sitting beside her. She gave the girl a curious look, and Mikasa just shrugged in return.

“Annie,” Mikasa said the blonde’s name after a while.

“Hmm?” Annie hummed in answer.

“I’m sorry I was so mean to you before,” she apologized sincerely, “I’m just scared.”

“I don’t think you meant to admit that to me of all people,” Annie commented, still fairly sober given how much she’d drank. Then again, she also knew Mikasa was a lightweight.

“Probably not,” Mikasa agreed, “but it’s the truth.”

“What are you scared of?” Annie asked, seemingly invested.

“Everything,” Mikasa answered as she closed her eyes and looked to the sky. 

“Everyone’s scared of something,” Annie assured her.

“What are you scared of?” Mikasa asked as she looked at Annie curiously. 

“If I had to pick something,” Annie asked thoughtfully, “I guess I’m afraid of staying the same.”

“Really?” Mikasa asked, obviously surprised, “I guess I can understand that.”

“Do you have the same fear?” Annie asked.

“In some way, I suppose,” Mikasa confirmed, “I guess I’m scared that nothing will change, and I’ll be stuck in a constant loop that I can’t escape.”

_ -And my biggest fear _ , Mikasa thought to herself as she saw Annie in a new light,  _ is losing the person who makes me realize it’s okay to be afraid of everything.  _

“Couldn't have said it better myself,” Annie said as she took another sip of her drink. 

“Hey, Mikasa?” Annie asked after a while, turning to face the girl. 

“Hm?” Mikasa hummed in question, turning to face Annie as well.

“How drunk are you?” Annie asked with a laugh.

“Considering how much I’ve said, probably pretty drunk,” Mikasa decided.

“I’m surprised you can think that clearly and speak so well,” Annie laughed.

“It’s funny,” Mikasa laughed a little, “I know I shouldn’t be telling you these things, but I can’t stop myself from saying them.”

“That’s the magic of alcohol,” Annie joked.

“I think you’re just easy to talk to,” Mikasa answered honestly, “See, there I go again, saying things I shouldn’t.” Annie couldn’t help but laugh wholeheartedly. “Are you laughing at me?” Mikasa pouted.

“No, I’m laughing with you,” Annie assured her.

“Okay,” Mikasa nodded as she closed her eyes. 

_ She looks so pretty _ , Annie thought to herself,  _ I wonder if she’d be made if I kissed her. _

_ What the hell are you thinking! _ She yelled at herself,  _ Of course she’d care. She hates you! But… she did apologize… Does that mean she wants to be friends -or whatever we were before- again?  _

“Annie,” Mikasa mumbled.

“Hm?” Annie hummed.

“The alcohol wants me to tell you you’re pretty,” Mikasa said easily, causing Annie to laugh hysterically. 

“Who knew you were so funny,” Annie commented with a slight laugh.

“I didn’t even know I was funny,” Mikasa commented, “I think the alcohol has a sense of humor, and it’s just sharing with me.”

_ I really want to kiss her _ , Mikasa thought,  _ I’ve never wanted to kiss someone before, definitely not this much. Would she hate me? I spent so much time pushing her away, it would seem weird if I suddenly changed my mind, right? While drunk too!  _

“I don’t think that’s how alcohol works,” Annie laughed.

“I wish that was how alcohol worked,” Mikasa complained as she looked away from Annie.

To her surprise, the blonde gently grabbed her chin and turned her face to look at her again. Mikasa’s eyes widened in surprise, and she saw that Annie’s did as well. “Sorry,” Annie apologized as she moved her hand away, “The alcohol stole my inhibitions.”

Mikasa grabbed Annie’s hand before she could fully pull away, and the raven-haired girl placed the blonde’s hand back on her face. Mikasa closed her eyes, allowing herself to enjoy the feeling momentarily. “I think it stole mine too,” Mikasa agreed as she held Annie’s hand in place. 

“Would the alcohol mind if I kissed you,” Annie whispered, finally giving into what she wanted. She was afraid because she knew once she made the move, she’d only want to kiss her more, do more, but she wanted to know what it was like. 

“I don’t think it would care,” Mikasa answered honestly as she closed the gap between the two. 

_ It’s just as I thought _ , Annie thought sadly,  _ I liked the idea of kissing her. I like kissing her as well, of course, but as I guessed, I want more. Unknowingly, I craved her. I wanted her to know me, to need me, to want me just as much as I unknowingly wanted to know her, need her, and want her. Now that I realize that, it explains a lot -the clinginess, the anger when she pushed me away, the frustration when she shut me out-.  _

Annie, trying to see how far she could push this moment, ran her tongue across Mikasa’s bottom lip, causing the raven-haired girl to make a noise of surprise before slightly parting her lips, allowing Annie the entrance she requested. 

_ Hmm, she let me?  _ Annie thought to herself,  _ This is nice. _

_It’s a strange sensation,_ _this kiss we’re sharing_ , Mikasa decided as she allowed Annie to deepen their kiss, _despite the alcohol, I’m processing thoughts easily. Everything seems so clear, and it’s as though time itself has ceased to exist._

_ It’s peaceful _ , Mikasa realized as she kissed Annie back passionately, trying to dominate the girl,  _ I haven’t felt this peace in… a long time. Please,  _ she thought as she fought harder, though being careful not to harm herself or Annie, if that was even possible,  _ Please don’t make this end. I know I don’t deserve it, but please don’t make it stop. Don’t make this feeling go away.  _

“Woah,” Bertholdt commented as he found the two. He had been searching for Annie for a while, wanting to make sure she was okay after her encounter with Hitch. Of course, you can imagine his surprise when he found her passionately making out with the only other girl she held a grudge against.

Both girls, having heard another voice close to them, pulled away from each other. Mikasa looked at Bertholdt apologetically as Annie turned away from the two, likely embarrassed. 

“Umm,” Bertholdt mumbled, “I think it’s time for us to go home.”

“Yeah,” Annie agreed silently as she looked at Mikasa. Realization seemed to dawn on her as she covered her mouth in surprise. Annie, however, realized she didn’t seem disgusted or otherwise bothered by the revelation. 

“Eren and Armin were looking for you,” Bertholdt told Mikasa as he attempted to help Annie who shoved him off of her. 

Mikasa merely nodded as she stood up, holding onto the wall as she did. The world was spinning, and she groaned slightly as she realized it would be difficult to make it to wherever Eren and Armin were.

“I’ll text them to let them know you’re here,” Bertholdt told her as he saw her struggling.

“Thanks,” she said as she plopped down on the ground, leaning against the wall.

“Goodnight, Mikasa,” Bertholdt said as he walked off, Annie following behind him.

_Ah,_ Mikasa thought after a while, _I’ve realized it. That feeling. When time stops and everything’s peaceful. I’m falling._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, this is like my favorite chapter yet. This chapter jumps around a lot, so I hope it was easy enough to understand. I'm always open to answering any questions you have in the comments.
> 
> Feedback and suggestions are welcomed and appreciated! <3


	13. Dead Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dead Roses: Not a flower themselves, but represents the premonition that the feelings between Annie and Mikasa are dead, dying, or in danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title inspo: https://youtu.be/8amLwmLp9pg

It was the Monday after Homecoming, and Mikasa’s head was spinning. Over the weekend, she had spent a lot of time analyzing -probably over analyzing- her kiss with Annie on the previous Friday. In the end, she determined that maybe she cared about Annie a little more than she originally thought, but that kiss was definitely the alcohol because she knew she definitely didn’t have that much confidence sober. 

Mikasa got out of bed and ate somewhat slowly. She was dreading seeing Annie again because she knew it would be awkward. She silently hoped Annie had forgotten about it and would just act like she hated her again. 

After eating and finishing getting ready for her day, Mikasa put her shoes on and yelled for Eren. “Coming!” he assured her as he sprinted down the stairs, using the railing to skip over the last 3 steps. 

“Hurry up, or I’m leaving you behind,” she told him coldly. 

“Okay, I’m good,” he said as he looked up, realizing Mikasa had already left the house, “Damn it.”

When Eren finally caught up to her, she slowed down, so he could keep up with her easily. “I didn’t think you’d actually leave without me,” Eren complained as he rolled his eyes.

“When have I ever made an empty threat?” Mikasa asked as she snickered.

“....Yeah, okay. You make a good point,” Eren agreed as Armin met up with them on the walk. 

The group accidentally met up with Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner outside the school, and the two groups kind of mingled. Reiner, Bertholdt, and Eren started talking about football while Armin listened intently. Annie and Mikasa, however, silently and mutually agreed to avoid each other like the plague. 

It’s not that Mikasa regretted kissing Annie, quite the opposite. She was afraid she might end up doing it again, and she didn’t know how welcomed that gesture might be. Instead, she decided it was best to just avoid the blonde as much as possible. 

When they entered the school, there was a group crowded around some of the lockers. “We’re gonna have a hell of a time getting our stuff for first,” Eren complained.

“Yeah,” Mikasa agreed as they pushed through the crowd. Annie laughed as she wished them luck, turning to her locker that was in a slightly different direction. 

She easily grabbed her things as she walked towards the group still surrounding the lockers.  _ What the hell?  _ Annie thought to herself as she heard murmurs from the crowd. She then saw a blur run past, and she noticed they ran to the bathroom. She didn’t think anything of it as she pushed through the group, wanting to see what everyone was buzzing about. 

When she finally broke through the circle, her heart stopped. Eren and Armin were staring at a locker that had sharpie all over it. The surrounding lockers had multiple photos of them, and the images were enough to make Annie sick.

On one of them, a picture of her and Mikasa kissing. How anyone got a picture without her noticing was beyond her, but that was even the most disgusting thing there. Surrounding it were images of dead, bloodied bodies. The image itself was vomit inducing, but the most sickening thing, to Mikasa, was the sharpie written around the pictures. 

_ Murderer, dyke, orphan _ , she read through them slowly as he jaw dropped,  _ Whore, slut, bitch, kill yourself, why are you even here, no one likes you, how could you do something like this.  _

“Whose locker is that?” Annie asked as she pointed to the one with the most words on it.

“Mikasa’s,” Eren muttered, his voice was layered in rage. 

Annie swore her heart dropped into her chest. If these things were true, she knew who did it, and she was enraged. “Fuck it,” she whispered to herself as she turned on her heel and walked to a specific room for a specific person.

“Hitch,” Annie said firmly as she opened the door to the girl’s homeroom class. She only knew whose class she was in because she had heard people mention it in passing.

“I never thought I’d see the day you visit me without me begging,” Hitch commented as she stood up and walked to Annie.

“Outside. Now,” Annie said firmly as she glared at the girl.

“Scary,” Hitch mumbled as she stepped out the room.

Annie grabbed the girl’s wrist, definitely not gently, as she dragged her away from prying eyes. “This is scandalous,” Hitch commented suggestively when they ended up in a bathroom.

Rather than say anything, Annie slapped Hitch across the face. “Ow,” Hitch commented dryly as she rubbed her cheek. 

“What the hell!” Annie hissed.

“How about using your words to tell me why you’re angry,” Hitch commented condescendingly. 

“What the hell did you do to Mikasa’s locker,” Annie hissed angrily as she shoved the girl against the wall.

“I told you I’d tell you about her on Monday,” Hitch reminded her, “I never said I wouldn’t tell everyone else at the same time.”

“I knew you were evil, but this? This is a whole new level, Hitch,” Annie commented in disgust as she pushed away from Hitch, running a hand through her blonde hair.

“It’s all true, you know. You can ask your dad,” Hitch told Annie, “He was the officer who responded to everything.”

_ So, that’s what she meant when she wanted to thank him,  _ Annie thought to herself,  _ Now is not the time, Annie! _

“I don’t care if it’s true or not,” Annie said desperately, “The things on her locker, the pictures, everything, it’s too much. You went way too far. It’s illegal!”

“What, gonna tell on me?” Hitch pouted fakely. 

“Who says I won’t,” Annie said as she looked Hitch dead in the eyes. She had to look up a little since Hitch was a few inches taller, but she felt like she was towering over the other girl. 

“I’ll tell the whole school your deepest, darkest secret,” Hitch threatened, her eyes panicked.

“I. Don’t. Care,” Annie whispered in her ear, “I’m done being your bitch, and I’m done letting you fuck with people who are important to me.”

“Important, eh?” Hitch smirked, “What, are you and her a thing?”

“Pfft, no,” Annie answered easily, “It was just a drunken kiss just like you were a drunken fuck.”

“Yeah, but hers had meaning,” Hitch decided.

“Yeah… maybe,” Annie agreed as she left the bathroom. 

\------------

Mikasa sprinted to the bathroom with a hand over her mouth. She could feel the bile rising up her throat, and there was no way she was going to break down in front of her peers. The second she made it to the bathroom, she leaned over the toilet and threw up. She immediately wiped her mouth, hiding her head in her hands as she sat on the bathroom floor, not even bothering to close the stall door. 

Flashes of memories from that night flooded her mind. Watching those men stab her parents, them tying her up as she screamed bloody murder, the feeling of their hands on her as she they carried her away, their hands in her hair or on her cheek, and even their blood that spilled from them when she killed them.

She found herself looking at her hands, and she saw blood. “It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real,” she whispered to herself as she closed her eyes and breathed calmly, “It’s just my imagination.”

Still, she found herself jumping up from her spot and running to the sinks where she ran her hands under the running water, scrubbing viciously at her hands with the water and soap. She scrubbed until her hands really bled from the skin she was peeling off. 

“Mikasa!” a voice yelled as they grabbed her hands from behind. Despite her daze, she recognized the voice as Sasha’s. Her hands trembled as she pulled them from the water. “It’s okay,” Sasha assured her as she gripped the girl’s wrist, trying to ground her. 

“I-I-I-” Mikasa stuttered as her hands continued to shake uncontrollably.

“Shh,” Sasha shushed her as she wrapped her arms around the girl’s chest loosely. 

No longer able to resist it, Mikasa turned in her friend's grasp and cried onto her friend’s shoulder. She held her bleeding hands out in the air, not wanting to completely ruin her friend’s clothes. Sasha just rubbed Mikasa’s back as she whispered to her.

“You know, if it’s true, I don’t hate you. I can’t speak for everyone, but you’re still my friend, even if I’m not yours,” Sasha told her, only making Mikasa cry harder.

“We’re here,” Historia said as she and Ymri entered the bathroom. 

“What happened to her hands?” Ymir asked as she tried to grab the girl’s hands, only for Mikasa to pull them away as if she’d been burnt. Sasha just shook her head, and even Ymir seemed to understand that no wasn’t the time. 

“What can we do?” Historia asked.

“Has anyone told a teacher?” Sasha asked.

“Not sure, but we can do that,” Historia assured Sasha with a firm, trustworthy head nod. 

“Thanks,” Sasha thanked them as she continued comforting her.

“You got it from here?” Ymir asked as she looked at Mikasa who was still crying, though quietly. Sasha just nodded as she petted Mikasa’s hair comfortingly. 

“I saw it,” Mikasa muttered.

“Saw what?” Sasha asked gently.

“Their blood,” Mikasa answered as her tears came out further, “It was.. It was all over me again. I felt so… so disgusting.”

“It’s okay to feel disgusting,” Sasha assured her, “Like, aren’t I disgusting when I talk with my mouth full?” 

Mikasa laughed a little through her tears as she nodded, “Yeah, but that’s a different kind of disgusting.”

“Mikasa, you did what you did to protect yourself. You were angry, hurt, and scared,” Sasha defended her friend, “You were completely in the right.”

“How’d you know all that,” Mikasa asked as her hands shook with fear, scared she had seen it somewhere at the school.

“I’ve known your last name for a while, and I got curious,” Sasha explained, “but it never changed how I saw or thought of you.”

Again, Mikasa cried harder. “S-sasha,” Mikasa stuttered, “You-you’re a really… really great f-f-friend.”

“Damn right I am,” Sasha said with a smile, “Believe it or not, you’re a great friend too, Mikasa.”

“No I’m not,” Mikasa said as she sniffled, obviously trying to stop crying though the tears kept coming, “I hid something so important from you guys for so long, and now the whole school knows. I’m awful.”

“No you’re not,” Sasha assured her, “I don’t think anyone will blame you for hiding this part of yourself. It’s ugly and it’s scary, but it’s you, Mikasa, and if our friends can’t understand that, then they’re not our friends.”

“Y-yeah,” Mikasa agreed as she lifted her head up, “God I ruined your shirt. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Sasha laughed, “It’s just clothes.”

“Mkay,” Mikasa hummed as she looked at her hands. Now they really were covered in blood, and blood had run down her arms from the way she was holding her hands. Not caring, she grabbed a paper towel and blew her nose before attempting to wash her face, cringing when the hot water hit her wounded skin.

“Let’s get to the nurses office, and we can call Carla,” Sasha offered.

“Yeah,” Mikasa nodded, “I don’t think I’ll be focusing today.”

In the nurse's office, the nurse gave them a strange look as they accepted her hands to clean. “What happened?” she asked. 

“It’s nothing,” Mikasa assured her. The ginger just gave her a “puh-lease” look as she put rubbing alcohol on Mikasa’s hand. The girl bit her lip, trying not to cry out in pain. The nurse then collected some gauze and wrapped it around the girl’s hands down to her wrist. 

“Change it out every day until they scab over,” the nurse told her as she handed Mikasa a roll of gauze. Mikasa nodded her thanks as Sasha walked her to the office.

“Miss Jaeger,” the principal greeted her, “I was just about to call for you.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened in fear as she rubbed her sore hands nervously. “You’re not in trouble, don’t worry,” the principal assured her, “We’re contacted your mother for a meeting with who we think is responsible.” Again, Mikasa’s eyes widened. She already knew who had done it, and she really didn’t feel like facing the girl that day. She just wanted to go home and sleep the pain and fear away. 

A few minutes later, Carla arrived in a hurry as she immediately hugged Mikasa. She gently grabbed her daughter’s hands as she inspected them. “Did you do this to yourself?” Carla asked knowingly.

“Well, I-” Mikasa began.

“We’ll talk about it at home,” Carla assured her as she turned to Sasha, thanking the girl for watching her daughter. Sasha just smiled at the older woman as she did a fake salute and made her way to her homeroom class. 

“Right this way,” the principal said as he led the two to his office. 

Mikasa’s eyes widened as she saw Annie standing in the corner of the office. The blonde waved at her embarrassedly, and Mikasa immediately turned away, not able to face her.  _ She knows  _ _ everything _ _ ,  _ Mikasa thought,  _ God, she’s going to hate me.  _

Sitting in a chair with her parents standing next to her with an angry look on their face was none other than Hitch Dreyse. In that moment, Mikasa decided she’d just come completely clean. 

“I’d like Hitch to explain why she did what she did,” the principal said.

“Well, Annie and I made a deal that if she did something for me, I’d tell her about Mikasa,” Hitch explained, causing Mikasa to turn to Annie with betrayal written all over her face, “I decided that something this big didn’t deserve to be hidden from the student body, so I just went completely public with it.”

“That is not what happened,” Annie hissed from her spot against the wall.

“That’s exactly what happened,” Hitch reminded her with a sweet smile.

“You threatened me,” Annie hissed.

“Girls,” the principal stopped them, “I haven’t asked for your side of the story, Leonhart.” Annie scowled as she accepted the fact, putting her head down.  _ She’s going to hate me _ , Annie thought to herself as she looked at Mikasa out of the corner of her eye.

“Mikasa, from your perspective, what happened?” the principal asked.

“A few weeks ago, Hitch threatened me. She said that if I didn’t help her cheat in Spanish class, she’d tell the whole school… all of this,” Mikasa explained evenly, “Obviously, her deal with Annie was more important.”

“So, you helped her cheat?” the principal asked.

“Yes,” Mikasa answered evenly.

“You know that has severe punishment here, right?” the principal questioned her.

“Excuse me, but are you really discussing punishing my daughter when this girl vandalized, traumatized, and blackmailed her?” Carla butted in angrily.

“I think she traumatized herself on her own,” Hitch butted in as she laughed, her parents glaring at her. 

“Of course Hitch is going to face her own punishment, but that’s going to take longer and be debated. Mikasa will have 2 weeks of after school detention for cheating,” the principal decided.

“That’s bullshit,” Carla raged quietly. Mikasa merely put a hand over her adoptive mother’s hand as she nodded.

“Now, what the hell kind of punishment is she getting?” Mikasa asked angrily, “And why is she here?” She asked the second question as she looked at Annie.

“She was the one who told us it was Hitch,” the principal told Mikasa, “she needs to be here, so we know how she knew.”

“Oh,” Mikasa sighed, obviously tired. 

The meeting dragged on as Mikasa fought to get Hitch into some kind of legal trouble. She was surprised the school wasn’t pushing harder since she had vandalized the school. However, the reasons were revealed rather quickly.

“As an investor in this school, I think you should consider your punishment for my daughter very carefully,” the eldest Dreyse said firmly.

“She’ll have a 3 day suspension for what she did,” the principal decided, “but we won’t get police involved.”

Mikasa scoffed as she stood up and left the room. “We’re not done!” the principal yelled after her.

“I am,” Mikasa told him as she walked out the office. She rested her back against the wall and buried her head in her hands, running her fingers down her face as she tried not to cry. Instead of crying, she ended up laughing, almost hysterically.

“You okay?” a voice asked as they walked out the office.

Mikasa looked up to find Annie, and she scoffed. “What do you want?” Mikasa asked, obviously not wanting to have this conversation.

“I just want you to know that what Hitch said isn’t true,” Annie assured her, “I can tell you the full story if you give me the chance. I think it’s about time we come clean to each other.”

“I- not today, Annie,” Mikasa said as she rubbed her forehead frustratedly.

“Yeah, I-I get that,” Annie agreed as she hung her head and walked back into the office. A few, short, moments later, Mikasa followed back in. 

The meeting dragged on as Carla tried to get Hitch into more trouble until Mikasa put a defeated hand on her mother’s shoulder. “This is fine,” Mikasa assured them as she stood up, grabbing her mother’s hand as she walked out, “I just want to go home.”

When they were out of the office, Carla gave her a curious look. Mikasa looked up at Carla as her eyes glazed over, and she said, “Please, just take me home. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

Carla smiled sympathetically as she nodded, leading the way to where she parked her car. “Do you want to go get some McDonalds, or something?” Carla offered as she started the car.

“I just want to go home, but thank you,” Mikasa answered easily.

“I figured,” Carla said with a gentle smile as she drove back to the house.

At the house, Mikasa took her things inside as she laid on the couch, too lazy to go up the stairs. She also knew it was only her and Carla home, so he didn’t mind staying on the couch for a while. 

“We’ve got a few things to discuss whenever you’re ready, bubs,” Carla told her as she walked to the kitchen. 

“Just ask now,” Mikasa decided, wanting to get everything having to do with this ordeal over with. 

“You sure?” Carla asked as she brewed some tea for the two of them.

“Yeah,” Mikasa nodded as she sat up on the couch, wrapping a blanket around herself. Soon after, Carla entered the room and handed Mikasa a cup of tea as she sat beside her daughter. Almost reflexively, Mikasa leaned her head on the older woman’s shoulder as she exhaled a deep breath, taking a sip of the tea. 

“What’d you do to your hands?” Carla asked after she was sure Mikasa was calm.

“I saw their blood,” Mikasa answered easily as she looked at her empty hand, “I knew it wasn’t real, but I couldn’t fight the urge to scrub the blood off. I kept scrubbing until I eventually realized the blood was mine, and Sasha stopped me.”

“God bless that girl,” Carla said sweetly as she put a loose arm around Mikasa. 

“Yeah,” Mikasa agreed as she laughed lightly.

“So,” Carla began, “In the call I got, it said people were calling you a ‘dyke’. Why would they do that?”

Mikasa froze. “Well, I-” Mikasa began. Carla rubbed her arm reassuringly. 

“I’m not going to hold anything against you for who you like,” Carla assured her, “Love is love, right?”

“I don’t know who or what I like,” Mikasa admitted.

“Then why do people think you’re a lesbian?” Carla asked.

“Remember that homecoming party?” Mikasa asked her mother.

“Mhm,” Carla hummed in confirmation.

“Well, I kind of kissed Annie there, and I guess someone saw and took a picture,” Mikasa explained.

“That’s disgusting,” Carla cringed.

“My kissing Annie or someone taking a picture?” Mikasa asked worriedly.

“The picture,” Carla assured her, “but kissing Annie was not something I saw coming. Don’t you hate her?”

“I never hated her,” Mikasa said as she rolled her eyes, “I just pushed her away because she was getting close, and she took it personally.”

“And she still kissed you?” Carla asked as she laughed.

“I guess,” Mikasa shrugged.

“Do you want to kiss her again?” Carla asked curiously. Mikasa's face went bright red, and Carla had her answer.

“Well, if the opportunity presented itself, I wouldn’t  not kiss her,” Mikasa decided.

“That’s fine,” Carla assured her as the older woman took a sip of her tea. 

“She probably hates me now, though,” Mikasa commented.

“I don’t know about that,” Carla said as she giggled a little, “When you ran out of the office, she seemed genuinely concerned. It was the most emotion I’ve ever seen on that girl’s face.”

“Really?” Mikasa asked, maybe a little too excitedly.

“Mhm,” Carla hummed with a smile. 

“Oh, I don’t know if you saw, but Hitch had a slap mark on her cheek,” Carla told Mikasa, “How much do you want to bet Annie did it?”

“I don’t think Annie would do that,” Mikasa decided.

“I don’t know,” Carla said, “She looked pretty pissed when Hitch only got a three day suspension. I think she may have been angrier than I was.”

“Hey… Carla, could I invite her over?” Mikasa asked tentatively.

“What, want to ‘show your appreciation’,” Carla said with a smirk.

“Ew, gross,” Mikasa scoffed, “No, I just want to give her a chance to explain her side of the story.”

“I suppose, but you might want to wait until a few hours after school. Eren will definitely want to talk about this,” Carla said with a sigh.

“Fuck, he’s gonna be pissed,” Mikasa complained.

“Yeah, probably,” Carla agreed, “but he’ll calm down after we explain to him.”

“I hope so,” Mikasa sighed as she buried her head in a pillow on the couch, not at all prepared to deal with her brother or Annie. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So proud of myself for updating twice in a day LMAO.... anyway, probably gonna go write chapter 14 rn O_O
> 
> Feedback and suggestions peeps, feedback and suggestions!


	14. Daisies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisies: Much like daffodils, they symbolize new beginnings, but daises also symbolize innocence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I updated 3 times today. DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? Didn't think so :) Enjoy the food. Now, it's time for me to sleep cuz I have school tomorrow and have to wake up before the sun :D

A few hours later, Mikasa heard the front door slam from her room. She cringed as the sound shook the house, and she decided she might want to hide in her room for a while. “Where is she?” she heard Eren seethe from downstairs.

“Who?” Carla asked, confused.

“Mikasa,” he hissed.

_ Is he… mad at me?  _ Mikasa thought to herself as fear washed over her face. She ran to her door and locked it, just in case he came to her room and really wasn angry at her.

“Your sister is in her room,” she heard Carla’s muffled voice tell Eren, “As you know, she’s had a rough day.”

“She’s had a rough day?” he exclaimed in disbelief, “I just found out I've been living under the same roof as a murderer, and she’s having a hard day?” Mikasa sucked in a sharp breath at his words. 

“If you’re going to act like that, go to Armin’s to cool off,” Carla said firmly, “I will not let you bully her.”

“Why do you even care?” Eren raged, “She’s not even your daughter. She’s not my sister!” 

“Eren Jaeger!” Carla yelled at him. 

“No, where is she?” Eren asked firmly, “How could you hide this from me for so long? I deserved to know!”

“Yes, you deserved to know,” Carla agreed calmly, “but please, try to think about her feelings.”

“Do you think she thought about the feelings of those guys she killed?” Eren asked his mother in a stern voice, “I saw pictures, mom, it looked… gruesome. You’re telling me… you’re telling me she did that?” Eren’s voice was shaking now, likely from his feelings of betrayal and sadness, “Did she… did the girl I shared a home with… she did that? I mean… I mean I know she was angry and sad, but she’s really… she’s really capable of… that?” 

By now, Mikasa could hear his quiet sobs, and more than anything, she wanted to go down there and hug him. She wanted to tell him she was still the same girl who’d lived with him for the past 7 years. She wanted to tell him she was still the girl who he wrapped his scarf around, the girl he used to smile at and do whatever he could do to make her happy, and she was still the girl who’d kick his ass when necessary. However, she also knew she was the last person he wanted to see at that moment. 

After a few more moments of quiet sobs, she heard a knock on her door. Cautiously, she opened the door and saw Eren looking at her. He lifted his hand quickly, and she couldn’t help but flinch as she closed her eyes, preparing for his hit to land. 

So, you can imagine her surprise when he engulfed her in a hug. She stood there, still as a stone for a moment before she eventually wrapped her arms around him. “I don’t understand how you could kill someone. I don’t think I ever can,” Eren said to her honestly as he continued hugging her, “I don’t understand how you did it, knowing they may have had a family at home waiting for them, or friends who were destroyed by it.”

“I-I-” Mikasa stuttered, panicking.

“Shh,” he shushed her quietly, “but you’re my sister, biological or not. I love you just the same.” He paused before continuing sympathetically, “It must’ve been traumatizing… I’m sorry for all those months I called you dramatic and an attention seeker. I think I get it now. I think I get it.”

Mikasa smiled as a few stray tears rolled down her eyes. She leaned her head against her adoptive brother’s chest, putting her head against it. She was surprised when she felt the scarf around her neck move, and she reflexively grabbed it.

Eren carefully removed her hands from around it as he pulled it off of her. After a few seconds of inspecting it, he wrapped it around her again, tightening it around her neck just enough to be comforting with being suffocating. Mikasa smiled softly as she laughed a little. “That’s possibly the most childish thing you’ve ever done,” Mikasa laughed 

“I was just trying to be nice,” he huffed as he let her go and walked to her door.

“Eren,” she said to stop her. He said nothing, but he stopped walking, pausing in her doorway, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” he answered easily as he walked to his room. 

After sitting in her room for a few minutes, collecting her bearings, she sent a few texts to her friends, asking if any of them had Annie’s number. Without asking questions, Eren sent it to her, saying Bertholdt sent it to him. Mikasa chuckled to herself, remembering that Bertholdt had caught them. 

“Mikasa, why do you want Annie’s number!” Eren asked her as he entered her room with his phone in his hand.

“I need to talk to her about something!” Mikasa told him as she put Annie’s number in her phone and sent the blonde a text. 

**Mikasa:** _ Hey I got your number from Bertholdt/Eren Im okay to talk whenever _

“What are you talking to her about?” Eren asked.

“Some stuff,” Mikasa said vaguely, “I have some questions for her.”

“Oh, is it about her and Hitch at the party?” Eren asked.

“Her and Hitch… at the party?” Mikasa asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh… no one told you…” he mumbled in realization, “So.. that was a… a thing I wasn’t supposed to tell you…? Umm, nothing happened between them!”

“Eren Jaeger,” Mikasa said firmly.

“Sorry! Gotta go!” he exclaimed as he ran back to his room. She heard the tell-tale sound of his door slamming shut and locking. She laughed lightly before firing off another text to Annie.

**Mikasa:** _ Oh I should probably tell you this is Mikasa _

**Mikasa:** _ You have a lot to explain  _

**Annie:** _ Oh hi lol. Can you come to my house _

**Mikasa:** _ Seems like a lot of work for the crippled girl _

**Annie:** _ You act like you don’t have stamina or muscle -_- you’ll be fine.  _

She then sent the address, and Mikasa was surprised to find that it really wasn’t that far from hers. It was just down the street with a few turns here and there. She ran down the stairs and put her shoes on.

“Where are you going?” Carla asked.

“I’m going to Annie’s,” Mikasa told Carla tentatively.

“Hmm,” Carla sighed, “Okay… Is she home alone?”

“N-” Mikasa cut herself off, “Well I don’t know.”

“Mhm,” Carla hummed disbelievingly, “Don’t have too much fun.”

“‘Fun’ is not that word I’d use to describe what we’re going to do,” Mikasa droned.

“Oh, I see,” Carla smirked.

“Oh my God,” Mikasa said in realization, “You’re so embarrassing.”  
“Bye, Mikasa!” Carla yelled after her as Mikasa walked out the house.

“Yeah, bye!” Mikasa waved as she attempted to jog. It was a little hard with her foot in the cast, but she had gotten used to it. 

It didn’t take her long to reach Annie’s house, and she took a moment to look at it. It was two stories, and it looked pretty similar to her own house. The only difference was that Annie’s house had a large wooded area behind it, and Mikasa couldn’t help but remember all the wooded areas behind her childhood home.

Cautiously, she knocked on the door, almost laughing when Annie immediately opened it. “Sorry,” Annie apologized, out of breath, “My dad tried to race me to the door.”

“Ah,” Mikasa sighed as she peeked into the house. 

“I think he wants to talk to you if you’re up for it,” Annie told her as she opened the door and let Mikasa in, “I’m not sure how you’d feel about that.”

“I’d love to,” she agreed, “It will give you time to prepare for the can of worms I’m about to open.”

“That doesn’t sound very reassuring,” Annie mumbled, “Oh, and you can just leave your shoes by the door.”

“Got it,” she said as she took her shoes off and put them neatly next to what she guessed were the shoes of everyone else at the house. 

“Dad!” Annie yelled, knowing her father had run off when she opened the door. 

After a few moments, Annie’s father revealed himself, and he almost gasped at the sight of Mikasa. “You look different than I remember,” he commented light-heartedly.

“Well, it’s been 7 years,” she commented.

“Has it really?” he asked with disbelief, “It feels like yesterday.”

“Thank god it wasn’t yesterday,” she said. 

“I’ll just… go upstairs,” Annie said as she pointed up.

“You can stay and listen if you want,” Mikasa said hesitantly, “It might give you some answers I know you want.”  
“I’ll let you two talk your stuff out,” she said with a reassuring smile as she walked up the stairs. Mikasa watched with curiosity as Annie walked up the stairs. 

“So, how’s life with the Jaegers?” he asked.

“Good,” she nodded, “I’m glad I went there instead of jail or whatever.”

“You wouldn’t have gone for long,” he assured her, “You were a young kid, and it was self-defense. You probably would’ve been written up as a ‘problem child’ and gotten adopted eventually.”

“Still, I’m grateful,” she said honestly, “I’m lucky.”

“I wouldn’t quite consider you ‘lucky’,” he laughed a little, “but I’m glad you’re looking on the bright side.”

“It’s not always like this,” she assured him, “I’m not that crazy. It still haunts me, and I’m sure it always will.”

“I’d be concerned if it didn’t,” he agreed, “It haunts me as well.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized.

“For what?” he asked as he laughed a little, “You did nothing wrong.”

“I did a lot wrong,” he corrected him, “but there’s nothing I can do to change it now, is there?”

“I’m afraid not,” he confirmed.

“Tell me, are you the one who put my parents’ gravestones up?” she asked after a while.

He nodded before explaining, “After about a year of grappling with their death, I was reminded of my promise to you. I think I spent a while making sure those gravestones were right. I’m only sorry I couldn’t find birthdays.”

“You did good,” she assured him, “It was enough.”

“I’m glad,” he said with a smile. 

“I can’t believe you’ve been down the street all this time,” she commented with a sigh.

“I always knew you were up the street,” he admitted, “but I was going through a lot during that time, as was Annie, so I never had the time to check up on you.” 

“I understand,” she told him with a smile, “It was nice to see you again.”

“Likewise,” he agreed.

“Now,” he said after a few moments of silence, “don’t keep my daughter waiting. She’s been buzzing since you texted her…. I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you that.”

“Probably not,” Mikasa agreed with a slight laugh, “I won’t tell if you don’t.” He laughed as he nodded his thanks, signalling for her to go upstairs.

“Her room is the first on the right,” he told her as she walked up the stairs. Mikasa gave him a thumbs up as she continued up the stairs. 

She looked to the right, knocking on the first door she saw. “Come in,” Annie said. Mikasa realized Annie’s voice sounded smooth, soft almost, and she wondered why she’d never heard that tone from the blonde before. 

“Hey,” Mikasa greeted as she entered the room, closing the door behind them, so her father wouldn’t hear what they were talking about. 

“Hey,” Annie greeted back as she patted her bed for Mikasa to sit down. 

“So, what’s first on our list of things to talk out?” Mikasa asked as she breathed out a laugh.

“Mind if I explain things with Hitch first?” Annie asked as she turned to face Mikasa. Mikasa nodded, allowing Annie to start whenever. “She was my first girlfriend,” Annie admitted as she held her legs to her chest.

“That is probably the last thing I expected you to say,” Mikasa admitted.

“Yeah, it surprises and confuses me sometimes, too,” Annie admitted, “Anyway, things didn’t end well. We got together doing a tough time in her life, and I ended up telling her a lot of things I regret now. It’s probably why I rarely open up to people anymore, but that’s besides the point.”

“So, she was holding this information over your head and making you do things for her, so she’d keep it a secret?” Mikasa asked, putting the pieces together herself. 

“Pretty much,” Annie nodded.

“What did she want from you?” Mikasa asked tentatively. 

“Honestly?” Annie asked, double checking that Mikasa wanted the truth. When Mikasa nodded, Annie finished her sentence, “Sex.”

“Really?” Mikasa asked, “Wait… isn’t she hella homophobic? You’re telling me she’s a hypocrite?”

“Yup,” Annie nodded, “She’s a lesbian. Well, I guess she could be bisexual, but I’ve never heard of her being with a man.”

“Really? I heard rumors of her being with men,” Mikasa told her.

“It was probably for show,” Annie told her, “It looks weird if the head cheerleader doesn’t have a boyfriend, you know? She was screwing me on the side.”

“That sounds… sad,” Mikasa admitted.

“It wasn’t awful all the time,” Annie admitted, “Okay, it was kind of awful because I hated her, but it was worth it… I guess.”

“Fair enough,” Mikasa nodded, “I wouldn’t have done it, but we’re different people.”

Annie nodded in agreement, “Anyway, a while ago, she cornered me at my locker and tried to convince me to have sex with her at the after party. I attempted to say no, but she baited me with information on you.”

“And you agreed?” Mikasa asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I considered it,” Annie admitted, “but I turned her down. I wanted to hear your story from you. I guess that didn’t work out, anyway.”

“Not really,” Mikasa agreed.

“Anyway, after I turned her down, she threatened me with something I couldn’t say no to,” Annie said, and Mikasa nodded, accepting that Annie didn’t want to go into more detail. 

“So, that’s what happened between you two at the after party?” Mikasa asked with a laugh.

“You knew?” Annie asked curiously.

“Eren told me something happened between you two at the party before I left the house,” Mikasa admitted, “but I didn’t know what happened or how he knew.”

“Damn,” Annie mumbled.

“How did he know?” Mikasa asked with a laugh, “Oh, please tell me he didn’t want in on you.”

“No, Sasha did,” Annie mumbled.

“Sasha?” Mikasa exclaimed as she laughed harder, “Poor thing.”

“Ymir too, technically, though she didn’t see anything,” Annie said, “Sasha definitely saw something, more accurately, someone.” Of course this only made Mikasa laugh harder, and she had to cover her mouth, so she didn’t look like a complete idiot. “Anyway, apparently Ymir doesn’t understand the definition of ‘secret’.”

“I don’t think she understands ‘privacy’,” Mikasa corrected.

“Yeah, fair,” Annie agreed.

“So, I guess it’s about time I open up as well,” Mikasa sighed.

“You don’t have to,” Annie assured her, “You’ve had a lot shoved on you today.”

“No, I- I think it will be good to finally say it all if you don’t mind listening,” Mikasa admitted.

Annie didn’t say anything, but she got into a more comfortable position before giving Mikasa her undivided attention. Mikasa guessed that was her sign to start whenever she was ready. “My mom was my best friend growing up,” Mikasa began, “We did everything together. We played in the snow, gardened, cooked, everything. I don’t think I have a single bad memory of her… except her death.” 

“Almost 7 years ago, these guys showed up to our cabin, talking about money. At the time, I had no clue what it was, so I was clueless as ever. When my parents refused to give it to them, they stabbed my father until he bled out,” Mikasa explained, watching as Annie’s face morphed into one of horror, “My mom charged at them, trying to give me enough time to run away, but I was frozen in fear. I didn’t move, and I watched as the men stabbed her as well.”

“That must’ve been awful,” Annie tried to sympathize.

“It sucked,” Mikasa admitted, “but I don’t think it kicked in at the time. I don’t think my child brain comprehended that they were dead. Anyway, the men then said something about money again as they tied me up in ropes. I vividly remember one of them hoisting me over his shoulder as he walked me down the peak towards a cabin I knew was rented out for hunters when the time called for it.”

“They were going to sell you?” Annie asked with wide eyes.

“I guess,” Mikasa shrugged, “At the time, I just knew they were dangerous. Anyway, they touched my hair, caressed my skin, inspected my clothes, all that jazz, probably trying to determine how much I was worth.”

“That’s actually revolting,” Annie said as her face distorted into anger and disgust.

“Yeah,” Mikasa agreed, “I’m surprised I didn’t cry. I just remember being extremely uncomfortable the whole time.”

“How’d you get out?” Annie asked.

“I don’t know the exact details, just that I was able to slide my hands out of the ropes. I completely escaped them when two of the three left the room, and I found a broom that had a knife connected to it,” Mikasa explained.

“Why’d a broom have a blade attached to it?” Annie asked.

“I think it’s because it was a hunting cabin. I guess they wanted to have weapons available in case something surprised you,” Mikasa shrugged.

“I guess that makes sense,” Annie nodded.

“Anyway, I found them all, sliced them open, stabbed them, and walked back to my house covered in blood like nothing happened,” Mikasa said quickly, not wanting to remember that part of that day, “when I got back my mother was still alive, but barely. She told me a few things, and her last words were that she loved me.”

“Your mother sounds like a brave woman,” Annie commented with a genuine smile.

“Yeah,” Mikasa nodded with a smile, “She was really genuine and poetic too. She taught me a lot of good life lessons.”

“Like?” Annie asked.

“Well, when I came back from killing those men, some of her first words were ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t save you’, and I said she did save me because I was alive. She then corrected herself and said she couldn’t say my soul,” Mikasa explained, “It seems simple, but as a child, I wasn’t taught ethical right from wrong, so I think that was my mother’s way of telling me that by doing bad things, I’d destroy my soul if that makes sense.”  
“You’re right,” Annie agreed, “She was poetic.” Mikasa just laughed as she nodded in agreement. 

“Your dad found me while I was walking back from the hunting cabin. I probably scared the shit out of him because I was just covered in blood,” Mikasa laughed, “but I remember him feigning innocence and pretending it was paint.”

“That sounds like him,” Annie nodded with a nostalgic smile. 

“But yeah, that’s about it,” Mikasa nodded.

“I suppose that only leaves the obvious to talk about,” Annie sighed.

“The kiss,” they agreed at the same time.

“Ugh,” Mikasa groaned, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Regret it?” Annie asked curiously.

“Do you?” Mikasa asked.

“No,” Annie answered easily.

“Neither do I,” Mikasa agreed. 

“So, what do we do about that?” Annie asked. 

“Welp, it’s not like we have to worry about being caught,” Mikasa shrugged, “We’ve already been outed. Thanks, Hitch.”

“I don’t think anyone knows it’s me,” Annie commented, “At least, no one said anything about it being me.”

“Lucky,” Mikasa sighed, “Our school knows I’m gay before I do.” Annie couldn’t help but laugh. “And now Carla knows too because the school just  had to tell her someone wrote ‘dyke’ on my locker, and she just  had to know what that meant,” Mikasa complained as she hit her head against her knee that she held loosely against her chest. 

“At least you don’t have to worry about coming out,” Annie shrugged.

“I guess,” Mikasa sighed, “Though, I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a lesbian.”

“Bisexual?” Annie asked.

“Fuck labels,” Mikasa complained, “Can’t I just be ‘me’?”

“Amen to that,” Annie laughed.

“Honestly though, I’ve never actually liked anyone before,” Mikasa sighed, “Maybe I’m just ‘Annie…’ not sexual… I don’t think of you like that.”

“Annie… romantic? I think that’s what they call it. Like Biromantic,” Annie guessed.

“Yeah sure, that works,” Mikasa nodded.

“Are you implying that you like me?” Annie smirked.

“Shh,” Mikasa shushed her, “Don’t give my brain any ideas.”  
Annie just laughed as she laid on her bed. Mikasa did the same, turning to face her. “So, if you don’t like me, why’d you kiss me?”

“If I recall correctly, you were the one who asked if  you could kiss  me ,” Mikasa replied, “so why’d you kiss me?”

“Actually, you made the move to kiss me, so you kissed me,” Annie argued, “Why’d you kiss me?”

“You’re annoying,” Mikasa sighed.

“I don’t think that’s a reason to kiss someone,” Annie commented.

“To shut them up,” Mikasa said with a glare.

“I wouldn’t mind being shut up that way,” Annie nodded as she looked at Mikasa.

“Ha! You wish,” Mikasa laughed. 

“Really though, why’d you do it?” Annie asked, “You told me you don’t kiss people unless you like them, so you must’ve felt something.”

“I blame the alcohol,” Mikasa said.

“You know what they say, drunk words are sober thoughts, and if that’s the case, you think I’m pretty,” Annie smirked.

“Yeah, pretty annoying,” Mikasa laughed.

“Ouch,” Annie feigned pain, “You’re still dodging my question.”

“I don’t know,” Mikasa admitted, “You looked pretty, and you had that look in your eye.”

“‘That look’?” Annie asked with a raised eyebrow.

“You know the ‘kiss me before I explode’ look,” Mikasa explained, “Don’t feel special, I get it a lot.”  
“I am special,” Annie decided, “Because I actually got the kiss.”

“-Because of the alcohol,” Mikasa defended herself.

“Would you do it again?” Annie asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Mikasa’s face went bright red as she said, “I dunno.”

“I think you do, you just don’t want to admit it,” Annie smirked.

“I’d do it again,” Mikasa admitted quietly.

“Then you can’t say it was the alcohol,” Annie smiled cheesily. 

“Anyway,” Mikasa said as she rolled her eyes, “Why’d you kiss me?”

“To cleanse myself of the taste that is Hitch,” Annie answered easily.

“Ew! Disgusting!” Mikasa exclaimed as she pushed Annie who laughed, “You did not kiss me after doing  her .”

“I did,” Annie confirmed, “I did wash my mouth though. You think I touched her, with my mouth, and didn’t immediately drown myself in mouthwash?” Mikasa laughed as she reluctantly agreed.

“You avoided my question,” Mikasa said.

“Honestly?” Annie asked, continuing when Mikasa nodded, “I think I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while. I think it’s why I was so grumpy when you pushed me away.”

“If it makes you feel better,” Mikasa began, “I pushed you away because I was scared you’d find out who I really was, and you’d hate me. I didn't want you to hate me, so I wanted to make sure you didn’t get to know me.”

“That seems… extreme,” Annie said, “but I guess it makes sense.”

“Just means I care,” Mikasa reassured her, “It’s why I never told anyone in the friend group, or Eren for that matter.”  
“How did things go with Eren, anyway?” Annie asked, “He was fuming at lunch.”  
“Oh, he was pissed,” Mikasa admitted, “blabbering about me being a murder, not his sister, not Carla’s daughter, etc. Eventually Carla calmed him down enough for him to actually talk to me, though.”

“Eren is such an ass,” Annie sighed, “Anyway, how’d that go?” 

“Well, he raised his hand to me, and I flinched. I don’t think I’ve ever flinched in my life. He ended up hugging me, though, so I didn’t get bitch slapped,” Mikasa explained as she laughed. 

“Good for you,” Annie said with a genuine smile.

“Can’t have anyone ruining my perfect face,” Mikasa joked, “They already ruined my perfect feet.”

“I don’t think there’s such a thing as ‘perfect feet’,” Annie laughed.

“Probably,” Mikasa agreed.

“Anyway, I’m glad all that’s out of the way,” Annie sighed as she closed her eyes. 

“Hey, Annie?” Mikasa asked after a while, turning her head to face Annie.

“Hmm?” Annie hummed as she turned to face Mikasa. She paused as their noses immediately touched. Mikasa laughed a little as she saw Annie’s eyes flutter closed. Mikasa took that as an answer to her unasked question, and she leaned in and kissed the girl, sober this time. 

_ Ah, so it wasn’t the alcohol _ , Mikasa thought to herself as she kept the kiss slow,  _ It really does feel peaceful… Like I’m falling.  _

“What was that for?” Annie asked curiously when Mikasa pulled away.

“Just wanted to test a theory,” Mikasa smiled.

“What theory?” Annie asked.

“If I’m ‘Annieromantic’,” Mikasa said with air quotes.

“Are you?” Annie asked with a smile.

“Undecided,” Mikasa determined.

Annie huffed before asking, “What did you want to ask me?”

“Oh, I was gonna ask if I could kiss you,” Mikasa asked.

“Ah,” Annie sighed in realization. 

“Can I do it again?” Mikasa asked a few moments later.

“I swear, if this ends up being some ‘straight girl experiment’ I might actually cry,” Annie mumbled as she leaned in to kiss Mikasa, again. 

“Hmm,” Mikasa hummed into the kiss, causing Annie to internally bite back a moan.  _ It’s definitely too soon to moan _ , Annie scolded herself. “Experiment? maybe,” Mikasa whispered against Annie’s lips, “Straight girl? Maybe not.”

“I can live with that,” Annie decided as she kissed the girl, tentatively rolling over to straddle Mikasa. She didn’t want things to get too intense, but it was hard to kiss from the angle they were at before. Mikasa squealed lightly, obviously never having been in this position before. 

“Hmm, switch me,” Mikasa hummed.

“Huh?” Annie asked a second before Mikasa flipped them so she was straddling Annie. “How the..?” she mumbled, confused.

“Sorry,” Mikasa apologized, “I get claustrophobic.”

“Ah,” Annie sighed in realization. She should’ve thought about that after hearing about Mikasa’s childhood, “Sorry.”

“No worries,” Mikasa said as she kissed her again, “You didn’t know.” Annie was surprised when Mikasa’s tongue brushed against her lips, but she didn’t complain as she gave the taller girl entrance.

After a few more moments of that, Mikasa pulled away and rolled onto her back. “That’s enough of that,” she sighed, “before we go past the point of no return.”

“Fair enough,” Annie agreed.

“So, what does this make us?” Annie asked.

“Hmm friends with benefits… but less benefits than normal friends with benefits?” Mikasa offered.

“Deal,” Annie agreed, “on one condition.”

“And that is?” Mikasa asked curiously.

Without any more warning, Annie said, “You let me take you on a date, and if I can get you to admit that you feel something other than friendship, we have to try dating for real.”

After some thought, Mikasa decided that it was a win-win. So, she agreed, “Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They made a deal XD Not sure how you guys feel, but deals like these in fan fic make me so happy for no reason because one person is always so confident they won't fall in love while the other's like "I know you're obsessed with me" BABABAHAHAH. Anyway, I think I'm high on exhaustion and It's not even that late.
> 
> Feedback. And. Suggestions. Or. I. Kill. Your. Parents.  
> Not really but you get the idea :)


	15. Camellia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camellia: Desire, passion, and refinement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UMMM I'M SO UPSET I ALMOST DIDN'T POST TODAY AND IT'S QUEEN MIKASA'S BIRTHDAY (Feb 10) ANYWAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF OUR FAVORITE CLOSET LESBIANS. Enjoy this fluffy chapter in honor of her birthday :)

The next day, Mikasa woke up and grunted in disdain. After much debate with Carla, she had decided she couldn’t afford to miss school today, and as much as she wanted to run from this problem, she knew it would be better to deal with it now rather than putting it off.

She grumpily got out of bed as she fixed her hair and put on clothes for the day. After all that was done, she lazily thumped down the stairs to eat her breakfast, not bothering to hide her mood from anyone in the household. 

“You’re in a mood,” Eren commented as he sat at the table, causing Carla to cringe as she sat across from the siblings.

“You’re surprised?” she asked in the same, annoyed tone.

“Nah, I just like messing with you,” he argued with a smirk.

“This is why no one likes you,” Mikasa commented as she ate the eggs and toast Carla had cooked and served to them. 

“No one likes  _ you _ either,” Eren quipped, causing Mikasa to scowl at him, “Too soon?”

“Obviously some people like her,” Carla smirked as she gave Mikasa a knowing look.

“Can we not?” Mikasa complained as she shoved her eggs into her mouth. 

“Can we?” Eren asked, interested.

“This is between you and your sister,” Carla said.

“Gee, thanks,” Mikasa scowled.

“Do explain,” Eren smirked.

“No,” Mikasa said simply.

“Oh, oh, oh!” he said as he jumped out of his chair, jumping up and down excitedly before sitting down again as if nothing happened, “Does it have to do with Annie?”

“Huh? Wh- Why? “ Mikasa asked, stumbling over her words miserably.

“Pfft,” Eren laughed, “so much for your poker face.” 

“You know what, this is why no one tells you shit,” he huffed as she angrily bit into her toast, throwing the last half at him as she went to rinse and clean her plate. 

“Apologize,” Carla said sternly though calmly from her spot at the table. 

“But I’m not sorry,” Mikasa shrugged.

“Apologize,” Carla said in a firmer voice.

“I’m sorry I threw my toast at you, Eren,” Mikasa apologized in a deadpan, “Please eat the toast, so I don’t waste your dear mother’s magnificent cooking.”

“Better,” Carla nodded in acceptance as Mikasa scurried up the stairs to brush her teeth and properly brush through her hair. 

When she finished getting ready she lazily walked down the stairs and sluggishly put her shoe on, trying to waste as much time as possible.

“Wow, I’m ready before you for once,” Eren quipped as he opened the door, leaving ahead of Mikasa, “Catch me if you can.”

“You know I can!” she yelled after him as she jumped onto her feet, grabbing her backpack before racing out the door, limping slightly from the cast on her leg. 

As predicted, she caught up to him rather quickly, meeting around the area in which they usually ran into Armin. As she caught up, Armin appeared, seemingly out of thin air, and he and Eren began talking animatedly. 

Mikasa followed behind them silently as they walked to school. She couldn’t help but panic about what the kids at the school would think now that they knew everything. People were bound to look at her differently after realizing she’d kissed a girl, killed someone, and lost her parents. 

To her surprise, she saw her whole group waiting outside the school gates. They were all chatting until they saw her. Sasha was the first to run up to her, hugging her quickly before letting the girl go. 

“Uh… hi,” Mikasa greeted them with an uncomfortable wave.

“There’s my favorite rival,” Ymir smirked as she threw an arm around the girl who limply followed where Ymir’s arm guided her. 

“How are you hanging in there?” Historia asked gently.

“Fine,” she assured them as she, for the first time ever, allowed Ymir to rest her arm around the slightly shorter girl’s shoulders. 

“I think she’s dying,” Ymir said as they walked towards the school, “she’s letting me touch her.” 

“Enjoy it while it lasts,” Mikasa huffed as she felt Sasha latch onto her arm. Mikasa sighed heavily as she glanced back, catching Annie’s eye. The blonde smiled kindly at her, and Mikasa was surprised to see the expression on the blonde’s face. Still, she managed to smile in return before facing forward and working her way back into the school. 

When she was finally in range to see her locker, she saw that the pictures from the previous day had been removed, but no one had bothered to remove the sharpie. Her whole friend group didn’t hide their anger as some complained while others made grunts of annoyance. Mikasa merely shrugged as she went to her locker like nothing changed.

She shot a quick look at Annie who seemed concerned. Mikasa smiled reassuringly, and that seemed to be enough as the blonde stalked off to her own locker away from the others’. “So, about the dyke thing,” Ymir commented as she ran a finger over the word sharpied on her locker in big, jagged letters. 

“Hmm,” Mikasa hummed distastefully.

“Are… you?” Ymir asked curiously.

“You’re not more curious about me murdering people?” Mikasa asked curiously as she pointed to the big, bold words ‘murderer’ scribbled on her locker. 

“Honestly? Not really,” Ymir shrugged, “You are who you are. If you killed someone, so be it. You’re still the Mikasa I’ve known for years.”

“That’s so heartwarming,” Mikasa deadpanned, but truthfully, the sentiment really was heartwarming. With every reassurance from her friends, she was feeling less and less guilty. She realized she was more willing to eat, more energetic, and even, maybe, a little more talkative… only a little. 

“Anyway, lesbian?” Ymir asked before making an “x” with her fingers, “or no?”  
“Undecided,” Mikasa determined.

“That’s progress!” Ymir exclaimed as she pumped a fist into the air. She then tried to cover it up as a cough, smoothing out her clothes as if nothing happened. Mikasa snickered as she grabbed her things, slamming her locker door closed as she walked to first period. 

In first period, she sat beside Annie who had made it to first period before her. “Do you think I could get away with murder?” Annie asked, seemingly serious. 

“I mean, maybe? Your dad is the sheriff and all,” Mikasa assured her seriously as she sat down in her spot, “but I don’t recommend, I speak from experience.” Annie went dead silent, not knowing how to react. “You can laugh,” Mikasa assured her in a deadpan, “It’s funny.”

Annie just gave her an annoyed look, causing Mikasa to laugh quietly as she covered her mouth with her sleeve. “Don’t cover your laugh,” Annie whispered in her ear, causing Mikasa to stiffen, “It’s rare enough as is.”

“Same goes to you,” Mikasa whispered back when she finally regained her ground. 

“I don’t cover my laugh,” Annie deadpanned. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t know,” Mikasa commented dryly, “You know, since you never laugh.”   
“Wow, funny,” Annie commented just as dryly. 

“I know, I’m hilarious,” Mikasa snickered as she pulled out the necessary books for her class from her stack, beginning to work on the assignment on the board.

“Change of plans,” their first period teacher announced about half way through class, “You’re going to work with the person beside you to complete this project since some are complaining that this is ‘too challenging to be independent work’.”

Mikasa and Annie looked at each other, smiling. “I have a feeling this is going to be dangerous,” Mikasa mumbled.

“What, have no self control?” Annie teased as she and Mikasa swapped papers, sharing information. 

“I have plenty of self control,” Mikasa said with an eye roll.

“Mhm,” Annie hummed sarcastically.

“Fuck off,” Mikasa huffed as she buried her face in the paper Annie had handed her. There wasn't much information on it, but there was enough that she could complete the project and get the bare-minimum grade. “You’re suck a fucking slacker,” Mikasa teased as she handed Annie her paper back,

“No, you just try too hard,” Annie shot back.

“Yeah, and I get A’s,” Mikasa smirked.

“I get B’s,” Annie shrugged, “It’s a passing grade.”  
“Wow, you get B’s,” Mikasa said in faux surprise. 

“Screw you,” Annie huffed.

“Pfft, you wish,” Mikasa snorted out a laugh as she stood up, hearing the bell dismiss them. She quickly collected her things and rushed out of class, childishly wanting to have the last word with Annie.

“Hey, you little fucker,” Annie hissed as she jogged slightly to catch up with Mikasa, “That was uncalled for.”

“Hmm, but it was funny,” Mikasa hummed with an air of arrogance.

“This is why you’re single,” Annie huffed.

“I’m a bitch by chance, single by choice,” Mikasa said with a smirk.

“We’ll see how long that lasts,” Annie smirked as she bumped the taller girl’s shoulder. Well, more accurately, bumping her side. 

“Pfft, you can’t even reach my shoulders,” Mikasa teased the short girl.

“I so can!” Annie said as she jumped and bumped her shoulder to prove a point. 

Mikasa ignored her as if she was some bug she couldn’t be bothered with. “How do you plan on making moves and staking your claim on me when you can’t even reach my face,” Mikasa continued to tease with a snicker.

“You wanna bet?” Annie hissed.

“Hmm, not in the hallway,” Mikasa decided.

“I won’t forget this,” Annie assured her as she turned to go to her next class, “I never back down from a challenge!”

Mikasa just laughed under her breath as she entered her next class, Spanish. Usually, she had this class with Hitch, but the girl was suspended for three days. Luckily, she wouldn’t be a problem for a few days. Unfortunately, she returned on the anniversary of her parents death, and she hoped Carla would let her skip school that day. 

When she entered the Spanish class, she immediately heard people talking about her. Some were whispering about her and Annie at the party, others talked about her alleged murders, while she ever heard a few discussing what her actual name was, obviously curious.

“Miss Jaeger,” the Spanish teacher spoke up, and Mikasa cringed, mentally preparing herself for getting scolded.

“Yes?” Mikasa answered the teacher politely. She silently waved for Mikasa to approach her desk, and she heard other’s muttering and snickering at her.

“I don’t want you to worry about my class,” the teacher said with a kind smile, “I don’t blame you for cheating; you were put in a tough position. I just wanted you to know I’m failing Hitch, and excusing you from assignments until further notice.”

“Oh, I-” Mikasa stuttered, not sure how to react to such kindness, “Really, it’s fine. I don’t need the pity or sympathy or whatever you call this. Actually, I’d rather you not treat me any differently.”  
“Ah, I see,” the teacher nodded, “I’m still going to fail Hitch, but I won’t excuse you. how about that?”

“That would be great,” Mikasa compromised, “Thank you.”

“No problem,” the teacher said with a sweet smile as she dismissed Mikasa back to her desk. 

Spanish and the rest of her classes passed quickly as she practically ran to lunch. She quickly collected a bought lunch from the school before walking to her usual seat with her tray in hand.

On her way, however, some jock smacked the tray out of her hand. Luckily, none of the food got on her, but that didn’t make it any less upsetting. She huffed slightly before turning around to get back in the lunch line.

“What, not gonna do anything about it?” the jock prompted as he followed her, “Gonna kill me?”

“Don’t you wish,” Mikasa sighed, “If you’re that desperate, just do it yourself.”  
The jock's friends made “Oooo” sounds, only angering him more and encouraging him to continue instigating a fight between him and Mikasa.

“Don’t go pushing your own insecurities onto me,” he laughed, “We would all be happier if you just never showed up again.”  
Admittedly, the words stung. How could they not? She carefully closed her eyes shut tightly as she clenched her fists. “Oh, you’ve struck a nerve,” one of the jocks commented as the group continued following her through the lunch line. 

“Hey, didn’t you ask me out Sophomore year?” Mikasa asked after a few moments, her face wiped completely clean, “Must be pretty embarrassing now, huh?”

The guy went silent as his friends began asking him if it was true or not. “Yeah, and didn’t you sleep with that one guy because you’re too much of a whore to care about your virginity,” the guy snapped back.

“Never slept with a guy,” Mikasa commented quietly, but he heard.

“Oh, so it’s true, you are a dyke,” he laughed as he turned to his friends.

“Hey, invite me the next time you and that blonde make out,” one of them commented loudly, “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“I’ll be fine, thanks,” Mikasa assured them as she finally started getting a new lunch, the jocks following behind her to get their own.

“You sure, Princess?” One of them teased, “I’m sure I can fix you.”

Mikasa wheeled around as she faced the guy who said that. “Maybe I’m messed up for killing people or not having parents, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with liking the same sex,” Mikasa said fiercly, “Trust me, ‘Princess’, there’s nothing to fix about me in that department, and if there was, it surely wouldn’t be you who ‘set me right’.” As she finished her statement, she slammed her tray into the dude's face, not caring as she heard a satisfying crack of his nose as it connected with the plate. “Don’t worry,” she commented as she left, “I’m not hungry anymore.” 

Fuming, she walked back to her lunch table, empty handed, as she sat with her friends. “Not hungry?” Eren asked as she sat down without a tray.

“Yeah,” Mikasa confirmed as she looked at the guy who she’d slapped with her tray. He had cupped his nose as he ran to the nurse’s office, obviously having handed his own tray to a friend. “I fucking hate people,” Mikasa sighed, “They piss me off.”

“Me and you both,” Ymir agreed as she raised her cartoon of chocolate milk in a “cheers” manner. 

A few moments later, Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner arrived. To everyone’s surprise, Annie sat beside Mikasa as she immediately began eating. “Are we sure the sky isn’t falling?” Ymir asked for confirmation as she looked to the ceiling before glancing at the two ‘enemies’ who were now sitting beside each other like friends, “I think I missed a chapter or two.”  
“We settled our differences,” Mikasa assured them as she rested her head on her hand that was propped up on the lunch table by her elbow. 

“Mhm, in terms of a steamy kiss,” Ymir commented.

“Hmm,” Mikasa hummed indifferently. 

Silently, Annie handed Mikasa a few pieces of chicken off her tray, and Mikasa accepted them with a thankful smile. While she wasn’t necessarily hungry, she knew Annie was just looking out for her, and it had been a few hours since she last ate.

“Did she… just… what-” Reiner commented as he fumbled for the right words.

“Spit it out,” Annie hissed.

“Nevermind,” Reiner shut up immediately.

“That’s what I thought,” Annie huffed as she continued picking at the chicken on her plate.

“What was that about?” Mikasa whispered in Annie’s ear, earning a few glances from their friends at the table. Annie just grunted, causing Mikasa to laugh quietly before giving up.

“Did she just laugh?” Ymir asked, “I’m not the only one who heard that, right?”

“Yes, Ymir, we heard,” Historia assured her as she stood up a little to kiss her girlfriend’s cheek.

“Okay, so I’m not going crazy,” Ymir sighed thankfully, “Good, good.”

“Fuck off,” Mikasa huffed.

“There she is!” Ymir commented smugly.

“Careful, she threw her toast at me this morning,” Eren warned.

“Toast?” Ymir asked as she laughed hysterically. 

Without much thought, she snatched an Apple off Annie’s try and chucked it at Ymir, hitting her square in the forehead. “You bitch,” Ymir hissed as she rubbed her forehead, right between her eyes.

“Hey, I was gonna eat that, Asshole,” Annie commented, annoyed.

“Not anymore,” Mikasa commented easily as she put her head down, “You’re giving me a headache.”

“Oh no, poor Mikasa,” Annie cooed unsympathetically, “What would you like me to do, get you an ice pack? Oh, I know, I should kiss it better!”

“Nope!” Mikasa said as she jumped off like nothing was wrong, causing the table to start laughing.

“My I should throw my damn apple back at you since you fucking wasted it,” Annie seethed.

“It’s good to know they’re not like Ymir and Historia, no offense,” Reiner commented, “I don’t think I could take it if they ever started cuddling and kissing all the time.”

“Euk,” both girls made noises of disgust as they fake gagged.

“The day that happens, I’ll have to make sure pigs aren’t flying,” Ymir commented in agreement.

“She’s just an asshole who I happened to kiss, nothing more, nothing less,” Mikasa said evenly.

“Wow, ouch,” Annie huffed.

“Pffft,” Mikasa laughed, “Oh, did I hurt your feelings? Want an ice pack? Maybe an apple to the head? A kiss to make it better?”

“A kiss would be nice,” Annie whispered which didn’t go unnoticed by the group. Mikasa's face just morphed into that of distaste as she gently shoved the girl off of her, wiping off her clothes afterwards as if Annie had gotten crumbs on her or something. 

“Ouch,” Annie feigned hurt.

“This is a nice change of pace,” Eren whispered to Armin.

“Agreed,” Armin agreed, “I’m just glad they’re not trying to kill each other anymore… well, not actively trying to kill each other.”

“Oh, Annie’s coming over after school today, Eren,” Mikasa told her adoptive brother.

“Hey, I never agreed to that,” Annie complained.

“Did I ask?” Mikasa asked with a fake smile though there was amusement in her eyes.

“God, kill me please,” Eren complained.

“Might want to invest in ear plugs if you know what I mean,” Ymir teased.

“Ew, no! Not like that!” Mikasa defended herself as Annie laughed hysterically. “Shut the fuck up,” she hissed as she smacked Annie in the chest.

“Ow, bitch,” Annie hissed as she put an arm over her chest, “That was my boobs.”

“Really?” Mikasa asked as she looked at her hands, “I didn’t realize. Are you sure you have them?”

Annie just growled slightly as she looked at Mikasa with a menacing glare. Mikasa’s only response was a cheesy smile that made Annie grunt before allowing her face to relax to it’s neutral impassiveness. 

“Do you know how many times I’ve been crotch-slapped?” Ymir chimed in as she glared at Historia who just smiled embarrassedly, “Try being my size.”

“Fair enough,” Mikasa agreed, “Tall people problems.”

“I’m starting to think you choose to be a bitch as well,” Annie mumbled under her breath, referencing their previous conversation.

“Maybe,” Mikasa agreed with a slight smile that only Annie saw. Still, it easily put her in a better mood, and she found herself internally screaming at how easy it was for Mikasa to affect her. 

“Anyway, did Annie tell you how we found her naked in Hitch’s room?” Ymir asked, obviously trying to stir the pot of their hardly-boiling relationship. 

“She did,” Mikasa confirmed.

“That could’ve been so bad just now if I hadn’t,” Annie mumbled to herself.

“Anyway, care to explain?” Ymir smirked.

“Oh, she blackmailed me,” Annie decided to just get the truth out, “Has been for a while.”  
“So, you’re telling me, all ‘that’ was against your will, and you didn’t use us as an excuse to drag your ass out of there?” Ymir asked in a hushed tone. 

“Yep,” Annie confirmed, “She’s just tell the entire world all my secrets and fuck that.”

“Fair enough, I guess,” Ymir sighed, “I guess I’d make the same decision depending on the information they had over me.”

“And then the idiot kissed me after doing  that with  her ,” Mikasa said with disdain, fake gagging at the thought.

“What, it’s not like there was oral,” Annie shrugged as Mikasa covered her ears and made a loud ‘lalalalalalala’ sound, trying to drown out Annie’s words. “What, scared of lesbian sex?” Annie teased. Mikasa just grumbled something unintelligible as she gave up on the conversation.

The rest of Mikasa’s day passed fairly easily until gym. She had a few encounters in the hallway, but none as bad as the one she had during lunch. When she finally made it to the locker rooms, she sat around on the benches as everyone changed. Because of her foot, she was excused from changing and participating, but she had to sit in the locker rooms until class began.

Out of nowhere, her hand was grabbed and she was dragged to the bathrooms connected to the locker room. She knew them well since she’d gone in them to shower numerous times. Whoever grabbed her yanked her into one of the stalls, locking it behind them as they pinned her to the way. 

Just as her brain comprehended that it was Annie, and her heart rate was about to slow down, the girl jumped up to kiss Mikasa. It didn’t last long since gravity pulled her back to the ground quickly, but the point was made.

“See, told ya I could do it,” Annie smirked triumphantly.

“That’s hardly a kiss,” Mikasa said as she rolled her eyes.

“Don’t think I can do better?” Annie asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Nope,” Mikasa instigated. 

Without much more warning, Annie carefully climbed onto the seat of the toilet before transferring herself onto Mikasa, wrapping her legs around the girl as she wrapped her arms around the taller girl’s neck. She pulled herself up to Mikasa’s lips, burying her fingers into the baby hairs on the back of Mikasa’s neck. 

After a few moments of kissing, Mikasa cautiously cradled her arms under Annie to make sure she wouldn’t fall, unsure of how long this would go on for. 

“It’s probably best if people don’t see my feet anyways,” Annie whispered in Mikasa’s ear as she kissed her again.

“You’re light for someone with so much muscle,” Mikasa commented between short kisses.

“I feel like that was a masked short joke,” Annie commented dryly as she pulled away from the taller girl’s face. 

“I didn’t mean it that way, but I guess,” Mikasa shrugged.

Annie gave her a quick look before commenting, “You’re probably not that heavy either.” Mikasa just shrugged as she captured Annie’s lips in another kiss.

“Not worried about getting caught?” Annie asked breathily against Mikasa’s lips.

“Hardly,” Mikasa mumbled, barely breaking the kiss to get the words out, “They’ll be too scared we’ll kill them or something to say anything.”  
“You’ve got a point,” Annie admitted as she allowed herself to fall back into the kiss. 

After a few moments, there was a loud bang on the door of the stall. “Mikasa, we’re leaving the locker rooms,” a voice said.

Mikasa smirked at Annie as she cautiously dropped the girl on the floor. Annie grumbled slightly. “That was more fun than it should've been,” Annie sighed as she unlocked and opened the stall door. 

“Hmm,” Mikasa hummed in agreement.

“You didn’t mind, did you?” Annie asked curiously.

Mikasa shook her head ‘no’. “I enjoyed it,” Mikasa admitted as she looked away from the blonde who laughed genuinely as she raced to the door.

“Wait a few minutes before you follow,” Annie told her before rushing out the door.

_ She sounds like she’s done this before _ , Mikasa thought playfully,  _...Has she?  _

After a few minutes, Mikasa walked out the locker room, sitting on the floor against the wall as she always did with her casted foot. She watched as they drafted people as team captains before beginning the game. 

Admittedly, she watched Annie the whole time. It was obvious that she wasn’t giving it her all, but she gave it enough that Mikasa knew she’d get a passing grade for her effort and participation. 

When gym finally ended, Mikasa went back to the locker room while all the girls changed. When she finished, Annie approached Mikasa and said, “I have soccer, want to stay after and watch? Coach misses you.”

“Hmm,” Mikasa hummed, “I have detention, but I’ll go after.”

“Shit I forgot,” Annie sighed angrily, “That's so bullshit.”

“Agreed,” Mikasa nodded as she ran a hand through her black hair. 

“I’ll see you later then,” Annie commented as she waved and ran out the back door of the locker room door to the outdoor locker rooms meant for changing into sports clothes. 

Mikasa then walked to the hallway where most of her classes were held, not sure who taught detention. “Um, excuse me?” Mikasa asked a teacher politely. It wasn’t one she had, but she recognized them.

“Oh, yes? What can I do for you?” the answered.

“Um, where do I go for detention?” Mikasa asked.

“Oh, over there, honey,” she said as she pointed towards the last door in the hallway on the right, “Mr. Ackerman.” Mikasa froze as she nodded stiffly before making her way towards the room. 

“Who are you?” he asked when she entered her room.

“Mikasa Ac- Jaeger,” she corrected herself, though the teacher didn’t seem to miss her mistake. Still, he let it go. “I’m here for detention,” she added.

“Yeah, the next 2 weeks,” Mr. Ackerman nodded, “The hell did you do to get you here?”

“Let someone cheat off of me,” Mikasa answered as she slumped her stuff down. He nodded as he jotted something down on a paper before going silent. Mikasa decided he probably didn’t want to talk, so she accepted it and stayed quiet. She ended up grabbing a book from her backpack, and she read silently for the rest of detention.

When detention ended, as promised, she met Annie on the soccer field. She put her stuff on the benches near where her coach sat to monitor them. “Mikasa!” he greeted warmly.

“Coach,” she nodded.

“I didn’t expect to see you here… given the circumstance,” he commented cautiously. Mikasa just shrugged as she nodded slightly in understanding. “You hanging in there, kid?” he asked in a caring manner.

“I’ll be fine,” Mikasa assured him.  _ I always am _ , she thought to herself. 

Mikasa spent most of the practice time watching Annie. It was entertaining to watch her dive for the ball as they had their scrimmage. It was no secret she did way better than their previous goalie, and she was glad she’d had the opportunity to play in games with her.

To be honest, Mikasa didn’t actually spend all that much time analyzing the girl’s abilities. She found herself -rather shamelessly- watching the girl’s muscles as they flexed and relaxed to catch the ball and kick it back. It didn’t show off all the features Mikasa was sure Annie had, but this wasn’t an excuse to peep on the girl, not at all. 

When practice ended, Annie took a few sips of her water as she took her gloves off and approached Mikasa. “Enjoy the view?” Annie asked smugly.

Mikasa looked her up and down with a neutral face before saying, ”Not much of a view to enjoy.”

“Ass,” Annie huffed as she smacked Mikasa with the hand holding her gloves, “I know you were staring.”

“So what if I was?” Mikasa shrugged, “Isn’t that a good thing for you?”  
“I suppose,” Annie agreed reluctantly. “I’m going to wait for everyone else to change before I change and shower,” Annie told Mikasa as she sat on the bench.

“You’re not even that sweaty,” Mikasa said with an eye roll, “You should try playing midfield sometime, that shit is torture.”

“But you love it,” Annie nodded.

“It’s mentally tiring as well,” Mikasa added, “It’s a win-win.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Annie agreed reluctantly as she took another sip of water, “How was detention?”

“Fine,” Mikasa shrugged, “Mr. Ackerman was incharge, so I just read the whole time.”

“Boring,” Annie commented dryly. Mikasa just shrugged. She loved reading, but she also understood that it wasn’t for everyone. “Isn’t your last name Ackerman?” Annie asked, “I saw something about it in one of the pictures.”

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed in confirmation.

“Are you and him related?” Annie asked.

“Hell if I know,” Mikasa shrugged again.

“You seem distant today,” Annie commented as she angled her head to see Mikasa’s stormy, gray eyes. 

“Hmm,” Mikasa hummed in agreement, “I’m fine.”  
“Sure,” Annie said sarcastically.

“Do you want to come to my place after all this to work on that project in first period?” Mikasa offered after it was silent for a while.

“Sure,” Annie agreed easily, “Alright, I should be good to shower now.”

“Oo,” Mikasa cooed, “I’m going to sit outside the shower like a creepy stalker like you did to me.”

“Wow, rude,” Annie huffed, but she made no other sounds of rejecting the idea, so Mikasa followed her into the locker room, leaning against the wall across from the showers. 

Annie disappeared behind the curtain as Mikasa heard her shedding her clothes, yelling to her to watch out as she tossed her clothes over the curtain, so they wouldn’t get wet. “You’re not going to leave those on the nasty floor, are you?” Mikasa asked in distaste as she tried not to look at them. 

_ You are NOT a perv, Mikasa Ackerman,  _ Mikasa scolded herself mentally as she tried to keep her eyes looking straight away.

“You’re right,” she agreed, and Mikasa could practically hear the smirk on her, “Mind putting them near my locker?”

“I hate you,” Mikasa mumbled as she carefully picked up the girl’s clothes.  _ Don't look. Don’t look. Don’t look. Don’t look _ , she silently repeated to herself as she walked towards the blonde’s locker,  _ Shit. I looked. _

“Are you doing okay out there?” Annie teased.

“I’m just peachy,” Mikasa assured her, her voice a few pitches higher as she put the clothes on the bench under the girl’s locker, trying not to think about the lacey undergarments she’d spotted in her split second of weakness. 

“Hmm,” Annie hummed as Mikasa heard the sound of her scrubbing her hair. 

“What?” Mikasa asked as she walked back to the wall outside of the shower stalls. 

“Did you…. Look?” Annie asked knowingly. Mikasa grumbled something unintelligible under her breath, followed by a string of curses. “I’ll take that as a yes,” Annie laughed as she rinsed her hair.

“Leave me alone,” Mikasa huffed.

“It’s understandable,” Annie reassured her, “You’re still a baby gay.”  
“Not gay,” Mikasa reminded her.

“Mikasa, you’ve officially looked at a woman’s undergarments after first suspecting your homosexuality,” she laughed lightly, “You’re a baby gay.”

“Shut up,” Mikasa huffed as she felt her face heat up as she buried it in her head in her hands.

“How do you feel knowing I climbed you like a tree with  that on?” Annie teased.

“I will strangle you,” Mikasa threatened.

“Oo, promise?” Annie asked as she laughed. Mikasa just growled, not wanting to deal with Annie right now.

“Nevermind, you’re uninvited to my house,” Mikasa gumbled as she collected her things, “See you tomorrow.”

“Hey! Wait!” Annie yelled after her apologetically, “Sorry.” Mikasa made the mistake of turning around to see Annie’s face peeking out behind the shower, forming a pouting face as her wet hair framed her face.

Mikasa grumbled before she reluctantly stood against the wall again. “Thanks,” Annie smiled with a cheesy, goofy smile before hiding behind the shower curtain again.

“This doesn’t mean I like you,” Mikasa assured her.

“I’m sure,” Annie said sarcastically.

“I’m this close to leaving again,” Mikasa threatened, but she was sure Annie realized how empty it was.

“Noooo! Don’t leave!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback or I kill all your loved ones in your sleep :D  
> Not really, but you get the point :p


	16. Red Carnation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red Carnation: Admiration and deep love and affection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure what to put here, but for those who read my my author notes, I have a special surprise for you. I think some people might've missed it, but if you read through Mikasa's thoughts (Not italicized) while reading her book in chapter 9 and Mikasa's thoughts (Italicized) during her kiss with Annie, you'll notice some parallels that may or may not allow you to predict the future of their feelings for each other... JUST SAYING.

After a few days, it was finally the dreaded Friday, September 29th. The previous night, Carla had told her she’d be allowed to skip school this friday like she did every year. With that in mind, she allowed herself to sleep in as last as possible, making sure to lock her door, so no one in the house would brother her.

When she finally did wake up, it was 11 in the morning, and she had just jolted awake from a nightmare. It was better than some of her others, but it was just as terrifying. It had been what felt like hours of her brain replaying the memory of her parents getting stabbed in front of her. Each time, felt a figurative knife dig into her own heart as she picked out all the times she could’ve jumped in to save her parents. 

She cautiously rolled out of bed, grabbed her favorite book of flowers, and walked down the stairs, her eyes red and swollen from crying. “Where you going, Bubs?” Carla asked.

“Home,” Mikasa answered easily, and Carla nodded in understanding. Mikasa had never been to her old home on the day of her parents death, and Carla just hoped it would be therapeutic for her. 

Mikasa tightened her scarf around her neck, bringing it up to shield her nose and mouth from the cold, as she began the walk to the mountain. It was about half an hour to an hour walk, but she decided she needed the time to think.

_ I feel like I should feel more guilty,  _ she thought as she took even steps in the direction of her old home,  _ I killed them. I took a life. Who was I to decide they shouldn’t live? Did I really have that power just because I wanted to live? I’m sure they wanted to live as well, and I took that away from them. _

_ When I think about it,  _ Mikasa thought with a sigh, watching as her warm breath turned into a small cloud of fog from the cold air,  _ I’m no better than they are, killing to survive. Now that I know what money does, I know they probably needed that money to feed their families or themselves. If I think so poorly of them, shouldn’t I think just as poorly of myself? _

_ I was so enraged by their actions, killing my parents in front of me and having the audacity to take me away from them right after,  _ Mikasa thought, silently raging at the memories,  _ but all I did was take them away from their families, just as they took me away from mine. Surely that makes me just as awful as them, kid or not.  _

Mikasa stopped at the bottom of Mount Maria, looking up at it’s daunting height. Part of her didn’t want to make the climb, knowing her cast in the snow would cause a problem, but she was determined to make it to her parents' graves as well as her home. 

During her ascent, she couldn’t help but wonder about her parents.  _ ‘Your soul, my love. I couldn’t save your soul’,  _ Mikasa thought glumly,  _ I guess she was right. I died with my parents that day. _

When she finally reached her home, she immediately walked to the graves of her parents. Their stones were covered in a layer of stone, as was the rest of the ground, but Mikasa didn’t care. She scooped some of the snow away as she sat on the ground, back against one of their stones. She let out a content sigh, closing her eyes in peace. 

\--------------

“Where’s Mikasa?” Annie asked when she saw Eren and Armin approach without the taller girl.

“What, miss her already?” Eren teased. Annie just gave him an unamused glare, and he sighed before answering, “She stayed home today.”

“Why would she-” Annie cut herself off as her mind jumped back to one of the images of the dead bodies that had been put up in the school. It said the date ‘September 29th’, and Annie guessed Mikasa was mourning today. “Nevermind,” she completed her former sentence, causing the rest of the group to continue into the school.

Annie eventually steered away from the group to go to her locker, disappointed but not surprised to find Hitch leaning against it. “Haven’t learned your lesson?” Annie asked as she shoved the girl off her locker before opening it. 

“I noticed the killer isn’t here today,” Hitch commented.

“Don’t call her that,” Annie hissed at the taller girl as she collected her things. Hitch just shrugged, unbothered. “What do you want?” Annie asked.

“What? Can’t I just stop by to talk to you?” Hitch asked with a smile.

“Never have, never will,” Annie answered easily.

“You’re smarter than I remember,” Hitch quipped with a smirk, “Anyway, just wanted to remind you of all the shit I have on you-”

“Didn’t I tell you?” Annie began as she slammed her locker, “Do I need to repeat myself? I’m. Done. Being. Your. Bitch.”

“Even at the cost of your social life?” Hitch asked.

“I could give fewer fucks what this school thinks of me and my family life. I’m getting out of here in May next year anyway,” Annie reminded the girl, “and I’m not spending the last of my high school years getting fucked over, literally and figuratively, by you.”

With that, Annie spun on her heel, leaving a stunned Hitch behind her. Hitch, having only known the insecure Annie, had never expected her to be so bold and careless. Still, she felt herself smile as she realized that Annie had grown up.

_ I knew she had it in her,  _ Hitch thought with a smile as she turned around and walked to her homeroom class,  _ I’m proud of you, Annie. _

Annie spent the rest of her morning fuming until she finally made it to lunch. She angrily sat down at the table, practically dropping her tray when she sat. “Of course she decided to be angry when Mikasa isn’t here,” Ymir grumbled to Sasha.

“Maybe it’s because Mikasa isn’t here,” Sasha offered with a smirk.

“I. Hear. You,” Annie said, each word punctuated with her anger.

“Would you tell us what has you fuming before you explode?” Reiner asked as he gently punched his friend's arm, receiving a glare in return.

“I’m going to snap that bitches neck,” Annie hissed.

“Huh? Hitch?” Reiner asked knowingly.

“Who else?” Annie asked sarcastically as she took a bite of her meal.

“What’d she do this time?” Bertholdt asked.

“She still thinks she controls me,” Annie hissed, “Well newsflash, Bitch, I’m my own person.”

“That’s right!” Sasha cheered encouragingly as she shoved Connie’s cookie into her mouth.

“You bitch,” Connie hissed. 

“What are you going to do about it?” Bertholdt asked.

“Not sure,” Annie answered, “Part of me just wants to post every picture I have of her and me together and put it on my instagram for everyone to see, but I know that would just make me as bad as her. I’d be outting her.”

“I’m glad you realized that,” Bertholdt said as he clapped his friend on her back.

“Yeah,” Annie sighed, “but that doesn’t make me any less angry.”

“Don’t let her get you worked up,” Armin said with a kind smile, “That’s what she wants. Be the bigger person and stay level-headed.”

Annie took a deep breath as she nodded. She was still pissed, but she tried to get her emotions in check for her friends’ sake. 

Meanwhile, Hitch watched Annie from across the cafeteria. She saw Annie go from raging, to explaining, to seemingly calm.  _ I knew you could do it,  _ Hitch said with a happy smile,  _ You’ve come so far.  _

***********

_ Hitch was sitting in her room when she heard a knock on her door. She ran down the stairs, hoping to see the beautiful blonde who had her whole heart. She opened the door, being greeted with the aforementioned blonde, but she had tears running down her face. Her hair was soaked from the downpour outside, and she was visibly shaking from the cold, and very obviously, anger. _

_ “Come in,” Hitch mumbled when she saw the blonde outside her house. The blonde stepped into her home, carelessly tossing her clothes to the side before more tears fell down her face. With a sad look, Hitch opened her arms for the blonde, and Annie didn’t hesitate to accept the hug she was offered. _

_ “Just let it out,” Hitch whispered to her as she rubbed her girlfriend’s back.  _

_ “I- He- I-” Annie stuttered, trying to explain herself. _

_ “Shh,” Hitch whispered, “You can tell me later, okay?” Annie nodded weakly as she whimpered slightly. “I’ll make some tea and get some blankets to help warm you up, okay?” Hitch offered with a smile, pulling away from the hug to look the shorter girl in the eyes.  _

_ “T-thanks,” Annie stuttered out through her tears. _

_ “My parents are out on business, so we don’t have to worry about running into them,” Hitch assured the blonde, seeing her tentatively looking around every possible corner for them.  _

_ A few moments later, Hitch sat on the couch beside Annie as she handed the blonde one cup of tea. Annie accepted it gratefully as she sipped at it, trying to calm down. Hitch wrapped a comforting arm around her girlfriend, kissing her temple in an attempt to soothe her.  _

_ “My mom died,” Annie said slowly after a few minutes, causing Hitch to silently gasp, “and my dad did it.” _

_ “He-” Hitch cut herself off before she could say something bad.  _

_ “She had an episode at the supermarket,” Annie explained, “She lost it- I- she was screaming at people, and she had a knife- I can’t- She wouldn’t- She’s not like that-” _

_ “Annie,” Hitch said as she grabbed her girlfriend’s shoulders to ground her, turning her to face her, “Your mother had schizophrenia. She’s always been labeled as a danger to society.” _

_ “But- but she loved me so much… Surely she couldn’t- there’s no way she could’ve- she wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t!” Annie defended her mother as she cried again. _

_ “She probably forgot her meds and saw something scary at the grocery store,” Hitch assured her crying girlfriend as she rubbed her back, “She probably thought she was saving everyone. I’m sure she had good intentions.” _

_ “She- she can’t be gone,” Annie cried harder. _

_ “Your dad did a good thing, Annie,” Hitch reassured her, “He put your mother out of her misery. She won’t suffer anymore, and he saved countless lives. He made the right call.” _

_ “I’ll never forgive him!” she yelled as she sobbed even harder. _

_ “I hope you can,” Hitch whispered quietly, and she was sure Annie didn’t even hear her, “He doesn’t deserve to lose his daughter and his wife.” _

**************

_ “God, I’m so weak,” Annie complained as she laid on her girlfriend’s tears, aggressively wiping her tears. _

_ “I think you’re strong for being able to show this much emotion,” Hitch argued. _

_“I want to be able to do what you do, hide what I’m really feeling,” Annie complained, “I’m tired of bursting into tears whenever I think of her. I’m tired of getting angry when I think of him, and I’m tired of being so damn tired.”_ _  
__“I know,” Hitch sympathized as she hugged the blonde, “but you’ll figure it out one day. I know you will. One day, you’ll have the best poker face in the world. You’ll be the best at controlling yourself and only showing emotion when you want to. I promise; I’ll be there every step of the way.”_

_ “Promise?” Annie asked as she sniffled. _

_ “Promise.” _

*************

_ “How’d it go with your dad?” Hitch asked when Annie entered her room, laying on the bed. _

_ “He explained everything to me,” Annie told her, “From her entering the market, to losing it, to making the call.” _

_ “And?” Hitch asked. _

_ “I’m still angry. I think I’ll always be angry,” Annie decided, “She was my mother, and he was supposed to love her. I don’t think I’ll ever understand it, but I know it was his job. I know he was only doing what was asked of him, and I know it was hard for him.” _

_ “Do you forgive him?” Hitch asked. _

_ “No,” Annie said quickly, “but I think I can.” _

I knew you could do it,  _ Hitch thought with a soft smile. _

***********

_ “I can’t do this anymore! You’re just using me!” Annie yelled at Hitch in the taller girl’s room. _

_ “I still love you!” Hitch assured her, only yelling to be heard. _

_ “I’m tired of hiding all of this,” Annie complained in exhaustion, “I love you, I do, but I’m tired of pretending I’m someone I’m not. I need you to choose. Me or your pride.” _

_ “Annie, don’t make me pick,” Hitch said with tears in your eyes. _

_ “Because you’ll choose yourself,” Annie nodded in understanding, “Everytime. It used to be something I loved about you. You were so sure of yourself, and I needed that at the time. But, Hitch, I don’t need that anymore, and you don’t need me. We’ll only bring each other down. This should end.” _

_ “I can’t- I can’t just let you go!” Hitch yelled as the blonde opened her door. _

_ “Do it for yourself,” Annie said as she put her hands on Hitch’s cheeks, “No one should be more important to you than you. You’ll survive when I leave. You’ll still breathe, eat, sleep, and go to school. You don’t need me, you never did. I needed you. But, I don’t need you more, and I need to cut you free…. This… this was never going to work out anyway.” _

_ Desperate for something, anything, Hitch did the one thing she could think of. “I’ll tell everyone. I’ll tell everyone everything if you leave!” Hitch yelled before Annie could fully leave. _

_ “You- you’d do that to me?” Annie asked, betrayal obvious in her tone.  _

_ “...I would,” Hitch confirmed.  _

I made you a promise, Annie,  _ Hitch thought glumly in that moment,  _ I promise to help you hide your emotions because that’s what you wanted. The sweet, reassuring way didn’t work, and now, now I know I need to take a different approach. I know you’ll never forgive me, but I don’t need that from you. I want you to grow up, and I want you to be the person you always wanted to be. The person I know you can be. 

***********

_ God, I was selfish back then,  _ Hitch sighed to herself sadly,  _ Was I really that desperate to keep her in my life?  _

_ No _ , Hitch decided after a moment,  _ By that point, I had stopped loving her romantically, and I’m sure she had too. Nothing felt right between us in the weeks leading up to the big fight. By then, I was trying to fulfill my promise. Now that it’s done, I can be done with her... and Mikasa.  _

_ I’m sorry, Mikasa,  _ Hitch apologized,  _ I’m sorry I dragged you into this. I’m sorry I hurt you… No, I’m sorry I ruined you. I’m awful. I’m worse than I ever painted you out to be. I never deserved someone as amazing as Annie…. But you? You deserve her, and… I think…. I think you might need her more than me. _

_ Mikasa,  _ Hitch thought with a small smile,  _ I’m letting go.  _

\------------

“I didn’t expect to find you here,” Mikasa heard a voice as she exhaled a deep breath and opened her eyes. 

“Officer Leonhart,” Mikasa greeted in surprise

“Please, just call me Oliver,” Annie’s dad sat as he sat on the other side of the grave stone, also leaning his back against it. 

”What brings you here?” Mikasa asked.

“I come here every year to pay my respects,” he answered as he closed his eyes, exhaling in relief, “I never told you, why I was so far up the mountain that day, did I?”

“Nope,” Mikasa confirmed his thoughts.

“I heard screams,” he answered, “Yours or your parent’s, I don’t know. I was meant to patrol the lower parts of the mountain because there were warnings of an avalanche or possible falling rocks.”

“When I heard screams, the father in me ran up the mountain as fast as possible, desperate to help, it was my nature,” he said to her with a soft smile as he pointed to the book in her hands, “Then I saw you, clutching that encyclopedia in your hands. You were wearing a thin little nightgown-like dress in 30 degree weather, but you didn’t seem at all bothered. I saw you stop near a few flowers that were still visible through the snow before you eventually saw me, and I stepped in to help you.”

“So, you think you could’ve saved them?” she suggested, understanding his tone as one of guilt.

“Sometimes, I think that maybe, just maybe, if I had run a little faster, I could’ve made it on time,” he agreed, “But then I remember putting my fingers to your parents necks and them being freezing cold. I know that no matter how fast I ran, I never would've made it in time.”

“You know, my mom told me to run,” Mikasa asked with a laugh, “She charged at them with nothing but her bare hands while screaming at me to run. I remember the tears in her eyes as she desperately tried to save me, but I was frozen. I’d never even seen other people before, and my brain was working too fast to tell my legs to move.”

“It must’ve been terrifying, to watch your parents be stabbed before you were taken away,” he sympathized.

“Mhm,” she hummed in agreement, “but I remember my mother wasn’t angry. She was only sad. She wasn’t mad that I didn’t run or that she was dying; she was sad that she’d never see me and sad that she couldn’t save me.”

“But you lived?” He asked with a confused tone.

“That’s what I told her,” Mikasa said with a laugh, “but then she told me she couldn’t save my soul. A part of me died with her that day. It died with her, my father, and those guys I killed, and it will never come back.”

“I’ve accepted that I’ll never be the happy, carefree kid I was then ever again,” Mikasa added, “but is it weird that that realization doesn’t bother me?”

“I don’t think it is,” he told her with a soft smile that she didn’t see, “It’s okay to change. It’s something humans and animals alike do; they adapt. You changed to fight your surroundings, and I don’t see how anyone could blame you for that.”

“Thanks, Offic- Oliver,” Mikasa said with a soft smile.

“It was nice to find you here,” Oliver admitted with a smile as he wrapped his hands around a two bouquets of flowers he’d brought. 

“Hey, my daughter texted me that you weren’t at school today,” he told Mikasa with a laugh, “I think she was worried.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa said as she rubbed her neck bashfully, “I probably should’ve told her I was skipping.”

“Skipping?” Oliver asked with a raised eyebrow, “Be careful who you admit things to.”

“Carla gave me permission,” she assured her with a dismissive wave of her hand.

“Anyway, I haven’t seen her care about someone like this in years,” Oliver admitted, “Well, aside from those boys, but I know she doesn’t have any romantic interest in them.”

“Are you implying she has romantic interest in me?” Mikasa asked curiously, testing the waters. She didn’t know if Annie was out to her dad or if he was homophobic, so she didn’t want to say anything too awful.

“She might look pretty indifferent all the time,” Oliver admitted, “but she’s my daughter. I can read her like the back of my hand. If she doesn’t like you, I’ll pay you $20 bucks.”

“Really?” Mikasa asked as she covered her mouth while she laughed.

“Really,” Oliver assured her.

“You’re not upset that she likes someone of the same gender?” Mikasa asked him.

“I’ve put that girl through a lot of heartache,” he said sadly, “The least I can do is be supportive of her choice in who she puts her trust and care in. Boy or girl? I don’t care as long as they make her happy.”

“That’s mighty big of you, Oliver,” Mikasa said with a smile, “I was worried I’d have to kick your ass for being unsupportive.”

“That would really be illegal,” Oliver reminded him, “and aren’t you close to 18 by now?”

“Yeah,” Mikasa confirmed with a slight smile, “That’s crazy.”

“Now, for the big question,” Oliver said as he finally turned to face Mikasa who returned his gaze, “Do you feel the same about my daughter?”

“Do I really have to answer that?” Mikasa asked with a worried look on her face.

“As her father, it’s my job to make sure she doesn’t get her heart broken. That being said, if you don’t like her like that, you need to say it. If you like her like that, say it. If you’re not sure yet, say it. Just make sure she knows where you stand.”

“She knows how I feel,” Mikasa said vaguely.

“Oh? And how is that?” he asked, wanting to know how she felt about Annie.

“There’s hope for her yet,” Mikasa decided.

“I can accept that,” he said with a smile, “but if you break her heart, I will send you to jail.”

“Is that legal?” Mikasa asked with a laugh.

“Probably not,” he confirmed, “but it’d be worth it.”

“Noted,” Mikasa laughed as she saw Oliver stand up.

“What’s that?” she asked as she pointed to the bouquets.

“Flowers,” Oliver answered easily, “They’re the same ones I bring every year. I brought them more for you than them admittedly.”

Mikasa admittedly recognized one of the bouquets as amaranths, and she smiled softly at the memory of her mother. The other wasn’t one she recognized. ”Mind if I take some of those?” she asked, pointing to the amaranths.

“Where to?” he asked.

“I wanted to hunt down those other guy’s gravestones if they exist,” Mikasa decided, “I- I think it might bring me some peace of mind…. Maybe that’s selfish of me?”

Rather than answer, he picked three of the flowers from the bouquet, handing them to Mikasa. He then put down the other bouquet he was holding, and Mikasa made a mental note to look them up in her book later. 

“I’ll drive you,” he offered, “I know where they ended up.”

“Really?” she asked with disbelief, and he nodded, “Thanks.”

The drive was pretty quiet, but it was comfortable. He was playing gentle classical music on the radio, making sure it was quiet enough that he could intercept any messages of trouble in the area if need be. 

When they finally arrived at a cemetery, he hopped out of the car, making sure he had a small radio on him in case he was needed. “I’ll walk you,” he said. 

It didn’t take them long to reach the gravestones, and Mikasa paused in front of them. They were all lined up, and she put a hand over her mouth, realizing they were father and sons. She read what was engraved on their gravestones.

“ _ Loving father. Beloved sons. They will be missed. _ ” 

Each gravestone said that, and she understood that the people she had killed were all fathers and sons. They had children, siblings, spouses, families, and she had taken them away. She dropped to her knees as Oliver put a supportive hand on her shoulder.

“I’ll wait in my car,” he assured her, “If I need to leave, who should I call to drive you home?”

“Carla, of course,” Mikasa answered easily as she tried not to cry. 

Mikasa carefully put one amaranth on each of the graves, stuffing them in with other bouquets adorning their graves. “I’m sorry,” Mikasa muttered quietly, “Not that you’re capable of forgiving me now, but at least you know.”

As she was turning around to leave, she bumped into someone. They were a middle-aged woman, holding the hand of a young boy, no older than 8. “What are you doing at my husband's grave?” the woman asked angrily. 

Something clicked in Mikasa as she realized it. The 8 year old boy… It was the man’s son, it had to be. Even at 8, the boy looked so much like the man she remembered. It also reminded her that she killed that man's father… just like his father had killed hers.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” Mikasa apologized as she hung her head slightly, “I was just leaving.”

The woman seemed to let her go, but she called out a few moments later. “Hey, did you put this flower here?” the woman called after her, holding an amaranth flower.

“Yes ma’am,” Mikasa answered with a tear in her eye.

“What is it?” she asked as she inspected it.

“It’s an amaranth,” she answered easily.

“What does it symbolize?” she asked, obviously knowing that all flowers had meaning.

“It represents immortality and good health,” Mikasa answered, and she saw tears form in the woman’s eyes.

“Thank you,” she said with a sad smile.

_Please, don’t thank me_ , Mikasa thought miserably as tears filled her eyes on the walk back to Annie’s dad’s car, _I’ve caused your family so much pain. I don’t deserve your thanks._ Mikasa cast a glance back at the two, mourning the loss of their loved ones, and she thought quietly to herself, _Stay strong. I wish you both the best: love, friendship, respect, and most of all, I hope you find peace as I have. I wish I could grant you the same peace you’ve unknowingly given me._

“Ready?” Oliver asked as he rolled down the window of his car.

“Yeah,” she sighed with a small smile, “I am.”

She climbed into his car and buckled in, laying her head against the seat in the car. “Was it worth it?” he asked.

“I think this is the happiest I’ve been on this day in 8 years,” she answered with a smile at the older man.

“I’m glad I could help,” he said with a smile as he began driving.

“Hey, what were those roses you put at my parents grave?” she asked, “Not the amaranths.”

“Oh, the other ones? Those were Carnations, red ones,” he answered as she flipped through the pages of her book. 

_ ‘Red carnation _ ’, she read in her head,  _ ‘My heart aches for you.’  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... so, some of you might be upset about me trying to give Hitch excuses, but I thought it was important to show some of her characters thoughts while we're all hating on her. I love Hitch's character in the anime, so I didn't want to completely ruin her LMAO. I wanted to show that she DOES feel remorse, and she DOES have a reason for all the shit she put everyone through. Not a good reason, but a reason nonetheless.
> 
> P.S. I think Mikasa is finally starting to heal! :)
> 
> Feedback and suggestions?


	17. Sunflower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunflower: Adoration, loyalty, and longevity 
> 
> Holy shit I love this chapter. I've had like half of it planned since I started writing this story LMAO. I'm glad I could finally write it out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignore any typos... I'm like half asleep from doing 2 hours of homework. 
> 
> !I THINK I MIGHT'VE SAID THIS BUT IF NOT IM SAYING IT AGAIN: I MADE A TIK TOK WHERE I POST MY REACTIONS TO REREADING STORIES OR UPDATING. IF YOU WANT *possible teasers XD*, WANT TO KNOW MY THOUGHTS WHILE I WRITE, OR JUST WANT TO HELP A GIRL OUT, I'D LOVE IF YOU FOLLOW ME. THE USER IS soap_queen0 AND IT'S IN MY BIO. LOVE Y'ALL!
> 
> Enjoy :)

“Mikasa!” Eren yelled. 

“Hmm?” she hummed tired as she looked up to see her brother leaning over her on her bed. 

“Someone’s at the door for you,” he answered easily. 

“Can’t you just let them in?” she asked angrily.

“Well you were still asleep, and I didn’t want them to have to deal with…. This,” Eren said with an amused smirk.

“Fuck you,” she said as she rubbed her eyes, “just let them in and send them up here.”

“If you say so,” Eren shrugged as he left her room.

“Thank you,” she growled under her breath as she turned over on her bed and wrapped her blanket around her. 

“Are you asleep?” she heard a familiar voice ask from the doorway. 

Tiredly, she turned her head to the side, seeing blonde hair and blue eyes. “Annie?” she asked as she squinted.

“Who else would come see your ass on a Saturday?” she teased as she stepped in. 

“You’re an ass,” Mikasa huffed as she pulled the blanket completely over herself, hiding. 

“You’re that tired?” Annie asked, and Mikasa could tell she knelt next to the bed to try and look at her. 

“Not really,” she admitted, “Eren’s annoying ass woke me up, and I never fall asleep again once I hear his voice.” Annie laughed quietly as she pulled at the blanket over Mikasa. “Nope!” she exclaimed as she pulled it over herself.

“What, cold?” Annie asked.

“No, I look like shit,” Mikasa answered.

“I doubt that,” Annie said as she tugged at the blanket.

This went on for a while, the two struggling against each other until Annie finally gave up. “You’re stronger than you look,” she sighed. Mikasa laughed as she peeked her head out from under the covers to stick her tongue out at the girl. 

“You’re in a surprisingly good mood,” Annie commented as she put her back against Mikasa’s bed, staring at the wall instead of the taller girl. 

“I guess,” Mikasa shrugged, “That reminds me, what did you want?”

“Am I not allowed to visit you whenever?” Annie asked, “That’s what friends do, right?”

“Pffft, like I’d know,” Mikasa laughed.

“Really, I just wanted to check on you,” Annie admitted, “My dad told me he ran into you yesterday.”

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed in confirmation. 

“That’s all I get? ‘Mhm’?” Annie asked playfully.

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed again, more to annoy Annie than anything. 

“Mikasa!” Eren yelled for his sister again.

“What?” she yelled back in an annoyed manner. 

“Armin’s coming over!” Eren yelled back.

“Okay?” she yelled back, obviously not sure what that had to do with her. 

“Since your lame ass won’t help me with the science homework!” he yelled back, answering her unasked question.

“Oh, fuck you!” she yelled back as she flipped him off, not that he saw. 

“Is it always like this?” Annie asked with a laugh.

“Pretty much,” Mikasa nodded, “Carla makes us apologize sometimes, but not always.”

“Seems nice,” Annie commented.

“It’s annoying,” Mikasa corrected before adding, “but it’s nice to know they’ll have your back no matter what.”

“That sounded really sappy,” Annie deadpanned.

“It did, didn’t it?” Mikasa answered with a laugh. 

“Now,” Annie began as she turned to face Mikasa, straddling the girl’s body from over the blanket, “Get your ass up. I made plans, and you’re invited.”

“Is this you asking me on a date?” Mikasa asked with a smirk as she peeked her head out from under the covers.

“Maybe,” Annie answered, “Are you getting up or not?”

“I guess I can get up,” Mikasa sighed as if it was troublesome, but she was actually really excited to see what kind of ‘date’ Annie had planned. 

“Good,” Annie said as she left the girl’s room, giving her space to change. 

Mikasa reluctantly got out of bed and ran a hand through her hair, trying to make it look somewhat presentable before walking to her dresser to get clothes for the day. She paused at her dresser, realizing she had no clue what she should wear, before she walked to the door, cracking it open to look at Annie. 

“What should I wear?” she asked.

“Nothing,” Annie said with a smirk, causing Mikasa to glare at her, anamused. Annie sighed before correcting herself, “Something comfortable. There’s going to be a lot of activity.”

“Activity?” Mikasa asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Not that kind of activity!” Annie exclaimed as she shook her hands violently.

“Well no shit,” Mikasa said as she smiled and rolled her eyes, closing her door behind her as she changed. She ended up deciding on leggings, liking how they showed off her leg muscles and a comfortable sweater-like shirt since it was cold. She then grabbed a coat in case she needed one, throwing it on her bed for the time being. 

When Mikasa opened her door, Annie moved out of her way and looked at her, obviously analyzing her outfit. After a few seconds, she nodded in approval with a slight smile. “Don’t look at me like that,” Mikasa scolded as she walked to the bathroom. She smiled to herself when she closed the bathroom door, thoroughly amused with herself. 

After she finally brushed her hair and teeth, she left the bathroom and grabbed her jacket from her bedroom before silently nodding to Annie. The two walked down the stairs together, Mikasa stopping at the front door to put her shoe on.

“Where are you going?” Carla asked, causing Mikasa to freeze.

“...Out,” Mikasa answered vaguely.

“Oh, really? I couldn’t tell,” Carla deadpanned as she looked at her daughter. Annie snickered slightly, earning a glare from Mikasa. 

“We’re going out,” Mikasa corrected with an awkward smile, hoping Carla would get the memo.

“...Oh,” she sighed in realization as she smiled knowingly, “Have fun.”

“Thank you,” Mikasa huffed as she stood up.

“Not too much fun, though,” Carla teased.

“I’m never coming back,” Mikasa deadpanned, obviously joking as she left the house. “Bye, Carla!” she yelled over her shoulder as she closed the door, sighing in relief.

“That might’ve been the most entertaining thing I’ve seen all week,” Annie said as she laughed.

“So, where are we going?” Mikasa asked as she took her jacket off her arm and put it on since it was chilly.

“My house,” Annie answered easily.

“Wow, so creative,” Mikasa said sarcastically as she smiled. Hearing Annie say they were going to her house instead of out somewhere made her realize she didn’t really care where they went… as long as they were together.  _ That might be the cringiest thing I’ve ever thought _ , she thought as she snickered to herself.

“So, how was yesterday?” Annie asked knowingly, somewhat trying to make conversation while also being genuinely curious.

“It was better than September 29th usually is for me,” Mikasa confirmed. 

“What changed?” Annie asked.

“Your dad,” Mikasa asked easily.

“I’m not sure if I should be surprised, disgusted, or concerned,” Annie commented.

“God, you’re so dirty,” Mikasa huffed as she playfully shoved the shorter blonde, “We just talked about that day. It was oddly therapeutic.”

“Ah,” Annie sighed in understanding, “Then, I’m glad he could help.”

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed in agreement as they fell back into silence. It was surprisingly comfortable silence considering they’d just recently gone from enemies to… friends? Still, Mikasa wasn’t complaining. 

When they finally arrived at Annie’s house, she grabbed Mikasa’s wrist, surprising the older girl. Annie put a finger over her lips, telling Mikasa to be quiet, and she nodded. Annie pulled her around the house, leading her into the woods behind her house. 

Mikasa looked around as Annie dragged her. Mikasa’s instincts kicked in, and she worked hard to immediately find every possible mistake while making sure she didn’t make a single sound despite the leaves coating the ground. 

“You’re like… scary quiet,” Annie commented when they got far enough away that they could talk.

“Sorry,” she apologized with a smile, “Habit.”

“Don’t apologize,” Annie assured her, “It’s cool, and it made my job of sneaking you back here easier.”

“Sneaking?” Mikasa asked with a raised eyebrow.

“If my dad knew you were coming over, he’d never leave us alone,” Annie told her, “That’s why I wanted us to be quiet when we walked past the house.”

“Ah,” Mikasa sighed in realization, “That makes sense.”

“Mhm,” Annie said with a smile as she continued walking forward, not letting go of Mikasa’s wrist.

Mikasa looked down at it with mixed feelings. On one hand, she enjoyed it because Annie was showing her affection. Neither girl seemed really big on touching, so it was surprising and comforting. On the other hand, she couldn’t help but think that if something happened, she’d be trapped. Not that being trapped by Annie was a bad thing, it just made her feel… uneasy. 

“Sorry,” Annie commented when she realized Mikasa’s glare on her hand. She dropped her hand to her side, putting her hands behind her back as she held them, fidgeting with her fingers.  _ Is she… nervous?  _ Mikasa asked herself with a smile.

Without thinking, she grabbed one of the girl’s hands, holding it firmly in her own. Annie looked at her with a mixture of gratitude and concern. Mikasa just did her best to smile at the blonde as she slightly swung their hands. 

She hadn’t held someone’s hand since her mother, and out of habit, she found herself swinging her hands like she had as a kid. It felt strange, holding someone else's hand, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, it was soothing, and she started to understand why couples did it so often. 

“Sorry,” she apologized when she realized she was swinging her hands like a 5 year old at the store with their parents, blushing slightly in embarrassment.

“It’s cute,” Annie assured her as she began swinging her hand. Of course, this only made Mikasa’s face more red, and it led to Annie laughing.

“Don’t laugh at me,” Mikasa huffed as she looked away. 

Annie just shook her hand in amusement as she led Mikasa through the woods behind her house. “The walking isn't a problem for you, right?” Annie asked as she glanced at the girl’s casted foot.

“I’m fine,” Mikasa assured her with a comforting smile.

“If you say so,” Annie sighed, obviously not believing her, “but if you need to stop, let me know.” Mikasa said nothing as she nodded in acceptance with a slight smile.  _ She worries,  _ Mikasa thought happily.

Eventually, they found themselves at the bottom of a rather large hill. “Woah,” Mikasa commented as she looked up at it. 

“Mhm,” Annie agreed with a hum as she began pulling Mikasa up the hill, “I almost didn’t plan for us to walk up it with your foot and what not, but then I remembered you lived on Mount Maria. Not to mention, you did just fine getting up yesterday.”

“This is child’s play,” Mikasa assured her with a smirk, surprised by how secretly attentive Annie was. 

“Good, that means I don’t have to drag your ass,” she said as she dropped Mikasa’s hands to grab a large stick sitting at the bottom of the hill. “Want one?” she asked Mikasa. 

“What’s it for?” Mikasa asked as she looked at it quizzically.

“You don’t know?” Annie asked curiously, no judgement in her voice, “It’s a walking stick. It helps you get up the mountain when it’s steep.”

“Ah,” Mikasa sighed in understanding, “I’ll be fine without it.”

“You’re telling me you never used one of these on the mountain?” Annie asked, surprise evident in her voice.

“Nope,” Mikasa confirmed with a smile.

“Good Lord,” Annie huffed as she began walking up the steep hill, using the stick to help her. 

Despite her cast, Mikasa easily climbed up the mountain, keeping up with Annie. “I don’t know if I should be jealous or turned on,” Annie commented when they made it up the steep bit, pausing to rest against her stick.

“Both,” Mikasa decided for her with a smirk. 

“...Yeah, that’s fair,” Annie decided as she began walking again.

“How much further is it?” Mikasa asked curiously as she looked up.

“We’re going to the top, so it’s a good ways away,” Annie told her, “The view is good, but I doubt it tops Mount Maria’s.”

“Probably not,” Mikasa confirmed, “but it’ll still be nice, no doubt.” Annie said nothing as she quickly smiled at the blonde before continuing the walk up the hill. To her credit, she wasn’t panting and showed no signs of struggling, but there was no doubt -or surprise- that Mikasa was fairing better than her. 

When they finally reached the top, Annie dropped her stick and grabbed Mikasa’s hand again. “Close your eyes?” Annie asked tentatively. She knew Mikasa had a thing about not feeling trapped, and she wasn’t sure how she’d feel about it. 

To the blonde’s surprise, Mikasa took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. Still, Annie didn’t miss how Mikasa’s hand tightened on hers or how her top lip was being slightly nibbled by her teeth. “If you push me off, I will kill you,” Mikasa swore.

“I think you’d die,” Annie decided as she brought them to the edge, looking over it. The drop was pretty far, and there was nothing to break your fall. It was just a bunch of jagged rocks and random trees littering a steep slope. 

“I will come back from the dead to murder you,” Mikasa promised as she tightened her grip on Annie’s hand. 

“Okay, you can open them,” Annie told her as she smiled. She couldn’t be more elated that Mikasa had trusted her enough to close her eyes in such a dangerous location. She tried, and succeeded, to mask her excitement as enjoying the view.

“Wow,” Mikasa said as he grip tightened on Annie’s hand before loosening to a more comfortable grip.

“It’s nothing too special, but it’s pretty, nonetheless,” Annie agreed. 

Below them, was an overview of the city of Shiganshina. The city itself was nothing special, but from above, it looked gorgeous. Mikasa realized you could even see Mount Maria from there, and she found herself smiling slightly. 

“Now, for the best part,” Annie said as she turned around, Mikasa following suit.

“Huh?” she asked in surprise as she saw a blanket on the flattest part of the hill. 

“It’s probably the cheesiest, most textbook thing I’ve ever done,” Annie admitted bashfully, but I figured it might be something you’d-”

Annie was cut off by Mikasa kissing her quickly. Annie furrowed her brows as she looked at the girl curiously. “Thank you,” Mikasa said with a smile. 

“Yeah,” Annie said as she rubbed her neck and sat down on the blanket, “No problem.” 

“What’s that?” Mikasa asked as she pointed to a small basket-like thing near Annie.

“Oh, I packed food since I always get hungry after this climb,” Annie said as she opened it to show Mikasa what was inside, “I figured you might have the same problem.”

“Always,” Mikasa confirmed with a laugh. 

“I also guessed that you’re probably not that picky,” Annie said as she looked at the stuff she packed, “but I won’t be offended if there’s something you don’t like.”

Mikasa nodded as she looked through the foods. Most of it was generic like sandwiches, fruits, vegetables, things like that, and they were all things she ate. “I pretty much eat anything,” Mikasa confirmed the blonde’s thoughts.

“Good,” Annie nodded as she picked a sandwich and took it out of the ziploc bag it had been in, silently taking a bite out of it.

“So, Miss relationship-expert,” Mikasa teased as she picked a sandwich as well, “What do you even do on dates?”

“That’s a great question,” Annie answered with a laugh, “I only went to fancy places with she-who-shall-not-be-named.”

“That’s not surprising,” Mikasa agreed with a slight laugh.

“We mostly just talked about school,” Annie told Mikasa, “That, or I rambled to her about family issues. God, I was so annoying.”

“You were young and troubled,” Mikasa sympathized, “I don’t blame you.”

“You don’t even know what happened,” Annie commented.

“I’m sure it was something bad if it made you, of all people, ramble and spill all your secrets,” Mikasa assured her as she took a bite out of her sandwich.

“Yeah, true,” Annie confirmed her thoughts, “but I wasn’t as reserved back then. I said what I wanted when I wanted to. I was pretty careless, in hindsight.”

“Yeah, and you learned your lesson,” Mikasa said with a smile. 

“Wow, thanks,” Annie huffed as she grabbed a water from the basket she had, offering one to Mikasa. The taller girl nodded in thanks as she opened it and took a sip from it. 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Mikasa assured her with a slight eye roll.

“I figured,” Annie told her with a slight smile. 

“Were you less guarded then?” Annie asked, obviously referring to when Mikasa’s parents were still alive. 

“I guess,” Mikasa answered with a hesitant nod, “but I was younger. Every kid speaks what’s on their mind when it’s on their mind.”

“True,” Annie agreed. 

“What was your childhood like?” Mikasa asked curiously as she finished her sandwich, washing it down with some water before giving Annie her full attention.

“It was good,” Annie decided with a nod, “I had a loving mother and father who loved each other. Can’t ask for much more than that, can you?”

“Guess not,” Mikasa shrugged in agreement. Mikasa briefly wondered what happened to Annie’s mother since she’d never seen the woman around, but she guessed that meant the woman either died, left, or moved away. Either way, she guessed it was a sensitive topic for the blonde, so she didn’t bring it up. 

“Anyway, enough about problematic childhoods,” Annie said as she too finished her sandwich and looked at Mikasa, “What do you do for fun?”

“Really?” Mikasa asked with a slight laugh, and Annie just shrugged, “I like to read.”

“Ugh,” Annie groaned, “That’s so boring.”

“It’s no different from watching a movie or tv show,” Mikasa assured her.

“Still seems boring,” Annie said, disregarding her previous statement.

“Whatever you say,” Mikasa said with a shrug, unbothered, “What about you?”

“Sleeping,” Annie decided.

“I would’ve thought you were the type to spend hours playing your sport of choice,” Mikasa said with a laugh.

“No, that’s you,” Annie reminded her with a laugh, “I just tagged along.”

“I guess,” Mikasa agreed with a nod as she lightly punched her cast, reminding herself that she hadn’t played soccer in a month.  _ Has it really been that long?  _ she thought sadly. 

“When do you get it off?” Annie asked as she pointed to the cast.

“The middle of October if all goes well,” Mikasa told her with a smile.

“That’s good,” Annie nodded, “You can get back on the team.”

“Speaking of, didn’t we have a game today?” Mikasa asked.

“I see you still pay attention to the schedule,” Annie sighed, “We did, but we got a game off since we’re undefeated or something.”

“Ah,” Mikasa nodded in understanding.

As Mikasa said that, Annie grabbed some sliced apples from the basket she brought and began eating them, offering one to Mikasa. “Thanks,” Mikasa thanked her with a smile as she accepted the offered piece.

The two ate in silence for a while, not sure what to say to each other. Somehow, Mikasa felt that the silence spoke volumes. Admittedly, she enjoyed just sitting in silence with the blonde. 

“I feel like I failed this miserably,” Annie sighed as she began packing her things together. Mikasa couldn’t help but smile as she realized she had been thinking the exact opposite. Although she had no previous dates to compare it to, she had a good time, and she was just thinking that Annie did good.

“Not at all,” Mikasa assured her as she helped her pack things despite Annie’s protests, “I had a good time.”

“Really?” Annie asked, seemingly surprised. 

“Really,” Mikasa confirmed as she shuffled on her feet, eventually deciding to kiss Annie’s cheek in reassurance. 

“Also, you’re a real bitch for wearing those pants,” Annie added, obviously not wanting to seem like a nervous mess. Mikasa could tell Annie was trying to make her blush, so she wouldn’t feel as uncomfortable. Still, she went with it.

“Oh, why?” Mikasa asked with a smirk as she feigned innocence. 

“There’s no way you didn’t do that on purpose,” Annie huffed.

“Got a problem?” Mikasa asked, still pretending to be clueless.

“Oh, you just think you’re so funny?” Annie asked as she approached the girl, causing Mikasa to take a reflexive step back.

“What do you mean? I’m hilarious,” Mikasa said with a dopey smile.

“I’m sure you think you are,” Annie teased as she took another step forward.

This time, When Mikasa took a step back, she tripped over a small rock and fell on her ass. “Ouch,” she half huffed, half winced in pain. Annie laughed a little before offering Mikasa her hand to help her up. 

Once Mikasa was sure she had a good grip on Annie’s hand, she smirked evilly. “Oh no, no, no, no,” Annie panicked as she realized what Mikasa was planning, trying to pull her hand out of Mikasa’s grip, to no avail. 

Without any more hesitation, Mikasa yanked Annie onto her, immediately pulling her into a kiss. Mikasa had been wanting to kiss Annie properly since they got to the top of the hill, but she hadn’t found the right opening until now. 

Annie struggled a bit, obviously not expecting such a straight-forward approach, but she eventually stopped fighting and gave into whatever agenda Mikasa had. After a few moments, Mikasa smirked a little through the kiss before she flipped the two, wincing slightly as her back heart from landing on it earlier. Annie grunted slightly, obviously not happy with the change of position, but she understood that Mikasa didn’t like being pinned. 

Annie and Mikasa found themselves smiling into the kiss to the point that their teeth were practically clashing, clanking against each other every once in a while to make them laugh gently. They pulled apart briefly for air before Mikasa kissed her again, this time running her tongue against the girl’s lip. She smiled victoriously when the blonde hesitantly opened her mouth slightly.

After a few more minutes of that, Mikasa pulled away, smiling at Annie whose eyes were glued on Mikasa’s. “What was that for?” Annie asked although she obviously wasn’t upset that it happened. 

“Do I need a reason?” Mikasa asked with a raised eyebrow as she stood up, offering Annie her hand. Annie smirked, and Mikasa immediately realized her mistake. “Motherfucker,” Mikasa hissed as Annie laughed and pulled her back down.

Mikasa landed with her hands on either side of the blonde’s head, her legs on either side of the smaller girl’s legs. “Well, this is quite the compromising position,” Mikasa commented, echoing the words she spoke during their party a few weeks ago. 

“Whatever will we do?” Annie asked with a smirk.

“Nope,” Mikasa said easily as she attempted to roll off of Annie, only to be grabbed by the blonde. “Bitch,” Mikasa hissed as she attempted to roll again, not having the momentum to be successful.

“You started it,” Annie laughed as she hugged the girl rather than kissing her.

Mikasa’s eyes widened in surprise as she noticed the blonde was holding her loose enough that she could escape if she wanted to. After a few moments, she smiled softly as she allowed herself to relax while holding most of her weight of the other girl.

“I’m surprised you’re not trying to bash my face in,” Annie joked with laughter.

“It’s not like you’re squeezing my insides out,” Mikasa teased as chuckled, “This is… nice.”

“Oh?” Annie asked in a surprised and teasing manner.

“Don’t be mean,” Mikasa said as she lifted one of her hands to gently flick the girl’s head.

“Yeah, yeah,” Annie agreed as she released her grip on Mikasa. The taller girl got the memo and rolled off of her, and the two got up, collecting their things. 

“So, what’s the verdict?” Annie asked on the way down.

“Verdict?” Mikasa asked, confused.

“You know, the deal?” Annie reminded her, “If I’m successful, we date for real. If not, we stay friends?”

Admittedly, Mikasa had been so caught up in enjoying herself that the deal had been completely forgotten. As she thought about it, she realized she wasn’t sure if she could be ‘just friends’ with Annie. 

Even though their strange relationship quickly jumped from enemies to… not quite friends but not quite lovers, Mikasa realized it simply felt right. She couldn’t imagine her relationship with Annie going any differently.

“I guess you’ve won me over,” Mikasa sighed as if it was a drag, but she made sure to smile after. She didn’t want Annie to think she was really unhappy, especially since she knew she could be hard to read sometimes. 

“Really?” Annie asked, trying to mask her surprise.

“Really,” Mikasa confirmed with a laugh, “Don’t make me regret it.”

Annie smiled widely before she jumped at the girl, kissing her. She wrapped her arms around Mikasa’s neck, using her to pull herself up. Mikasa made her struggle for a while before she carefully bent down a little, allowing Annie’s toes to hold her up.

“You did not just lean down to kiss me,” Annie asked in surprise and offence, “I’m not  that short!”

“Says the girl who had to jump to reach my face.

“Oh, fuck off,” Annie huffed as she crossed her arms. Mikasa laughed as she followed the groveling girl down the hill. 

When they finally made it back to Mikasa’s house after Annie offered to walk her home, Mikasa gave Annie a quick kiss goodbye before waving. “See you at school,” Mikasa told Annie as she smiled slightly, the blonde returning the gesture. 

Mikasa entered the house with a smile though she quickly reverted back to her usual, neutral face. “How was it?” Carla asked from the living room, obviously having heard the door open.

“Good,” Mikasa answered simply as she walked to the stairs. 

As she put her foot on the step, preparing to go up the stairs, she felt a grip on the back of her shirt, pulling her back. She turned around to see Carla looking at her hopefully, obviously wanting details.

“What?” Mikasa asked, somewhat annoyed.

“You’re not going to tell me what happened?” she asked with a pout.

“It went like any other date,” Mikasa said with a shrug.

“Did you kiss?” Carla asked with a knowing smirk.

“Maybe,” Mikasa deadpanned, not wanting to lie or tell the full truth. 

“A lot?” Carla added.

“Maybe,” Mikasa repeated.

Carla then smirked as she waved Mikasa away dismissively. “If you break that girl’s heart, I’ll break you,” Carla threatened.

“Huh? I’m your daughter!” Mikasa yelled, the word stinging her mouth slightly. She was okay with referring to herself as Carla’s daughter, but it still sounded strange coming out her mouth. Despite that, she absolutely refused to call Carla her mother. She loved the woman dearly, but she could never fill the gap of her biological mother. Carla understood and respected that.

“And? Even more reason for me to teach you a lesson,” Carla said as she cracked her knuckles.

“Never do that again,” Mikasa sighed disappointedly as she walked up the stairs. Carla just laughed as she watched the girl go up the stairs.

In her room, Mikasa flopped down on her bed, allowing herself to smile brightly at the memories of her date. It wasn’t anything like the dates in books; If anything, it was better. She couldn’t decide if it was because it happened to her personally, because Annie was there, or a combination of the two. Either way, she couldn’t be happier with the outcome.

With her books in mind, she walked to a small bookshelf in her room, skimming over titles and authors as she looked for one to read. She’d finished the one she’d been reading recently, so she needed a new one.

She’d read all of the ones on her bookshelf multiple times, but they never got old. Each time she read them, there were new feelings. She’d notice little things that hinted at them being in love much longer than they believed or small little sayings that suggested they be together forever. She loved them.

After some searching, she found one of her favorites. It was one of the first proper romance books she’d read, and it was definitely the one she read the most. She often read through it with a pencil in hand, making small little notes about certain quotes or pieces of information, always discovering a new meaning behind each word on the page. It never ceased to amaze her how authors could write 10 words with hundreds of meaning to hundreds of different people. 

As she cracked open the book, she read through the first few pages, mostly skimming over her footnotes. She laughed occasionally, or sometimes, she got sad. Eventually, she came across a page she remembered loving for its portrayal of love, and she couldn’t stop herself from reading it over and over again, writing in little notes as she did.

Again, she realized, this book had the characters falling in love in spring. She loved the iea, truthfully, but she felt like it was lacking. It was almost as if something didn’t fall into place. For example, in this story, the love interests were demons and angels. It didn’t seem write for two completely different people to find love when things bloom.

Because the more she thought about it, the more she realized ‘blooming’ into love just never felt right. It never sounded right to her, and it never seemed to add up. She never thought of ‘love’ as slowly learning and, well, loving the person. 

_ It suddenly makes sense now. Why I was never able to relate to characters in romance novels. In every romance, they find love in spring. It’s the time when cold turns to warm, white snow gives way to green grass, and colorful, vivacious flowers bloom,  _ she realized as her mind flashed back to Annie’s laughter earlier in the day ,  _ It seems only fitting that someone with a cold heart like mine would thaw in spring, right? Allow my love to bloom as the flowers do, but I find myself falling. That unexplainable peacefulness I feel when faced with such adversity as the inevitably of falling, it’s everything I’d ever imagined love to be and more. So, maybe it’s more fitting that I find love in fall? _

She always thought of love as falling. It was fast and instantaneous, something you couldn’t stop. Once you fell, even if it was because you tripped, there’s no way to stop yourself from falling. You can brace yourself for the impact, but you can’t stop it.

She imagined love was the same. Once you fell for someone, there was no going back. You could brace yourself for what was to come, but you couldn’t back out. 

Still, she didn’t believe she was in love, not yet. She was sure she’d end up there, after all, falling was inevitable once the process was set in motion, but she wasn’t there yet. Right now, she was experiencing the free-fall. The realization that she was falling had dawned on her, but she didn’t mind it. In fact, she fully embraced it and easily accepted whatever it had to offer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to whoever wanted a picnic/hike date for the two of them. I read it and immediately loved the idea, and I had nothing better in mind. I think it really suited them and their personalities in this story. I hope you all enjoyed the playfulness they have going on.
> 
> P.S. Peep Mikasa realizing she actually has feelings for Annie and doesn't want things to change O_O MY GAY HEART. UGH, anyway, I'm glad that dense bitch is happy or getting there. 
> 
> Comments/feedback/suggestions always make my day brighter, so if you ever feel like showing your gratitude/enjoyment, that's the way to go! Even if it's just something as small as "I love this" or "Thank you for the update." I appreciate it and I read it! Thank you for your time, as always, my amazing readers!


	18. Calendula

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calendula: Happiness, joy, and grace

The weekend passed much too quickly for Mikasa’s liking, and before she knew it, it was Monday again. She sighed at the realization as she got out of bed, preparing herself for the day. She put on clothes for the day before going to the main floor to pour herself a bowl of cereal for breakfast.

After she ate, she went back to the bathroom, passing Eren on the way. She brushed her teeth before brushing out her hair. “Are you done yet?” Eren asked as he pounded on the door.

“Calm down,” she sighed as she ruffled her hair, thinking it looked more messy than usual, “I just got in here.”

“At least open the door if you’re not half naked or something,” Eren said as he banged the door again.

“You’re so annoying,” she huffed as she opened the door for him, stepping to the side to let him in. 

“Thank you,” he sighed in annoyance as he put toothpaste in his toothbrush and began brushing his teeth.

“You’re actually disgusting,” Mikasa commented as she fake gagged. She put her hand under his chin and pushed it up before saying, “Brush with your mouth closed.”

“But that makes it so difficult,” he spoke with toothpaste in his mouth.

“Don’t speak with toothpaste in your mouth either,” she scolded him as she slapped the back of his head, walking out the door before he could retaliate. “You have 5 minutes to finish getting ready and get your shoes on before I leave!” she yelled to him as she walked down the stairs.

Almost exactly 5 minutes later Eren came down the stairs. “Just give me a few seconds to get my shoes on,” he pleaded.

“Nope, you’ll have to catch up,” she said as she looked at the clock, confirming that 5 minutes had passed.

“You’re such an asshole,” he sighed as she struggled to pull his shoes on.

“You know it!” she agreed as she left the house, tightening her scarf around her as the cold air hit her face. 

Eren easily caught up to her since she was walking, and the two walked to the school together. Armin joined them after a while, and Eren and him immediately jumped into conversation.

“Isn’t that project you and Annie were working on due soon?” Eren asked, pausing his conversation with Armin.

“Shit,” she muttered. With everything going on between the two of them, she completely forgot about the assignment. Luckily, they finished the majority of it the first day, but they still had to actually complete it. Eren snickered at her, knowing he’d never seen her forget about a school assignment. “Shut up,” she huffed at him as she sighed. 

“I didn’t say anything,” he said with a smirk. 

When they finally made it to the school, the three walked inside together, getting a few stares from people every once in a while. Mikasa merely rolled her eyes as she walked to her locker. 

Since the day that her secrets were revealed to everyone, her locker had been properly cleaned, but there were still faint traces of sharpie in certain spots. She sighed as she opened her locker and collected her things for first period.

She then closed her locker, surprised to find the last person she wanted to see in the world. “Welcome back,” Mikasa said in a strained voice.

“‘Sup?” Hitch said with a smile. 

“What do you want?” Mikasa asked, fighting every bone in her body that wanted to kick the girl into next semester. 

“To talk,” Hitch said easily. 

“You have 2 minutes,” Mikasa said as she checked the clock. 

“Perfect,” Hitch said as she grabbed the girl’s wrist, “That’s all I need.”

“Don’t fucking touch me,” Mikasa hissed as she got out of the girl’s grip. Hitch just put her hands up in surrender as she waved for Mikasa to follow, and the taller girl did. 

Hitch brought them to an empty classroom that didn’t have anyone using it during this time of the year. The slightly shorter girl closed the door behind them, causing Mikasa to panic a little. 

“Calm down,” Hitch sighed, “I said I wanted to talk, not kill you in a dark classroom.”

“Sorry if I’m a little skeptical,” Mikasa hissed as Hitch turned the lights on. 

Hitch carefully approached Mikasa, and the raven-haired girl couldn’t help but punch the girl dead in the nose. Hitch made a noise of surprise as she cupped her nose. “Yeah, okay, I had that coming,” Hitch nodded as she wiped at the blood that dripped down her face. 

“That’s it? You’re just gonna accept it?” Mikasa asked in surprise. 

“Yeah, about that,” Hitch said with a sigh, “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” Mikasa asked as she raised her voice, causing Hitch to flinch, “Do you even understand what you did to me? Do you know how horrible that was?”

“Yeah,” Hitch sighed as she found a tissue box in the classroom, using it to plug her bleeding nose, “I do.”

“And you did it anyway?” Mikasa asked, her voice rising in volume again.

“Believe it or not, I did it for Annie,” Hitch told her.

“What kind of bullshit excuse is that?” Mikasa asked angrily, “You use her like an object, and it’s all ‘for her own good’?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Hitch sighed as she rubbed her forehead, “Would you just calm down and let me explain?”

“Nothing you say will make me forgive you,” Mikasa told her as she walked towards the door, only to be blocked by Hitch. She froze in place when she saw Hitch looking at her teary, glazed over eyes. 

“You gave me two minutes,” Hitch reminded her. Mikasa rolled her eyes as she reluctantly nodded.

“A long time ago, when we were still together, she told me a lot of things,” Hitch admitted with a sigh, trying to dance around certain things in case Annie hadn’t told Mikasa yet, “She admitted to me that she wanted learn how to control her emotions ‘like I did’. I tried for months to help her, but eventually, we just fell apart. It was inevitable, we both knew that, but I promised her that I’d help.”

“Are you trying to say that everything you did was for her… to ‘help her’.... Because of a promise you made her?” Mikas asked, angrier than before, “Do you know how bullshit that sounds? Ruining not one, but two, people’s lives for the suck of a stupid promise she probably doesn’t even remember?”

“Well, when you put it like that,” Hitch sighed sadly as she looked up at Mikasa. “Do it,” Hitch said, looking into Mikasa’s eyes.

“Do what?” Mikasa asked with curious eyebrows. 

“I don’t know. Yell, scream, hit me,” Hitch offered, “Do something. I know you’re angry.”

Mikasa lifted her hand, bringing it to Hitch’s face in a hard slap. However, she stopped a few centimeters from the girl’s face when a thought crossed her mind. Aren't _ you passed hitting people when you’re angry? When has that ever worked out for you?  _

_ However wrong she was, she thought she was doing the right thing. I’ve been there before… doing something completely wrong because I thought it was right. Surely I can show her some empathy…. _

_ Watching her right now, asking me to hit her…. It’s like I’m looking at me from 6 years ago.  _

Mikasa paused before slowly wrapping her arms around Hitch’s neck. The girl jumped in surprise, a gasp leaving her mouth. “I don’t forgive you; I never will,” Mikasa whispered in the girl’s ear as she hugged her comfortingly though her words had a definite bite, “But I’ve been where you are. Don’t beat yourself up too much. However wrong your actions were, you thought you were doing the right thing, and you realized it was wrong. I can’t hold that against you.”

“Huh?” Hitch asked in surprise as she jumped away from the hug. 

“Think you can do me a favor?” Mikasa asked as she opened the door of the classroom, hearing the late bell for first period ring as she did.  _ Shit, I’m late,  _ she thought with a sigh,  _ what are they gonna do? Give me detention? _

“I- uh…” Hitch stuttered, still surprised from Mikasa’s surprising change of heart. 

“Leave Annie alone,” Mikasa said easily as she glanced at the clock in the hallway, “and be honest with yourself.”

After that, Mikasa ran out the door of the empty classroom and made it to her first period. When she got in the room, Annie immediately eyed her curiously as the teacher spoke up, “Miss Jaeger, why are you late?” 

“I- uh,” Mikasa stuttered, not sure what she should say.

The teacher just shrugged as they signaled for her to sit down, likely remembering that she’d had a rough week. 

“Where the hell were you?” Annie asked in a hushed voice.

“I’ll tell you at lunch,” Mikasa assured her with a smile as she got out her things for class

“Okay,” Annie agreed begrudgingly, “We need to finish this project.”

“Yeah, Eren reminded me this morning,” Mikasa sighed.

“My place after your detention?” Annie offered.

“Yeah, sure,” Mikasa agreed with a smile as the two began working. They had the whole class period to work on the project, but they knew they’d need time outside of school as well.

When the bell rang, the two walked together before they eventually split up for the respective classes. Mikasa, of course, had this class with Hitch, and she wasn’t looking forward to seeing the girl. 

In class, Hitch was already sitting at her assigned desk that was still beside Mikasa. Mikasa sat down beside the blonde, and the teacher looked between the two. “I suppose we should move seats,” the teacher suggested as she stood up. Mikasa nodded in agreement while Hitch shrugged.

In the end, they had been moved to opposite sides of the classroom, and Mikasa was now sitting with someone she didn’t know very well. On top of that, the girl she was next to seemed genuinely terrified of her.  _ At least I know she won’t try to cheat off me _ , Mikasa thought to herself as she looked at her paper and began working.

Eventually, her lunch break finally rolled around, and she collected her lunch from the cafeteria. On her way back to her seat with her friends, someone smacked her tray into her face, and she cringed as it hit her straight in the face, knocking all her food onto her. 

She heard masculine voices laughing, and she immediately knew who it was. She sighed deeply as she wiped food off her eyes, so she could see. She held the tray firmly in her hand as she backhanded the boy with it. 

He fell to the ground from the effort behind the hit, and she tossed her tray at him before walking to the bathroom to attempt to salvage her clothing. She was practically fuming with anger, and she was doing her best not to explode at the next person she saw.

When she finally made it to the bathroom and began cleaning off her face and clothes, she saw someone else walk in behind her. She almost immediately recognized them as Historia, and she smiled apologetically at the blonde. 

“Bad day?” Historia asked knowingly as she dampened a towel and helped Mikasa attempt to clean her clothes.

“Something like that,” she sighed. 

“What’s up with those guys?” she asked.

“I dunno,” she said honestly, “We had a little fight the other day, and I might’ve hit one of them with my tray. I guess I had it coming.”

“Doesn’t make you any less angry though, does it?” Hitsoria asked with a laugh.

“Not at all,” Mikasa said as she put her head against the wall. 

“If it makes you feel better, the whole table was ready to go to war for you,” Historia joked.

“That’s sweet,” she nodded, feeling slightly better knowing she had people who had her back. 

“Mhm,” Historia hummed sweetly, “I offered to check on you.”

“Hmm,” Mikasa hummed indifferently, “Thanks.”

“Annie offered too,” Historia told her, somehow reading Mikasa’s mind, “but I told her that having two angry people together would only make both of you angrier.”

“You’re not angry?” Mikasa asked curiously.

“Oh, I’m pissed,” Hitsoria admitted, and Mikasa was sure she’d never heard Historia sound angrier, “but I prefer to be calm.”

“If only it were that easy,” Mikasa sighed.

“There, all done,” Historia said with a smile. Mikasa backed up, looking at her shirt. There were wet marks from the water, but it seemed like she’d gotten the stains out. 

“You’re an angel,” Mikasa sighed as she splashed water into her face, using a new paper towel to dry her face afterward.

“I get that a lot,” she said with a smile as she walked out the bathroom, signaling for Mikasa to come with. 

The two made it back to the lunch table rather quickly and Mikasa took her newfound spot beside Annie. Annie looked at her with worry before laughing and saying, “Ha! You smell like tacos.”

Rather than say anything, Mikasa smacked the girl in the back of the head, making the rest of the table laugh. “Um ow,” Annie complained, “You didn’t have to hit me that hard.”

“Yes. I did,” Mikasa decided as she laid her head down.

“Here,” Historia said as she tossed Mikasa a small thing of perfume. It wasn’t really Mikasa’s style, but it was better than smelling like tacos.

“I could kiss you,” Mikasa said appreciatively as she put it on her wrists, applying it.

This time, Annie smacked the back of Mikasa’s head while Ymir put a protective arm around Historia. Historia giggled while Mikasa growled. “Ow, bitch,” Mikasa complained as she rubbed her head.

“Yeah, hurts doesn’t it?” Annie asked sarcastically as she ate her food.

“Eren, give me your shoe,” Mikasa said.

“Huh? For what? And why mine?” Eren asked.

“Because I said so, and yours are slip ons. Hand them over,” she said as she made a grabby hand at him. He just sighed as he pulled his shoe off and handed it to Mikasa. 

Mikasa smirked as she used to hit Annie over the head. “Does this count as abuse?” Sasha whispered to Ymir.

“I don’t think so,” Ymir said quietly as she watched Annie complain while Mikasa handed Eren his shoe back.

“Anyway,” Annie grumbled as she rubbed her head, “Care to explain why you missed first period?”

“You skipped?” Eren explained. 

“I did not,” Mikasa sighed, “I was like 5 minutes late.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Annie said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Mikasa grumbled as she grabbed an apple off Annie’s tray. “Hey, asshole, that’s mine!” Annie complained. 

“Not anymore,” Mikasa said as she licked it.

“Like that would stop me,” Annie sighed.

“I will bite you,” Mikasa threatened as she held the apple to her chest.

“Kinky,” Ymir snickered. Mikasa and Annie glared at Ymir unamused which only made the latter laugh harder.

“Anyway, stop avoiding my question,” Annie said, giving up on getting her apple.

“Hmm,” Mikasa hummed, “Hitch.”

“Huh?” the whole table exclaimed.

“She wanted to talk,” Mikasa shrugged, “and I let her.”  
“Are you insane?” Annie asked loudly.

“Shh,” Mikasa shushed her, “You’re giving me a headache.”

“Fuck off,” Annie said as she flipped the girl off, “Why’d you give her the opportunity to talk.”

“Hmm, I wanted to see how desperate she was,” Mikasa decided.

“And?” Annie asked as she made a gesture with her hands, telling Mikasa to keep explaining.”

“Very desperate,” Mikasa concluded.

“Desperate for what?” Eren asked.

“Forgiveness,” Mikasa said with an eye roll.

“Please tell me you didn’t forgive that bitch,” Annie asked.

“Pffft, as if,” Mikasa laughed, “I punched her in the nose.”

“That was you?” Ymir asked with a laugh, “She was in my history class, and the teacher asked who sucker punched her. She said she ran into a pole.”

“She protected you?” Annie asked, surprised.

“I may or may not have been nicer than necessary,” Mikasa sighed. She didn’t regret her decision, not at all, but she knew the others wouldn’t understand it. Plus, she really didn’t want to explain. 

“What do you mean?” Annie asked.

“After explaining her reasoning, she asked me to hit her, yell at her, whatever,” Mikasa shrugged, “She wanted my anger.”

“Kinky,” Ymir commented again as she laughed loudly, resulting in a crotch-slap from Historia who glared at her. 

“And?” Annie asked, “What’d you do?”

“You wouldn’t get it,” Mikasa sighed as she buried her head in her hands.

“Mikasa,” Mikasa heard her voice. She looked up to see Sasha smiling as she offered her her cookie.

“Huh?” Mikasa asked with surprise, “Those are your favorites.”

“You look like you need to,” Sasha said with a kind smile as she pushed it closer to Mikasa. Mikasa’s lower lip jutted out as she tried not to cry.

“Simp,” Ymir said, hiding the word behind a fake cough. 

“I’m this close to cutting you off,” Historia said as she pushed her fingers together, showing that she was running out of patience. That seemed to shut Ymir up as she sat up straighter and shut her mouth. 

“You’re still avoiding the question,” Annie commented, not willing to give up.

“I’ll tell you later,” Mikasa said as she turned her head to look at Annie.

“Oh, so she gets to know and not me?” Eren said as he crossed his arms.

“Correct,” Mikasa confirmed as she put her head down again, eating the apple she stole from Annie as she set the cookie from Sasha in her lap.

After a few minutes of silence, Mikasa felt a weight leave her hands, and she lifted her head up. When she looked around the table to find out what happened, she realized Annie had snatched the apple back and bit into it, not caring that Mikasa had already eaten half of it.

“I was eating that!” Mikasa complained. 

“I see that,” Annie said as she looked at the bites Mikasa had taken out of it. 

“I spit on it,” Mikasa lied.

“Pffft,” Annie laughed as she leaned in to whisper in Mikasa’s ear, “I’ve practically had your tongue down my throat. I think I’ll be fine.”

Mikasa’s face turned bright red which didn’t go unnoticed by the people at the table. She quickly put her head down, trying to hide from the group. “Ha! Did you just make her blush?” Ymir teased. Mikasa lifted her finger from the table and flipped Ymir off, causing the brunette to laugh hysterically. 

“I have a way with words,” Annie said with a shrug.

“She probably said something about sex,” Eren said easily, “She hates that.”

“Lalalalalalalala,” Mikasa said, trying to drown them out.

“What are you? 5?” Annie teased.

“Yes,” Mikasa said as she pouted, causing Annie to look at her with a “really?” look. Annie sighed as she handed the apple to Mikasa who smirked before biting into it.

“Simp,” Reiner teased, causing Annie to put him in a chokehold in about .2 seconds.

“Well damn,” Mikasa laughed.

“Uncle! Uncle!” Reiner said as he tapped Annie’s arm. The blonde reluctantly let go as she relaxed back in her seat, grabbing her apple back from Mikasa who scowled at her. 

“My mouth was on it,” Mikasa sighed, “I was literally about to take a bite, and you took it.”

“And?” Annie asked as she bit into it, handing it back.

“You’re a dick,” Mikasa scowled as she took a bite as well.

“Do not compare me to  that ,” Annie hissed.

“Too late,” Mikasa decided as she finished the apple, putting the core on Annie’s tray with a dopey smile. Annie just growled, not being able to say anything back before sighing and accepting her fate. 

When gym finally rolled around, Mikasa was having a hard time. Usually, locker rooms were no problem, but since she first kissed Annie, she’s been having a hard time keeping her eyes off the blonde. She managed well, but the want to look was still there.

To her surprise, someone pulled her off her but and dragged her to the bathroom, and she smiled as she immediately knew who it was. They pulled her into the bathroom stall, closing and locking it before looking up at her with furrowed eyebrows. “Why do you look so mad?” Mikasa asked quietly.

“You’re too tall,” Annie complained as she grabbed Mikasa’s chin and pulled her down. Mikasa made a noise of surprise, but she didn’t fight the gesture. 

She wasted no time in kissing the blonde, almost immediately having it heat up. At one point, Mikasa bit the blonde’s lip, causing her to make a muffled noise that Mikasa smirked at. “We don’t talk about that,” Annie whispered against the taller girl’s lips before kissing her again.

“I’m never going to let you live it down,” Mikasa teased as she deepened the kiss. 

Instead of saying anything, Annie bit the taller girl’s lip as well, causing her to make a sound more similar to a squeak of surprise than a moan. Annie’s frown was apparent through the kiss, and Mikasa did her best not to laugh. 

“Time for class,” someone said as they banged on the stall door. 

The two girl’s pulled apart, panting from the apparent aggressiveness behind their kisses. “You’re… surprisingly good… at that,” Annie commented as she left the stall and the locker room, giving Mikasa no time to comment. Mikasa couldn’t help but laugh to herself as she followed the blonde out a few moments behind.

Gym passed slowly, but she enjoyed it all the same. It would’ve been nice to play, but watching was enough for her. Still, the class ended rather quickly, and Mikasa decided to go straight to detention to get it over with. She sent a quick text to Annie, telling her that she’d meet her at her house after detention before turning her phone off and entering Mr. Ackerman’s room.

“You missed Friday,” he deadpanned.

“I know,” she answered indifferently as she sat down.

“That’s skipping,” he told her.

“I wasn’t here on Friday,” she answered.

“Why?” he asked.

“Family matters,” she answered easily. He seemed skeptical for a moment before reluctantly nodding and leaving her to her own devices. She sighed, a bit annoyed by his interrogation, before cracking open the book she’d started Saturday and began reading it, taking notes whenever she felt like it. 

“You’re free,” he said after a while as he packed his things. She nodded in acceptance as she packed her things up, walking to the door.

As she was about to leave the room, he put his hand in front of her. “What?” she asked as she looked at him.

“What was your mother’s name?” he asked.

“Huh? What?” she asked, confused.

“What. Was. Her. Name?” he asked more firmly. 

“Uh…” she paused to think about it. She always just called her ‘mom’, but she was sure she’d heard her father call her something else. “Corinna,” Mikasa finished, “I think.”

She saw that the man seemed to have a wave of sadness wash over him before he removed his arm from in front of Mikasa. “Did you know her?” Mikasa asked. No response. “Did you know her?” Mikasa asked more firmly. Again, no response as the man walked to the door. Mikasa stood in front of it, blocking his path. “Did you know her?” Mikasa asked desperately. 

Instead of answering, he put his arm against her side and shoved her out of the way, walking away. Mikasa scoffed lightly, surprised by the teacher’s lack of interest in the topic, but she decided to let it go.

He seemed like he recognized her, and if that was the case, it was possible that he was mourning her loss. She also realized she had 9 more days of detention to get answers from him. 

In the end, she gave up and made her way to Annie’s house. She sent a text to Carla, letting her know she’d be home later and walked past her house to Annie’s. When she finally arrived in front of the girl’s house, she knocked, surprised when the blonde’s dad opened the door. 

“Uh… hi,” she greeted awkwardly. 

“Ah, Annie’s showering right now,” he told her awkwardly as he let her in the house.

“Oh,” Mikasa sighed in realization. 

“She warned me you’d be here soon,” Oliver told Mikasa, “Anything I can do for you while we wait?”

“Actually, I do have a question,” Mikasa said.

“Ask away,” he said as he sat at the table in the kitchen. 

“Did you happen to find any relatives of my parents?” she asked.

“I found a few, but no one was fit to take care of you. Plus the state wanted you to live with the Jaegers since Grisha is a doctor,” Oliver admitted.

“Who did you find?” Mikasa asked.

“Mostly your mother’s family,” he told her, “Your father’s family is either dead or lives outside the city.”

“Oh,” Mikasa sighed.

“Why, trying to track them down?” he asked.

“Not really,” Mikasa admitted, “just curious.”

“I get it,” he said with a smile as he stood up, walking to the stairs. “Annie! Mikasa is here!” he yelled up to her. Mikasa heard a quiet string of curses before Annie yelled back that she could come up. Annie quietly thanked the blonde’s dad before walking up the stairs.

When she reached Annie’s door, she knocked, and the shorter girl answered. “You didn’t have to knock, you know,” Annie said as she opened the door in a sports bra and sweatpants. Mikasa’s eyes widened before her features went back to their usual indifference.

“Sorry if I didn’t want to walk in on you naked,” Mikasa sighed grumpily as she entered the room and put her things by the door. 

“Would it really be that bad?” Annie teased.

“Yes,” Mikasa deadpanned.

“No self control?” Annie continued to tease.

“Pffft, that’s you,” Mikasa reminded her, “I’ve been ignoring your ass since day one.”

“Ouch,” Annie feigned hurt as she put a hand over her heart before pulling a shirt over her head. “Okay, ready?” Annie asked as she quickly put her hair up and sat on her bed, patting the space next to her for Mikasa. 

Instead of answering, Mikasa just silently sat down next to Annie. The two easily dove into their work, allowing as little distractions as possible. There were a few times that they got distracted, but they were short little breaks that neither minded.

Finally, after 2 hours, the two completely finished their project, and they sighed as they laid down fully on Annie’s bed. “That was tiring,” Annie complained. 

“Tell me about it,” Mikasa agreed as she put her arm over her eyes. 

“So,” Annie sighed as she rolled onto her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows to look at Mikasa, “Hitch?”

Mikasa groaned loudly as she rolled away from the blonde, “I don’t want to talk about it. I was hoping you’d forget.”

“I have the memory of an elephant,” Annie assured her as she used one of her arms to remove the arm Mikasa had over her eyes. Mikasa looked at Annie with a bored look, but Annie noticed the hidden amusement in them. 

“I- uh… I hugged her,” Mikasa told Annie bashfully.

“You what?” Annie asked loudly.

“Shhh,” Mikasa shushed her, “Inside voices.”

“Fuck you,” Annie hissed.

“You wish,” Mikasa teased.

“Stop changing the subject,” Annie deadpanned.

“Yeah, yeah,” Mikasa sighed, “I was going to hit her, I really was, but then she looked so… sad. I can’t explain it, but-”

Mikasa closed her eyes, trying to think of the best way to explain it. When she finally opened them to speak, she expected to see a look of boredom on Annie’s face, but she was surprised when she saw nothing but interest and patience. 

Mikasa smiled a little before sighing, “I looked at her and all I saw was younger me.”

“You’re right,” Annie nodded, “I don’t get it.”

“I really don’t want to explain,” Mikasa complained, “Can’t you just accept it?” 

Annie took a deep breath, exhaling just as heavily. Mikasa almost thought the girl was mad, but that idea was shut down when the blonde laid down on her stomach again, putting an arm over Mikasa’s stomach. Her fingers gently squeezed at Mikasa's side, strong enough to be felt but careful enough that it wasn’t uncomfortable for her. 

Annie never ceased to amaze Mikasa with how good she was at reading the latter. 

“Okay,” Annie agreed with a slight nod as she closed her eyes. Mikasa smiled a little as she looked at the blonde, wrapping her own arm around the smaller girl. 

A while later, Mikasa opened her eyes groggily. When she looked around, she realized she wasn’t in her room, and she panicked slightly. She jolted upright as she scanned the room. After a few seconds, she realized she was in Annie’s room, and she sighed in relief. 

“Oh, you’re awake,” Annie commented as she opened the door, re-entering her room. 

“I fell asleep?” Mikasa asked, confused. She rarely ever fell asleep in unfamiliar places, and when she did, she almost always had nightmares. She shook the thought away as she looked back and Annie who had a plate in her hands. 

“Yes, you did,” she answered as she sat down with her plates, handing one to Mikasa.

“Eggs?” Mikasa asked as she looked at it.

“I can’t cook much, but I tried,” Annie said with an uncomfortable laugh and a shrug. 

Instead of saying anything, Mikasa kissed Annie’s cheek. The latter blushed slightly as she smiled softly. She handed Mikasa a fork as she picked at her own plate. They each ate in silence, but it wasn’t awkward. 

“What time is it?” Mikasa asked after she looked outside and realized it was dark. 

“About 8,” Annie told her.

“Oh shit,” Mikasa commented as she stood up, looking for her phone. When she found it, she saw 10 missed calls from Carla, and 27 messages from Eren. “Oops,” she said unapologetically as she climbed back onto Annie’s bed. 

“You should let them know you’re alive,” Annie joked with a laugh as she collected their now empty plates, preparing to leave to give Mikasa the space to make her calls.

“Yeah,” Mikasa agreed, “Thanks.” Anie just nodded as she left the room.

“Hey,” Mikasa said with an awkward smile as Carla answered the phone.

“ _ Where the hell are you? _ ” Carla asked firmly. 

“Uh… Annie’s,” Mikasa answered bashfully.

“ _ Oh… Oh! _ ” Carla sighed in realization, “ _ Sorry for bothering you, then _ .”

“It’s not like that,” Mikasa sighed.

“ _ Oh… _ ” Carla said, sounding disappointed.

“Anyway, I’ll be home soon,” she assured the woman as she tucked the phone between her ear and shoulder, collecting her things. 

“ _ Okay, bubs _ ,” Carla said, her smile obvious through the phone, “ _ Want me to pick you up? _ ”

“I should be fine to walk,” Mikasa told her, not wanting to bother the older woman so late, “I’ll see you when I get home.”

“ _ Okay, bye _ ,” Carla said, “ _ Love you _ .”

“Love you too,” Mikasa said as she hung up.

She quickly threw her backpack over her shoulder as she calmly walked down the stairs. She saw Annie at the bottom of the stairs, and she smiled at the girl apologetically. “Got to go?” Annie asked.

“Yeah,” Mikasa confirmed.

“Want me to walk you back?” Annie offered.

“No, it’s fine,” Mikasa assured her, “Thanks for the food. See you tomorrow!”

“Bye!” Annie said as she waved, “Be careful!”

Mikasa smiled slightly at the last words as she walked out the door. The day wasn’t at all what she planned or expected, but she didn’t mind. She was… Happy. 


	19. Blue Violet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue Violets: Faith, affection, intuition, and love
> 
> !WARNING: There is a VERY brief mention of attempted suicide in the beginning of this chapter. There's nothing in depth, it just mentions that it happened. I didn't put a trigger warning before it, but if this makes you uncomfortable, please read at your own risk. (It's about 4 lines of dialogue that mention that it happened)!  
> ^^For those wondering, I may or may not explain this attempted suicide more in depth. It depends on what you guys do and don't want to see/read^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day, y'all! I hope this kind of fluffy, kind of information chapter is satisfactory!
> 
> ALSO, a little head canon of mine in this story: Mikasa has literal day dreams about Annie and thinks her song is “Coffee breath” by Sofia Mills 😃🥺😩🥰😌💞

A few weeks later, it was the middle of October, and Mikasa was finally getting her cast removed. After waiting for a few hours, she was finally getting the disgusting thing sawed off her foot. 

When it finally popped off, she sighed a breath of relief. “You healed rather quickly,” the doctor commented as they inspected the foot, “I suggest you wrap it up for a while and stay away from sports until this weekend. Other than that, it’s good as new.”

“Thank God,” Mikasa said quietly. 

“You’re free to go,” the doctor said as they handed her something to wrap her ankle with after properly wrapping it herself, “Make sure to unwrap it at night, ice it whenever possible and please, try not to do anything too strenuous.”

“Got it,” she said with a smile as she accepted the wrap and left the hospital with Carla.

“Happy now?” Carla asked once in the car.

“I could die,” Mikasa said happily with a sigh. When she opened her eyes, Carla was giving her an unamused look through the rearview mirror. “I didn’t mean it like that,” Mikasa reassured her adoptive mother with an annoyed sigh, “If I wanted to die, I would’ve done it a long time ago.”  
“You did,” Carla reminded her, “If I remember correctly, so excuse my concern.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mikasa sighed as she crossed her arms, “It’s not like it was on purpose.”

“‘Not on purpose’ my ass.” Carla said as she began driving.

When they made it back to the house, Eren greeted her happily as he looked at her foot. “You’re free!” he exclaimed, happy for her.

“Finally!” she exclaimed just as happily. 

“What are you going to do now?” he asked. 

“Great question,” she said with a nod, “I want to play soccer, but I don’t think the doctor would be happy.”

“Correct,” Carla confirmed.

“I guess I can just ice it for a while,” Mikasa decided, “It’d be a shame if something like this became permanent.”

“Perfect,” Carla agreed as she brought her daughter an ice pack, placing it on the girl’s leg as she laid on the couch. 

“Eren, can you grab my book?” Mikasa asked.

“What? No, you have legs,” he said as he crossed his arms.

“Please,” she said with a pouting face and puppy dog eyes.

“No! Stop!” he commanded as he covered his eyes.

“I’m still so crippled,” she complained, groveling.

“Ugh, I hate you,” he said as he threw the book at her. 

“I love you too!” she yelled after him as he ran up the stairs. She smiled a little before laughing and cracking the book open.

After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door. “I’ll get it,” Carla told her as she raced across the bottom floor of the house to the door. “Oh, come on it,” Carla said as she greeted whoever was at the door.

“Who is it?” Mikasa asked as she tried to crane her neck to look at the door, failing miserably.

“Your favorite person in the world,” the person teased.

“Sasha?” Mikasa asked with a tease in her voice.

“You’re an ass,” Annie complained as she sat on the couch.

“Apologize,” Carla said firmly.

“What?” Mikasa gasped as Annie laughed.

“That was rude,” Carla said as she crossed her arms.

“It was the truth,” Mikasa corrected. Before anyone could say anything, Annie hit Mikasa on the head with her hand. “Ow!” Mikasa yelled as she put her hands on her head, scowling at the blonde.

“That’ll work,” Carla decided as she walked off.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Mikasa asked as she bookmarked her page in her book and looked at the blonde. 

“Wanted to check on you. I heard you got the cast off today,” she said as she looked at the girl’s leg with ice on it. 

“It’s fine,” Mikasa assured her, “‘Good as new’ according to the doctor.”

“Great,” Annie said as she stood up and lifted Mikasa.

“What the hell?” Mikasa exclaimed as she felt herself being pulled off the couch, “I just said my legs are fine! I can walk, dipshit!”

“Geez, you try to do something nice,” Annie sighed as she began putting Mikasa down.

“Well, it’s not that bad…” Mikasa decided as she was about to put back down.

“That’s what I thought,” Annie said as she looked around, “Where to?”

“My room!” Mikasa decided as she put a fist in the air. 

“You’re so predictable,” Annie sighed as she grabbed the ice pack off the couch, with some struggle, before carrying the girl up the stairs.

“Are you sure I’m not too heavy?” Mikasa asked as she looked around with her arms around the blonde’s neck.

“Eh,” Annie responded, “The pros outweigh the cons.” Without any more warning, she pinched Mikasa’s leg, causing the girl to squirm.

“Eek!” she exclaimed, “Sneaky!”

“Of course,” Annie said with a slight smirk.

“I will hit you with this book,” Mikasa threatened as she used one of her hands to lift up the book in her lap.

“Okay, okay,” Annie said with a laugh as she got to Mikasa’s door, somehow managing to open it on her own. He then put the taller girl on her bed as she turned around to close the door. She then got on the bed with the other girl and laid down beside her. 

“You seem tired,” Mikasa commented as she lifted the hair out of the girl’s face and noticed the tired look on her face.

“I’m fine,” Annie assured her as she swatted at her hand.

“Sleep,” Mikasa said as she opened her book and began reading.

“Hmm,” Annie hummed in thought as she put her head on Mikasa’s stomach. The older girl jumped in surprise before looking down at the blonde. “Is this okay?” the other girl asked.

“I-I guess,” Mikasa stuttered out before sighing happily. 

“This too?” Annie asked as she wrapped her arms around the girl’s stomach.

“Fine,” Mikasa assured her. 

“‘Kay,” Annie said as she closed her eyes. 

Mikasa sighed a little as she smiled at the blonde. It wasn’t long before she heard her breathing calm down, and she knew she was asleep. Without much thought, one of her hands made their way to the girl’s hair, gently playing with it. She ran her fingers through it, twirled it, moved it from her face, anything she could use as an excuse. 

After a few moments, she was able to multitask and read while her fingers continued to work through the blonde’s hair, removing it from it’s usual bun as she did. Annie really did have amazing hair; it was short but not too short, blonde but not too blonde, soft but messy in a way that showed she was active, and groomed enough to know she cared while still being slightly matted.

“Hmm,” Annie hummed against her stomach a few hours later, causing Mikasa to stiffen a little in surprise. Her hands had been twirling a strand of hair when Annie spoke, but she couldn’t bring herself to remove her hands from the blonde’s hair. “That’s nice,” Annie commented as she gently exhaled.

“Oh?” Mikasa asked as she continued working her hands through her hair.

“Mhm,” Annie hummed in confirmation.

“When’d you wake up?” Mikasa asked as she bookmarked her page and set her book down.

“A while ago,” Annie answered, “You seemed happy, so I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“I wouldn’t have been bothered,” Mikasa assured her as she combed through Annie’s hair, getting a few knots out as she did.

“Noted,” Annie said tiredly as she squeezed Mikasa a little closer, still being careful not to make the latter uncomfortable. 

“Annie,” Mikasa said after a few moments.

“Hmm?” Annie hummed in question.

“Can I tell you something?” Mikasa asked.

“Of course,” Annie assured her as she lifted her head up, only for it to be pushed back down by Mikasa’s hand.

“You have to stay there,” Mikasa told her, “that’s the condition.”  
“Okay,” Annie agreed reluctantly. 

“I’m related to Mr. Ackerman,” she told the blonde. Immediately, Annie tried to lift her head to look at Mikasa, only for the latter to push her face back into her stomach, “Stay.”

“Why?” Annie complained.

“Because, I can’t say all of this while I look you in the eye,” Mikasa admitted, and Annie seemed to accept that. “Apparently, Mr. Ackerman is my uncle, my mom’s brother.”

“So Ackerman was your mother’s last name, not your father’s?” Annie asked, making sure not to look at Mikasa this time.

“I guess,” Mikasa said before continuing, “Apparently, they were really close before my mom left, and when she did leave, all she told him was that she was pregnant. She didn’t say where she was going or why.”

“That’s kind of cold,” Annie said sadly.

“It was,” Mikasa agreed, “but he had his guesses as to why.”

“Why, then?” Annie asked as her hand gripped at Mikasa’s sides in a successful attempt to comfort her. Meanwhile, Mikasa’s hands continued to work their way through Annie’s hands, finding it both comforting and soothing. 

“No one here liked her,” Mikasa told Annie, “Mr. Ackerman was the only one who accepted her, and everyone else looked down on her.”

“Why?” Annie asked curiously. 

“She slept around a lot apparently,” Mikasa said sadly, not even wanting to think about how sad her mother must’ve been, “Her family was dirt poor, and when she turned 13, she started selling herself to keep them afloat.”

“That’s… awful,” Annie sighed sadly. 

“Yeah,” Mikasa sighed. “At first, her family thought she got a solid job, and they praised her for helping them financially. However, when they realized she was selling herself, they turned on her. They were disgusted by her, and everyone hated her except Mr. Ackerman.”

“Why did he care for her when no one else did?” Annie asked.

“I imagine, since they were so close, he didn’t want her to experience such shame alone. He didn’t go into much detail. He only said that the people who should’ve been shamed and shunned were the men who took advantage of her selflessness,” Mikasa told Annie.

“Damn right,” Annie agreed. Mikasa just laughed in agreement before continuing her story.

“Everyone in the town looked down on her after they realized what she’d be doing. The men who paid to sleep with her at night would spit on her and call her names during the day,” Mikasa explained, fuming silently, “So, when she met my father who was the first man, aside from her brother, to show her kindness after learning her true colors, they apparently fell in love.”

“Wait, did Mr. Ackerman tell you all of this?” Annie asked.

“He’s been telling the story little by little during detention,” Mikasa explained, “It’s been… nice.”

“Ah, okay,” Annie nodded in understanding, “Continue.”

“Anyway, after some time, my mom blabbed to Mr. Ackerman about how great my father was. Despite being in love, he didn’t blame her for her actions, and he even encouraged her to continue doing what she had to do to keep her family alive,” Mikasa continued.

“Seems a little suspicious to me,” Annie commented, “I mean, if someone I loved was screwing someone else, even if it was for money or survival, I think I’d be a little pissed off. I definitely wouldn’t encourage it.”

“I get that,” Mikasa confirmed, “but it was a relief for me to find it out.”

“Huh? How so?” Annie asked.

“My whole life, since the day I lost my parents, I always wondered if they blamed me,” Mikasa admitted, “Blamed me for their deaths, for being too naive, for not understanding the situation, for freezing up, for ‘ruining my soul. Knowing that my father didn’t care about my mother sleeping around for survival…. It reassured me that he likely doesn’t blame me for what I did to survive either.”

While she expected a verbal answer, all Mikasa got in return for her rant was a gentle squeeze and a hardly-noticeable kiss to the stomach. While her stomach was covered by her shirt and hoodie, she could still feel the gentle pressure, and she petted Annie’s head in silent thanks. “Continue,” Annie prompted, “I sense there’s more.”

“There is,” Mikasa confirmed, “After a while of living together happily, my mother got pregnant around age 17.”

“She was so young,” Annie said sadly.

“Mhm,” Mikasa nodded in silent sadness. “Around that time, she made sure it was my father’s and not some random man of the streets; she’d never have forgiven herself if it wasn’t the child of the man she loved.”

“Good to know you’re not a bastard,” Annie snickered, resulting in a flick to the back of her head that quickly returned to going through her hair before Annie could complain.

“When she was sure, she took the opportunity to run away, and start a new life. My dad had told her about the mountain. He claimed he knew how to survive there as he lived on it on the Trost side,” Mikasa explained, “His family owned a plot of land near the peak that they used for hunting trips, and they gave to him once he turned 18. At the time, he was 20, so he had already inherited it.”

“He was 20 while your mom was 17?” Annie asked, surprised.

“Please, you act like that’s so bad? She slept with men more than triple her age,” Mikasa snickered, “At least she loved my father.”

“True,” Annie agreed.

“Anyway, my mother had agreed to run away with him. She was tired of being looked down upon, tired of being shamed, and tired of not being appreciated. She knew that if she ran away and lived a small life with her small family, she’d be appreciated by the few instead of hated by the many,” Mikasa explained.

“That’s smart,” Annie agreed, “I suppose I would’ve made the same choice as her.”

“Me too,” Mikasa agreed with a slight smile.

“The day before she ran away, she filled Mr. Ackerman in. She told him that she was pregnant and that she was sure it was my father’s. He was overjoyed for her, but he was immediately saddened by the news that she was leaving,” Mikasa said, feeling a sad prick of sympathy for her apparent uncle, “He said that while he never blamed her for leaving, he hated her for leaving him behind. She stole many things from him that day. She stole his best friend and sister, his niece, and his family's main source of income.”

“You mean that while his family shamed your mother for what she did, she accepted their money as their ‘main source of income’,” Annie hissed, “That’s such shit.”  
“Exactly!” Mikasa agreed.

“Anyway,” she sighed, “They ran off together, and I was born and never introduced to any of my family. Blah, blah, blah.”

“Are you upset?” Annie asked curiously.

“I’m a little upset that I never got to experience those things, yes,” Mikasa confirmed, “but I’m also content with the childhood I had, even given it’s sad ending.”

“You wouldn’t change it?” Annie asked.

“If I had the power to change it,” Mikasa began, “I don’t think I would. I like to think there’s a reason for everything. There's a non-scientific reason why seasons change, why the sun rises and sets, why people live and die; there’s a reason for all of it. I like to believe my parents died because they served their purpose.”

“What do you mean?” Annie asked.

“I think my mother was brought into this world to experience hardships and to teach the next generation how to deal with those hardships. For example, rather than raising me to be a normal member of society, she raised me to know how to take care of myself,” Mikasa explained, “My father taught me how to shoot a gun, and the most effective way to use a knife. They taught me other important things as well such as how to be kind, empathetic, and selfless.”

“Is that really such a great ending?” Annie asked with a serious curiosity.

“I suppose it depends on who’s reading,” Mikasa admitted.

“You know,” Mikasa began after Annie was silent for a moment, “It’s funny that no matter how much hatred my mom’s heart was filled with, she never once seemed angry. She was carefree, and I think that when I was born, she used it as a means to leave behind her wretched childhood and create a new one. Even in her dying moments, her words were not those of curses left upon those who hated her, the ones who’d stabbed her and stolen her daughter; they were words of love, a reminder that she loved me and would always be with me.”

“But she still died in the end; they both did,” Annie reminded Mikasa.

“They did,” Mikasa echoed sadly.

“Obviously, them dying for a reason isn’t good enough for you?” Annie said sadly as she again kissed the older girl’s stomach.

“Of course not,” Mikasa said sadly, “They were my parents, my friends, my teachers. You had different people to fill those roles in your life, but they were all of those for me. To lose them at the same time, in the same way, to the same people, before my very own eyes as I did nothing but watch, of course there being ‘a reason’ doesn’t cut it.”

“But it’s better than believing that they died for no reason, isn’t it?”

“You think differently than I do,” Annie commented, “but I like how you think.”

“Really?” Mikasa asked.

“Everyone’s brains compute information differently. Some are better at accepting things, some are better at learning, some are better at denying things, and some do those things at different speeds,” Annie explained, “I’ve always been the type to deny things and never learn from my mistakes. I take forever to accept and forgive, and it takes me even longer to understand why people do what they do. I guess my point is that you seem to do all those things effortlessly, and it amazes me.”

“I guess you make a good point,” Mikasa agreed, “but I’m also quite stubborn at times.”

“I know,” Annie said with a laugh, earning a gentle yank on her hair from Mikasa.

“I just think I’m gullible,” Mikasa decided, “While I’m skeptical of people, I’m even more skeptical of myself. So, when people say things that are believable, I don’t think ‘they’re trying to screw me over’, I think ‘I’m going to believe them and it’s going to end horribly for me in the end’.”

“That sounds tiring,” Annie said sadly.

“Not being able to forgive and forget is tiring too,” Mikasa agreed as she sighed deeply.

“This is a lot of brain talk,” Annie sighed, “I did not sign up for a psychology course.”

“Yeah, sorry for dumping all that on you,” Mikasa apologized.

“No worries,” Annie said as she temporarily tightened her grip on Mikasa’s sighed in reassurance, “I like learning more about you and your past.”

“I wish I knew more about yours,” Mikasa said, “Lucky for you, I’m a patient person, and I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

“Thanks,” Annie said with a soft smile that Mikasa didn’t see. 

“Come here,” Mikasa said as she patted the spot next to her, telling Annie to get off of her stomach. Annie growled slightly, but she did as she was asked.

When she finally got up, Mikasa wasted no time straddling the blonde and kissing her. “A warning… would be nice,” Annie whispered against her lips.

“This is so much more fun, though,” Mikasa answered as she deepened the kiss.

“You’re right,” Annie agreed with a slight smile.

“Eep!” Eren exclaimed as he opened the door to the sight of the two girls making out heavily.

“Of course he comes in when we start doing this,” Mikasa sighed as she slightly pulled away from Annie. “Yes, Eren?” she asked.

“I- uh- erm… food… is- uh…. Nevermind,” he said as he closed her door.

“Interrupts me and he can’t even finish his damn sentence,” Mikasa seethed silently as she went back to kissing Annie who was laughing through the kiss. 

“Sounded like your dinner will be done soon,” Annie said as she attempted to pull her head away, only to be chased by Mikasa until her head hit the mattress. 

“Ugh,” Mikasa sighed as she finally got off the blonde, “I don’t feel like leaving my room.”

“Welp, you don’t have an excuse anymore; it’s not like you’re crippled.

“Actually, I am,” Mikasa said as she pointed to her injured leg. It definitely looked much better than before it was casted, but it still looked swollen and bruised. 

“Poor, pitiful, Mikasa,” Annie pouted sarcastically.

“You’re mean,” Mikasa pouted as she stood up, hesitantly putting weight on her foot. Since she got it uncasted, she’d yet to put it on the ground, mostly hopping around when she needed to move. Without a word, Annie was at her side, and despite swatting at her hands, the blonde refused to move away from Mikasa until she was sure she could walk properly.

When she was sure it wouldn’t hurt to put her foot down, Mikasa gently shoved the blonde off of her, and Annie got the idea. They both had a silent understanding that when the other was struggling they were to be by their side, but once the other was able to do something on their own, you were to leave them to it unless otherwise asked.

They both had somewhat dominant personalities, and they were both pretty independent people for different reasons. They never asked for help, and when they received it, they never wanted to accept it. However, it seemed that when the help came from each other, they had no problem accepting it and even being appreciative of it. 

Once downstairs, Annie waved goodbye to the family before leaving out the door and going back to her house. Despite her offers, Annie had left on her own without allowing Mikasa to walk her back. 

“So, how was it?” Carla asked with a knowing look as she cut into the steak she cooked.

“You act like we did anything,” Mikasa said, annoyed.

“You definitely did  something ,” Eren commented with a haunted look in his eyes.

“Oh, what did you see?” Carla asked, obviously thirsty for details.

“Mikasa’s ass,” Eren commented dryly as he looked as if he wanted to bleach his eyeballs.

“Hey, wait! It wasn’t like that,” Mikasa defended herself.

“Naked?” Carla asked in surprise, “I’m surprised, proud, and disgusted all at the same time.”

“We were not naked,” Mikasa said firmly, obviously not wanting to have this conversation.

“Still, never thought you were a top,” Eren snickered.

“If this steak didn’t look so damn tasty, I would throw it right at your thick skull,” Mikasa threatened.

“Now, now,” Carla said, trying to calm the siblings, “There’s no need for that.”

“There is a need,” Mikasa demanded, “He’s being an ass.”

“An ass who saw your ass,” Eren snickered.

“I had clothes on!” she yelled at him as she threw her spoon at him. He managed to duck out the way just before it could hit him in the eye.

“Mikasa!” Carla exclaimed.

“Why do I even bother,” Grisha sighed as he turned around, not even bothering to grab dinner, returning to his study. He had almost come out to eat dinner with his family for the first time in weeks… almost.

“What? He’s being a dick!” Mikasa defended herself.

“You could’ve blinded him!” Carla scolded her.

“Puh-lease, it was a spoon,” Mikasa sighed as she crossed her arms and cut up some of her steak.

“That was some damn good aim though,” Carla decided after a few seconds, realizing there was no getting Mikasa to apologize.

“I know right,” Mikasa said with a proud smile. 

“Sadistic little-” Eren ranted as he angrily cut up his steak, obviously mad that Carla didn’t make her apologize from almost gouging his eyes out. 

When they finished eating dinner, Mikasa did some of the cleaning before returning to her room and opening her book. It was Saturday, and she had no homework. In other words, she fully intended to stay up all night reading. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is a bit short/dialogue heavy! I've got an idea for the next chapter, but I really wanted to write this one first before the next one. This is kind of a big time jump, so understand that some of the character's dynamics have changed slightly, developed, or deepened. Anyway, next chapter should be a deeper look into Mikasa past as well as her rematch with number 4 XD
> 
> P.S. one of these days, I’m gonna do an age reveal and laugh my ass off at the reactions LMAO. I’ll probably lose readers but YOLO 💀😂😂
> 
> Feedback and suggestions?


	20. Statice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Statice: success, sympathy, and remembrance
> 
> Big thanks to everyone who said they'd read my story no matter how old I am :) I get a little worried sometimes because I know I'm not mature, and there's a lot I don't know because of my age. Basically, I'm happy to hear that you love my writing all the same <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hit 200 pages with this chapter! Woohoo! 
> 
> I need a life....

After much waiting, it was finally Saturday. Usually, Saturdays are nothing special, but this Saturday was her first game since she hurt her leg. Additionally, it was against Trost, so she’d be able to have a rematch with the infamous number 4. She was also excited because the game was being held in Shiganshina, so they wouldn’t have to drive to Trost. 

As expected of Mikasa, she arrived early to her school to get some extra practice in. Her game was at 1, but she arrived at 10 practice since she hadn’t played in weeks. When she arrived on the field, the first thing she did was dribble the ball, smiling to herself when she had no problems doing it. 

After dribbling it a bit, she tried shooting. She was tentative at first, remembering the extreme pain in her leg the last time she took a shot on goal, but she knew it wouldn’t be the same pain this time. 

Again, the ball easily soared into the net, and she pumped her fist into the air excitedly. She thought she would’ve lost some skill during her time away from the sport, but for the most part, she was the same as before.

This kind of practice went on for a while until she was sweating from running back and forth, kicking and dribbling, and taking shots on goal. While it didn’t sound like it took a lot of energy, she was starting to feel it by the time the rest of her team showed up at 12.

“Of course you’re already here,” Ymir teased as she came up beside the girl, putting an arm around her shoulders. She immediately regretted it and pulled her arm away. “Ew, you’re sweaty.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa sighed as she wiped her forehead.

“The hell did you do? Run a marathon?” Ymir teased.

“It’s not that bad,” Mikasa assured her with an annoyed exhale. 

“I think it is,” Ymir said as she handed the girl one of the many water bottles she always brought with her.

“Thanks,” Mikasa said as she drank it, making sure not to chug it. As much as she wanted to, she knew chugging it would only make her feel sick during the game.

“Sure you’re not gonna pass out in the middle of the game or something?” Ymir teased as she pushed the girl back to where the others were changing and stretching. 

“I’ve got more stamina than that,” Mikasa huffed. 

“Good,” Ymir said as she clapped the girl on the back, “Glad to have you back.”

“...Was that… a compliment?” Mikasa asked with a smirk.

“Just go get changed!” Ymir said, not wanting to confirm or deny Mikasa’s suspicions. 

“It was definitely a compliment!” Mikasa yelled back as she went into the locker room to change into her jersey. 

“I was wondering when you’d get here,” Annie said as she was about to leave the locker room, almost running into Mikasa on the way.

“I’ve been here,” Mikasa told her.

“I don’t know why I’m surprised,” Annie sighed as she stepped out of the locker room, leaving Mikasa to her own devices.

The raven-haired girl quickly changed into the proper clothes before walking to the connected bathroom to look in the mirror. She attempted to collect her hair into a ponytail because she knew it’d get in her face otherwise.

Luckily, her hair was just long enough to get in a ponytail without it looking completely stupid. She then washed her face with water from the sink before shaking her hands dry, drying her face, and walking back to the field. 

A few of her teammates greeted her, but most of them kept a safe distance from her. She huffed slightly, knowing it was because they thought poorly of her. She already had her suspicions that some of them had new opinions of her since everything about her past got out, but this only confirmed them. 

“Alright, girls,” Coach Smith addressed them as he clapped his hands together, “First and foremost, I’d like to welcome back our team captain.”

A few girls smiled, clapped or patted Mikasa, much to her dismay, but most of them remained silent. The coach seemed confused or concerned, but he said nothing more about it.

“As you know, we’re playing Trost again since there’s only so many schools within our reach,” Coach began, “I know we’ve beat them before but don’t get cocky. If you go around thinking you’re going to win, you’ll slack off and lose. I expect you to give it your best.”

“Um, Coach?” one of the girls spoke up, “Aren’t there supposed to be recruiters?”

“Great question,” he said, “They’re not coming to this game, but I’ve heard that a few may be coming for the tournament.”

“Shit,” Mikasa muttered, “I forgot this is our senior year.”

“Yeah, me too,” Ymir admitted, “Damn.”

In the middle of stretching, the Trost team arrived, and Mikasa immediately made eye contact with number 4. The girl seemed to be their team captain as well since she was leading them in everything. Then again, it wasn’t surprising. There was no doubt in Mikasa’s mind that the girl was the best on her team.

“So,” Ymir began, “Gonna kick number 4’s ass?” 

“Something like that,” Mikasa agreed with a nod.

“She’s good, though,” Sasha added as they began jogging to warm-up.\

“Yeah,” Mikasa agreed, “Strong too, apparently.”

Ymir couldn’t help but snicker while Sasha elbowed her for being ‘unsympathetic’. “I’m plenty sympathetic,” Ymir argued, “I just have a sense of humor.”

“A poor one,” Sasha argued with a smirk.

“I’ll just-” Ymir said as she made angry noises and a strangling gesture with her hands. 

“Touch her, and you won’t live to see another day,” Mikasa said casually. 

“Well, damn,” Ymir said, “Never seen you protect Annie like that.” Ymir smirked after, obviously trying to stir things up.

“Annie can protect herself,” Mikasa huffed, “Sasha, however, wouldn’t hurt you unless you touch her food.”

“You got me there,” Ymir sighed as they finished their laps, drinking some water as they did. 

“Everyone in!” their coach called them.

Everyone gathered around him to get their positions. As expected, Mikasa, Sasha, and Ymir were all put on midfield. Usually Mikasa played striker, but Coach decided to place her in midfield after her last game. Annie was going to be goalie the whole game since she was the best at it, and everyone else was unimportant to Mikasa. 

“Alright, now go kick some Trost high ass!” Coach exclaimed, causing all the girls to go wide-eyed before cheering with him. 

“Good luck,” Annie whispered as she passed Mikasa.

“I won’t need it,” Mikasa smirked.

“You’re so full of yourself!” Annie yelled as she walked to the goal while still facing Mikasa.

“With good reason!” Mikasa yelled as she smiled at the girl before turning around to get to her spot. 

To her surprise, Mikasa was placed opposite of number 4. The girl gave her a sickening smile, and Mikasa felt her stomach churn slightly. The girl really did look terrifying. 

After a few seconds, the whistle blew, and the ball was in play. Trost got the ball first since they won the coin toss, and that’s what they decided. To Mikasa's surprise, they actually made it as far as their defenders before one of them kicked it back to the other team’s defenders. 

One of Shiganshina’s offensive players got it, dribbling it to Trost’s goal. Unfortunately, Trost’s defenders seemed to have gotten better since their last game, and they easily deflected it back to their own players.

This type of back and forth went on for a while before Sasha finally received the ball. She made it surprisingly far before passing it to Ymir who did the same. When she was close enough, Ymir kicked the ball, and it soared toward the goal, only to be stopped by a foot.

Shiganshina’s jaws hit the floor when they realized the foot belonged to number four. The girl had leapt into the air, kicking the ball in a bicycle-like kick back towards the side Shiganshina was defending.

“Damn,” Mikasa muttered. When number four approached her, she whispered to the girl, “That was impressive.” While she was competitive, she also had high respect for good players, on her team or not. To her surprise, the girl said nothing as they nodded in acceptance. Mikasa wasn’t offended or anything since she’d done the same many times, but she expected something more… arrogant.

This kind of playing went on until half time when the score was 0-0. Everyone was surprised by their inability to score, but it was no secret that Trost’s skill had increased tenfold since their last match. 

“Holy shit,” Mikasa muttered as she sat on the bench, sweat falling down her forehead. She quickly collected a water bottle and drank some of it, trying to quench her thirst.

“They’re damn good,” Ymir commented as she did the same thing Mikasa did.

“I think we just got worse,” one girl said with a glare at Mikasa that no one missed.

“Even if Mikasa did get worse,” Sasha defended her friend, “You’re still way worse than her. If you want to complain about people dragging the team down, you should work harder to build yourself up first.”

Ymir couldn’t help but snort at how direct Sasha was. Mikasa also cracked a slight smile, especially when she saw the other girl’s mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. 

Soon enough, their break was over and they were back on the field. Their sides were reversed now, so everyone carried their items to the other side of the field before getting on the field and into their proper positions.

Again, Mikasa was against number 4, and she was sure it was because she was the only one who could match her. Both were fast, strong, and capable. It made sense that the two of them would be paired since they could hold their own against the other. 

The two struggled for power the whole game, and Mikasa actually felt herself beginning to pant from exertion, something that rarely happened to her during a game. Still, Mikasa managed to keep the ball all the way down to the goal.

When she kicked it, it soared through the air, and even with number four jumping into the air to stop it, it went in the goal. Mikasa exhaled a sigh of relief, glad they at least got one point on the board. 

“That’s our captain!” Ymir exclaimed as she high-fived her friend.

“Good job Mikasa!” Sasha congratulated her as she gave her a quick hug. Both of them were sweating profusely, so Sasha didn’t seem to mind the quick hug. Honestly, Mikasa couldn’t be bothered to argue with her. 

“Keep it up!” she heard her coach yell from the sidelines. She smiled at him briefly before getting back in her spot. 

Trost had the ball, and as soon as the ball moved, Mikasa was tossed to the ground by number 4. Refs blew whistles and players grabbed at the green-eyed girl, but she refused to move, even managing to lean into Mikasa’s ear and whisper, “Hey ‘Kasa. Long time no see.”

“Don’t call me that!” Mikasa hissed. There was only one person she let call her that, and she refused to let anyone call her by it.

“Why not?” the girl said as she pulled away enough to look Mikasa in the eye, “Big sister.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened as she covered her mouth. She shoved the girl off of her as she waved to her coach, a sign that she needed to sub out. He nodded as he swapped her out for one of their benchwarmers. Refs were trying to discuss what should be done with number four, but Mikasa ignored them as she put her head down.

_ Big sister? What the hell? I’m an only child?  _ Mikasa thought to herself,  _ That asshole just wanted to throw me off my game. Bitch!” _

*************

_ “Mama! E hit me!” Mikasa complained after the other girl had shoved her. _

_ “E, be nice to your older sister,” Corinna scolded the younger girl.  _

************

It all clicked for Mikasa. The raven hair, the similar features and height, the similar skills; it all made sense now. “Holy shit,” Mikasa said loudly as she looked at the girl who was arguing with the refs. 

Mikasa stood up, walked up to the girl and the refs, and she said, “She’s fine. You don’t need to card her or anything.”

“We’re supposed to-” the ref began.

“Don’t,” Mikasa said firmly before walking back to the bench where she sipped her water before leaning her head back against the fence. 

“Fuck,” she sighed.

“What’s up, Kiddo?” Coach asked her.

“It’s… nothing,” she assured him, not wanting to tell him. It’s not that she didn’t trust him; she just didn’t know how to explain it all. Even if she could explain it all, she was having a hard time wrapping her head around it as is. “Put me back in,” Mikasa said as she stretched a little.

Out of habit, her eyes drifted to Annie who was giving her a concerned look. Mikasa just smiled at her reassuringly, and Annie seemed to understand that they’d talk about it some other time. 

When she got back on the field, she was still opposite of number four. Despite the refs being against it, the two were most evenly matched, and it made the most sense for them to guard each other. 

“So, Mikasa Ackerman,” the girl said with disdain in her tone, “Do you remember me?”

“E,” Mikasa greeted, and she saw a wave of emotion pass over the other girl’s eyes. There was relief, anger, hurt, and sadness. At least, those were the most obvious.

“So you do remember me,” the girl smirked as the whistle blew, “That makes all of this so much more satisfying.”

“Indeed it does,” Mikasa said as she collected the ball from her teammates. Number four, E, fought as hard as they could to get the ball, but Mikasa was really bringing her a-game now. She refused to let the other girl so much as touch the ball, and she was bringing out all the tricks she’d previously hidden up her sleeve.

With that, she’d managed to get the ball to Ymir who scored again for their team. “Damn you,” E hissed as she walked to her spot, snarling at Mikasa as she did.

“Tell me,” Mikasa began as she crouched down slightly, “Your name isn’t just ‘E’ is it?”

“Correct,” the girl confirmed.

“What is it, then?” Mikasa asked as she heard the game start.

“Eternity,” the girl said as she collected the ball from her teammates. 

Despite Mikasa’s best efforts, she couldn’t get the ball from the girl, Eternity. She’d had possession on it for a few seconds before the girl stole it back from her. Luckily, the girl had similar strength to Mikasa, the latter being a bit stronger because of her time on the mountain, so Annie was able to block the girl’s kick.

“Tell me,” Eternity began, mocking Mikasa from before, “How’s mommy dearest?”

“Dead,” Mikasa said without emotion.

“Oh,” Eternity sighed, “Serves her right.” Mikasa growled slightly, but she did nothing else. “And Daddy?” she asked afterwards.

“Dead,” Mikasa answered as she got the ball from her teammates. She used her anger at the girl as a means to dribble down the field. 

Mikasa was untouchable as she danced through people. She was sure no one even touched the ball that constantly remained shielded by her two legs. When she was close enough to the goal, she used her feet to kick over head from behind and kick it into the goal. It flew past everyone with a whoosh of wind. 

Everyone yelled at their goalie as the girl dove for the ball. She screamed in pain when it practically went through their hand, causing their hand to let out a gut-wrenching snap. Mikasa winced a little, knowing that kind of thing was painful. She hadn’t actually intended to hurt anyone, especially since the goalie actively dove away from her ball last time. 

“Seems you always were the better one,” Eternity sighed with disdain as they got back in place. Mikasa was silent, not knowing how to respond to that.

While Eternity apparently clung to their years together like a lifeline, Mikasa had mostly forgotten them. She hardly had any memories of the girl, and most of her childhood memories surrounded the incident with her parents and captors. Because of that, most of her happy memories had been drowned by the bad ones. 

The game passed rather quickly after that. Eternity managed to score a goal on Annie since the blonde recognized the power and anger in the girl’s kick. Knowing better than to put her hand in the way, unlike the other girl, she merely let it soar into the goal. They were still a point ahead, and she had faith that she could keep it like that with only a minute left.

As anticipated, Annie didn’t let them score another goal, and the end score was 1-2, Shiganshina’s win. The girl’s celebrated before practically collapsing onto the ground. The only one still acting normally was Annie who didn’t have to run the whole game.

“Pitiful,” she said as she kicked Mikasa’s side. The latter had laid down on the grass, closing her eyes in silent bliss. The grass was so cold that it felt nice against her overheating skin.

“Fuck you, I feel like I ran a marathon,” Mikasa sighed as her breathing was ragged.

“Number four really gave you a run for your money,” Ymir commented.

Yeah, and I’ll kill that bitch for trying it hurt you,” Annie hissed, “again.”

“You won’t,” Mikasa sighed casually with her eyes still closed.

“Huh?” Annie asked in surprise.

“You won’t hurt her,” Mikasa repeated.

“Uh? Why not?” Ymir asked. 

“She’s just angry,” Mikasa said, “With reason.”

“What the hell do you know that we don’t?” Ymir asked.

“Nothing,” Mikasa lied, “I just know anger when I see it.”

“True,” Annie agreed reluctantly. “That one kick was so scary I didn’t even think twice about jumping away from it. It was a lot like yours… actually,” Annie sighed quietly as she looked at Mikasa.

“She looks a hell of a lot like you too,” Ymir commented as she looked at Mikasa, “Facial features, hair, height, skill.”

“It’s actually scary how much you two look alike,” Sasha agreed as she looked between the girl and Mikasa.

“I think….” Mikasa began slowly.

“C’mon girls!” Coach cut them off, “We’ve gotta line up to say good-game!” 

The girls groaned as they got up, most of their legs wobbling slightly much to Annie’s entertainment. Mikasa got in the back as she followed everyone through the line. 

When she went to high-five Eternity and say good game, the girl grabbed her hand and pulled her away. Their teams were shocked, and they yelled after the two. Still, Eternity continued dragging Mikasa away.

“I’ll be back!” Mikasa yelled to her team, not wanting them to worry.

“Did you figure it out?” Eternity asked when they were a safe distance from everyone in a quiet corner.

“We’re twins,” Mikasa nodded.

“So you’re not stupid,” Eternity said sarcastically, “Good for you.”

“This is so confusing,” Mikasa complained as she grabbed her head.

“Not really,” Eternity argued, “Mom and dad didn’t want me, so they kicked me out and kept you.”

“Huh?” Mikasa asked, confused.

“They weren’t expecting twins, so after a while of having us both, they decided it was too difficult to keep us both. In the end, they kept you and sent me off,” Eternity explained.

“Where’d you even end up?” Mikasa asked.

“Dad’s parents,” she explained, “Our mom dropped me off there one day and explained everything to them, and they took me in.”

“Oh,” Mikasa sighed.

“Must’ve been nice,” Eternity said, obviously jealous, “Living with them.”

“Not always,” Mikasa said with a shutter as she remembered her parents death. “Here,” Mikasa said as she took her phone out and showed it to the girl. Getting the idea, Eternity took her phone out and typed in Mikasa’s number. “We’ll talk about it,” Mikasa decided, “but I need to get back to my team.”

“Fine,” the girl huffed begrudgingly. 

Both ran back to their teams quickly, and Mikasa was surprised by Annie lunging at her and grabbing her. “Why’d you just let her drag you off?” Annie asked, walking a fine line between angry and confused.

“Jealous much?” Mikasa snickered. Annie just growled, having no argument. Mikasa looked around before she kissed Annie quickly, wanting to reassure the blonde. “As if I’d want that,” Mikasa cringed, “She’s my sister.”

“Wh- Hu- Why- how?” Annie stuttered.

“Apparently we’re twins,” Mikasa said.

“And you just believe her?” Annie explained. 

“I already told you I’m gullible,” Mikasa said with a laugh, “but think about it. You can’t deny that we look alike.”

“Yeah, but you’re prettier,” Annie decided.

“Good to know,” Mikasa said as she laughed.

“I didn’t know you had a sister,” Annie mumbled before pushing Mikasa, “Why didn’t you tell me you had a sister? A twin, even?”

“I didn’t even know until a while ago,” Mikasa said with a laugh, “I mean, I have vague memories of her, but nothing that really confirmed we were siblings or that it was even her.”

“Must be a lot to take in,” Annie said sympathetically.

“It is,” Mikasa agreed, “She hates me too.”

“Why?” Annie asked as she tentatively put her arms around Mikasa’s waist, causing the taller girl to laugh a little.

“Our parents kept me and gave her to my father’s family,” Mikasa explained, “She’s jealous they kept me.”  
“That explains why she looked like she wanted to murder you,” Annie sighed as she put her head against Mikasa’s shoulder. “How is your head not exploding? My head’s exploding, and it’s not even my life!”

“I think I’ve just accepted that crazy shit happens to me,” Mikasa decided as she laughed, “Oh, and I gave her my number.”

“You what?” Annie asked in surprise.

“She seemed like she wanted answers, so I’m going to give them to her,” Mikasa told Annie.

“Why are you being so nice to her?” Annie asked with a sigh.

“I feel a little guilty that she didn’t know our parents the way I did,” Mikasa admitted, “She didn’t even know they were dead until I told her a while ago.”

“Oh,” Annie muttered. “You’re too nice.”

“I don’t think anyone has ever described me with the word ‘nice’ before,” Mikasa laughed.

“Well, now someone has,” Annie said as she let the girl go and dragged her back towards the locker rooms so they could change, “I want to show you something after we change and shower.”

“I’m probably going to shower here. You?” Mikasa asked.

“I will too,” Annie decided, and the two smiled.

When the rest of the girls cleared out, Mikasa and Annie collected their shower items from their lockers and got in their showers. “You know, we could save water if we-” Annie began.

“Nope,” Mikasa cut her off, “Good try, but not gonna happen.”

“You’re mean,” Annie huffed out a laugh, but she easily accepted it. She was joking, after all. She didn’t think she was ready to see Mikasa naked or have the taller girl see her naked. 

The two joked with each other while they showered until one of them finally finished. “I’ll let you know when I’m clothed,” Mikasa said as she stepped out with a towel around her.

“Or I could just-” Annie began.

“Don’t even,” Mikasa cut her off again, causing Annie to laugh.

“You know, you look nice with your hair up,” Annie commented from inside the shower stall as she turned the water off, “You should wear it like that more often.”

“Really?” Mikasa asked as she dropped her towel and pulled on some underwear, “I thought it looked strange.”

“It was weird since you never wear your hair up,” Annie agreed, “but it looked hot.”

“Of all adjectives,” Mikasa sighed as she clasped her bra, “You chose ‘hot’.”

“It was the most accurate,” Annie shrugged. “Are you done yet?” she asked impatiently.

“Yes, Jesus,” Mikasa sighed in complaint as she grabbed a pair of jeans she’d brought to change into after, “You’re almost as bad as Eren.”

She heard a sharp intake of air from the shower stalls, and she snorted out a laugh as she asked, “What?” 

“Fuck you,” Annie hissed as she walked to her locker, “You know what you’re doing.”

“What am I doing?” Mikasa asked innocently.

“I hate you,” Annie sighed as she pulled her clothes out of her locker. 

Mikasa pulled her pants up, zipping and buttoning them before grabbing her shirt, turning away from Annie. “You’re good,” she told the blonde, letting her know she could change now. 

“Finally,” Annie sighed and Mikasa heard her towel drop.

When the two finally finished changing, Annie couldn’t stop herself from pinning the taller girl against the wall. She then grabbed the collar of Mikasa’s shirt and pulled her down into a passionate kiss.

“Eek!” Mikasa exclaimed in surprise, but she easily melted into the kiss. After a few moments, Mikasa flipped them, so Annie was pinned. The blonde didn’t like this, but she easily accepted it since she understood Mikasa didn’t like feeling trapped.

“One of these days,” Annie panted against the girl’s lips between kisses, “I’ll get to properly pin you down.”

“Keep dreaming,” Mikasa whispered back as she deepened the kiss. 

“Please,” Annie laughed slightly, “You wouldn’t even know what to do.”

At that, Mikasa turned a bright shade of red, and Annie kissed her face apologetically. She was right, obviously, but it really let the embarrassment set in for Mikasa. She had never been with anyone romantically, and she really was just winging whatever it was between her and Annie. 

She hoped Annie could be as patient as Mikasa was because she knew she might need some time before she was ready to fully let herself go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did y'all see that coming? Also, yes, Mikasa and number four/E/Eternity were two characters I knew I was going to make related to each other since chapter four :D (I swear that sentence was the most poorly written thing I've ever typed....)
> 
> Anyway, next chapter, Annie has something to show to Mikasa. What do you think it is? 
> 
> Feedback and suggestions? After this part of the story, mostly everything is going to come on a whim. It'll mostly be little fluffy moments and getting to know the characters better, but if there's something specific you want to see, let me know. I always do my best to incorporate your ideas!


	21. Protea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Protea: Change, transformation, diversity, and courage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUN FACT: Mikasa's claustrophobia was actually my way of kind of writing myself into the story. Not sure if you know this, but a lot of writers I know will put small facts about themselves into their characters -their phobias, little things they do, hobbies, pet peeves- because it makes it easier to write the character. It also gives you something you can write accurately from experience. I'm actually really claustrophobic, and some of the problems Mikasa has -being pinned, tight hugs, etc- are all things I struggle with in the real world. Much like Mikasa, there are also people I don't mind pinning or hugging me because I know that when I tell them to let go, they will. Additionally, there are also people I don't let hug or touch me because I know they won't listen to me. 
> 
> I don't think any of you really care I just think it was interesting to write a bit of myself into her LOL

After their embarrassing encounter in the locker rooms, Annie gently grabbed Mikasa’s wrist and led her to her destination, her house. “How’s your leg?” Annie asked as they walked.

“It’s fine,” Mikasa assured her.

“You’re limping,” Annie said without looking at her.

“Observant, aren’t you?” Mikasa teased as she huffed.

“You pushed yourself,” Annie commented dryly.

“I’ll be okay,” Mikasa told her. After all, she’d had worse injuries than a hurt leg. _What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,_ she thought to herself before laughing internally, _what bullshit. What idiot said that? Stronger? If anything, I’m just as weak as the kid me who did nothing as I watched my parents get stabbed to death. The kid who saved herself over anyone else. The kid who let my mother take my sister from me._

Suddenly, Mikasa was fuming. Annie noticed it, but she said nothing. She knew Mikasa had a hell of a day, and she accepted that there was a lot the taller girl had to wrap her head around.

Annie didn’t consider herself a patient person; she never had been. Her father would spend hours training her in combat, and if she didn’t get it in the beginning, she’d get angry and give up. Of course, her father would continue pushing her until she dropped, but it always resulted in endless frustration. Still, here she was, being patient. It was almost laughable how much Mikasa had changed her in such a short time.

 _Now that I know her, I remember things more clearly,_ Mikasa thought to herself with both anger and sadness, _I remember sleeping together after nightmares, playing in the backyard, gardening with mom, playing in the dirt and snow; I remember it so vividly. Even the day she left is etched in my brain now._

***********

_“We have to pick one,” Mikasa remembered overhearing her father as she and Eternity were about to go outside to play. Mikasa looked to her twin with a finger over her lips. Both giggled quietly before going silent, listening to the conversation between their parents._

_“We can’t split them up; I won’t,” their mother said firmly, “They’re twins, for crying out loud, they’re practically two halves of the same whole. Separating them would be heartbreaking.”_

_“Corinna, there’s not enough food on this peak to feed the four of us. The house is too cramped, the food is too short, the winter is too cold; there’s too many problems,” her father argued, “I love them. I love them both so much, but it’s because we love them that we have to make these decisions to save them.”_

_“They’re going to hate us,” Corinna told her lover with teary eyes. The man embraced her with a sad smile as he continued._

_“They’ll understand one day. They’ll find each other again,” the man assured her, “As you said, they’re two halves of the same whole. I have to believe that even if they’re separated, they’ll never forget each other.”_

_“They’ll be okay as long as they remember,” Corinna decided with teary eyes, “They’ll remember.”_

_“How could they forget?”_

*************

_I…. Forgot,_ Mikasa thought to herself sadly.

“Do you want me to bring you home?” Annie offered, seeing the sad look on Mikasa's face while the girl was still limping.

“No,” Mikasa assured her, “You said you wanted to show me something.”

“It can wait for another day if you need a break,” Annie assured her with a sweet smile, “It requires a lot of walking anyway.”

“I-” Mikasa began, but Annie put her finger to the girl’s lips. Mikasa frowned slightly, but she reluctantly nodded in acceptance. “Can you-” Mikasa began, pausing to collect herself, “stay for a while?”

“I suppose I can fit you into my schedule,” Annie joked with a smile, and Mikasa found herself smiling too.

When they made it to the Jaeger residence, Mikasa opened the door and greeted Carla who was waiting for them in the living room. “That was a damn good game,” Carla commented as she looked at the two girls. She seemed surprised to see Annie, but she didn’t seem too bothered.

“You saw?” Mikasa asked. 

“Of course,” Carla said with a smile, “It was your first game back. You both played well.”

“Thanks,” Mikasa said with a bashful smile. 

“That girl on the other team was really pissing me off though,” Carla said quietly, “She was damn good though.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa agreed distantly.

“Are you alright?” Carla asked as she looked her daughter up and down.

“I’ll be okay,” Mikasa said with a reassuring smile. Carla gave her a disbelieving look, but when she looked to Annie, she merely nodded in acceptance.

The two walked up the stairs and entered Mikasa’s room. The raven-haired girl flopped down on her bed face first, sighing as she did. Annie laughed a little as she sat next to the girl. Without much thought, Mikasa put her head on Annie’s leg. The blonde jumped slightly, prompting Mikasa to ask, “Is this alright?”

“It’s fine,” Annie assured her with a smile. 

“I’m sorry you couldn’t show me that thing today,” Mikasa sighed sadly. She felt bad since Annie had finally decided to open up. Even if it was something insignificant, it would’ve been more information on the girl, and Mikasa would’ve loved to know it. 

“It’s okay,” Annie assured her, “It can wait.”

“You don’t strike me as the patient type,” Mikasa said with a laugh.

“I’m usually not,” Annie admitted.

“Looks like you’re leaving your comfort zone,” Mikasa teased.

“Be grateful,” Annie said with a playful flick to the girl’s head. Mikasa couldn’t help but turn her body and head to face the blonde. She faced the ceiling and looked at Annie. “Hey, now I have to look down to see you,” Annie joked, obviously trying to lift the mood. 

Not thinking about it, Mikasa grabbed Annie’s hand and put it in her own. She brought it to her lips, closing her eyes as she kissed it gently. “Thanks,” Mikasa said, and although the word alone sounded ingenuine, her tone was that of sincerity. 

“Uh- for what?” Annie asked in surprise, not expecting such obvious shows of affection from Mikasa. 

“For being patient,” Mikasa said easily as she kept her eyes closed. While she was enjoying the peace offered by closing her eyes, she was mostly terrified to see the expression that might be on Annie’s face. Confusion? Adoration? Surprise? She wasn’t sure she could handle whatever it was.

“You were the one who said you’d wait for me to tell you what you wanted to hear,” Annie told her in a surprisingly calm voice, “Of course I’d do the same for you.”

 _Understanding,_ Mikasa decided in her head. She then opened her eyes, seeing that Annie was no longer looking at her and facing the wall.

“You okay?” Mikasa asked.

“Just thinking,” Annie assured her as she glanced down at Mikasa before returning her gaze to the wall. 

Mikasa just nodded as she allowed her own mind to drift away. 

_I forgot about her_ , Mikasa reminded herself, _Mom said that as long as we remembered each other, we’d be fine, and I forgot her. I forgot her, and I couldn’t love her. In those 7 years between my parents death and rediscovering that she existed, did anyone love her?_

_Did someone provide that love I was provided so easily. Was she granted that same chance at immortality that I was? Mom said that as long as we’re loved, we can live forever, but did no one love her? Is that why she’s angry?_

_If she clung to our childhood so desperately, she must remember mother’s teachings. Was she this angry because no one loved her?_ Mikasa thought.

 _I think… I think I understand you now, Eternity,_ Mikasa thought with a soft smile, _you were scared you’d fade away from the world, forgotten and unimportant, and knowing that I was loved by those who couldn’t offer you the same only fueled your rage._

 _Eternity, I think… I think I was forgotten too,_ Mikasa said silently, _I was loved by two people in this world, the same as you. The day our mother and father died, I did too. I died because my soul was tainted, but I also died because the love our parents had for me died._

 _In those moments after their deaths, I never realized, but I wasn’t loved by a single person. Had I never left that house, I would’ve faded away just as you feared for yourself,_ Mikasa thought to herself, _That’s what I have to tell her. I have to tell her that I won’t let her fade away. I won’t make the same mistake twice, and I’ll remember her…. For all of eternity._

*************

_“Mama, why did you give us our names?” Mikasa asked curiously as she sat with her twin sister who seemed just as curious._

_“Well, your father’s family speaks Spanish, and in spanish ‘Mi casa’ is ‘my home’,” Corinna explained to them, “It wasn’t conventional, but Dad and I loved it.”_

_“And me?” Eternity asked._

_“Well, you were a surprise,” Corinna said with a sweet smile, “but since you’re twins, we wanted to make your names have meaning on their own and together.”_

_“C’mon, Mommy,” Mikasa prompted in a whine, “You’re taking forever!”_

_“I’m sorry my love,” Corinna apologized with a humorous laugh, “but you have to be patient so it makes sense.” Mikasa huffed, but she reluctantly accepted her mother’s words._

_“Eternity is named ‘Eternity’ because it’s a synonym of forever. On its own, her name represents our eternal love for you,” Corinna explained, “and together, your names symbolize that you’ll always be there for each other. ‘My home, forever’. Remember, you’ll always have a home with each other.”_

_“Mommy, you’re not making sense again,” Eternity complained._

_“You’ll understand one day,” Corinna assured them with a soft smile, “There will come a day when your father and I won’t be there for you, and you need to know that even when we’re gone, you’ll have each other. Remember what I always tell you?”_

_“As long as someone loves you, you can live forever,” Eternity answered before Mikasa did._

_“Precisely,” Corinna said with a smile, “So even when my love for you leaves this world, you’ll have each other.”_

************

“You’re crying,” Annie whispered as she wiped away the girl’s tears.

“Am not,” Mikasa said as she sat up, wiping at her eyes. Annie just laughed a little as she wrapped her arms around Mikasa in a loose hug. Mikasa grumbled a little, but her hand that was gently placed in Annie’s arm was enough to tell the blonde that she enjoyed the gesture. 

“You alright?” Annie asked as she put her head on her arm that was over Mikasa’s shoulder.

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed sadly.

“Good,” Annie said as she let go of Mikasa and put her back against the headboard of Mikasa’s bed. 

“I want to see what you wanted to show me,” Mikasa said as she turned around to look at Annie. She saw that Mikasa looked determined, and she was sure there’d be no way around it. Annie glanced outside, noticing that it was dark.

“I guess it is better at night,” Annie sighed, “and we don’t have school tomorrow.”

“Is that a yes?” Mikasa asked excitedly.

“I guess,” Annie sighed as she got up. 

Mikasa got up excitedly, ignoring the gentle pain in her leg. _Maybe I did push myself a bit,_ Mikasa admitted in her head as she looked at the traitorous leg in question. “Your leg still hurts,” Annie said without looking at the other girl. 

“Shut up,” Mikasa huffed, causing Annie to laugh as she exited Mikasa’s room first.

The two put their shoes on after telling Carla they’d be going out. At first she was skeptical about the two going out so late, but in the end, she decided they could hold their own. There was no doubt in her mind that both of them were strong, and even if something happened, Annie’s dad was the sheriff. He’d be the first to realize something was up with his daughter, and he’d be the first to do whatever he could to help her and by extension, Mikasa.

“Bye, Carla,” Mikasa said as she opened the door.

“Be careful,” Carla said as the two left. 

“So, how far is it?” Mikasa asked.

“It’s not too bad,” Annie admitted, “I lied earlier, so you’d rest a bit.”

“Ass,” Mikasa said as she gently shoved the shorter girl. Annie just shoved Mikasa back as they both smiled. 

She wasn’t sure when or how it happened, but they’d ended up holding hands. Usually, they held each other’s wrists, but they’d actually interlocked their hands. Like the first time it happened, Mikasa was gently swinging their hands, and Annie guessed it was a sign that she was excited or content. 

_That’s good,_ Annie thought to herself with a soft smile. 

Eventually, they arrived at Annie’s house, and she again put a finger up, telling Mikasa to be quiet. Again, Mikasa’s instincts kicked in, and she made sure she was completely silent. You couldn’t hear her breathing, her footsteps, or any kind of movement from her. Even Annie, who was only a few steps in front of her, only knew she was still there because of their conjoined hands. 

“Okay, we’re good,” Annie said when they were out of earshot of her house.

“Back here again?” Mikasa asked as she looked around the wooded area.

“What? Is it boring?” Annie asked dryly.

“Pales in comparison to the real thing,” Mikasa admitted with a smirk, “but it’s not boring.”

“Good,” Annie said with a nod as she led Mikasa in a different direction then the last time. 

“Um… thanks,” Annie said out of nowhere.

“For what?” Mikasa asked, her brows furrowed in confusion. 

“I mean.. I know it’s hard for you to do this kind of thing, trusting people blindly that is. I know you said you have a harder time trusting yourself, but still,” Annie trailed off, “thanks.”

“Of course,” Mikasa said with a smile as she leaned her shoulder against Annie’s side momentarily.

“Okay,” Annie said as she stopped the two, “Can I… cover your eyes?” 

“Yeah,” Mikasa agreed after a few moments of silence. She closed her eyes, and she felt Annie’s soft, gentle hand hover over them.

“Okay, you can look,” Annie said as she moved her hand away.

“Woah,” Mikasa said as she looked at the view in front of her.

The two were in the middle of an open area, but it was surrounded by large trees. Inside the area, there was grass up to Mikasa’s knees, but that wasn’t the real beauty of the place. In the air, fireflies danced around them. They were glowing brightly as they flew around the two.

“They group up around sources of heat,” Annie whispered in her ear.

“They’re… so gorgeous,” Mikasa muttered in awe.

“Here,” Annie said as she sat in an open spot where the grass was much shorter. Mikasa followed her, sitting next to the blonde. The fireflies followed them, landing in the grass beside them.

“Sad creatures, aren’t they?” Annie asked after a while.

“Sad?” Mikasa asked.

“Their only goal in life is to find a source of heat. They travel grand distances to find the smallest bit of heat just to survive,” Annie said, “Doesn’t that sound like a sad life?”

“I suppose,” Mikasa agreed.

“I used to relate to them a lot,” Annie admitted as she brought her knees up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her legs and put her chin atop her knees. 

“How so?” Mikasa asked curiously.

“I used to be so cold, metaphorically speaking. After… my mother died, I spent months trying to find something to fill the void, to find that source of heat to survive,” Annie told Mikasa, finally beginning to open up.

Mikasa had already guessed that something had happened to Annie’s mother. The blonde had never opened up about it before, so she’d just decided to wait. Now, she knew the older woman had died. In an attempt to comfort Annie, Mikasa put an arm around the girl’s shoulder, pulling her towards Mikasa.

“Eventually, I gave up on that, though,” Annie said, “I decided that if it was so hard to be warm, I must’ve been meant to be cold, right?”

Mikasa couldn’t help but smile softly. She understood exactly what Annie was saying because she’d made the exact same decision after her parents death. ‘ _If it’s so easy to kill, surely it’s meant to be okay’, ‘If it’s so hard to find someone to love me, I must be meant to disappear’, ‘If it’s so hard to live, I must be meant to die.’_ All of them were things she thought. In fact, they were things she believed… up until she met Annie.

“When I made that decision, everything lost its meaning,” Annie told her, “Things that were colorful became dull. I felt like I was just going through the motions, and I wondered what I was even meant to do with my life.”

“At the time, my father was training me in hand-to-hand combat until I dropped. I figured that must be my purpose in life if he was so insistent on having me succeed,” Annie admitted as she tilted her head to the side, putting her cheek against her knees instead of her chin, “Eventually, that training became my reason to live. If I did poorly at it, I’d break down, and if I succeeded, I’d never let my father forget it.”

“But everything else?” Annie asked with a sad tone, “It meant nothing. My relationship with my father? Nothing. My friendships? Nothing.”

“After a while, even combat began to mean nothing to me. It was just another one of those motions I went through to keep on living,” Annie explained, still sounding pained, “Soon enough, life meant nothing to me. What would happen if my father died? I’d definitely miss him, but the world wouldn’t stop spinning. Then, I thought, ‘if the world keeps spinning without my father, he must’ve been meant to die?’ and the same logic began being applied to every life I was aware of.”

“Well, when you put it like that,” Mikasa said sadly.

“It made sense,” Annie admitted, “Until you showed up.”

“Huh?” Mikasa asked.

“You were cold, like me,” Annie told her, “I figured you’d be able to relate to me, and I thought you might’ve come to the same conclusion I did.”

“But then, you slowly opened up, and it all started to click,” Annie said, “and you made me realize that there’s more to life than death.”

“How?” Mikasa asked with furrowed brows.

“Good question,” Annie said with a smile, “I hope this makes sense.”

“It’s all made sense so far,” Mikasa assured her.

“Good,” Annie nodded before continuing to explain, “When you told me about your family and captors that first day we talked, I initially couldn’t understand why you were so sad. ‘ _They’re just lives’_ I had thought, _‘they’re here to die anyway.’”_

“And then you kissed me, and I felt like everything made sense,” Annie admitted, “I realized that the reason we live, is to find that warmth I had been searching for. We’re not meant to live cold as I’d thought. We’re meant to struggle to find that important person that brings our world color again.”

“Are you saying I’m important?” Mikasa asked with a cocky smirk.

“Pfft,” Annie huffed, but she said nothing else about the comment as she continued. “You were so upset about killing them, that I realized, ‘ _someone would be like this if I died.’_ I realized that the world would keep spinning, but it would stop for someone. Someone’s world would stop spinning, just as mine had when my mother died.”

“Someone would become cold, just as I had, and someone would spend their time looking for warmth all over again,” Annie told her.

“Using that logic, though, doesn’t that just make finding warmth one of those motions we go through?” Annie added, “So really, is there a point in living.”

“There has to be a reason,” Mikasa assured Annie, “There'd be no life if there was no reason to live.”

“What’s that reason, then?” Annie asked curiously.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Mikasa said with a slight laugh, “Though, if you want my guess, I like to believe the reason we live is to not fade away.”

“Huh?” Annie asked, causing Mikasa to laugh.

“We live to make an imprint on the world, on someone,” Mikasa said in a more understanding way, “My mom always told me that as long as someone loved you, you could live forever.”

“Sounds boring,” Annie shrugged.

“Living forever? Yes,” Mikasa agreed, “but being loved and remembered by someone? Doesn’t it sound nice? For there to be someone to hold you in such high regards that even after you’ve left this Earth, you can still live in their memories?”

“Yes,” Annie decided after it was quiet for a while, “I suppose that does sound nice.”

“It’s because of that that I can say, with certainty, that death doesn’t scare me,” Mikasa said as she brought her knees up to her chest as Annie had earlier, “Does death scare you?”

“I always thought of death as a means to an end,” Annie admitted, “It never scared me. I always just saw it as the finish line. Rather than something to fear, it was something to strive for.”

“And now?” Mikasa asked as she bumped the girl's shoulder.

“I’m running a lot slower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is a lot shorter, but I really liked how it ended. I thought it was a good conclusion after their conversation. 
> 
> In case you're struggling to understand the point I'm conveying, Annie was living, but she knew she'd die one day. She'd accepted that she'd die. So, when Mikasa asked what she thought about death in the end, after their discussion, and Annie said 'I'm running a lot slower' it basically meant that she was no longer 'striving' for death because Mikasa gave her life meaning.
> 
> Also... THIS IS SO FUCKING CUTE TO ME. AND we finally got to know more about Annie! ANDDNDNDNDND the girlies can bond over their dead moms now :D
> 
> P.S. I hope people don't mind me making the 'Mikasa'/'mi casa' joke, but I thought it was a really cute way to give her name meaning in this story. I don't know if it's possible to find this play on words offensive, but if it is, someone let me know because that's not my intention :/
> 
> Feedback and Suggestions as always and thank you for reading <3


	22. Lisianthus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisianthus: Appreciation and long-lasting bonds
> 
> Also, I'm thinking of changing the summary of this story cuz... like... what happened to the original plot of the movie? :D Basically, if you have ideas, feel free to share them! I'm interested to see what people might come up with!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have mixed feelings about this chapter :D Then again, when do I not have mixed feelings about something I write. Anyway, hope it's enjoyable regardless!

A few days later, Mikasa received a text from Eternity. It surprised her since she’d expected the girl to text her sooner rather than later, but she was just glad the girl reached out at all. In the message, she’d requested that Mikasa meet her on the Trost side of the mountain since that was the side she was most aware of. 

Mikasa was quick to message back and tell the girl she’d be able to meet her that weekend on her side of Mount Maria.

So, finally, it was the time of the dreaded talk. Mikasa stood at the bottom of Mount Maria, staring up at it from the Shiganshina side. Carla had offered to drive her, but Mikasa wanted to pass her house and look for some remnants of her sister. She knew they were there; she just didn’t know where.

She made her way up the mountain easily since she no longer had her cast to weigh her down. As fall got closer and closer to winter, more snow coated lower elevations of the mountain, and that was probably the hardest part of the journey.

By the time she made it to her old home, her feet were freezing, and her legs felt like they were going to fall off. Still, she continued forward and entered the house. Upon entering, she realized that the power was off.  _ Shit _ , Mikasa cursed,  _ They cut the power now that they know no one’s living here _ .

She entered the house shivering, and pulled out her phone. She had to turn on her phone flashlight, so she could see and make her way through the house. She knew that if there was anything left of her sister, it would be on her mother’s bookshelf, so that’s the first place she checked.

Sure enough, buried behind all the books, was a photo album of the girls. They didn’t have a printer or anything fancy in their home, but her parents constantly went in and out of town around the time they sent Eternity away. 

She cracked it open, flipping through the pictures. She found many of her and her twin cuddled together on their beds, having small snowball fights, frolicing in the flowers, and tons of other things they would’ve done at that age.

Mikasa put the album behind her before turning her attention back to the bookshelf.  _ Flowers, flowers, flowers,  _ Mikasa thought as she read through the titles,  _ anatomy, biology, physics, mathematics. There sure are a lot of academic books here. I never realized that.  _

After some searching, she decided that there likely wasn’t another item of her sister’s on the shelf. The next best place was her mother’s jewelry box, so she cautiously made her way to it.

When she opened the box, she found a few necklaces her mother used to wear. She found more lockets, and she almost laughed when she found one with a picture of her teacher as a high schooler. She almost couldn’t tell it was him, but the angry look in his eyes said it all. 

As she continued searching, she eventually found a necklace with the word “eternity” on it. It was, very obviously, meant to symbolize her sister now that she looked at her. Her mother wore it almost all the time, but she always assumed that it meant something else. It never clicked for her that it was her sister’s name on her mother’s neck.

She quickly stuffed the necklace and the locket into her pockets before walking back towards the bookshelf and collecting the photo album. With all the possessions in her hands, she made her way back down the mountain, heading towards Trost.

Even as a child, she never went down the Trost side. She had no clue how to navigate it. She didn’t know which parts were slippery, which parts were roky, which parts to avoid. However, she did know the signs for dangerous areas from seeing it on her side of the mountain, so she decided to implement that knowledge and hope it worked.

Soon enough, she made it down the mountain safely using her method. To her surprise, it worked surprisingly well, and she only ran into one spot where she briefly worried for her life. Despite that, she made it down just fine, and it didn’t take her long to stumble upon a small little cabin, similar to her own, near the bottom of the mountain. 

Carefully and with a lot of hesitation, she knocked on the door. When it opened, an older woman was staring at her with wide eyes. “W-who are you?” she asked.

“Um,” Mikasa stuttered out. There was no denying that the woman was her father’s mother. She had his same brown hair and green eyes. Their faces were similar as well, and she was almost in as much shock as the older woman. “Mikasa…. Ackerman,” Mikasa told the woman as she shyly extended her hand in greeting.

“Oh… my… God,” the woman muttered, “Tom, get out here!”

“The hell do you want, woman?” the man grumbled angrily. He soon appeared around the corner blocking his view of the door, and he froze when he made eye contact with Mikasa. 

Not knowing what to do and feeling uncomfortable, Mikasa waved at him slightly, and the man seemed mind-blown. “It’s true,” was all he said as he approached them.

“What is going on?” she heard her twin ask as she rounded the opposite corner, “Oh, it’s just you.”

“Don’t be rude,” her grandfather said as he elbowed Eternity playfully though his voice was stern, “That’s your sister.”

“I know,” she said dryly, “You should really let her inside. It’s cold.”

“Oh my,” the older woman said, “You’re right. I’m sorry, dear. Forgive us for our shock.”

“It’s no problem,” Mikasa said politely as she entered the house, looking around. 

She was surprised to find that it was really just a slightly bigger model of her home. Her home was smaller and definitively more insulated, but the similarities were there and undeniable. In all honesty, Mikasa shouldn’t have been surprised since her house was likely modeled after this one, her father’s home. 

“What’s all that?” Eternity asked as she pointed to the photo album.

“Oh, um,” Mikasa stuttered as she handed it to the girl, “It’s for you… from home.”

“Oh! This too,” Mikasa added as she pulled the necklace out of her pocket. 

“Oh, what’s this?” the older woman approached the two, taking the book from Eternity. She flipped through the pages, smiling as she did.

“What? What is it?” Eternity asked as she peered over her grandmother’s shoulders. 

After looking at a few of the pages, she looked down at the necklace Mikasa had brought her. “Thanks,” she said.

“I figured you might want something of theirs,” Mikasa said awkwardly, “If not, I can take it back.”

“I’ll….. Keep it,” Eternity decided, and Mikasa nodded with a slight smile.

“So, what brings you here, dear?” the older woman, her grandmother, asked kindly, a stark contrast from Eternity’s tone.

“We wanted to talk,” Eternity answered for her.

“How’d you even find each other?” the older man, her grandfather, asked.

“Soccer,” they both answered vaguely at the same time, causing the older grandparents to laugh.

“You really are twins,” the man laughed, “I thought that whore lied and just didn’t want to take responsibility for her kid.”

Mikasa grimaced at the rude words used against her mother. “Tom! Don’t call her that,” the woman scolded her husband for Mikasa, “Especially not in the presence of company.”

“Just speaking the truth,” the man said with a dismissive wave of his hand, “I’ll never understand why he married that woman.”

“She was a kind, beautiful woman,” the older woman said with a firm elbow to her husband's side, “Don’t speak ill of the dead for crying out loud, Tom.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said with a wave of his hand.

“Let’s just… go to my room,” Eternity offered as she turned away from her bickering grandparents.

“Seems a little messy,” Mikasa commented.

“Yeah, it is,” she agreed in a strained voice.

“Sounds like you’re implying something?” Mikasa said in a questioning manner, “If you have something to say to me, say it.”

“I hate you,” she said easily as she turned around to look the girl in the eye. Mikasa just nodded in acceptance. She’d expected, and presumed, that the girl hated her from the very beginning.

The younger twin then pulled her older sister into her room, shutting her door behind her. “I hate you because the only thing I wanted in this world was my parents, and you had that. You had the parents I wanted, you had their love that I wanted; you had everything,” she said, her voice cracking slightly from emotion.

Mikasa was starting to feel guilt bubble inside of her.  _ Yet another thing I’m responsible for,  _ she thought sadly.

“My whole life, I’ve strived to be you. When I heard about you from the soccer team, I immediately joined. I needed to be better than you at something,” the girl said desperately, “I needed something that you didn’t have, just to feel that slight bit of adequacy.”

“Can you understand that?” Eternity asked as her voice broke, “because even if I hate you… I don’t think I can handle being hated by you.”

Mikasa just smiled softly as she said, “I don’t hate you, and I believe you have every right to hate me and our parents.”

“Thank God,” the girl mumbled in a cheery voice. 

“Though, there’s something you have that I haven’t had in a while,” Mikasa told her, hoping to cheer the girl up.

“Huh? What?” she asked, confused.

“Family. Connection,” Mikasa told her.

“You have family too, obviously,” Eternity said as she rolled her eyes.

“True, but they’re not biological. I didn’t even know I had other family until we bumped into each other that first time,” Mikasa told her.

“Oh, so you did forget me?” she asked in a quiet voice.

“Well, no not- yes,” Mikasa admitted, “I forgot, but it’s because other things overshadowed it. I didn’t remember a lot of my happier memories until we bumped into each other. So, by that logic, the reason I forgot you was because you brought me joy.”

Eternity laughed then, almost bitterly, “Sounds kind of half-assed to me.”

“Huh?” Mikasa asked curiously.

“You had one job; don’t forget me. And what did you do? You forgot me,” Eternity said with a laugh, “Do you even remember that?”

“‘ _ you’ll always be there for each other’ _ ,” Mikasa echoed her mother’s words, “‘ _ They’ll be fine as long as they remember each other’ _ .”

“Of course you’d remember something our mom said,” she scoffed as she crossed her arms in contempt.

“What do you want me to say?” Mikasa asked in a higher volume, finally feeling her resolve crack. 

“I want you to say something you mean,” Eternity said as she took an angry step towards her sister, “I don’t want this ‘you’re right, and I understand your feelings’ bullshit.”

“Fine!” Mikasa exclaimed as she looked away, “I-I feel guilty.” She wasn’t the type to open up easily, and she definitely didn’t trust Eternity the way she trusted her other friends. However, she felt indebted to the girl in some way, and the least she could do was be honest.

“About what?” Eternity scoffed a kind of laugh, “Forgetting me? Getting everything I wanted?”

“Everything,” Mikasa admitted as she covered her face with her hands, “There’s so much to feel guilty about, responsible for, obligated to do.”

“What do you mean?” Eternity asked, seemingly more interested than angry for now.

“I feel guilty for forgetting you, for getting what you worked so hard for for free, for… getting our parents killed, I feel responsible for all these feelings you have, for the pain I’ve caused you and everyone around me, and… and… and I feel obligated to fix it all,” Mikasa admitted as she felt tears prick her eyes.

_ Don’t you dare cry,  _ Mikasa scolded herself in her head as she took deep breaths to calm down,  _ not now.  _

“I mean, I’m your sister. I shouldn’t be the source of your pain. I should be the person who takes it away, right?” Mikasa asked with a fake laugh, “I’m sorry.”

“D-don’t play the victim!” Eternity yelled as tears pricked her eyes as well. Of all things, she hadn’t expected a heartfelt confession from her twin.

“If you didn’t want to hear what I had to say,” Mikasa said firmly, removing emotion from her voice at the blink of an eye, “you shouldn’t have messaged me to come.”

“I-” Eternity began before cutting her off, “Before you go, can I ask one last question?”

“Go for it,” Mikasa sighed.

“H-how’d they die? Our parents?” she asked.

“Three men showed up and stabbed them to death,” Mikasa said calmly, coldly even, “Mom tried to protect me, but I didn’t move.”

“I guess everything came full circle for them in the end,” Eternity decided as she sat on her bed and crossed her legs. 

“How do you mean?” Mikasa asked, a little rage boiling from the obvious insult towards her beloved parents.

“I mean, they abandoned a child, and in return, the one they kept figuratively stabbed them in the back,” Eternity explained, “I guess it’s true what they say, karma’s a bitch, and it always comes back to bite you in the ass.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa said sadly as she walked towards Eternity’s door and towards the living room where their grandparents were sitting. “I’m… glad we talked things out,” Mikasa said, although it was mostly a lie. She was glad she could give her twin some answers, but she’d seen that there’d be no getting through to the girl. The odds of ever having a stable relationship with her again were slim to none.

“Oh, Mikasa, dear,” her grandmother spoke to her, “We’d love to have you over sometime.”

“Thanks for the invite,” Mikasa said, “but I think my whore of a mother would like me to stay as far away from you as possible.”

She heard the gasp from the older man as the woman both seemed surprised and amused by her outburst. She easily ignored them as she walked to the door, putting on the shoes she’d removed earlier. “Sorry,” Mikasa apologized as she opened the door, “I didn’t mean that… I’m just… really tense. I’ll… I’ll think about it.”

“It’s fine, sweetie,” her grandmother assured her. 

Mikasa gave one last look at her twin before her resolve seemed to crumble. Everytime she looked at her sister now, she could only see the young girl she’d known and loved as a kid. “I- I want to show you something,” Mikasa said to the girl.

Eternity raised an analytical eyebrow at the girl, but she eventually gave in. “I’ll be back later,” Eternity assured her grandparents as she followed Mikasa out the door.

“It’s far, so I hope you’re not a lightweight,” Mikasa said coldly as she began the ascent up the mountain.

“Where are we going?” Eternity asked with an eye roll.

“You’ll see,” Mikasa said.

“Promise you won’t kill me?” Eternity asked jokingly, but there was an undertone of worry that Mikasa couldn’t ignore.

“That would make me a pretty shit sister,” Mikasa said before ignoring the girl. She’d asked a few more questions, but she eventually got the hint that Mikasa wouldn’t be giving her any other answers.

After a while of hiking up the mountain and a lot of complaining from Eternity, they made it to the desired destination. “This is…?” Eternity trailed off as she looked at their old home atop the mountain.

“Follow me,” Mikasa said with a slight wave. She guided the girl around the home until they made it to the amaranth field where her parents' graves were. Mikasa pointed a hand to the graves, signaling from the slightly younger girl to read it. 

“Corinna Ackerman,” she read aloud before reading her father’s name, “It’s their grave?”

“Yep,” Mikasa confirmed, “I don’t think they’re buried here, but it gives me peace of mind.”

“Why the hell would I want to talk to them? It’s not like they can hear me anyway,” Eternity complained, “Thanks for wasting my time.”

Mikasa growled slightly in frustration as she grabbed the collar of her sister’s shirt, surprising the girl. “Obviously, kindness doesn’t get through to you, so it’s time for some tough love,” Mikasa snarled, “I don’t care how you do it, but you need to make peace with whatever problems you have with our parents before you come to me. Figure your shit out before you drag me into it.” She then shoved her sister away from her before continuing, “That’s not to say I won’t be here for you if you need me; we’re supposed to support each other, after all. However, I don’t want you picking me apart for a decision I wasn’t part of. I didn’t decide to stay, and you didn’t decide to go.”

Eternity just stared with surprise at her twin as Mikasa huffed. “It’s not my fault things happened the way they did,” Mikasa finished, “but it would be my fault if I didn’t try to fix them.”

With that, Mikasa turned on her heel and walked back towards her home. She looked back after a few steps, and she was happy to find her sister sitting beside her parents grave. She couldn’t tell if the girl was speaking or not, but it was obvious that there was some form of acceptance there.

_ Mom… I, _ Mikasa thought to herself as she looked up, smiling slightly,  _ I think I got through to her.  _

\-------------

Soon enough, she arrived at her house, but as she was about to knock, she stopped herself. Something about being at home right now just didn’t sit right with her, and she decided to keep walking down the street. 

She cautiously pulled her scarf up over her mouth and nose to stop the cold from impacting her face, and for the first time in a while, she felt content. There was a kind of peace that came with talking things out. Even though she and her twin were still on bad, maybe even awful terms, they were on terms. They knew each other existed, and Eternity at least knew Mikasa was there for her if she needed her. That was enough to slowly abate the guilt and responsibility she felt. Of course, there was still obligation, but it wasn’t the heavy type. It was the rewarding type. She felt happy knowing she could actually play the sister role for her sister, even if Eternity wouldn’t return the favor. 

When Mikasa was pulled from her thoughts, she found herself staring at the open door of Annie’s house. Her hand was raised as if she intended to knock, but she didn’t remember actually doing the action. In the door, Annie’s father looked at her curiously.

“Umm, is Annie home?” Mikasa asked, shyly. She hadn’t intended to bother the family, but now that she was here, she couldn’t bring herself to leave.

“I think she went out with Reiner and Bertholdt,” Oliver said apologetically, “but you’re welcome to come in.”

“Ah,” Mikasa sighed in understanding, “I’ll be fine, but thank you. Could you not tell her I stopped by?”

“Why?” Oliver asked worriedly.

“I don’t want her to get the wrong idea,” Mikasa said with a laugh, “I just kind of… ended up here.”

“I get it,” he assured her with a smile, “It can be our little secret.”

“Thank you,” Mikasa said with a smile.

“Stay safe,” Oliver said as he closed the door. 

Mikasa let out a sigh as the door closed. Admittedly, she was a little disappointed that Annie wasn’t there, but she knew she had no right to feel that way. After all, she’d ditched the blonde for plans with her long-lost sister, of course Annie would go out with friends while she was gone. 

She sighed again as she tightened the scarf around her neck and walked further down the road she was on. It actually went on for a surprisingly long time, but the houses consistently got farther and farther apart.

As she walked down the road, she found herself thinking about nothing in particular. Oddly, her head felt empty, but the realization was enough to stir thoughts in her mind. 

_ My head’s never empty without soccer _ , she thought to herself,  _ is it possible that… I have nothing to think about now? _

_There’s no guilt for my parents anymore, only longing and sadness. There’s still some guilt and regret for the men I killed, but I think I’m beginning to forgive myself. There’s obviously guilt for everything I’ve done to Eternity, but like I told her, that wasn’t my fault. I shouldn’t be shouldering this guilt, that’s for my parents to do,_ Mikasa told herself as she kept a steady pace down the road, deciding to turn onto a new street she’d never walked on after a while.

_ I feel a lot of responsibility as well, but what teenager doesn’t? There’s college, I’ll need a job soon, and then there’s everything with my adoptive and biological families. And… there’s Annie,  _ Mikasa thought with a happy sigh,  _ Although she’s not much of a ‘responsibility’ or ‘obligation’. I have the responsibility of making sure I’m the best I can be, and I’m obligated to make sure she’s the best she can be.  _

_ God, that sounded so cheesy,  _ Mikasa cursed herself silently,  _ Damn you, Leonhart.  _

“Mikasa?” she heard someone say her voice.

“Huh?” she asked in surprise as she was pulled from her thoughts. She looked around for whoever called her voice, surprised to find none other than Annie. 

“What are you doing all the way out here?” Annie asked as she caught up to Mikasa, “I thought you were with your sister?”

“I was,” Mikasa confirmed as Annie and her began walking back towards their homes together. 

“Did it go alright?” Annie asked.

“Something like that,” Mikasa decided, “I got through to her; that’s all I wanted.”

“Good,” Annie said with a cheerful smile.

“You seem happy,” Mikasa observed.

“Is there something wrong with my happiness?” Annie asked sarcastically.

“No,” Mikasa assured her with a slight smile, “It looks good on you.”

“It looks good on you too,” Annie told her as they fell into a comfortable silence.

“How was your time with Reiner and Bertholdt?” Mikasa asked after a while.

“How’d you know I was with them?” Annie asked. 

_ Shit,  _ Mikasa thought to herself with a sigh. “I ended up at your house a while ago, and your dad said you were out with them,” Mikasa explained.

“Why didn’t you call or text me?” Annie asked, seemingly almost upset.

“It wasn’t important,” Mikasa assured her, “I just didn’t feel like going home. That’s why I was out walking.”

“Oh,” Annie said in a mumble. 

“I feel like I ruined your mood,” Mikasa said apologetically, “Sorry.”

“No, no, not at all,” Annie told her genuinely, “I’m just a little surprised you ended up at my house.”

“There aren’t many other places to go aside from my house in this area,” Mikasa reminded her.

“Well, yeah, but I figured you would’ve called Sasha or someone you…. Trust more,” Annie admitted.

“I trust you plenty,” Mikasa said as she bumped the girl’s side, “You’re the only one who knows my full story. At least, you’re the only person I told. Not even Eren knows everything.”

“Oh,” Annie mumbled, “I didn’t know that.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Mikasa said with an understanding smile, “I never told you you were the only one who knew.”

“I just never pictured myself as the trustworthy type,” Annie admitted.

“You don’t look it, but you’re trustworthy, Annie,” Mikasa assured her as she put an arm around the girl’s shoulders in an attempt to get her point across. 

“Do you still not want to go home?” Annie asked when they arrived at her house.

“Umm…” Mikasa thought aloud.

“It’s fine if you stay, and I won’t be offended if you go,” Annie told her, sensing the hesitance from Mikasa.

“Then… would you mind if I stayed?” Mikasa asked tentatively.

“Of course not,” Annie said with a smile as she opened the door to her house, holding it open for Mikasa.

The two entered the house and waved to Annie’s dad before going to her room. Annie had offered to find something to eat for the two of them, but Mikasa assured her that she wasn’t hungry. 

When in Annie’s room, the blonde closed her door, more out of habit than anything, before laying on her bed. Mikasa sighed as she laid down as well, burying her face in the pillows on the bed. 

She laid like that for a while before she felt a hand on her back. She froze at first. She noticed that the hand froze when she did, but she also noticed that the hand wasn’t moved off her back either. She smiled to herself before forcing her body to relax, and she felt the hand make its way up and down her back in a comforting manner.

“Thanks,” Mikasa whispered as she turned her head to face the blonde. 

“Yeah, no problem,” Annie said as she looked away from Mikasa, and the taller girl knew she was blushing.

“Look at me,” Mikasa said without much thought. She was surprised by the authority in her voice, and it seemed that Annie was surprised as well. She merely bit her lip to hide her laughter when she confirmed that Annie was indeed blushing.

“What are you laughing at?” Annie asked defensively.

“You,” Mikasa answered easily as she allowed herself to laugh.

“You’re an ass,” Annie huffed, but her cheeks only burned darker.

Mikasa couldn’t help but prop herself up on her elbows as she kissed Annie, catching the blonde by surprise. Still, Annie kissed back, and the two began struggling for dominance. In the end, Mikasa won, but Annie put up a good fight. 

After a while, the two pulled away and made eye contact as they rested their foreheads against each other. They were breathing heavily from the intensity, but it was Annie’s gaze that was really making Mikasa struggle to breathe.

It was intense, and she had to wonder if hers reflected the same emotions. Either way, it was strange to see such emotion in Annie’s face. The two both agreed that they’d never been the type for emotions, especially not intense ones, so it was obviously surprising to see the two showing such emotions towards each other.

Then again, maybe that made the most sense. It was something they could bond over, and maybe, just maybe, they felt comfortable sharing the weakness that is emotion with each other. 

_ Or maybe I’m just looking too far into this,  _ Mikasa thought as she laughed a little.

“What’s so funny now?” Annie asked without moving.

“Nothing,” Mikasa assured her with a smile and a slight shake of her head, “This is just…. It’s nice.”

“‘Nice’, that’s it?” Annie asked unimpressed, “For someone so good with words, you really know how to impress a girl.”

“Sorry,” Mikasa said with a laugh, “It’s just weird to actually share my thoughts with someone.”

“Believe me,” Annie said with a slight smile, “I get it.”

“Annie?” Mikasa said after a few silent minutes. Since her last words, the blonde had closed her eyes, and she seemed to be having a peaceful moment. 

“Hmm?” she hummed without looking.

Mikasa took a deep breath. This was her moment to show emotion. Annie had expressed herself well in Mikasa’s opinion, and she felt she was lacking. Annie was very obviously interested in her, and while she thought her actions were enough, she knew words were necessary as well. With a calm exhale and another inhale, she finally found the courage and the proper words for the moment.

“I’m glad it’s you, Annie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Mikasa's healing, Annie's... idk. Annie's falling in love or sum shit. I'm the writer and idek what's going on with her.... I should probably figure that out O_O
> 
> Anway, suggestions and feedback as always :)
> 
> Have a great day/night. Don't forget to sleep and eat lovelies! <3


	23. Lilac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilac: Growth
> 
> This is mostly dialogue O_O I know some of you aren't the biggest fans of that. This is pretty much my normal word count, though, so I hope it's acceptable Hahahaha

“Mikasa!” Eren yelled as he burst into her room.

“Yes?” she asked, confused, as she looked up from the book she was reading.

“Get packed. We’re going out!” he said.

“Huh?” she asked, even more confused now than before.

“Jean said he got his parents to let him use their lake house again, so we’re going before Halloween!” Eren said excitedly.

“Now?” Mikasa asked with wide eyes. As she asked, her phone buzzed, and she saw it was from a group chat that had recently been made between the twelve.

**Jean:** _ I got the lake house! Everyone better pack ASAP _

**Marco:** _ It’s just for the weekend so you don’t need much _

**Ymir:** _ Why all of a sudden? You couldn’t have warned us at school _

**Jean:** _ I just asked my parents now -_- that’s why _

**Ymir:** _ Why’d you even ask for permission? Just use it “-_-” _

**Jean:** _ Fuck off, Ymir _

**Historia:** _ She’s packing :) _

**Jean:** _ Thank You! _

**Reiner:** _ Where are we meeting? _

**Eren:** _ I’ll go get Mikasa. She’s probably reading -_- _

**Jean:** _ I’ll pick some people up, but someone else will have to get everyone else. _

**Eren:** _ I’ll take everyone else like last time _

**Mikasa:** _ No, you won’t. I will.  _

“Really?” Eren asked as he glared at his sister who had responded in the group chat rather than talking to him

“You’re an awful driver,” Mikasa answered dryly as she got up and started collecting things to bring with her. 

“Fuck you,” he said as he flipped her off and left her room.

While she was packing clothes, she felt her phone buzz again, and she decided to check it again. 

**Ymir:** _ We’re riding with Mikasa _

**Jean:** _ I’m guess “we” is Historia _

**Historia:** _ Duh _

**Reiner:** _ We’re going with Mikasa and Eren this time _

**Ymir:** _ Aw does Annie miss her girlfriend? _

**Annie:** _ Fuck off _

**Mikasa:** _ Fuck off _

**Sasha:** _ Aw, they’re in sync too! _

**Mikasa:** _ Sasha… :) _

**Sasha:** _ Oh fuck…. I guess I’m riding with Jean _

**Mikasa:** _ You guessed it :) _

**Armin:** _ Wait, if Annie, Ymir, Historia, Eren, Reiner, and Bertholdt are riding with Mikasa, who am I riding with? _

**Eren:** _ RIP Armin _

**Jean:** _ Me I guess? _

**Mikasa:** _ Sorry Armin _

**Armin:** _ Yeah, your girlfriend is more important than me :( _

**Mikasa:** _ Not my girlfriend.  _

**Annie:** _ :/ _

**Historia:** _ Aw… you hurt her feelings :( apologize _

**Mikasa:** _ o/ bye _

**Annie:** _ Stubborn bitch _

**Sasha:** _ Is this what foreplay looks like? _

**Ymir:** _ For them? Probably _

**Mikasa:** _ ABSOLUTELY NOT _

**Ymir:** _ Oh yeah… Mikasa’s still a virgin. Does she even know what foreplay is? _

**Mikasa:** _ YES, Yes I DO _

**Annie:** _ You do? ;) _

**Mikasa: -_-** _ I’m staying home. Drive yourselves _

**Ymir:** _ Nooooo I need a ride! _

**Eren:** _ She’s still packing :) _

“Eren!” Mikasa exclaimed.

“What? You could’ve ruined all their plans,” Eren explained simply as he entered her room with his stuff in his hands.

“Okay, I’m good,” she said as she picked up her things, and the two went to Carla’s van.

“Where are you going?” Carla asked suspiciously.

“You didn’t even tell her?” Mikasa asked in disbelief as she flicked Eren in the head, “We’re going to Jean’s lake house again.”

“Ah, okay,” Carla nodded, “Drive safe.”

“I’m driving this time,” Mikasa told her, “We’ll be fine.”

“I thought you didn’t like cars, anyway?” Eren asked as they began putting their things in the trunk.

“I like them as long as I’m driving them,” she explained.

“Control freak,” he scoffed playfully.

“A little,” she conceded.

They both climbed into the car, and Mikasa started it. “Okay, plug in everyone’s address,” Mikasa told him, “I’ll drive to Annie’s while you do that.”

“Aw, wanna pick up your girlfriend first?” Eren teased.

“One, she’s not my girlfriend,” Mikasa huffed as she pulled out of their driveway, “and two, it’s because I already know where she lives.”

“Whatever you say,” he chuckled as he began putting his friends' addresses into a map app. 

It only took them a few moments to get to Annie’s house, and she decided on honking the horn rather than getting out of the car. When she didn’t come out after that, she continued honking until the door opened.

“What the hell are you honking for?” her father came outside, grumbling angrily.

“Sorry, Mr. L- Oliver!” Mikasa yelled to him apologetically.

“Oh,” he sighed, “It’s just you. Annie will be out soon!”

“Thanks!” she laughed, “I’ll stop honking!”

“Thank god,” he grunted as he walked back inside.

A few minutes later, Annie flew out the door and jumped into the seat behind Mikasa. “Thanks a lot, asshole,” Annie huffed, “My dad was about to rip me a new one before he realized it was you.”

“My bad,” she said unapologetically, “Eren, what’s Reiner and Bertholdt’s address?”

“It’s just down the street,” Annie answered instead, “It’s near where we ran into each other the other day.”

Eren nodded in confirmation before giving her the exact address of their houses. They lived right beside each other, so Mikasa wouldn’t have to go too far for the two of them. Again, when she reached their house, she honked until they came out.

“You know? I think I like Eren driving more,” Reiner decided as he and Bertholdt climbed into the back row of the fan.

“Want to walk?” Mikasa said as she turned to face him with a fake smile.

“I’m good,” he said with a cheerful voice, “Thanks for driving us.”

“Mhm, that’s what I thought,” she decided as she asked Eren for Ymir’s address, knowing she and Historia would be there together. 

When she finally picked them up, Ymir was complaining about how she couldn’t sit beside her girlfriend, so Reiner agreed to sit beside Annie, leaving Bertholdt in the back few seats with Ymir and Historia. 

Eren then put the direction in for Jean’s lake house, and Mikasa thanked him much to everyone’s surprise. “Everyone comfortable?” she asked.

“Eren, scoot your seat forward,” Reiner said more than asked.

“I need the leg room,” Eren complained.

“I need it more,” Reiner said back. 

“I have a great idea,” Ymir said from the back, ”Annie and Eren should… switch seats.”

Eren looked at Mikasa who had an indifferent expression on her face. Similarly, Annie also seemed to not care too much about where she ended up. “You could at least give me some glimpse of your opinion,” Eren complained.

“Of course they want you to switch,” Ymir said with an eye roll, “They’re girlfriends.”

“Not girlfriends,” Mikasa and Annie said at the same time. 

“Whatever,” Ymir said, “They’re gay for each other or whatever.”

“Okay, switch me,” Eren said, and Annie rolled her eyes as she got up and got in the front beside Mikasa.

She buckled up and glanced back at the two boys, “Happy now?”

“Very,” Reiner confirmed after Annie moved her seat forward.

“Damn you and your tall legs,” Eren said as he kicked the back of Mikasa's seat.

“Do that again, and you can stay at home,” Mikasa said firmly, and he nodded vigorously. “Annie, would you search the directions for the address?” Mikasa asked as she handed the blonde her phone.

“You didn’t password protect it?” Annie asked with a snort.

“Why would I?” Mikasa asked matter-of-factly.

“God, you’re so vanilla,” Annie said as she laughed and shook her head in amusement.

“Annie, please teach your girlfriend how to put a password on her phone,” Ymir said from the backseat as she put an arm around Historia’s shoulders, “I don’t want to be finding porn on her phone one of these days.”

“Actually, it’s all just pictures Eren has taken with her phone,” Annie answered as she flipped through her camera roll.

“Hey! Stop!” he shrieked.

“Oh God! Mikasa delete that!” Annie exclaimed as she threw it in the girl’s lap. Luckily, they were still parked in Ymir’s driveway, so it wasn’t unsafe.

“Eren!” Mikasa exclaimed in a high-pitched voice as she saw the picture.

“I meant to delete it! I swear!” he yelled.

“What is it? What is it?” Ymir asked noisily, “I want to know!”

“It’s his dick,” Annie said distastefully.

“That is your brother!” Ymir yelled at her.

“It’s not like I knew he took it! I never look at my photos!” Mikasa yelled.

“Well, this looks suspicious,” Annie admitted.

“This is why we have passwords, kids,” Reiner said with a laugh.

Mikasa quickly deleted the photo as she handed her phone back to Annie, “Now, actually put the directions in this time. I want to go.”

“You’re giving her the phone AGAIN?” Ymir asked from the back seat, “God, you’re so simple.”

“Tell me about it,” Annie said with a laugh as she set the phone up for Mikasa to see. 

“Thank you,” she sighed as she started the car and began driving.

“So, Eren, why did Mikasa have a picture of your dick on her phone?” Ymir asked.

“Can we not talk about it?” Mikasa asked as she turned onto the highway.

“We’ve got to talk about it,” Annie jumped in.

“You too?” Mikasa complained.

“I couldn’t find my phone,” Eren answered sheepishly, “and…”

“And what, Eren?” Mikasa asked, emphasizing the boy's name. Eren let out a high-pitched shriek in response, causing the group to laugh hysterically. 

When everything calmed down, Eren finally answered, “I sent it to Armin.”

“Armin?” Annie asked in shock before laughing, “Poor boy.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eren asked defensively.

“I’m just saying-” Annie began.

“Wait you say my-” Eren exclaimed.

“You man bits, yep,” Annie confirmed.

“That’s wonderful,” Mikasa mumbled, already getting a headache from all the yelling, but she was doing her best not to snap at everyone.

“Don’t worry, he’s not my type,” Annie answered with fake assurance.

“Well I’d hope not,” Mikasa scoffed, “I look nothing like him.”

“Now that that’s settled,” Eren sighed.

“Now what?” Historia asked from the backseat.

“Oh, I know,” Ymir said with a smirk, “Let’s interrogate our baby gays while they can’t run.”

“Baby gay, singular,” Annie corrected.

“Same difference,” Ymir said.

“No distracting the driver,” Mikasa said.

“Please, as if you’d crash,” Ymir teased, “Not with the love of your life in the car.”

“‘Love of my life’ is a bit much,” Mikasa corrected.

“Girlfriend?” Ymir offered.

“Still too much,” Mikasa decided.

“The hell am I supposed to call her then?” Ymir complained.

“Her name?” Mikasa offered, and Annie laughed a little.

“Whatever,” Ymir said, “Anyway, question time.”

“Please no,” Mikasa complained.

“So, was Annie your first kiss?” Ymir asked, intrigued.

“Uh, next question,” Mikasa decided.

“Really? You had men lining up to date you, girls too actually, and you chose her?” Ymir asked, “No offense, Annie.”

“I was drunk,” was Mikasa’s excuse.

“Rude,” Annie huffed.

“What? I did it again, didn’t I?” Mikasa asked with an eye roll.

“Then it wasn’t because you were drunk,” Annie decided with a smirk.

“Not this again,” Mikasa sighed, “Remind me not to drink at the lake house.”

“Oh no,” Ymir said with an evil laugh, “We’re getting you wasted.”

“I’ll probably do something stupid,” Mikasa whined, a sound no one had ever really heard her make.

“Is that fear I hear?” Annie teased.

“It's a complaint, Miss no-impulse-control,” Mikasa quipped.

“Ouch,” Annie said in faux hurt as she put a hand over her heart. 

“That was a low blow,” Ymir said with a sharp inhale, faking pain. 

“She’s just cranky,” Eren answered, and Mikasa would’ve glared at him if it wasn’t for the fact that she had to keep her eyes on the road.

“Have you guys had sex?” Ymir asked calmly.

“Eek!” Mikasa exclaimed in surprise, “You can’t ask those questions while I’m driving!” 

“Is that a yes?” Ymir asked with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s a firm NO,” Mikasa answered.

“Well that’s boring,” Ymir complained.

“Leave them be,” Historia hissed at her girlfriend, causing her to be quiet.

“Can someone play music?” Mikasa asked, “Nothing loud.”

“Gotcha,” Annie said with a smile as she plugged her phone in. 

They listened to music for about two hours before stopping for gas and a break to stretch. Mikasa stepped out of the car, bending down to touch her toes. She groaned as she struggled to reach them, her muscles tight from being in the same position for so long. As she stretched further, she reached the ground and managed to wrap her arms around her ankles.

After that, she stood up and turned to walk towards the gas pump, stopping when she saw Annie smiling at her. “Perv,” Mikasa scoffed as she began selecting the type of gas she needed, putting the pump in the van.

“What?” Annie asked innocently as she walked towards Mikasa and leaned against the van.

“You’re lucky you’re not some random dude,” Mikasa decided. 

“Flaunt it while you got it,” Annie decided. 

“Then flaunt your abs while you got them,” Mikasa said with an eye roll.

Without hesitation, Annie lifted her shirt over her head, and Mikasa instinctively covered her eyes. “I didn’t mean it! I take it back!” she exclaimed.

Annie laughed as she put her shirt back on. “Good cuz it’s cold as shit,” Annie said as she shivered slightly.

“Why would you even do that?” Mikasa asked with an eye roll as she turned to face the blonde, “There are old, creepy men here, you know. Creepy women too probably.”

“Let them look,” Annie shrugged, “I’ll kill them if they touch me anyway.”

“Yeah, fair enough,” Mikasa decided as she pulled the pump out of her car and put it back where it was originally. 

“Let’s go, lesbians!” Ymir said when she came back and saw the two standing together. Both Mikasa and Annie flipped her off, causing her to laugh with amusement.

When everyone else made it back to the car, everyone piled back into the seats they were in before. Eren had offered to drive, but Mikasa quickly turned him down. As much as she wanted to sit back and read, she knew it’d be too loud, and she wouldn’t be able to focus anyway.

Lucky for her, Eren and Reiner, the loudest of the group, fell asleep pretty soon after she started driving, and Historia seemed to be dozing off as well. This meant that Ymir would finally shut up, and she’d be able to let her headache subside.

After a few minutes, Mikasa began feeling a little constricted, so she subtly opened the windows. Of course, Annie didn’t miss it. “You feeling alright?” she asked quietly, slightly leaning over the dashboard, so the few who were still awake couldn’t hear her.

“Fine,” Mikasa confirmed as she glanced at Annie to offer her a quick but reassuring smile, “We’re only about 20 minutes away, anyway.” Mikasa was grateful when Annie nodded in acceptance before turning her face back towards the window, seemingly enjoying the breeze from outside despite the cold.

When 20 minutes passed, they arrived at the lake house, and Mikasa decided to honk the horn to wake everyone up. “What is your obsession with that damn horn?” Eren complained as he woke up, rubbing his eyes and ears. Everyone else woke up instantly as well, but Eren was the first to speak.

“It’s loud and obnoxious just like all of you,” Mikasa answered as she turned the car off and stepped out. Again, Mikasa stretched quickly before walking to the back of the car where she collected her items and carried them inside. 

“Want to room with me this time?” Annie asked as she caught up to Mikasa.

“I dunno,” Mikasa said with an amused smile, “Are you going to do anything weird?”

“Not without consent,” Annie answered with an eye roll, and Mikasa decided that was good enough. She shrugged, and she saw Annie subtly smile.

Once they entered the house, they were greeted by Jean’s group who had apparently been there for a while now. “Sorry, we picked rooms without you guys,” Jean said with a shrug.

“Where are we, Armin?” Eren asked, knowing Armin would’ve paired up with him.

“Same as last time,” Armin answered, and Eren nodded as he brought his things up the stairs to his room.

“We assumed you’d want to sleep with Mikasa,” Reiner told Annie, “If that’s not the case… then you’re kind of screwed now.”

“Perfect,” Annie said with an amused smile, “Now she can’t change her mind.”

“What rooms are left?” Mikasa asked.

“The one we were in last time and the one Ymir and Historia were in,” Bertholdt answered.

“Guess that puts us in my room from before,” Mikasa decided as she looked to Annie and walked up the stairs, hearing Annie following behind her. 

When they got in their room, they closed the door and put their things on the ground, not bothering to unpack them. After that, Mikasa got on the bed, and laid with her face on the pillow. A few moments later, she felt the bed sink beside her, and she knew Annie had laid next to her. 

Without much thought, Mikasa rotated herself to rest her head on the girl’s shoulder, and Annie put her arms around Mikasa. As always, her grip wasn’t tight, but it was reassuring. “You feeling okay?” Annie asked.

“I’ll be okay,” Mikasa assured her as she closed her eyes, “just stay here for a little.”

“I can do that,” Annie assured her as one of her hands moved to Mikasa’s hair. “You have nice hair,” she said as her fingers combed through it.

“So do you,” Mikasa told her. 

“No I don’t,” Annie said as she made a disgusted face, “It’s all matted and messy.”

“I like it,” Mikasa shrugged.

“Weirdo,” Annie decided.

“Says the one who watched me stretch,” Mikasa quipped with a laugh.

“Can you blame me?” Annie asked as she laughed too.

Mikasa sighed overdramatically before answering, “I guess not. I mean… I’m just so attractive.”

“I’m glad you get it,” Annie played along, catching Mikasa’s sarcastic tone. It wasn’t that Mikasa was inferring that she wasn’t attractive; it was the kind of sarcasm that let you know she wasn’t full of herself.

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed, not having the energy to speak.

“Is driving really that hard?” Annie asked with a laugh.

“Yes,” Mikasa answered easily, “Have you ever driven?”

“Yes, obviously,” Annie said with an eye roll, “but it’s not this stressful for me.”

“It’s not stressful,” Mikasa corrected her, “It’s a love/hate relationship.”

“Seems like today was ‘hate’,” Annie teased.

“Seems like it,” Mikasa confirmed as she sat up, resulting in a slight grunt from Annie who obviously didn’t expect the moment to end so quickly. “Alright, let’s go back down before they start making sex jokes,” Mikasa decided as she got off the bed and walked towards the door. She heard Annie laugh, but she knew the blonde got up as well. 

When they joined the rest of the group, everyone was seated in the living room while they talked amongst themselves. Annie and Mikasa sat beside each other on the couch, but they barely had any contact. 

“So, what’s the plan for the day?” Armin asked once he realized that everyone was there now. 

“I was thinking we’d just watch some movies,” Jean answered, “Maybe do some drinking later tonight.”

“I like the way you think,” Ymir said, obviously agreeing with him.

“Does that work for everyone?” Jean asked, and everyone nodded, some more reluctantly than others.

“Since it’s almost Halloween, it seems only fitting that we watch something scary. 

“No,” Historia whined in complaint.

“It’s okay, I’ll protect you babe,” Ymir said as she put her arm around Historia’s shoulders and kissed her forehead.

Mikasa fake gagged, causing Ymir to glare at her. “You’re just jealous,” Ymir said as she tilted her head up in arrogance.

“About what?” Mikasa asked with a laugh.

“That I can kiss my girlfriend whenever I want,” Ymir said with emphasis on ‘girlfriend’.

“So can I,” Mikasa said with an eye roll as she kissed Annie’s cheek, causing the blonde to look at her with a confused look. Not because she was upset or anything, Annie just knew that Mikasa preferred not to publicly display affection. 

“So, you admit she’s your girlfriend?” Ymir asked with a smirk.

“Well, she’s the closest thing to it,” Mikasa answered as she relaxed against the back of the couch she was sitting on, “It’s not like you said ‘girlfriend’ and my first thought was ‘Armin’.”

“Fair point,” Ymir conceded.

Annie then put her arm around Mikasa, similarly to how Ymir put her arm around Historia. It was almost laughable since the only reason she was able to do it was because Mikasa was slouched in her spot. Of course, this earned a look from Mikasa, and she couldn’t stop herself from sitting up straight, causing Annie’s arm to slide down the girl’s side.

“That was unnecessary,” Annie said with a glare. Mikasa laughed before putting her own arm around Annie. The blonde huffed, but she eventually accepted the action.

“Alright, what are we watching?” Jean asked as he pulled up netflix. 

“Insidious,” Ymir suggested, “It’s a classic.”

“I haven’t seen it,” Mikasa said with a shrug.

“How?” Ymir asked in surprise, “That's it, we’re watching it.”

Jean nodded in agreement while everyone else groaned while reluctantly accepting their fate. “I need food!” Sasha exclaimed as she jumped up and ran to the kitchen while Jean pressed play.

The movie went on for a while, and it was no secret that a few people had screamed -cough cough Armin, Historia, and Sasha cough cough-. All in all, the movie was good. She wasn’t a big fan of the horror genre, but she thought it all tied together really well. As someone who reads, she could respect the build in plot and subtle things that hinted to what would happen later in the movie.

“Never again…. Will I watch… a scary movie,” Armin said in breaths as he removed his face from where it had been buried in Eren’s side half the movie. 

“Oh, but there’s a second one,” Ymir said with a smirk, “Don’t you want to finish the story?”

“Isn’t there like 3 or 4 movies?” Annie asked.

“There might be five,” Reiner added.

“I don’t know,” Ymir shrugged, “I gave up after the third one I think. It felt too long.”

“Yeah, fair enough,” Annie agreed. 

“Okay, I think it’s about time to drink the pain away,” Jean decided as he left the room to collect the alcohol his parents kept there. 

“Remember the deal, Mikasa,” Ymir said with a smirk as she pointed a finger at the girl.

“That was not a deal,” Mikasa argued, “That was you having a one-sided conversation with yourself.”

“Annie agreed!” Ymir argued.

“Is Annie me?” Mikasa asked sarcastically, “No? Didn’t think so.”

“What’s got you in a pissy mood today,” Ymir huffed.

“We interrupted her favorite book,” Eren answered for her, “and she drove. That was her own choice, though.”

“Just go eat something,” Sasha told her as she tossed Mikasa a bag of chips she’d collected from the kitchen, “At least then we know you aren’t hangry.”

“...Thanks,” Mikasa mumbled, deciding to accept the bag of chips Sasha had offered her. Sasha didn’t usually share her food, so if she did, it would be very ungrateful to give it back to her. 

After she opened the bag and took a few chips, Annie leaned over her and grabbed a few as well. Mikasa huffed slightly as she moved her hand that was around Annie’s shoulder. She didn’t move it much, though; only enough that she could undo Annie’s hair from the bun it was in and put her fingers in it.

“Hey,” Annie scolded her quietly when she felt Mikasa taking out her bun.

“What?” Mikasa asked with an innocent smile. Annie just growled as she let Mikasa continue what she was doing, causing the taller girl to beam with content. Mikasa slipped her hands between strands of hair and alternated between running her fingers through them and twirling them. 

“Here we go,” Jean said as he returned and placed the alcohol on the table, “Let’s get shitfaced!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is kind of a repeat of the 5th one, but I thought it would be nice to write that chapter again with everyone on slightly different terms. I thought it would show their 'growth' both as individuals and a collective group. Either way, I hope it was enjoyable!
> 
> P.S. I may or may not be updating less since -I think I mentioned this already but im not sure- I'm going back to school tomorrow 5 days a week every week, so my schedule is going to get pretty busy. I'll probably still be updating a good bit thought since I usually end up writing during most of my classes O_O (Don't worry, I do my class work first LOL)
> 
> Feedback and Suggestions! <3 Make sure you're staying on top of your classes/work! :-;


	24. Lavender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lavender: Devotion
> 
> I know this chapter is significantly shorter than my others, but I started reading a new gl manga today O_O I'm determined to finish it today, but I also wanted to feed my mikannie stans. You might want to wait to read this chapter until the next one is out, but it's completely up to you. Either way, hopefully you enjoy it!

After someone collected shot glasses for the group, people began selecting their desired drinks or mixing them. Mikasa decided to hold off on drinking since she knew she wasn’t good with alcohol. She also wasn’t sure if it would cause her to have more weird dreams like the last time she was at the lake house. 

To her surprise, Annie was quick to drink, and Mikasa gave the blonde a curious, worried look. Annie just shrugged, and Mikasa guessed that she was fine. She could understand wanting to drink to pass the time or to make things more interesting.

“Don’t be a wimp,” Ymir teased as she threw back a sip of her drink and made eye contact with Mikasa. 

“I’m going to hold off,” Mikasa said.

“Boring,” Ymir said in a sing-songy voice. 

“Oh, oh!” Sasha said as she jumped up from her spot on the couch, “We should play another drinking game!”

“‘Cause that worked out so well last time,” Mikasa sighed.

“This one’s better,” Sasha said, “It’s mostly likely to.”

Everyone agreed with Sasha’s decision, so Mikasa had to agree by majority rule. “Okay, I have a question to start us off!” Sasha announced excitedly.

“Wait,” Armin stopped her, “so, we ask a question, and whoever we all agree is most likely to do that thing has to drink?” 

“Correct,” Sasha confirmed before deciding to ask her question, “Who is most likely to have sex in a public place.”

“That was so directed at me,” Ymir sighed angrily as she sipped, seeing everyone else’s glares at her. “Do I get to ask now?” Ymir asked. When everyone nodded, she asked, “Who’s most likely to hold a grudge for a long time?”

As Mikasa expected, all eyes were split between her and Annie. “Really?” Mikasa asked sarcastically.

“I told you I was gonna get you wasted,” Ymir said with a smirk. 

“Which one of us drinks?” Annie asked.

“Both,” Ymir decided, “It’s an even split.”

“Damn,” Mikasa sighed as she picked up a shot and tossed it back, making a face of disgust as she did. “You ask next,” Mikasa told Annie who shrugged indifferently. 

“Who’s most likely to take a dick pic on a sibling’s phone?” Annie asked, obviously directing her question at Eren.

Of course, everyone looked at Eren since he was the only guy who had a sibling. “Really, Annie?” Eren asked, annoyed as he sipped his shot. 

“I’m scarred for life,” Annie said with a forced shiver. 

“Wait, that actually happened?” Reiner asked with a laugh.

“I was wondering why your picture came from Mikasa’s phone,” Armin said nonchalantly.

“You sent it from my phone?” Mikasa asked in surprise.

“I told you I couldn’t find mine!” Eren shrieked in a high-pitched voice.

“Armin probably thought I was a creep,” Mikasa shivered, causing the group to laugh.

“I was very confused for before Eren started typing,” Armin confirmed, “He types differently from you, though, so it was obvious it was from him.”

“Thank God,” Mikasa sighed.

“The real question is why you kept it this long,” Ymir asked from across the living room.

“I didn’t know it was there,” Mikasa answered easily, “I rarely use my phone, let alone look at my camera roll.”

“You know… that explains a lot,” Sasha spoke from her seat on the floor beside Connie. 

“Alright, my question,” Eren said as he cleared his throat, “Who’s most likely to commit murder.”

“You know,” Mikasa began angrily, “Fuck you.”

“Too soon?” he asked with a cheesy smile.

“Very much so,” she huffed as she sipped her drink. To her surprise, Annie subtly slipped her hand behind Mikasa’s back and placed her hand there gently in support. Mikasa offered the blonde a quick, grateful smile before returning her focus to the group.

“So they weren’t just rumors?” Jean asked with wide-eyes.

“Nope,” Mikasa answered, popping the p to hide how much she hated this conversation.

“Well damn,” he said simply.

“Is that a problem?” Mikasa asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Not at all,” he decided quickly. 

“Ah, so that would be why you were arrested?” Historia asked, finally putting two-and-two together from the last time they played a drinking game at the lake house.

“Bingo,” Mikasa confirmed. “Anyway, my turn to ask,” Mikasa decided, changing the subject, “Hm, who’s most likely to peek at someone while they’re changing?”

The answers were more scattered this time. Connie looked at Sasha, remembering their conversation from their game before where Sasha admitted to watching Mikasa change, but most eyes were on Jean who seemed offended by everyone’s assumptions.

“Drink up, horse-boy,” Eren said with a smirk.

“You have no room to talk, dick-pic-boy,” Jean quipped.

“Take that back!” Eren exclaimed in a squeaky voice. 

“Nope,” Jean said as he drank his shot, preparing to ask a question. “Who is most likely to kick someone’s ass for looking at them the wrong way?” he asked.

Everyone’s eyes, including Mikasa’s, went to Annie who seemed offended at first before deciding that they were right. “Um, who’s most likely to die in a dumb way?” Annie asked.

Everyone looked at Connie. At first, some eyes had been on Sasha, but they seemed to change their mind after a while. “I- you know what? You’re not wrong,” Connie decided as he took a drink.

The game went on for another hour or so before everyone decided to stop. Mikasa was feeling awfully light, and she knew she should stop if she wanted to be able to stand up straight the rest of the night. 

She couldn’t help but groan as she put her head on Annie’s shoulder. Mikasa was slouched on the couch, so it was pretty comfortable for her. “You really are a lightweight,” Annie teased as she looked at Mikasa.

“Fuck off,” Mikasa grumbled as she closed her eyes. 

“Want water?” Annie asked.

“Don’t move,” Mikasa decided as she sighed.

“Don’t you dare fall asleep this early,” Annie threatened.

“I won’t,” Mikasa assured her. As tired as she was, she was more scared that she might have nightmares in the presence of all her friends.

“Seems Mikasa’s almost down for the count,” Ymir teased as she approached Annie and Mikasa. 

“Nope, I’m fine,” Mikasa argued.

“Sure, pal,” Ymir joked as she patted the girl’s back playfully.

“I need food,” Mikasa decided as she lifted her head off Annie’s shoulder, slowly opening her eyes. “Woah, the world… is spinning,” she muttered while she widened her eyes and blinked vigorously.

“That’s what happens when you drink alcohol,” Annie said with a laugh as she patted Mikasa’s head, resulting in a slight growl from the taller girl who didn’t appreciate being teased in this state. 

“What do you want to eat?” Annie asked.

“I don’t understand how your world isn’t spinning,” Mikasa said, instead of answering.

“I guess I’m just better than you,” Annie smirked.

“Fuck off,” Mikasa huffed as she laid down on the couch. Her head ended up in Bertholdt’s lap, though she didn’t really care.

“Mikasa?” he asked.

“Shhh,” she shushed him, and she could practically hear Annie fuming silently beside her.

“I think she’s going to kill me,” Bertholdt said as he lifted his hands up in surrender. 

“You’re oddly comfortable,” Mikasa said out of nowhere.

“She’s definitely out of it,” Eren decided as he lifted his sister off of Bertholdt’s lap and sat her up properly.

“I’m perfectly fine,” she assured them, “I’m just a little wobbly and… overly kind.”

“Seems accurate,” Eren decided as he sat in his spot beside Armin. 

“I brought you chips and a water,” Annie said as she sat back down beside Mikasa having left after Mikasa laid on Bertholdt. 

“Thanks,” Mikasa said genuinely before leaning in Annie’s ear, “Sorry. I can’t think straight.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever thought straight,” Annie teased, and Mikasa just pushed her playfully as she opened up her bag of chips and water. She sipped some of her water before eating a chip, offering her things to Annie who politely declined.

“Ugh, I hate this,” Mikasa complained as she leaned her head against Annie’s shoulder again.

“Hate what? Drinking?” Annie asked.

“Yes,” Mikasa confirmed.

“Why?” Annie asked curiously.

“Because she’s a control freak,” Eren answered for her.

“Am not!” Mikasa argued.

“You are,” Eren repeated.

“I’m not-” Mikasa began.

“You are,” Annie said as she put a comforting hand on Mikasa’s head.

“Rude,” Mikasa sighed, not having the energy to fight Annie.

“You know, now I see that she actually does care about Annie,” Reiner said from his spot near Armin, “I mean, usually Mikasa just acts like she doesn’t care, but now I see she does.”

“I might be intoxicated, but I can still kick your ass,” Mikasa threatened.

“I’d like to see you try,” Reiner teased.

“I’ve killed people,” she said as she opened an eye to look at him, “Are you sure you want to make that bet?”

“You know what? Never mind,” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Sasha asked, remembering the state she’d found her friend in the day Hitch outed her. It was obvious that it wasn’t something Mikasa was happy or open about.

“I’m fine,” Mikasa said with a believable smile, “You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me.”

_ That’s the last thing I want from you guys,  _ Mikasa thought to herself sadly,  _ I don’t think I could live with all of you looking at me like I was as fragile as glass.  _

“I’m going to go to sleep,” Mikasa decided as she sat up, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to set her head right.

“Are you sure?” Historia asked worriedly.

“It’s probably for the best,” Mikasa decided, “I’m tired, anyway.”

“Want me to take you up?” Annie asked quietly, so only Mikasa could hear.

“I’ll be fine,” Mikasa assured her with a smile, “I don’t want to ruin your fun.”

“Okay,” Annie agreed, “Goodnight.”

“Night,” Mikasa said loudly, so everyone could hear while she walked up the stairs to her and Annie’s room. 

When she entered the room, she immediately grabbed the book she’d packed with her and sat on the bed. Her head was spinning, but she didn’t want to sleep yet. Reading always made her want to stay up and read all not, so she figured it was the best option.

While reading, she’d occasionally hear her friend’s laughter and playful fights, and she was glad they were having fun without her. She worried that some of them might worry since she was a bit out of it, but she really was fine. 

After reading for about two hours, she felt the effects of the alcohol wearing off, and she decided it would be safe to go to sleep. She bookmarked her back before crawling under the covers and closing her eyes, falling asleep almost instantly.

\-------------

“What time is it?” Sasha asked after a while of everyone joking and drinking.

“Like one in the morning,” Marco answered after checking the clock. Of everyone, he, Armin, and Historia were the most sober although they’d still had their fair-share of alcohol. 

“We should probably make a proper meal,” Historia decided.

“Pizza would be best,” Marco agreed, “I think there’s one downstairs.”

“Perfect,” Historia said as she asked him to go get it while she left to heat up the oven. 

As Marco went into the kitchen, Eren seemed to realize something, “Someone should go see if Mikasa is awake and wants to eat.”

“I’ll go check,” Annie offered. She’d been wanting an excuse to check on the girl for a while now, and this seemed as good of one as any. No one objected, so she got up and made her way up the stairs.

“Mikasa?” she asked as she knocked on the door. When no response came, she gently pushed the door open and saw that Mikasa was fast asleep. She smiled to herself as she closed the door and walked back down the stairs.

“She’s asleep,” Annie told the group as she sat on the couch, holding her head as she did.

“Aw, that means no sexy time for Annie,” Ymir teased, obviously too intoxicated to censor herself.

“Pfft,” Annie huffed, “Oh well.” She honestly couldn’t care less if her and Mikasa had sex in that moment or in months from then. She’d probably even wait years if necessary. Of course, it wouldn’t be ideal, but she’d do it. She understood that Mikasa had baggage, and she had baggage of her own as well. They’d both silently agreed to get to know each other better before they crossed any other lines. 

“Pizza will be done in about 15 minutes,” Marco said as he returned to the living room.

“Perfect,” Annie said as she sipped more of the bottle in her hand. After a while, she’d given up on the shots and just went for the full bottle. 

The next few minutes were spent telling stories, or in Annie’s case, sipping her drink while she listened to everyone else’s stories. Once the timer for the pizza finally rang, Marco got up and collected it for everyone, sharing it amongst the group.

Annie took a few slices, and she ate them quickly compared to the rest of the group. She knew she should stop drinking as well, so she put her bottle back and swapped it out for water from the kitchen.

When she returned, everyone was eating, and it seemed that the alcohol was finally kicking in for everyone. There was an obvious lag in everyone’s movements, and Annie almost laughed until she realized that she must be in a similar state.

“I’m gonna call it a night,” Annie decided as she sipped her water, bringing it up the stairs with her.

“I think we’ll be right behind you,” Historia said, looking at everyone else.

“Night everyone,” Annie said, receiving a tired, muffled chorus of ‘goodnight’s’ in return.

She cautiously made her way up the stairs, being careful not the trip on her way up. While she might be in better shape than anyone else, there was no doubt that she was tipsy. The last thing she wanted was to trip and break her neck on the steps.

After a rather long trip up the stairs and down the hall, she made it to her shared room with Mikasa. She slowly opened the door, not wanting to accidentally wake the girl in the bed. Similarly, she was careful closing the door behind her, and she made her way to the bed. She wasted no time crawling under the covers and getting comfortable.

She couldn’t help but face Mikasa as she did. She wasn’t sure what compelled her to do it, but she ended up wrapping her arms around Mikasa’s waist. The girl was incredibly warm -be that from alcohol or being under the covers for so long-, and Annie couldn’t help but move towards her in the cold room.

Mikasa stirred slightly, but she didn’t wake up. Well, Annie wasn’t sure if she woke up or not, but her hands moved to cover Annie’s, so the blonde assumed that her gesture was welcomed. The two interlocked fingers, and Annie was sleeping shortly after.


	25. Gardenia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gardenia: Joy and Sweetness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE. My goodness, it's been like a week :/ School really slapped me across the face with work this week, and it took me until today to get caught up! Hopefully you all enjoy this update even though it's hella late! It's overdue like half my school assignments *cry*

When Mikasa woke up the next morning, she was surprised to find arms around her. She panicked momentarily before realizing it was only Annie and calming down. In fact, the realization brought a content smile to her face, and she couldn’t stop herself from lifting one of Annie’s hands to kiss it.

As she did, she heard the blonde grunt, and Mikasa did her best not to laugh. She was sure Annie was an early riser, but she guessed she must also love her sleep. Deciding to let the girl sleep, she did her best to grab her phone without waking Annie. 

Once she got her phone, she checked the time, and she wasn’t surprised when it said that it was only 7 in the morning. Still, her head was lightly pounding from the alcohol last night, and she didn’t want to leave the warmth of the bed she was in -a problem she’d never had before-.

Instead, she turned to face Annie, smiling as she moved the girl’s blonde hair from over her face. After that, she put her arms around Annie and stayed like that for a while. She couldn’t be sure how long she stayed like that, but she knew she didn’t fall back asleep.

After a while, she saw Annie’s eyes groggily flutter open. “Good morning,” Mikasa whispered to her. Annie said nothing as she blinked a few times before closing her eyes again and scooting closer to Mikasa. The latter laughed as she tightened her grip on the blonde, and she heard Annie sigh as she tried to drift back to sleep.

It was about 3 hours later when Annie opened her eyes and kept them open. “Did you sleep okay?” Mikasa asked softly when she saw signs of Annie actively trying to wake up.

“Mhm,” she hummed sleepily.

“Are you feeling hungover?” Mikasa asked in a hushed tone.

“Hmm, maybe a little,” Annie admitted as she put her head on Mikasa’s chest, sighing as she did.

“Want me to get you water and painkillers?” Mikasa offered.

Annie made a kind of grunt that was definitely meant as a no before saying, “just stay where you are.”

“Okay,” Mikasa whispered back as she rested her chin on Annie’s forehead.

A while later, there was a knock on the door, and Annie grunted as she rolled away from Mikasa. “Come in,” Mikasa said.

“Morning,” Eren said in a sleepy voice.

“Morning,” Mikasa greeted.

“They told me to get you to cook something,” he said, stumbling over his words from the lack of effort he was putting into talking.

“I’ll be down soon,” she assured him, and he nodded before closing the door.

Once the door was closed, Mikasa got out of bed and walked to her bag of clothes, looking for something to wear for the day. It didn’t take her long to decide on a simple hoodie and leggings, and she wasted no time stripping off her clothes from the previous day.

“Hmm,” she heard Annie hum from the bed, and Mikasa couldn’t help but snort. Of course, she knew the blonde would be watching her, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. They had gym together as well as soccer, so it’s not like it’s anything she’d never seen before. 

After she was dressed in her new clothes for the day, Mikasa kissed Annie’s head and said, “Come down soon or starve.”

“Rude,” Annie huffed as Mikasa walked out the door, but she heard Annie getting out of bed.

Once downstairs, Mikasa went straight to the kitchen. Everyone was awake except for Reiner, Bertholdt, Sasha, and Connie. Ymir seemed like she was half-asleep on the couch, but at least she was there with everyone.

“What does everyone want to eat?” Mikasa asked them when she passed everyone.

“Pancakes,” Jean said definitively, and everyone seemed to agree.

At first, she wasn’t sure if they’d have the things for pancakes, but she was able to find everything needed for a batch to fill 11 people plus Sasha. She collected all the ingredients and began combining them as she waited for the stove to heat up. 

It took about an hour and a half to cook everything, and by then, everyone else had woken up. She even brought them painkillers since she knew the 4 of them had drank a lot and probably weren’t having a great morning. “Breakfast!” she called for everyone as she began setting up her own plate.

Everyone made plates and sat in the living room to eat together. After sitting down, everyone tasted the pancakes and thanked Mikasa for cooking for them. Mikasa just shrugged off the praise and ate her food.

When everyone finished eating, Eren and Armin were voted to clean up. While they did that, everyone discussed things to spend the day doing. “What’s the plan for today?” Historia asked.

“We could always just chill here,” Jean said.

“But that’s boring,” Connie complained in a whiney voice.

“I think you owe us a hike!” Eren yelled from the kitchen.

“I don’t owe you anything!” Jean yelled back. 

“You did say we’d go on a hike!” Armin yelled back.

“When did Jean say that?” Mikasa asked, not remembering this conversation.

“You were in your room when they talked about it,” Annie told her 

“Oh,” Mikasa said with a nod, “That explained a lot.”

“Anyway, all in favor of a hike?” Eren said as he walked into the living room, having finished cleaning up. He raised his hand, silently telling people to raise their hand if they wanted to hike. 

Mikasa, Annie, Reiner, Bertholdt, Ymir, and Historia raised their hands with Eren and Armin. “That’s 8 to 4,” Eren smirked, “Hike it is!”

“I guess a hike could be nice,” Sasha groaned.

“At least it’s not just sitting here and doing nothing,” Connie said with a shrug as he got up. 

“Fine, I guess the trails here are pretty,” Jean sighed, “Which one should we take?”

“One that’s not super long but not super short either,” Historia suggested, and everyone else nodded in agreement.

“Okay, I got the perfect one,” he decided after some thought.

“So, when do we leave?” Ymir asked.

“Whenever everyone is ready, I guess,’ Jean shrugged.

“I’m ready,” Eren decided impatiently.

“Me too.”

“Same.”

“I can go whenever.”

“So everyone is ready now?” Jean groaned.

“Yes,” everyone else answered in sync.

“Then get your shoes on and get in the cars. It’s a 10 minute drive to the trails,” Jean said as he stood up to put his shoes on, everyone else following suit.

Everyone piled into the cars they were in to drive to the lake house. In Mikasa’s car, everyone got in the seats they were in on the ride there, and Mikasa made sure everyone was buckled up before she began driving.

“It’s only ten minutes, Mikasa,” Ymir complained, “Do I need to buckle up?”

“Yes,” Mikasa said firmly.

“She’s a seatbelt Nazi,” Eren told Ymir as he pulled the chest strap of his seatbelt. 

“Of course you are,” Ymir sighed as she buckled in. 

“You too,” Mikasa said with a glare as she looked at Annie beside her. Annie sighed heavily as she dramatically buckled up, pulling at it at the end in a kind of “happy now?” way. “Good,” Mikasa said with a hint of a smile as she started the car and began driving to the destination Jean had texted to her.

When they arrived, everyone jumped out of the car and met up with Jean’s group who they’d parked next to. The group walked together to a big sign that listed all the trails and their paths. “We should take this one,” Jean said as he pointed to one color-coded in green, “It’s medium length and it’s pretty easy to get through. It has a lake at the end too.”

“Perfect,” Armin said, and everyone nodded their agreement.

“We should pick up food after this. Like Chinese or something,” Sasha suggested, “I could really go for something Asian.”

“Good choice,” Connie said as he high-fived his best friend. 

“It’s something to think about,” Jean decided as he began walking towards the beginning of the green trail. 

“Woohoo!” Sasha and Connie celebrated as they and the rest of the group followed Jean onto the path.

“What’s everyone’s plans for Halloween?” Ymir asked as they all looked around the path, taking in the scenery.

“Nothing yet,” Eren answered for him and Mikasa, “Why?”

“I was thinking we could all go around the neighborhood together,” Ymir said with a shrug.

“Ymir, we’re almost adults,” Mikasa spoke up, “What would be the point?” 

“We could go one last time before we’re adults,” Ymir shrugged, “Do what you want, but Historia and I are going.”

“We got matching costumes and everything!” Historia exclaimed happily as she gripped onto Ymir’s arm.

“Of course you do,” Jean said with an amused eye roll.

“Aye, fuck off, Horse-boy,” Ymir hissed, “You’re just mad since no one would want to dress up with you.”

“Ouch,” he said in faux hurt as he laughed a little.

“She called him horse-boy!” Eren said as he laughed hysterically, “You’re never gonna live that down.”

“All of you suck,” Jean said before muttering under his breath, “Damn friends. I invite them to my lake house and all they do is hate on me.”

“We pick on you cuz we love you,” Sasha spoke up as she jumped on his back. 

“Shit!” Jean exclaimed as his arms reflexively went under Sasha’s knees to keep her from falling.

“Suave catch, Horse-boy,” Mikasa spoke up with a smirk. 

“Not you too!” he exclaimed as he grumbled under his breath some more.

“Now, onward!” Sasha said as she began making clicking noises, as if urging a horse forward.

“I hate all of you,” Jean grunted.

“Love you too!” Sasha said as she kissed his head, causing her to grunt in surprise. 

“Speaking of Halloween,” Ymir said, bringing everyone else back to her original topic, “You two should match as well.” Ymir pointed her fingers at Annie and Mikasa who were standing beside each other without touching, as usual. 

“Why?” Mikasa asked.

“You know, it's like a couples thing,” Ymir said with a shrug.

“We’re not a couple,” Mikasa said with a shrug.

“Ugh, both of you and your stubborn shit,” Ymir groaned with a palm on her forehead, “Do you want each other to kiss or be with other people?”

“No!” they both answered immediately. They both looked at each other before looking at the ground in embarrassment.

“Couple,” Ymir decided.

“Fuck off,” Annie grumbled as she finally looked back up. 

“I wasn’t wrong,” Ymir said with an arrogant smirk.

“Grr, can I hit her?” Annie asked the group.

“Knock yourself out,” Mikasa said, allowing it. 

“Let’s not,” Historia said. 

“I second that,” Armin said.

“Fucking pacifists,” Annie hissed under her breath.

Mikasa laughed before cautiously grabbing Annie’s hand, something that was unexpected but not unwelcomed. Annie easily accepted the gesture and held Mikasa’s hand firmly in her own. 

As they walked down the path, they took in the tall trees, rocky hills, and the occasional creek. It definitely wasn’t the most beautiful scenery Mikasa had ever seen, but it was well-worth the long walk. It also seemed that the rest of the group was in awe aside from Jean who had probably seen these things multiple times before.

“It’s really pretty,” Historia commented out loud after a while.

“It is,” Armin agreed as he continued looking around, “It’s calming.”

“It’s a nice way to start the day,” Bertholdt decided, and Mikasa didn’t miss that he and Reiner were holding hands like her and Annie. 

“You’re in a good mood,” Annie whispered to her.

“That obvious?” Mikasa asked.

Rather than answer, Annie directed her eyes to their joined hands which were swaying back and forth. Mikasa bit her lip in embarrassment before she stopped. Annie frowned, not that Mikasa noticed, and began swinging her hands slightly to encourage Mikasa. 

“You’re like a puppy,” Annie whispered to her with a laugh, causing Mikasa to shove her lightly which the group didn’t miss.

“What kind of perverted thing did you say this time?” Bertholdt asked Annie in a scolding tone.

“I didn’t say anything weird!” Annie defended herself. 

“She called me a damn puppy,” Mikasa huffed.

“I see it!” Sasha exclaimed before starting to laugh.

“Not you too!” Mikasa exclaimed in frustration.

“Sorry, Mikasa, but it makes so much sense,” Sasha apologized as she tried to calm down.

“She’s one grumpy puppy,” Eren grumbled, resulting in a glare from his adoptive sister. 

“It’s okay,” Annie assured her with a smile as she tried to put her arm around Mikasa’s shoulders, failing miserably when Mikasa got on her tip-toes. “I’m a dog person,” Annie finished her sentence with a frown since Mikasa was obviously giving her some form of the cold shoulder. 

It took a few moments, but Mikasa eventually put her arm around Annie’s shoulders, resulting in a grunt from Annie. “Aww, she’s a bottom,” Reiner said in a sweet voice.

“I’ll-” Annie began to threaten him, attempting to lunge at him, but Mikasa tightened her grip around Annie’s neck. Annie growled slightly in frustration before giving up, and Mikasa relaxed her grip again.

“Aw, she really is,” Ymir teased her further.

“As if!” Annie exclaimed, trying to defend herself. 

“It’s okay,” Historia assured her, “It happens to the best of us.” Of course, this only made Annie more frustrated, and she found herself scowling for a while.

Eventually, she did calm down, and she even put her arm around Mikasa’s waist while they walked which was worth it when she saw Mikasa smile at her. 

“We’re halfway there,” Jean informed them as he pointed to a small sign that announced they had about a mile’s walk left.

“My feet hurt,” Connie complained. 

“Mine too,” Historia grumbled.

“Here,” Ymir said as she leaned down, so Historia could jump on her back.

“You dure?” Historia asked, unsure.

“Of course, it’ll be good to build up some muscle anyway,” Ymir decided with a sincere smile which seemed to be enough for Historia.

“Wow,” Historia commented as she wrapped her arms around Ymir’s neck from behind, “I can see so much more.”

“Haha, shorty,” Ymir teased, resulting in a firm hit on her head, “Okay, I deserved that.”

“Coach would be proud of us for working so hard on our off-week,” Sasha said with a triumphant smile.

“He better be,” Annie grumbled.

“I’m just glad our football game was on Thursday so we had off all weekend,” Eren commented from the middle of the group.

“Me too,” Jean agreed, “I don’t think I could’ve taken it if we had another weekend game.”

“Here, Connie,” Sasha said as she patted her back for him, “I need to build some muscle too.”

“Don’t mind if I do!” he said as he jumped on Sasha’s back, causing her to grunt a little as she tried to maintain her balance. 

“Good catch,” Mikasa praised her. 

“Bet you can’t catch that good,” Ymir smirked, trying to goad her into a competition of sorts.

“Oh no,” Annie said, seeing where this was going.

“Oh, it’s on,” Mikasa decided firmly as she turned to face Annie. 

“No way,” Annie said as she backed away.

“Please,” Mikasa begged with a slight pout.

“Oh God,” Annie said as she closed her eyes. She’d never seen Mikasa plead with her, and quite frankly, it wasn’t something she thought she could resist.

“Please,” Mikasa whispered in her ear, resulting in a slight shove from the blonde as she opened her eyes.

“No,” Annie said firmly.

“Accept my affection, Bitch!” Mikasa said firmly as she glared at Annie. This caused the group to laugh hysterically, and Annie couldn’t help but smile at the group having a great time. She had only recently made friends with all of them, but she felt like she fit in. 

“Grr, fine,” Annie said with a grumble, and Mikasa smiled victoriously as she turned so her back was facing Annie.

Annie reached her hands up to Mikasa’s shoulders and tried to pull herself up, but she kept falling. “Annie, it’s not that difficult,” Mikasa laughed.

“Shut up,” Annie said firmly as she tried to focus. 

“It definitely wasn’t this hard last time,” Mikasa said with a smirk, and Annie knew she was talking about their first encounter in the gym bathroom.

“‘Last time?’” the group asked in confusion as Annie grumbled.

“I hate all of you,” Annie grumbled as she finally got up on Mikasa’s shoulders. The taller girl wrapped her arms under Annie’s knees to help stop her from falling while Annie crossed her legs against Mikasa’s torso. 

“Even me?” Mikasa pouted, and Annie had to put her face against the back of Mikasa’s neck to stop herself from saying anything incriminating.

“No, I don’t hate you,” Annie answered quietly after a while. Luckily, Mikasa was the only one who heard it, and she gently squeezed Annie’s knee in acknowledgement. 

After another half an hour or so, the group arrived at the end of the trail. It faded into grass in front of a large, gorgeous lake. The lake even had a waterfall that fed into it, and everyone found themselves staring at it in awe. 

“The view is a lot better from here,” Annie said, still on Mikasa’s back.

“That’s what happens when you’re short,” Mikasa teased, resulting in a soft slap from Annie. Mikasa then knelt down a little, letting Annie get down. 

“Looks like I made it the farthest,” Mikasa said with a smirk, looking at her friends who had long since given up on making it all the way to the lake with people on their backs.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re better than us,” Sasha huffed.

“Damn right,” Mikasa said with a smirk, and Annie elbowed her in the side.

“Don’t get a big head,” Annie scolded her, “I could still kick your ass anyday.”

“Oh?” Mikasa asked in an almost-suggestive voice.

“The hell?” Eren asked, picking up on her tone, “What the hell did you do to my sister?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Annie defended herself.

“Well she wasn’t like this before she met you!” Eren shrieked, not sure how to deal with this change in his sister. 

“Could you too stop bickering!” Jean yelled, causing the two to huff before shutting up. 

Mikasa smiled as she grabbed Annie’s hand, and the blonde didn’t fight the action. Again, Mikasa began swinging Annie’s arm gently, and the blonde felt a smile form on her face in amusement. Mikasa really was like a puppy sometimes. 

“What are you guys waiting for?” Connie exclaimed as he ran towards the lake and jumped in.

“Connie wait it’s-!” Sasha yelled after him.

“Cold!” he exclaimed as he resurfaced.

“-cold,” Sasha finished her statement with a frown that soon turned to a smile and a hysterical laugh.

“P-p-p-please d-d-don’t laugh-gh-gh at m-me,” he begged as he shivered, trying to get out of the water.

“What are you, an idiot?” Jean scolded him as he offered his hand. When Connie grabbed it, however, he yanked Jean into the water. Jean let out a high-pitched shriek as he tumbled into the cold water.

“You ass!” Jean exclaimed as he resurfaced, shivering as he swam towards the bank. 

Eren laughed hysterically, only to be pushed in by Mikasa who had walked behind him. “You b-b-bitch!” he exclaimed as he resurfaced, stuttering from the cold.

“It’s not nice to laugh at your friends,” she scolded him evenly.

“I’ll get you back for this,” he promised, still shivering and stuttering.

“Good luck,” she said as Annie tried not to laugh.

“Don’t laugh at your friends either,” Mikasa said with a glare at Annie that had her putting on a straight face in seconds. 

“Here, man,” Reiner said, offering Eren his hand.

He really should’ve seen it coming, but Eren just pulled him into the lake with him. “Aw you mother f-f-fucker,” Reiner cursed with a stutter as he inhaled deeply.

“Ha! You should’ve seen your face!” Jean laughed as he swam around, somewhat acclimated to the temperature of the lake.

“You know, it’s not so bad after you get used to it,” Connie said.

“I’ll pass,” Ymir said with a look of disgust on her face.

“Get me out of here!” Reiner exclaimed as he looked at Bertholdt with pleading eyes.

“I’m not getting dragged in,” Bertholdt said firmly. 

“Here,” Mikasa said, offering her arm to Reiner. He smirked and tried to yank her in, but he was unsuccessful.

“Huh?” he asked as he tried to yank her in while she didn’t budge at all.

“Ha! Fuck you,” she said as she stopped gripping his hand, causing his arm to fall back into the cold water.

“Damn it,” he cursed as he smacked that water in disappointment.

The next thing Mikasa knew, she was in the water as well. “What the hell?” she asked as she resurfaced, shivering like everyone else.

“It’s not nice to laugh at your friends, Mikasa,” Annie said with an unapologetic look and a proud smirk.

Mikasa couldn’t help but laugh, to everyone’s surprise. “Yeah, you got me there,” she agreed as she laid on her back, floating through the river.

“She seemed to be in her element,” Armin commented from the river bank.

“Agreed,” Annie nodded.

“She looks so elegant… even though she’s shivering,” Historia mumbled.

“Agreed… again,” Annie commented as she watched the girl float around the water, her body practically convulsing from the cold. Still, her body seemed to be the only thing affected by the cold. She looked as if she were enjoying a dip in the water in the middle of summer rather than fall.

“They’re right!” Reiner yelled, “It’s not so bad after a while!”

“I’ll still pass!” Annie yelled to them, the rest nodding in agreement.

“C’mon Armin, the water’s fine!” Eren enticed him.

“No way,” Armin said, backing away from his friend who was getting out of the water. “Ah!” Armin screamed as he ran from his best friend.

“Gotcha!” Eren exclaimed victoriously as he easily lifted his friend and jumped into the water with the blonde. Armin shivered viciously when he lifted his head out of the water, and Eren easily held his friend up to help him acclimate to the water temperature. 

“How you holding up out there, Mikasa!” Annie yelled, seeing that Mikasa lifted her head up and smiled at her before laying her head back down. 

“We should head back soon if we want to get back before dark!” Historia yelled to everyone who was still in the lake. Eren and Armin had got out while everyone else was still doing their own thing.

Mikasa was the first back, making it back in a perfect freestyle stroke. He easily pulled herself out of the water, and Annie fought the need to let her jaw drop. Mikasa’s muscles were perfectly on display, and how could she overlook the water majestically dripping off of them?

“Staring is rude, you know,” Ymir commented from behind Annie. The blonde scowled at the brunette, but she said nothing more as Mikasa approached her, opening her arms.

“Oh hell no,” Annie said as she realized that Mikasa was trying to hug her.

“But it’s cold,” Mikasa complained.

“You should’ve thought about that earlier,” Annie scolded her.

“You’re the asshole that pushed me in!” Mikasa argued.

“You’re the idiot who decided not to get out,” Annie quipped.

“Fine,” Mikasa said as she crossed her arms, obviously shaking from the cold air. 

“I got it!” Sasha yelled as she jumped on Mikasa back, not caring that she got wet in the process. Annie growled slightly, but she did her best to let it go. 

“Thanks, Sasha,” Mikasa thanked her friend. She didn’t feel much warmer, but it’s the thought that counts. 

“No problem!” Sasha exclaimed as she jumped off her friends back and began following Jean who walked towards a different path. 

“Where are we going?” Armin asked, noticing that they weren’t taking the same path as before.

“This way is shorter, and some of us need to get back home to warm up before we get sick,” Jean decided.

“Yeah, good point,” Mikasa agreed as she looked down at her soaked clothes, removing her scarf from around her neck since it was no longer keeping her warm. 

Her friends gasped as none of them had seen her with her scarf on aside from Eren and Annie. “What?” she asked.

“You took the scarf off,” Sasha said as she pointed to the scarf in the taller girl’s hands.

“Well yeah,” Mikasa confirmed, “It’s not like it’s keeping me warm when it’s this soaked.”

“You’ve just… never done that before,” Sasha commented.

“Even during games when it’s 100+ degrees outside,” Ymir added, “That thing is always around your neck.”

Mikasa just shrugged, not having anything to say to them. It’s true that a few months, under the same circumstance, she wouldn’t have made the same decision to remove her scarf. Truth was, she felt comfortable with the group she now called her friends.

The group made it back rather quickly, and everyone climbed in their cars, driving quickly. “Damn, the seats are gonna be wet,” Mikasa said sadly as she and Reiner were still soaked while Armin and Eren were still somewhat wet.

“It’s fine,” Eren assured her, “They’ll dry pretty quickly.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Mikasa agreed as she started the car and drove back to the lake house.

When they made it back, they heard the shower running, and she guessed that Connie had gone up to shower since he was the first one in the water. “I’m going next then Eren, Reiner, Mikasa, and Armin, in that order,” Jean decided.

Everyone nodded in agreement as Jean tossed Mikasa and Reiner towels since they were dripping water everywhere. “T-thanks,” Mikasa thanked him, shivering slightly.

“Okay, Jean’s turn,” Connie said as he came down the stairs, drying off his hair with a towel.

After an hour or so, everyone had showered and gotten into comfy clothes to unwind the rest of the night. “So, what’s the plan?” Ymir asked as she sat down with Historia laying in her lap, curled up comfortably. 

“Really whatever everyone wants to do,” Jean decided, “If people want to sleep, they can. If they want to watch something, they can.” 

“I’m down to watch something,” Ymir said, and Jean tossed her the remote to the tv.

“You better put something good on,” Mikasa said as she sat down beside Ymir and Historia, and Annie sat down to the other side of Mikasa, filling up the couch. 

Unfortunately, Ymir did not put something good on.


	26. Lotus Flower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lotus Flower: It explains in the story :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the heartache and worry I caused yall as well as the long wait, I decided to update twice this weekend :) I've had this idea ever since I read the gl manga "Her Shim-Chong" (I think that's how you spell it) Anyway, I'm glad I could write it finally. I'm really happy with the way it turned out, and I think it has the perfect combination of sappy, playful, and comedy (I hope). Enjoy!

After a few hours of watching what Ymir had put on and sipping some expensive wine Jean had brought up from his parents collection, everyone began making their way back to their rooms. Admittedly, Mikasa was feeling a little buzzed, but she was still thinking clearly. If anything, she just felt calm. Annie, on the other hand, was much worse for wear. 

“C’mon,” Mikasa said encouragingly as she put Annie’s arm around her shoulders and lifted the girl. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Bertholdt asked. He had been watching the two worriedly, keeping an eye on their alcohol intake. Really, he had been doing it with all his friends, but he’d kept a special eye on the two of them since he considered both of them close friends. 

“I’ll manage,” Mikasa assured him with a sweet smile, “I’ve done this before, remember?”

“Quite well,” he said with a soft smile, remembering the last time Annie had needed help back to her room, “You hadn’t drank that night, though.”

“I also had a broken foot,” Mikasa said, “I’m sure I’ll be fine, but thanks for the concern.”

“Yeah, no problem,” he said as he tried to help Reiner up. The tall blonde hadn’t drank much, but he was pretty exhausted from their day.

“What’s going on there?” Mikasa asked with a smirk as she looked between the two men.

Bertholdt looked slightly panicked as he looked at Annie’s spacey form, ensuring that she wouldn’t comprehend whatever he said next. “Things are… progressing,” Bertholdt said vaguely.

“Good for you!” she congratulated him genuinely, and he seemed surprised by the emotion she showed him. 

“Heh, thanks,” he accepted appreciatively and sheepishly, “You too.”

“But if you hurt her, I won’t let you forget it,” he said in the most threatening manner he could manner which wasn’t much.

“As if,” she laughed lightly, “but I wouldn’t want to hurt her really. I know we fight like cats and dogs, but we care about each other a lot… I hope.”

Bertholdt couldn’t help but laugh as he began walking to the stairs, followed by a slightly-wobbling Mikasa. “She cares about you a lot,” Bertholdt assured her, “so as long as you feel the same, you have nothing to worry about.”

“Good to know,” she said with a smile before grunting as Annie suddenly became deadweight. “This bitch,” Mikasa huffed as she slipped her hand under the girl’s legs, carrying her bridal style. Immediately, Annie’s hands clamped around the back of Mikasa’s neck, and she sighed deeply.

“Don’t blame me this time,” Bertholdt commented as he got to the top of the steps and looked back at Mikasa and his blonde best friend, “You should’ve known better.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she sighed as she got to the top of the steps, following Bertholdt in the direction of her room.

“Need water?” he asked, obviously referring to the way he had gotten Annie to let go the last time.

“I think I’ll manage,” Mikasa decided. She didn’t mind having Annie hold her now since she knew Annie had done that while sober. Her only worry was that Annie, in her drunken state, would forget about Mikasa’s fear of confined spaces, and that she would hold her too tightly like the last time. “On second thought, water might be nice,” Mikasa decided.  _ It’s better to have it just in case,  _ she decided in her head.

“I’ll get you some,” he said as he put Reiner in their room.

“Thanks,” she said as she entered her own room. 

She gently put Annie’s back against the bed, dropping the girl’s legs from her grasp. As expected, Annie’s arms were still firmly wrapped around her neck, but this time, Annie’s hands were absent-mindedly playing with Mikasa’s baby hairs. 

Mikasa couldn’t help but sigh as she laid beside Annie, crawling under the covers as she got them in a more comfortable position. This way, they were facing each other, and both seemed comfortable. 

Mikasa heard a knock on the door, and she quietly said, “Come in.” Bertholdt entered with a glass of water and an Advil, probably predicting that Annie would want it in the morning. 

“Thanks,” she thanked him as he placed it on the nightstand for her. 

“Goodnight,” he said as he walked back to the door.

“Night,” she said to him, and he closed their bedroom door. 

“Hi,” Annie’s voice said after a few moments into the dark.

“Hi,” Mikasa greeted, trying to hide her surprise. 

“How’d we get upstairs?” she asked as she removed her hands from Mikasa’s neck and brought one to her head.

“I carried you,” Mikasa answered easily.

“Really?” Annie asked dryly.

“Yes,” Mikasa answered in the same tone.

“That’s embarrassing,” Annie grumbled. 

“Don’t get so drunk next time, then,” Mikasa quipped.

“I wasn’t that bad,” Annie argued.

“Bad enough to be clingy,” Mikasa said.

“Shut up,” Annie grumbled as she rubbed her head lightly, “and talk quieter.”

“Here,” Mikasa said as she handed Annie the water and Advil.

“Aw, how thoughtful,” Annie cooed sarcastically.

“That was Bertholdt’s doing,” Mikasa told her, “I was willing to let you tough it out like a big girl.”

“‘Big girl’, really?” Annie asked in a deadpan.

“Yes,” Mikasa confirmed again.

“You’re so difficult sometimes,” Annie grumbled as she swallowed the pill with a sip of water. 

“You know it,” Mikasa said with a smirk as she got up and grabbed a book to read. She was still feeling the alcohol, and she didn’t want to sleep yet.

“What’s that?” Annie asked when she saw the book Mikasa grabbed. Mikasa sat back on the bed, and Annie sat up to read the title. “It’s a flower encyclopedia?” Annie asked, confused. To Mikasa, it sounded like Annie was judging her, but really, Annie just wanted to know why Mikasa had such a book. She never knew Mikasa had an interest in something as ‘girly’ as flowers. 

Mikasa, without thought, closed the book in a matter of seconds, obviously attempting to hide it from Annie as if she was ashamed. Of course, Annie picked up on this, and she was quick to assure Mikasa that she had the wrong idea.

“I’m just curious,” Annie told Mikasa honestly as she put a hand on the back of Mikasa’s neck in a comforting manner.

Carefully, Mikasa put the book back on her lap, letting Annie look at it. “It was my mom’s,” Mikasa revealed, and Annie immediately understood why Mikasa had been so defensive at first. Rather than say anything, Annie just gently moved her fingers to rub the back of Mikasa’s neck gently. Mikasa, despite her attempts to appear neutral, seemed to enjoy the action. 

“She liked flowers?” Annie asked curiously.

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed, “I like them too.”

“Oh?” Annie asked, somewhat surprised by the answer. Well, after seeing the book, she had expected as much, but she never imagined Mikasa would be the type to like flowers, “What’s your favorite?” Annie asked. 

“There’s too many to pick just one,” Mikasa decided shyly, and Annie was also surprised to find this new, almost childish, side of Mikasa.

_ I guess it makes sense. Something like this, from her childhood would bring back memories of her younger self,  _ Annie deduced in her head,  _ Not to mention, she probably feels some kind of connection to it. Reading it must make her think of a simpler time.  _

_ It’s a little…. Sad to see.  _

“Which ones do you like, then?” Annie asked, trying her best to seem interested while not coming off too strong or impatient. Obviously, that sort of thing wasn’t her forte. She was brazen, bold, impatient, all things that didn’t work with the current behavior being displayed by Mikasa. Still, she tried her best because she wanted to know more about the girl who had her affections. 

“I like this one, the celosia,” Mikasa said as she flipped to the page and pointed to it, “It represents uncomplicated affection.”

“I like that one,” Annie admitted. It made her think of her mother, and she imagined that Mikasa had a similar feeling towards it. “What’s another one?” Annie asked, and Mikasa didn’t hesitate to flip through the book to find one. Annie noticed that Mikasa seemed to know her way around the book like someone knew the way around their neighborhood, and she couldn’t help but wonder how many times Mikasa had read through that book with tears or a smile on her face as she looked at flowers that made her happy or reminded her of her childhood.

“This one,” Mikasa decided, “Amaranths.”

“They sound pretty,” Annie admitted as she leaned over to look at the picture in the book, “looks pretty too.”

“They represent immortality and good health,” Mikasa told her as she pointed to where it said those exact words. “My parents are buried beside a small field of them,” she admitted.

“That’s amazing,” Annie admitted as she felt tears prick at her eyes. She wasn’t sure what it was, but all of this was making her feel emotional. She couldn’t stop herself from wrapping her arms around Mikasa who seemed surprised by the action.

“Hmm?” she hummed in confusion as she moved the book off of her lap. Annie wasted no time rolling over and straddling Mikasa to look at her properly. 

Annie wasn’t one for words, unlike Mikasa, so she wasn’t sure what to say in this situation.  _ Do I apologize? ‘I’m sorry you went through that?’ That sounds so… ingenuine,  _ Annie thought to herself as she looked into Mikasa eyes that were still confused,  _ hurry up and think of something, idiot. Do I tell her I’m here for her? That could work, but I think she’d just brush it off.  _

In the end, Annie decided the best thing to do was to kiss Mikasa. It seemed half-assed, but she couldn't think of something else to say to her that didn’t sound ungenuine. At least a kiss conveyed her feelings, and she was sure Mikasa was smart enough to decode the meaning behind it since Annie couldn’t put it into words.

Annie slowly leaned forward and lightly pressed her lips against Mikasa’s. The taller girl’s lips were cool, and they still tasted of wine. Mikasa seemed surprised by Annie’s actions, but she returned the kiss without question. 

The gentle connection of their lips soon turned into a more heated kiss as their tongues entered each other’s mouths. Annie couldn’t help but let out a small moan at the taste of wine and that flavor that was just so unexplainable ‘Mikasa’. 

To her surprise, a similar noise left Mikasa’s mouth, and the blonde couldn’t stop herself from smirking in slight victory. However, that also seemed to signal the end of their kiss as Mikasa slowly pulled away. “What was that for?” Mikasa asked, though Annie saw that she wasn’t at all upset with Annie’s way of doing things. 

“You seemed sad, and I didn’t know how else to cheer you up,” Annie said with a shrug as if it was nothing.

Before she could say anything else, Mikasa had tightly wrapped her arms around Annie. Annie tried to move away a little, being sober enough to remember that Mikasa didn’t like being confined. Even if Mikasa initiated the contact, she didn’t want to make the other girl uncomfortable. 

Mikasa seemed insistent about their position and closeness, though, and Annie eventually stopped fighting her. “Do you want me to let go?” Mikasa asked when Annie calmed down.

“...No,” Annie admitted, “This is… nice.”

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed as she closed her eyes, gently putting her head in Annie’s neck as the blonde laid mostly on top of her. 

“You’re okay?” Annie asked as she tried to keep her weight off the blonde.

“I don’t feel panicked right now,” Mikasa admitted.

“Okay,” Annie decided as she gently laid on top of Mikasa fully, “Let me know if you want me to move.”

“Okay,” Mikasa agreed as she placed a gentle kiss on Annie's neck where her face was buried, and it didn’t take Mikasa long to fall asleep, Annie close behind her. 

\-------------

Annie was the first to wake up, and she was happy to find that their position hadn’t changed in the night. Out of respect and care for the other girl, Annie rolled a little off of Mikasa, and she turned on her side to look at the older girl’s face. She sighed gently as she looked at Mikasa’s peaceful face, and she found herself happy that Mikasa could have that kind of peace at night.

She cautiously moved Mikasa’s hair out of her face, kissing the girl’s forehead when it was unhidden from behind her hair. She saw a soft smile form on Mikasa’s face, but she could tell the girl was still asleep.

Cautiously, she slid out of bed and put on clothes for the day. After that, she checked her phone and saw that it was 6 in the morning.  _ 6 hours of sleep,  _ Annie thought to herself,  _ that’s good enough.  _

She made her way down the stairs of the lake house and went out the backdoor after putting her shoes on. She walked halfway around the lake to a small patch of trees where she began working out. 

Her father made her promise to exercise while she was out since she’d be missing her usual training with him. She hadn’t done it yesterday morning, so she’d have to work twice as hard now to make up for it. 

A while later, she guessed about 2 hours, she felt arms gently wrap around her neck, and she just about elbowed the person in the face before she heard their voice. “I found you,” they whispered sleepily. 

“You did,” she confirmed for the sleepy girl. 

“You’re sweaty,” she said with a scrunched nose.

“Of course,” Annie answered with a slight chuckle, “What brings you out here?”

“You weren’t in the room, and I was confused,” Mikasa answered as she tightened her scarf around her neck, feeling a little cold. 

“Ah, sorry I worried you,” Annie apologized sincerely as she continued working out, knowing she needed to put in a little more time.

“It’s okay,” Mikasa assured her, “It’s not like you have to tell me where you go all times of the day or something.”

“I guess,” Annie shrugged, “but I probably should’ve been more considerate.”

“Probably,” Mikasa agreed with a slight smile, “I’m going back to bed now; it’s cold. Don’t stay out here too long, or you’ll get sick.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Annie said as she waved Mikasa off. The older girl laughed a little as she walked back into the house and into her room.

She was still tired, but she didn’t think she could fall back asleep, so she grabbed the book she’d been reading the past few days and picked up her place. She made sure to grab a pencil to write in little notes like she always did. She carefully tucked the pencil behind her ear before opening the book and reading from where she left off.

A few hours later, she felt a dip in the bed, and she saw that Annie had returned from her morning exercise. Her hair was wet, and Mikasa guessed that she showered before returning to their room. “Whatcha reading?” Annie asked as she laid on her stomach, propped up by her elbows. 

“Nothing you’d like,” Mikasa answered easily as she bookmarked the page and closed it, placing it on her nightstand for the time being. 

Annie leaned over Mikasa, getting an annoyed grunt from the raven-haired girl. Annie looked on the nightstand before finding the flower book she and Mikasa had been looking at the other day. She pointed to it, knowing Mikasa was watching to see what she was doing, and she didn’t want to assume she could touch it whenever just because Mikasa had opened up to her about it.

Understanding what Annie wanted, Mikasa grabbed the book and handed it to the blonde who sat up beside Mikasa, leaning her head against the taller girl’s side. “You want to look through it?” Mikasa asked curiously as Annie took it from her.

“Mhm,” Annie hummed in confirmation. Mikasa seemed surprised, but she allowed Annie to look through the book as she carefully watched the blonde’s movements. She found herself smiling when she saw that Annie was treating the book as if it was made of glass. She carefully held the pages, flipped them gently, and even held the cover in an attempt to not bend the spine. 

“What are you looking for?” Mikasa asked as she saw Annie flipping through the pages, thoroughly reading every page as if she was studying for an important test.

“This,” Annie said as she stopped on a page, pointing to the flower’s name.

“Lotus flower?” Mikasa asked as she read the title.

“Mhm,” Annie hummed to herself, “It reminds me of you?”

“How so?” Mikasa asked. Personally, she had read the page many times because she had read the book multiple times, but she never paid special attention to it. 

“The flowers are grown in dirty, muddy water, but despite that, they’re known as one of the most beautiful flowers,” Annie explained as she skimmed her hand over the paragraph where she’d read that before pointing to the flower.

“That’s… nice of you,” Mikasa said with a blush, not sure how to respond to such a compliment. 

“What I’m trying to say,” Annie said as she gently grabbed Mikasa’s chin, forcing the girl to look at her, “is that even though you went through so much trauma and heartache, I still think you’re beautiful, Mikasa. Inside and out.”

Mikasa had to bite her lip and blink as she tried not to cry. She hadn’t expected to ever receive such a genuine statement from Annie, especially so soon into whatever their relationship is. 

Annie quickly caught onto Mikasa’s feelings, like always, and she wasted no time moving the book off her lap to hug Mikasa. As soon as the blonde’s arms were around her, Mikasa buried her face in the girl’s neck, crying quietly. 

“Sorry,” she apologized as she was still crying.

“For what?” Annie asked, confused, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I cry all the damn time,” Mikasa complained as she squinted her eyes tightly.

“You have a lot of emotions that you don’t share with people,” Annie told her, “The only way to let it out is to cry.”

“I know, I know,” Mikasa said as she cried a little harder, “It’s just so annoying.”

Annie couldn’t help but laugh a little as she rubbed Mikasa’s back comfortingly while resting her head against the side of Mikasa’s head. She felt a little bad about previously thinking Mikasa was annoying for crying, especially now that she knew Mikasa hated crying too. 

Annie, being the one facing the door, saw that someone entered long before Mikasa did. The older girl was too busy crying and trying to pull herself together to notice that someone had entered their room. Luckily, it was Eren, so Annie didn’t have to worry about him saying anything rude about Mikasa.

When he took in the scene before him, he furrowed his eyebrows at Annie in both skepticism and worry. Annie just brought a finger to her lips, telling him to be quiet. She carefully mouthed, ‘I got it’ as she brought her finger back to Mikasa’s back. 

Eren seemed reluctant about leaving, but he eventually did. Mikasa calmed down shortly after, and she carefully pulled away from Annie before leaning back in to kiss the blonde passionately. 

Annie let out a slight squeak of surprise, only for it to be swallowed by Mikasa’s mouth. Annie could feel the faint wetness of tears on Mikasa’s face, and she couldn’t stop herself from slowly pulling away to sweetly kiss the tear streaks off of Mikasa’s face which had the taller girl’s eyes closed in what must’ve been a rush of emotion.

“Thank you,” Mikasa thanked her when Annie seemed to finish her tour around Mikasa’s face. 

“For what?” Annie asked as she furrowed her eyebrows. 

“For being here, and for what you said,” Mikasa said as she wrapped her arms around Annie’s neck, putting her forehead against Annie’s chest. Truthfully, she didn’t have the guts to look Anne in the eye while she said what she wanted to say. “You’re really beautiful too, Annie,” Mikasa finally spat out.

“Thank you,” Annie said with a smile as she kissed Mikasa’s head. She couldn’t help but blush slightly at the words. She hadn’t realized, but she’d wanted to hear those words from Mikasa for a long time. Finally hearing the words leave her mouth? It felt like everything was falling into place.

Annie couldn’t stop herself from grabbing Mikasa by her jawline, gently guiding her face to her own, kissing her. The kiss was more passionate than their others, and both of them were well aware of it. Tongues danced in the other’s mouths, teeth occasionally clashed, and they even let out slight moans everyone once in a while. 

After a while, Annie couldn’t stop her hands from slipping under Mikasa’s shirt. She immediately caught herself when she felt Mikasa’s stomach muscles tighten, and she quickly moved her hands away. However, Mikasa was quick to carefully put her hands back where they had been, and Annie took that as a sign that level of touch was okay at this point.

Her hands slowly roamed the girl’s stomach as their kiss continued. It didn’t heat up much more since neither was prepared to go all the way, as romantic as that would be given their current venue. Annie’s hands gently grazed over Mikasa’s abs, and it was obvious that Annie was enjoying herself, getting to learn more about her partner’s body.

She’d obviously seen most of Mikasa’s body before in the locker rooms, but she’d never actually gotten to feel her muscles. Admittedly, they were a lot stronger than she’d imagined, and she was almost willing to bet they were as toned as her own. 

It wasn’t long before Mikasa’s own hands made their way under Annie’s shirt, much more cautious than Annie’s had been. It was then that she remembered all of these things were firsts for Mikasa, and she found herself pausing her own advanced to gently grip Mikasa’s hands in support. 

The two pulled away from each other for air as Annie gently held Mikasa’s hands. Mikasa seemed confused until Annie moved her hands and Mikasa’s under her shirt guiding them over her muscles. Neither moved back into a kiss as Annie continued guiding Mikasa around the middle of her body, but Mikasa did look away, not able to look Annie in the eye. 

Eventually, Annie pulled her hands away, and used them to pull Mikasa back into a kiss, though this one was quick. When it ended, Mikasa removed her hands from under Annie’s shirt, and she smiled sheepishly at the blonde.

“Have fun?” Annie asked with a slight smirk, and she saw Mikasa blush slightly as she hit Annie’s shoulder. “So violent,” Annie teased with a gentle giggle. Mikasa eyes widened at the sound as she’d never heard it come from Annie, but it didn’t take her long to get over the shock. She smiled sweetly at the blonde before getting off the bed.

“So are you,” Mikasa said as she searched for clothes to wear for the day. Currently, she was still in her clothes from the previous day, and she decided she should change into something new. 

She eventually decided on a loose sweater with a flower on the front and an inscription in a different language on the sleeves. The sweater itself was black, but the writing and flower were in white. With it, she chose leggings since they were comfortable and fit her nicely.

Not caring if Annie saw her or not, she pulled her shirt off. “Warn a girl!” she heard Annie exclaim from behind her.

“It’s not like you haven’t seen it before,” Mikasa commented dryly.

“Still!” Annie exclaimed as she covered her eyes.

“Coward,” Mikasa teased with a slight laugh as she grabbed her sweater, carefully pulling it over her head.

“What did you call me?” Annie asked as she appeared behind Mikasa, holding the girl’s waist with her hands under Mikasa’s sweater.

“I called you a coward,” Mikasa said easily as she turned to face Annie. 

“You’ll regret that,” Annie swore in a playful promise.

“Oh?” Mikasa asked, not believing her.

Annie let out a slight growl that had Mikasa forgetting to breathe for a second before she jumped on Mikasa’s back, wrapping her arms around the girl’s neck. “Annie!” Mikasa exclaimed in surprise. Annie then dropped all her weight to the ground, causing Mikasa to stumble backwards and fall onto the bed.

“You were saying?” Annie huffed triumphantly as she straddled Mikasa who smiled in amusement as she stood up, causing Annie to scramble off of her. 

“I still think you’re a coward,” Mikasa decided as she unbuttoned her jeans, preparing to pull them off when Annie managed to push her back onto the bed. The back of Mikasa’s legs hit the bed, and she couldn’t stop herself from falling onto the bed. 

“And now?” Annie asked as she jumped on top of Mikasa, placing playful kisses against Mikasa’s neck. Admittedly, Mikasa felt her body get hot, and she wasn’t sure if it was in embarrassment, pleasure, or awe. 

“Still,” Mikasa said as she took a ragged breath, “a coward.”

“Your breathing pattern says otherwise,” Annie smirked as she lifted her face from Mikasa’s neck to look in the girl’s eyes that were slightly dilated in obvious enjoyment. 

“Fuck you,” Mikasa spat in faux anger.

“That can be arranged,” Annie said as she kissed Mikasa’s jaw.

“God, you’re such a smart ass,” Mikasa sighed though she couldn’t stop the slight laugh that followed.

Of course, it was then that their door creaked open, and they heard the insanely girly scream of Eren. “Oh Lord,” Mikasa mumbled as she laughed slightly, Annie laughing as well.

“Why are you on top of my sister?” he screeched in a high-pitched, surprised voice. 

“Why else would I be on top of your sister?” Annie asked as she got off of Mikasa, deciding to mess with Eren a bit. 

“Ah! Why are your pants unbuttoned?” he screamed again, covering his eyes. 

“Oh,” Mikasa said as she looked down at her unbuttoned pants, “I suppose this is quite the compromising situation.”

“Compromising?” Eren squeaked. 

“I was just going to sex her up a bit,” Annie teased.

“Annie!” Mikasa exclaimed as she hit the back of the blonde’s head, “Don’t lie to him.”

“I wasn’t,” she said with a shrug, and Mikasa rolled her eyes as she walked back to the dresser, deciding to finish changing. 

“Why is Eren screaming like a bit-” Mikasa heard the obvious voice of Jean as he cut himself off at the sight of Mikasa in nothing but a top and underwear. 

“Hey! close your eyes, perv!” Annie scolded Jean as he very obviously gawked at Mikasa.

“Sorry!” Jean explained in a squeaky voice as he covered his eyes.

“Jeez, why do you sound like you’re going through puberty agai-” the obvious voice of Sasha came as she entered the room as well. Her eyes immediately found Mikasa, and she looked the girl up and down. 

“What is today? Stare at Mikasa day?” Annie asked sarcastically as she tried to shove people out of their room, “Get out, you perverts!”

Mikasa laughed at Annie’s obvious protectiveness as she heard the door slam. “God,” Annie sighed as she closed the door and leaned back against it. 

“Thanks,” Mikasa thanked her with a slight smile as she pulled her pants up over her butt, bending down to pull them over her ankles. When she came back up and finished pulling her leggings up, she turned around and wasn’t surprised to see Annie gawking at her. “You’re staring,” Mikasa told her.

“I guess it is stare at Mikasa day,” Annie said with a laugh as she opened the door for the two of them to go back down stairs to join the rest of the group. 

When they got down the stairs, they heard Eren relaying his story to the rest of the group. “I entered the room and the two of them were… like… on top of each other!” Eren yelled to the group, “The blonde bitch tried to ruin Mikasa’s purity!”

“How dare she?” Sasha said with a sarcastic gasp, trying to encourage Eren to continue his childish rant. 

“Yeah.. and then, and then!” he yelled, continuing his rant, “And then, the bitch admitted that she was trying to have sex with her!” 

“Bold,” Ymir commented quietly, but everyone heard her. 

“I mean, does she even know that Mikasa likes-” Eren began, only to be cut off by his sister’s hand being placed firmly over his mouth as she used her other hand to grab him by the hair. “Owowowowow,” she complained, his words muffled by his sister’s hands.

“I’m gonna stop you there,” Mikasa decided.

“Ah, it was just getting good,” Ymir complained in a whiny tone.

“Yeah, we were gonna get to hear about all her sexual fantasies,” Sasha continued with a sad pout.

“Pffft, as if Eren would know that,” Mikasa laughed as she moved her hand off her brother’s mouth while keeping her hand on his hair, “and don’t call Annie a bitch.” After she said that, she not-so-gently pushed his head forward, almost causing him to fall on the floor from the effort. He frowned as he rubbed his head, trying to soothe the pain from his hair being grasped so tightly.

“Well, she’s obviously tense,” Sasha decided.

“It’s all that sexual frustration,” Ymir decided, “She was finally about to do the deed after almost 18 years of waiting, and her brother walks in on it and kills the mood. I’d be pretty tense and pissed too.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Sasha agreed.

“We were not going to have sex!” Mikasa yelled from the kitchen where she and Annie were trying to find something quick to eat. 

“We totally were!” Annie yelled too, and everyone heard the sound of the two hitting each other as they quietly argued before returning to the living room with avocado toast for themselves. “Okay, we weren’t,” Annie admitted as she sat down with Mikasa next to her. 

“Oh, I see, so you’re switching up your story,” Ymir said with a skeptical look.

“She called me a coward!” Annie defended herself, “Of course I had to show her I wasn’t.”

“You’re too big for your britches,” Mikasa decided as she crossed her legs professionally. 

“Huh?” Annie asked, not getting what Mikasa was saying.

“I mean, how much pride can someone so short have?” Mikasa teased.

“Oh you bitch,” Annie hissed as the rest of the group laughed. 

“I’ll have you know, we have plenty of pride,” Historia stepped in as the shortest in the group.

“Sorry, Historia, you’re just the right amount of confident,” Mikasa decided apologetically.

“I see how it is,” Annie grumbled as she angrily took a bite out of her toast. 

“Seems they’re both regretting getting walked in on,” Sasha whispered to Ymir.

“They’d be so much nicer right now if we’d let them finish,” Ymir whispered back, only to get hit in the face with a pillow that was launched by Mikasa. Ymir responded by flicking her off while Mikasa rolled her eyes.

“Oh, did I mention that Mikasa’s pants were unbuttoned. Unbuttoned I tell you!” Eren continued his rant

“Eren!” Mikasa yelled at her brother.

“Get it, Annie!” Ymir cheered encouragingly as Mikasa glared at the brunette.

“It hurts to see other people living your dreams,” Sasha said sadly, “It’s always the blondes.”

“Damn blondes,” Connie agreed with a fake angry expression on his face. 

“Hey!” Annie exclaimed defensively. 

“My bad!” Connie exclaimed, fearing for his life.

“That’s what I thought,” Annie decided with a slight head nod.

“I, personally, want to know why Mikasa’s pants were unbuttoned if they ‘weren’t going to have sex’,” Ymir said, stopping the arguement between Connie and Annie.

“I was changing,” Mikasa said as she pulled at the material of her leggings.

“Likely story!” Sasha said, obviously not believing Mikasa.

“What? I was!” Mikasa defended herself.

“You were there, you dimwit!” Annie yelled at Sasha.

“I was?” Sasha asked as she thought about it, “Oh yeah, I was.” Annie huffed, obviously not amused by Sasha. 

“Annie’s one lucky gal, though,” Sasha decided, “Mikasa has a nice ass.”

“Sasha!” Mikasa exclaimed as she covered her face.

“I said what I said,” Sasha said, obviously not regretting it. 

Mikasa felt Annie’s arms around her, and she knew it was a kind of ‘mine’ gesture since she quickly let go afterwards. She removed her hands from her face to see the faces of all her friends.

“Sasha’s right,” Jean agreed.

“Okay, now that is definitely not acceptable,” Annie decided as she tried to lunge at Jean, causing him to shriek like a 12 year old boy. Lucky for him, Mikasa grabbed Annie’s wrist, stopping her from causing any damage.

“Aw, come on,” Annie complained, “Let me at him!”

“Absolutely not,” Mikasa decided as she yanked Annie back into a sitting position, “It was a compliment. It’s not like he called me something foul.”

“Hah! Mikasa has her on a leash,” Ymir laughed, resulting in an elbow-jab from Historia.

“Okay, her, you can hit,” Mikasa decided as she let go of Annie who didn’t waste any time lunging at Ymir.

“I knew that mouth or yours would get you in trouble some day,” Historia sighed as she jumped away from the fighting girls.

It didn’t take Annie long to get Ymir in a tight chokehold that had Ymir frantically tapping Annie’s arm in surrender. “Ah, that felt good,” Annie sighed as she let go and walked back to her spot beside Mikasa. Ymir rubbed at her throat as she scowled at Annie, but when Historia sat back down beside her, her face returned to a more relaxed position. 

“Anyway,” Marco began as he watched everything unfold uncomfortably, “Pizza?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if any of you have seen or read Citrus (I definitely recomend reading it if you haven't, but please DO NOT watch the anime without reading the manga. The anime really fucks with the story line, it makes me kind mad tbh. Anyway), but I was considering writing a fan fic about the main characters, Yuzu and Mei. I'm not sure if I'll post it or not, but let me know if you guys would be interested in reading something like that. If not, it's fine. I won't hold it against you!
> 
> Feedback and Suggestions? <3 :D


	27. Amaryllis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amaryllis: Hard work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I ended up writing another chapter :D I'm probably gonna spend the week writing other stories (One I have posted for Yumary and the citrus one I mentioned earlier), so I decided to spoil you guys this weekend. Enjoy!
> 
> P.S. for those who are curious about my age since I mentioned it a few chapters back, I've decided I'll tell y'all my age on March 8th since that's my birthday ;). A few of you might worry that I was forced into something like this (by myself or others), but I really don't mind sharing my age. The way I see it, if you decide you suddenly don't like my writing just because I'm younger than you imagined, than you're probably not a reader I needed anyway. I feel like sharing my age makes me and/or my work more relatable, and I want people to feel like/understand I'm a person just like you are because I think people forget that sometimes <3

After a long 4 hour drive, everyone made it back to their homes. Carla greeted her children amiable as they entered the house. “How was the trip?” Carla asked.

“Fine,” Mikasa answered vaguely like she usually did. 

“Annie tried to defile Mikasa,” Eren seethed. Truthfully, he hadn’t stopped ranting about it all day, and it seemed to slip his mind that he was telling these things to his mother.

“Oh?” Carla asked, seemingly interested.

“He’s over exaggerating,” Mikasa said as she rolled her eyes before making her way to her room.

“We’ll talk more at dinner!” Carla yelled up to her.

“No we won’t!” Mikasa yelled back as she closed her door, sighing heavily as she walked to her bed. She loved taking trips, but there was something so undeniably comforting about being in your own room in your own home. She quickly unpacked before going back down the stairs for dinner which she knew would be ready soon.

“So, Annie?” Carla prompted as she began setting the table.

“Eren just came in at an inconvenient time,” Mikasa assured Carla, not wanting her to get the wrong idea just because her brother couldn’t keep his mouth shut. 

“I’m sure it was inconvenient,” Carla said with a snicker.

“That’s not what I meant,” Mikasa deadpanned, and Carla put her hands up in surrender, sensing that Mikasa wasn’t in the mood. “Sorry, I hate driving,” Mikasa apologized, catching her attitude. 

“I know,” Carla said sympathetically as she put her hand on Mikasa’s head, messing up her hair a bit. “You know, I don’t care if you do… that. You’re practically an adult, and I trust you to choose the right person,” Carla said.

“Can we not?” Mikasa groaned.

“We have to at some point,” Carla told her.

“I’m glad you’re supportive,” Mikasa said gratefully, “but nothing happened.”

“Then, what really happened?” Carla asked.

“Well, uh-” Mikasa began, not sure how to explain it to Carla. Nothing explicit happened, but how it came about would be seen as nothing less than playful foreplay. “I called her a coward,” Mikasa said, “and she kept trying to prove she wasn’t. I was taking my jeans off to change, and we ended up in a compromising position on the bed while we were wrestling.”

“‘Wrestling’?” Carla asked curiously, “Is that slang for something? I don’t keep up well with the times.”

“It’s not-” Mikasa began, cutting herself off as she rubbed her forehead, “It probably is slang for something, but that’s not how I meant it.” 

“Ah, I see,” Carla said with a nod, “So Eren walked in, and he saw you and Annie, on the bed, with your jeans unbuttoned.”

“Correct,” Mikasa confirmed.

“Seems believable,” Carla decided, “You don’t seem like the type to have sex so soon, especially your first time….. It would be your first time right?”

“Yes,” Mikasa sighed. She wasn’t necessarily ashamed of being a virgin, but she didn’t like that people never seemed to let her forget it. 

“Speaking of, has Eren done it before?” Carla asked. 

“I mean, probably,” Mikasa said vaguely, deciding to get Eren back for telling on her.

“That little brat,” Carla seethed quietly.

“Well… I mean… I don’t know for sure-” Mikasa said, trying to save her brother. She knew Carla wasn’t actually mad; she would probably just talk to him about safe sex and what not. Still, she didn’t want Eren to be upset with her because she caused it.

“Dinner!” Carla yelled up the steps to Eren, and he came stampeding down the stairs almost immediately. 

“So, Eren,” Carla began as the group sat down, “I hear you lost your virginity.”

“You traitor!” Eren yelled at his sister.

“You really have?” Mikasa asked in surprise.

“Shit, you didn’t know?” Eren asked, “I thought I told you!”

“I mean- maybe, but I don’t remember!” she yelled back.

“God damnit,” Eren muttered.

“So, you did,” Carla deduced with an amused smile. 

“Yeah,” he admitted sheepishly.

“Were you safe?” Carla asked.

“I mean… that wasn’t really a problem…” Eren trailed off.

“Not a problem?” Carla exclaimed, “Of course it is! What if she got pregnant or you got an STD?”

“That’s not the point, Mom,” Eren sighed in slight frustration. 

“I think it is,” Carla began, getting a little frustrated with her son for thinking he was above pregnancy and diseases.

“It was with a guy, Mom!” Eren yelled.

“Oop-” Mikasa said, not expecting that. She had her suspicions that Eren might like guys, but she never expected him to admit it to his mom, especially since he had a lot of pride in his masculinity.

“Oh,” Carla said, obviously surprised, “Well, you could’ve just said that from the start.”

“You’re not… mad?” Eren asked tentatively, “or disappointed?”

“Of course not,” Carla said with a soft smile as she got up and hugged her son, “It would be unfair for me to accept Mikasa and not you.”

“She has a point,” Mikasa agreed.

“You can’t tell a soul,” Eren said as he glared at Mikasa, and she swore she’d never seen him give her such an angry glare.

“Obviously,” Mikasa said, “I was outed, remember? I know it’s not fun. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.”

“Oh… yeah,” he mumbled, “Anyone, no one else knows except Armin. And please, for Christ's sake, don’t tell Annie.”

“Duh,” she said matter-of-factly, “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“So, who’s the lucky guy?” Carla asked curiously, “Someone I know?” 

Eren immediately blushed, and Mikasa had never seen him so flustered before. “Oh, so it is,” Carla said with a smirk. 

Mikasa gasped slightly as realization washed over her. “Haha! I got it,” she declared.

“Who?” Carla asked like a gossip-crazed teenage girl.

“Wait,” Mikasa told Carla as she leaned over to her brother’s ear and whispered, “Armin?”

“How’d you know?” he exclaimed in surprise, trying not to choke on his food.

“Now that I know you like guys, it makes the most sense,” Mikasa said with a shrug.

“I don’t like guys,” Eren said with an eye roll, “just him.”

“God, you sound like me,” Mikasa said as she laughed.

“Huh?” Eren asked.

“I told Annie I’d never liked anyone other than her. We called it ‘Annie romantic’ since it wasn’t sexual,” Mikasa explained.

“That’s hella cheesy,” Eren said with a laugh.

“Don’t tell her I told you that,” Mikasa said with wide eyes as she put a hand over her mouth. 

“Sure,” Eren agreed. While his response sounded half-assed, she knew he meant it. 

“So, who’s the love interest,” Carla butted back in, “You’re killing me.”

“Ugh,” Eren sighed, knowing there was no way out of this, “Armin.”

“That’s a respectable choice,” Carla decided with a supportive nod, “He’s a good, smart kid. He’ll balance you out well, and you’ve been friends for forever. There’ll be a lot of trust.”

“Heh, Eren’s ‘Armin romantic’,” Mikasa teased, “Oh- or is it sexual?”

“Can we not?” he asked shyly.

“Oh, it definitely is,” she said with a laugh as she finished eating. 

“Anyway, we’re not actually together yet,” Eren admitted.

“You just fucked and ducked him?” Mikasa asked in surprise, “That’s cold, Eren.”

“Fucked and ducked?” Carla asked curiously.

“It’s exactly how it sounds,” Mikasa told her, “You fuck someone, then you ‘duck’ or avoid them.”

“Ah, yeah, that’s cold, Eren,” Carla agreed with Mikasa now that she understood what was being said.

“I didn’t do that either,” Eren admitted, “I mean, you’re not together with Annie, either.”

“We’ve established that we don’t want to see other people,” Mikasa shrugged, that being enough reason for her, “and I never fucked her either.”

“She has a point,” Carla agreed.

“Don’t just take her side!” Eren exclaimed defensively.

“She’s right,” Carla shrugged.

“Anyway, we’re kind of just like… friends with benefits, I guess?” Eren said.

“You better make him yours before someone comes up and snatches him,” Mikasa said as she patted her brother’s head, “That’s a lot to like about him and not much to hate.”

“Fuck off,” Eren grumbled. Usually, Carla would’ve scolded him, but she understood that he was tense and let it slide. 

\------------

The next morning, Mikasa woke up early and groaned at the sound of her alarm blaring. She carefully rubbed her eyes as she checked the time on her phone. When she did, she also caught a glimpse of the date, and she panicked.

A while back, she’d set up a job interview, and it was set for today just after school. She didn’t have any other plans for the day, but it could’ve been really bad if she forgot about it completely.

She quickly got out of bed, putting on something nice for the day. She decided on a cropped sweater and a skirt with leggings under it. She usually didn’t wear skirts, especially not in the fall, but she knew she wouldn’t have time to change after school. In other words, she’d have to wear something appropriate for school and appropriate for a job interview while praying that she didn’t somehow get it dirty during the day. 

After she was dressed, she brushed her hair, eventually deciding to leave it down since she felt like it looked nicer and was just generally more her style. Once she brushed her hair, she grabbed her school things and ran down the stairs to make something for breakfast.

“What the hell do you think you’re wearing?” Carla asked with a hand on her hip and Mikasa ran past her.

“What? I’m fully clothed? You can’t see my skin,” Mikasa argued.

“Just doesn’t seem like…. Your style,” Carla said as she looked her adoptive daughter up and down.

“I have a job interview today,” Mikasa reminded Carla, “This was the best option I had as far as clothing.”

“Oh, yes,” Carla said, remembering that Mikasa had decided to start job searching a while back. “Don’t get your clothes dirty,” Carla warned her preemptively.

“Yeah,” Mikasa agreed, “That’d be disastrous. 

Mikasa quickly ate before running back up the stairs to brush her teeth. After her teeth were clean, she went back downstairs and put her shoes on. “C’mon Eren!” Mikasa yelled up, “You’ve got something important to do today!”

Last night at dinner, Mikasa had made Eren promise to confess to Armin today. She’d seen the care between the two, and she knew that even if Armin somehow didn’t return Eren’s feelings, he’d never purposely hurt Eren. 

“I don’t wanna,” Eren complained in a whiny voice as he walked down the stairs slowly, trying to stall. 

“I’ll tell him for you if you don’t hurry up,” Mikasa threatened, and she swore she’d never seen Eren put his shoes on so quickly. 

The two walked to school quietly, and when Armin joined them, Mikasa nudged Eren to say what he wanted to say. “Right now?” he whispered to her, obviously not happy about her choice of time.

“Yes, right now,” she told her sternly, “Otherwise I won’t believe you did it.”

“So, Armin,” Eren began after a few moments, and Mikasa bumped his shoulder encouragingly.

“Yes, Eren?” Armin asked curiously as he looked to Mikasa for help.

“I- um,” he stuttered, “I… I like you.. Alot.” Eren turned his face away from Armin, not able to look him in the eyes.

“That was weak,” Mikasa whispered in Eren’s ear.

“Pffft,” he turned back to Armin who had a smile and light blush on his face. 

“I’ll give you two some space,” Mikasa said with a smile, “My job here is done.” With that, she jogged a little ahead to give the two some privacy. 

When she arrived outside the school, she saw Annie, and the two immediately began walking together. “You look nice today,” Annie complimented her, “What’s the occasion?”

“I have a job interview after school,” Mikasa told her.

“You’re getting a job?” Annie asked.

“Yeah, I meant to tell you, but I forgot I even had an interview until this morning,” Mikasa told her apologetically.

“Ah, I see,” Annie said in understanding, “What about soccer?” 

“I’ll go whenever I can. I’ll have to stop being captain too,” Mikasa admitted.

“You sure you’re okay with that?” Annie asked curiously as they entered the building.

“I never wanted to be captain in the first place,” Mikasa shrugged, “It should go to someone who wants it like Ymir.”

“That’s big of you,” Annie said with a playful smirk.

“Fuck off,” Mikasa said as she pushed Annie with a smile. 

Annie waved to Mikasa as she walked to her locker, surprised to be met by Hitch. “What do you want this time?” Annie sighed.

“I’ve been trying to leave you alone,” Hitch admitted, “but there’s something I want to ask you.”

“Ask then,” Annie said sharply, not being in a patient mood. 

“I… I want to come out,” Hitch admitted.

“Of all things I expected to come out of your mouth,” Annie began as she blinked in surprise, “that was not one of them.”

“Anyway, if I did, people are going to ask who I was with, who made me realize, things like that,” Hitch explained, “I wanted to know if you mind me telling people about us, basically.”

Annie took a moment to think about it. She wasn’t out to her school yet, but she knew people were bound to find out sooner or later, especially now that she was with Mikasa. There was also some part of her that was happy for Hitch, and she wanted Hitch to be able to come out, even if it involved revealing that she liked girls as well.

“Umm… you see,” Hitch said, sensing Annie’s hesitation, “Mikasa told me to be honest with myself, and I just want to do that. It’s the least I can do for her… and myself.”

“Mikasa said that to you?” Annie asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“You didn’t know?” Hitch asked curiously.

“Was this day she was late for first period?” Annie asked.

“I think so,” Hitch said with a shrug. 

“That’s something for later,” Annie said dismissively, “Anyway, I guess I don’t care if you tell people about us just don’t say anything unnecessary and don’t tell people if it’s not necessary.”

“Got it,” Hitch agreed seriously, “Thanks.”

“What’s going on here?” Annie heard as an arm was wrapped around her shoulders. She immediately recognized the voice as Mikasa, and she had to hide a smile at Mikasa's obvious attempt to get her out of a possibly uncomfortable situation. 

“I- uh, I’ll be going,” Hitch said as she pointed behind her.

“Didn’t I tell you to leave Annie alone?” Mikasa asked, and Annie looked up to see one of the scariest looks she’d ever seen on Mikasa’s face. 

Hitch’s mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water before she eventually nodded with her head down and walked away. “You didn’t have to be that harsh,” Annie decided when Hitch was out of ear shot. Mikasa just shrugged.

“What did she want, anyway?” Mikasa asked as she dropped her arm from around Annie, turning to walk towards their first period. 

“She wanted to know if she could tell people that she and I dated in the past,” Annie told her, “I said she could.”

“Really? That’s unexpected,” Mikasa admitted.

“It’s also unexpected that you told her to ‘be honest with herself’,” Annie said as she looked at Mikasa dryly.

“Oh… uh, well, you see,” Mikasa began, caught off guard by the blonde’s words, “Remember how I said she reminded me of me then? At least, I think I told you.”

“It sounds familiar, yes,” Annie admitted.

“That’s what I wish someone had told me back then,” Mikasa admitted, “I thought it might help her.”

“I guess it did,” Annie decided as the two sat at their desks. 

“I guess,” Mikasa agreed.

\-------------

After school, Mikasa quickly made her way to her job interview. It was close enough to walk to, so she power walked there, not wanting to be late. Luckily, she made it on time, and she smiled as she entered the building.

The building was a library, and she applied to help people find books that fit their interests. It seemed like a job she could do, and it was one they were desperately in need of. She looked around a little, knowing she had time before the interview, and she was amazed by it.

It had rows upon rows of shelves stocked with books, nooks and crannies to read in as well as a bigger public area for people who liked that type of thing, there were even large chandeliers in some areas. Even the architecture was beautiful!

After looking around a bit, Mikasa realized it was almost time for her interview, so she walked to the front where people went to check out books, and she looked around for someone who might run the place. 

“Ah, welcome!” a cheerful voice said as they popped up from behind the counter. Their appearance was nothing shy of messy, but Mikasa didn’t think much of it. 

“Um.. Hi?” Mikasa said awkwardly.

“Ah, I should probably introduce myself,” they said as they shook their head with a slight smile, “Sorry about that. I’m pretty forgetful.”

“It’s okay,” Mikasa assured them as she rubbed the back of her neck, “I get it.”

“Well, I’m Zoe Hange,” they said with a smile, “but you can just call me Hange.”

“Hange, got it,” Mikasa said aloud, “I’m Mikasa…. Ackerman.”

After a lot of debating, she decided she wanted to change her name back to Ackermanm so she guessed it would be better to just introduce herself that way now. Still, the last name sounded almost foreign when she said, and she was a little disappointed with the strange feeling it gave her.

“Mikasa, eh?” she said, taking in the girl’s name, “I know a guy with the last name ‘Ackerman’. Think you’re related?”

“I mean… maybe?” Mikasa said, unsure. She didn’t know much of her family, especially guys. 

“Wait, are you the girl who’s interviewing today?” she asked with narrowed eyes.

“Ummm… yes,” Mikasa said.

“Ah, great, I like you already!” they exclaimed excitedly. 

“You know what?” they said after a while, “You’re hired.”

“Huh?” Mikasa asked confused, “I mean, I’m not all that good with people, and I hardly know anything about this kind of job. Are you sure I’m the right fit?”

“We’ll make it work,” they assured her, “Can you start today? I’ll show you the ropes.”

“Umm… I guess,” Mikasa said, “Let me text my family.”

“You do that,” the woman nodded as she collected her glasses from the counter, cleaning them before putting them on their face.

She sent a quick text to Carla before silencing her phone and giving the woman her attention, “So, what’s first?” 

“I’m assuming you know how library organizing works, so I don’t have to tell you,” they asked, and Mikasa nodded in confirmation, “Perfect, then all you need to know is how these machines work. Come back here.”

They opened a small door for Mikasa, and she walked through it. Behind the counter, there was a cash register. “We mostly rent out books, but people can buy them as well if they like them enough,” Hange explained as they pointed to the cash register. 

“Makes sense,” Mikasa agreed, “Are there certain books they can’t buy?” 

“If we only have one of those books, they can’t buy it,” Hange answered her question, “but most books here have at least two copies, so three of the same book.”

“Sounds nice,” Mikasa nodded in admiration. 

“Alright, so the cash register is easy to work, you just press this button and turn this lock with the key,” Hange said as the pulled one out, “Oh, not sure if this is something you’re interested it, but since I started this place, I’ve been letting employees make their own copies of the keys. They can customize them, and when they leave, they get to put them up in the back.”

“You trust them that much not to steal anything?” Mikasa asked curiously.

“There’s not much physical money here,” Hange explained, “Most exchanges with money are done online or with cards these days, so someone would have to be stupid to steal what was in the register. Not to mention, there’s cameras, so don’t get any ideas!” 

“Oh, I wasn’t-” Mikasa began, waving her hands around frantically.

“Calm down,” Hange said with a laugh, “I’m just messing with you. You don’t seem like that type of person, and I’m pretty good at reading people. Anyway, the option is yours, so if you want to make a key, let me know so I can tell you how to cut it.”

“Noted,” Mikasa said with a nod. 

“Other than that, your job is just interacting with people when needed,” Hange explained, “It’s pretty straight forward.”

“Nice,” Mikasa nodded, “It’s easy to understand.”

“Ah, yes, easy is nice,” Hange agreed.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Hange exclaimed as they turned around to face Mikasa, “As an employee, you have a discount, so you can buy books for cheaper and rent them for longer.”

“Really? That’s great!” Mikasa said, letting her excitement show.

“There it is!” Hange exclaimed, “I was wondering if you really had an interest in books, or if you were just looking for an easy job.”

“Ah, no I love books,” Mikasa assured them, “I’m just not a generally over enthusiastic person.”

“Fair enough,” Hange nodded, “Feel free to roam around a bit. There’s a few customers wandering around that might need help.”

“Do you have anything to signify I work here?” Mikasa asked, realizing she might not seem like the approachable type without something to label her as a worker.

“Ah, good point,” Hange said as she ran to a small back room before returning with a small clip, “You can wear this until I get one with your name.” 

The pin read ‘Employee’, and Mikasa decided that it was enough to get the point across. “Perfect,” she nodded as she walked out from behind the counter and began roaming the library. 

In this time, she searched the aisles for her style of books since she didn’t have many that she’d never read before. Most books she owned were ones she’d reread multiple times, and she was about ready for a fresh one. 

She’d read other books, of course, but she hadn’t had time to buy new books. She’d read many books once, but she only bought books she liked because she always felt the need to write in them which she couldn’t do with a rental. 

“Um, excuse me?” Someone said as they approached Mikasa, and she cautiously turned around to face them.

“Yes, how can I help you?” Mikasa asked as professionally as possible.

“I was wondering if you had any recommendations?” they, a woman, asked, “I’m looking for something romantic but not super cheesy.”

“You’ve found the right employee,” Mikasa assured them with a smirk as she led them to the area she knew would have some of her favorite authors. “I recommend anything by him,” Mikasa said as she pointed to an author's name, pulling out a book she was fond of. “Are you looking for enemies to lovers, a tragic ending, childhood friends to lovers, something about internal struggle?” Mikasa asked in a list.

“Um, probably something about internal struggle,” she admitted, “Something about sexuality.”

“Hmm,” Mikasa hummed. Despite being… interested in the same sex, she’d never actually read a book on the topic. Admittedly, it sounded like a smart idea. She skimmed through some of the books carefully, looking for something that might work. “Sorry, I’m not familiar with that topic,” Mikasa apologized, feeling like she was taking a long time.

“No worries, you seem like you know how to read a book shelf,” she said with a laugh, “My biggest problem is usually trying to understand how everything is organized.”

“I used to have that problem,” Mikasa admitted, “It just takes some repetition is all.”

“Can you give me a better description of what you’re looking for?” Mikasa asked when she had a few books that fell under the woman’s requested category. 

“Um, something about realizing you like women would be best,” they decided, “I’d be nice if they were in love with their best friend or someone they hated.”

“Ah,” Mikasa said in understanding, “A respectable trope.” 

“Is it one you like?” she asked as Mikasa continued scanning through books.

“I’m a fan of enemies to lovers,” Mikasa admitted, “Though I’ve never read one where two women or two men fall in love.”

“It’s so much better,” the woman assured her, “I spent years reading heterosexual enemies to lovers, but really, it’s just like ‘if I wanted to hear a man and woman hit each other, I’d just go look at my neighbors’.” 

Mikasa couldn’t stop herself from laughing lightly as she continued reading through the books. Now that she thought about it, the woman had a good point. All the books she read with enemies to lovers had that kind of energy to them; it was undeniable.

“This one looks like it might fit your taste,” Mikasa decided after a few more moments, “I haven’t read it, though, so I can’t promise it will be good.”

“Thanks,” she said with an appreciative smile.

“I might have to borrow it from you when you’re done,” Mikasa said to them, almost jokingly. 

“This your type of thing?” she asked.

“Something like that,” Mikasa shrugged as she made her way around the library, waving to the woman she’d helped. 

She helped a few more people before it was eventually time to close. She returned to the back of the counter, and Hange jumped when she saw her. “You’re still here? I thought you left,” Hange admitted.

“Well, you did ask me to work, and I figured I’d just stay until you kicked me out,” Mikasa decided with a shrug.

“You have a great work ethic,” Hange complimented her, “Do you have a goal you’re trying to reach?”

“Not really,” Mikasa answered with a shrug, “It’s mostly to prepare for college.”

“Oh, you graduate soon?” Hange asked. 

“Yeah, I’m in my senior year,” Mikasa admitted.

“Wow, you must have a lot on your plate,” Hange said sympathetically.

“I manage,” Mikasa said with a shrug as she handed her pin back to Hange, “I should be getting home. I don’t want my family to worry.”

“Yeah, thanks for putting in the work today!” Hange said enthusiastically, “Here’s my number to get in contact for work and what not.” As she said that, she handed Mikasa a paper with her number scribbled on it, and Mikasa tucked it into her backpack as she grabbed it and made her way back to her house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Hange is here! Also, you cannot convince me that they wouldn't be the crazy librarian everyone loves. Anyway, as far their pronouns, I'll probably refer to Hange as a 'she' because that's how I see them. It's hard for me to write a character with they/them pronouns because I consciously have to remember that they're not a she or a he, and when I'm writing, I don't really think 'consciously' lol. Anyway, it's easier to categorize them as 'she' or 'he', but if people would like to see the they/them pronouns for them, I'll do my best to be conscious of it. 
> 
> Feedback and Suggestions :)


	28. Apple Blossom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apple Blossom: "I prefer you before all"
> 
> Sorry this is late, but as promised, today is my birthday! Which means, it's time for me to do the big reveal. As of today, I am......................................
> 
> 14!!! :)
> 
> P.S. I'm going to try to use "They/Them" pronouns for Hange due to popular demand! I just ask that you not go off on me if I call them a she/her every once in a while. Everyone makes mistakes, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so sorry I didn't post over the weekend or at all last week LOL. I planned on writing all weekend, but I spent a lot of time reading and playing video games with friends. My family also celebrated my birthday since it fell on a Monday this year, so I had a lot going on. Still, I managed to update this story, and write two chapters for my Yumary fic! All-in-all, I think I was pretty successful. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Mikasa’s next class passed quickly, and before she knew it, it was time for soccer practice. Today, she had specifically told Hange that she needed to be at practice since there was a game that coming weekend, and she needed the extra practice.

“Get running!” Ymir said as she pushed her friend forward, “You’ve been slacking.”

“Fuck off,” Mikasa said as she flipped her off, breaking into a sprint, “I bet I’m still faster than you!”

“Oh, wanna bet?” Ymir asked.

“It’s on!” Mikasa said as she took off in a sprint. 

“You cheater!” Ymir yelled after her while sprinting.

After a few laps, it was determined that Mikasa was indeed still faster than Ymir and even had more stamina. “That’s just unfair,” Ymir panted as she took small sips from her water.

“I’m just that good,” Mikasa said with a smirk, and Ymir hit her in the chest playfully. 

“It’s surprising, really,” Sasha said as she sat beside the two, “You really haven’t lost any speed. 

“Well I only missed a few practices, and I jog to work,” Mikasa reminded them. 

“I guess,” Sasha agreed with a shrug. 

Mikasa jumped a few seconds later when arms loosely hung around her neck. She almost reared her head back to hit them out of habit, but she knew there were very few people dumb enough to touch her without warning; people in her friend group.

“Hi,” Mikasa greeted as she grabbed the person’s hand with her own, allowing it to continue hanging from her shoulders.

“Hi,” Annie spoke while squeezing Mikasa’s hand, “I haven’t seen you recently.”

“Awe, is Annie going through Mikasa withdrawal,” Ymir teased.

“Go fuck yourself,” Annie said, flipping her off.

“What is it with you two and flipping me off?” Ymir asked with a huff.

“You have an aggravating face,” Mikasa decided.

“Huh?” Ymir asked.

“It’s like… offensive… naturally,” Annie agreed, trying to elaborate.

“You know, I see it,” Sasha admitted while analyzing Ymir.

“You little shits,” Ymir scowled, “Historia loves my offensive face, and that’s all that matters.”

“Awe,” Sasha said cutely.

“Whipped,” Mikasa said, covering the word with a cough.

“What was that?” Ymir asked rhetorically.

“Oh, nothing,” Mikasa said with a friendly smile.

“That’s what I thought,” Ymir huffed.

“Alright ladies, get up!” the coach said while clapping his hands to get their attention, “We’re going to play as hard as we can today! There’s a big game this weekend, and I’ve heard some rumors that scouts will be coming!” 

“Scouts?” Mikasa whispered in a hiss.

“You know, people who recruit you for colleges,” Sasha told her.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Mikasa mumbled to herself.

“What?” Ymir asked.

“I’m working this weekend,” Mikasa groaned.

“Doesn’t your boss like, love you? If you ask off, I’m sure she’ll give it to you,” Annie reminded her as she moved from behind Mikasa to sit in front of her, facing the group from the ground. 

“I guess,” Mikasa decided, “but I need to put in some extra hours.” Annie just groaned, and Mikasa laughed at the girl’s obvious distaste towards the idea.

“Do you have anything planned today?” Mikasa asked.

“Nothing today,” Annie answered after a few moments of thought. 

“Then I’ll stop by after work, sound good?” Mikasa offered.

“Perfect,” Annie agreed.

“Leonhart, Jaeger, stop flirting!” the coach yelled, and both girls turned red from embarrassment while their friends laughed hysterically. 

“Actually, it’s Ackerman, Coach!” Mikasa yelled back to him.

“Same difference, you knew it was you,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand, “Now, you know the drills. Get to work!” 

All the girls groaned as they got up from their spots on the benches to walk to the field. They began with shooting drills, all of which Annie blocked. After that was dribbling drills which Mikasa, Sasha, and Ymir did perfectly, of course. There were a few throw-ins, corner kicks, and passing drills before the coach allowed them to take a break. 

Mikasa took a few sips of her water before pulling out her phone and checking it. “Shit. I gotta run,” Mikasa said aloud while packing her things up. 

“Coach is gonna be mad,” Sasha said in a sing-songy voice.

“He’ll get over it as long as I’m at the game,” Mikasa said while shouldering her bag and walking to her coach.

“Hey, I gotta go early for work,” she told him.

“Yeah, okay,” he said dismissively.

She had already informed him of her need to step down as captain, and the spot had since been given to Ymir. However, he still seemed upset about her choice. She understood that her coach thought she had a career in soccer, but she didn’t think of the sport that way.

Soccer had always been her coping method, her light at the end of the tunnel; it wasn’t something she ever even considered making a career out of. She was sure she could if she wanted to, but she considered it more of a last resort. 

Despite that, she’d never considered what she wanted to do with her life after high school. She always assumed she’d move back to her old home and live the life her parents intended on living, but that seemed like a really lonely way to live.

Things had changed since she first made that decision. She had friends now, people she cared for and would genuinely fight for. She even had Annie who, despite not making it official, played a girlfriend role in her life. For her to leave all of them while they went to college would be painful. It would be fours years away from them. It would be especially hard with Annie and Eren since she was closest to them. As much as she hated to admit it, she was sure she’d miss Ymir too, even Bertholdt had earned a special place in her heart. 

“I’ll… I’ll see you later,” Mikasa said as she waved to him, slightly discouraged by her thoughts.

In the past week or so that Mikasa had been working at the library/bookstore, she’d gotten really close with Hange. If she had to describe the role they played in her life, she guessed it would be that of the weird aunt that you love despite their strange personality. 

She’d talked to Hange about a lot of her school and relationship related questions, and they’d been surprisingly helpful. She didn’t think Hange had ever been in a relationship, but they gave logical advice. 

She wondered if it would be smart to ask them what route she should take after high school? At the very least, she could ask them what they thought might suit her. It didn’t seem like an awful idea, and the worst thing that could happen would be Hange telling her that they couldn’t help her. 

When she finally made it to the library/bookstore, she tiredly made her way to the back of the counter where she dropped her school stuff on the ground and dropped into one of the desk chairs by the cash register. 

“Rough day?” Hange asked as they looked up from the book they were reading. 

“Something like that,” Mikasa confirmed as she dug through her bag for her own book.

“Care to talk about it?” Hange asked, setting their book down.

“Actually,” Mikasa said as she put her book in her lap, “I was wondering, could you give me off this Sunday?”

“Soccer?” Hange asked knowingly. 

“Yeah, I have a game,” Mikasa confirmed, “There’s gonna be scouts there as well.”

“Oh,” Hange said excitedly, “I’m sure you’ll do great!”  
“I hope so,” Mikasa sighed. 

“You don’t seem too confident,” Hange said observantly.

“I’m excited,” Mikasa assured her, “I just keep forgetting about college and how important it is.”

“It’s not like you have to go to college,” Hange reminded her, “I never did.”

“That sounds smart,” Mikasa agreed with a nod, “but I know all my friends will go to college, and I don’t want to be left behind.”

“Well, remember how I told you about that other Ackerman?” Hange asked.

“Mhm,” Mikasa confirmed.

“He and I were best friends in high school. Well, he was my best friend, and I think he was just annoyed with me,” Hange admitted with a laugh, “but when he went to college while I stayed behind, he never left behind. We talked a lot, and he kept me updated on his day and visa versa.”

“He seems like a great friend,” Mikasa assured her, “I wonder, is his name… Levi?” 

“Yes! You know him?” Hange exclaimed.

“He’s a teacher at my school,” Mikasa confirmed with a nod, “and he’s my uncle.”

“Levi has a niece?” Hange exclaimed as they jumped up from their chair, “and it’s you!”

“Yes,” Mikasa confirmed. 

“That’s so exciting!” Hange exclaimed, though calmer than before, “Why did he never tell me?”

“He didn’t find out until a few months ago,” Mikasa told them.

“That makes sense,” they admitted with a nod, “Anyway, my point is that if they’re real friends, they’ll stay by your side the whole way through it.”

“Still, I don’t know what else I’d do with my life,” Mikasa admitted.

“Excuse me?” a customer asked, stopping their conversation.

“Hello, how may I help you?” Mikasa greeted.

“Hi, I’m looking for books on historical figures from the 1800s,” he told them, and Mikasa nodded as she stood from her seat, silently telling Hange that they’d continue the conversation when she got back.

She quickly showed the guy the proper section, but as she was walking away, the guy stopped her by grabbing her arm. She fought every urge to hit him, but she was quick to pull her arm from his grasp rather aggressively. “How else can I help you?” she asked while turning to face him again.

“I was just thinking, you’re really pretty,” he complimented her as he looked her up and down, “I was wondering if I could get your number.”

“Sorry, not interested,” Mikasa said curtly as she spun around. 

It didn’t take long for the guy to appear in front of her again, and she exhaled deeply, trying not to snap at the guy. “I just mean, you’re lovely, and I’m a nice guy,” he explained himself, “I feel like we might connect, you know?”

“I’m already seeing someone,” Mikasa assured him, smiling at the thought of who she was seeing. Even though they hadn’t specified what they were to each other, both had been clear that they didn’t want to see each other, and that was enough for Mikasa.

“Oh, I bet he’s not all the great anyway,” the guy shrugged, “I mean, we both like books, we’re both attractive people, and I’m sure you’ve got a great personality.”

“Actually SHE’S great and definitely more attractive than you,” Mikasa told him, watching his jaw drop to the floor, “I appreciate the compliment, but no means no.”

“I- yeah,” he said as he put his head down, moving out of Mikasa’s way. The raven-haired girl huffed as she walked back to Hange, slumping in her chair. 

“Another guy hitting on you?” Hange asked with a snicker.

“Yeah,” Mikasa confirmed with a sigh, “he had to be like 30 too!”

“Well, you definitely don’t look 17,” Hange told her.

“I definitely don’t look 30 either,” Mikasa reminded her, “Do I?”

“No, you don’t,” they assured her with a laugh.

“Good,” Mikasa sighed in relief.

“Anyway, as far as colleges go,” Hange told her, jumping back to their previous conversation, “You’ll have more options for the future if you got to college, and you’ll get to stay with your friends. On the other hand, you’ll have to leave almost everything familiar to you, and college is expensive. Really, it’s a coin toss that mostly depends on what you’re good at and what you can endure.”

“You know-” Mikasa said in thought, “that was actually really helpful. Thank you, Hange.”

“No problem!” Hange exclaimed excitedly as they opened their book back up, obviously going back to reading. 

Mikasa took that as a sign that Hange didn’t want to talk anymore, so she opened her own book. It was yet another romance, and she was thoroughly enjoying it unlike some of the other romances she’d read. 

While it was extremely cliche, there were a lot more realistic aspects in it -or maybe she was just noticing those now that she was in a relationship herself. She would quietly laugh to herself when she read things she’d experience personally, reveling in the fact that she knew what those things felt like now. It was a whole new experience.

“Excuse me?” some asked, and Mikasa looked up from her book to see a girl looking at her nervously.

“Yes?” Mikasa asked, “How can I help you?”  
“Do you have somewhere I can hide?” she asked as she kept glancing behind her. 

Mikasa followed her line of sight, trying to see what she was looking at, and it didn’t take her long to see a guy staring at her from behind one of the bookshelves. Mikasa rolled her eyes slightly as she opened the door for the girl to come behind the counter. 

“Thank you. Thank you,” the girl said appreciatively.

“Yeah,” Mikasa said sympathetically, “You can stay back there until he leaves.” Mikasa pointed to an empty room that held a few unopened boxes of books that were meant to be put on the shelves soon. 

“Thank you so much,” she said appreciatively.

“Don’t worry about it,” Mikasa assured her as she walked back to her spot at the cash register. 

A few minutes later, the guy left the store, and Mikasa gave it a good few minutes more before going to the back room to get the girl. “He’s gone,” Mikasa told her, and she sighed heavily in relief.

“Thanks again,” she said genuinely, “He was starting to freak me out.”

“I get it,” Mikasa assured her with a soft smile while leading the girl back to the door and out from behind the counter. 

“Have a good day!” the girl told her as she walked off.

“You too!” Mikasa yelled after her.

The rest of Mikasa’s shift passed quickly. She spent most of it doing homework, reading, helping customers, or talking to Hange. All-in-all, it was a rather relaxing shift, and she would be getting paid for her time.

“Good night!” Hange said to her with an enthusiastic wave. 

“Night!” Mikasa yelled with a wave. 

When Mikasa stepped out of the building, she shivered slightly from the cold, and she pulled her scarf up over her face. She was thankful that it helped block the wind a bit, but she was still shivering. She almost wished she’d drove to work, but she enjoyed the walk. 

“Hello again,” a voice said as someone grabbed her arm. She shrieked in surprise as the person yanked her into a nearby alleyway.

_ Fuck fuck fuck,  _ Mikasa thought to herself,  _ I’m such an idiot. Why the hell would I walk alone at night? I should’ve asked Eren to pick me up or something! I’m gonna get mugged… or worse.  _

“I believe you owe me an apology,” they said, and Mikasa gasped at the voice. It was familiar, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on who it was, especially in the dark. 

“Um who are you?” Mikasa asked, squinting her eyes in an attempt to see better,

“You bitch!” he said as he swung at her. Since the action was unexpected, he managed to nail Mikasa in the jaw, and she winced at the stinging it left behind.

“That doesn’t answer my question,” she said, rubbing her jaw.

“It’s the guy from the library!” he exclaimed as he swung at her again, however this time she caught his punch. He scowled in anger as he attempted to swing at her again. 

It was at that moment that she felt an arm wrap around her neck, but this wasn’t affectionate. This was tight and obviously had intent. Panic set into Mikasa almost immediately, clouding her thoughts. She thrashed in the person’s grasp, hearing laughs of amusement as she did. 

_ I can’t breathe!  _ She panicked,  _ I want… I want help. Help. Help. Help me! _

In a last ditch attempt to get free, Mikasa threw her head back, hitting someone square in the nose. The arms around her neck let go, and she desperately fell to the ground, panting as she tried to get air again. 

“You little whore,” one of them seethed. She felt a sharp kick to her jaw, and she fell back from the effort. She silently thanked any and every god that existed that she didn’t bite her tongue, but she knew her tongue was bloody. 

“Okay, I think that’s enough, man,” one of the guys tried to stop the other.

“No way!” the other said, “She’s a lesbian, dude.”

“Shit, no way?” he asked, “That explains why she fights like a bitch.”

“Just hit her a few more times and run when she can't chase you,” one guy said, and the other nodded. Mikasa didn’t see, but the men slowly approached her. One lifted her up while the other gripped her chin aggressively, causing Mikasa to let a slight whimper at the pain from the previous kick.

“You’re a little whore, you know?” he said with a smirk before throwing her head back aggressively, “You’re so desperate for attention that you’ll date women too?”

Mikasa snarled at him. Every instinct was telling her to fight back, but some part of her was terrified of going too far. The last time she had been in this kind of situation, she’d killed someone, and if something like that happened again, she wouldn’t be able to survive it. 

“You can’t even fight back,” the guy behind her laughed as he shoved his boot into her back, forcing her to arch into the guy in front of her. She cringed at the unwanted contact, but she still couldn’t bring herself to move.

_ Shit. I’m frozen,  _ she realized,  _ I… I hate this feeling. _

“I could just take you right here,” the guy said evilly, “No one would know.” He ran his finger from her chin to her neck, and her mind flashed back to when those men she killed had done similar things to her. 

It was that memory that caused her to fight back. She used her hands to punch the guy in front of her. Both guys swung at her, and she managed to dodge most of their hits in a desperate attempt to survive.

_ Kill or be killed _ , Mikasa thought to herself as one of them hit her on the head with a nearby rock. She felt a little faint, but she kept pushing,  _ It’s always been like that, and it always will.  _

She used one of her hands to shove one of the guys heads into a nearby brick wall, and he stumbled to the ground. She did a similar thing to the other guy before sprinting for her life. Her lungs and throat were burning from exertion. Her muscles felt like they’d give any moment, and she mostly couldn’t feel them. However, she kept running and running and running. 

_ I’m doing it again,  _ Mikasa thought to herself,  _ I’m running again.  _

She shook the thoughts from her head as she continued running, her breathing becoming shorter and more desperate as she turned onto her street. Out of habit, or maybe instinct, she didn’t bat an eye when she ran past her own home. 

It wasn’t until she reached Annie’s doorstep that she stopped, panting and coughing as she tried not to damage her throat more than had already been done. She desperately grabbed onto the door in an attempt to not collapse, and she used her other hand to weakly knock on the door. 

It only took a minute or so for the door to open, revealing her favorite blonde. “Thank God,” Mikasa muttered as she fell into the house with the door that had opened. Her hand moved from the doorknob to Annie’s neck, and the blonde seemed beyond confused.

“What the hell,” Annie asked as she moved to close the door, supporting Mikasa with her other hand. After the door was closed, Annie lifted Mikasa’s legs, and the older girl whimpered at the pain in her muscles. “What happened?” Annie asked as she walked the girl to the kitchen.

“I-” Mikasa muttered as tears poured from her eyes. Annie sighed sadly as she smiled softly and held Mikasa a little tighter. She felt Mikasa’s grip around her neck tighten, and she kissed the girl’s head before putting her on the counter to clean out her wounds.

“What happened?” Annie whispered again, softer this time. Her fingers found their way to her bruised neck and bleeding head. The blonde couldn’t help but lean in to place another kiss on the other girl’s head, and she heard Mikasa sigh contently. 

“This guy asked me out at work,” Mikasa said as she raised a hand to the bleeding side of her head, feeling it in confusion, “I turned him down, obviously, but I guess he didn’t take too kindly to that.”

“You attacked you?” Annie asked in surprise as she dampened a washcloth and pressed it against Mikasa’s head, causing the latter to grimace slightly. 

“I think,” Mikasa said with squinted eyes, seemingly thinking hard, “It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

“I’ll-” Annie seethed.

“Shh,” Mikasa shushed her, even putting a finger to Annie’s lips. Annie playfully bit Mikasa’s finger, and Mikasa couldn’t help but laugh a little, “Just stay here.”

“Well, seeing as it’s my house we’re at,” Annie joked as she washed out the wash cloth before wringing it out and going back to cleaning the few wounds she had. 

“Sorry,” Mikasa apologized sheepishly, “It was just like instinct. Plus, Carla would ask too many questions.”

“You’re right,” Annie agreed as she gently lifted Mikasa’s chin to properly clean her forehead. “He really got you good here,” Annie grimaced as she patted at the spot.

“Really? I didn’t feel a thing,” Mikasa said arrogantly.

“Yeah, sure,” Annie agreed sarcastically, “I bet you’re feeling it now.”

“I am,” Mikasa assured her.

“What did they do?” Annie asked. Her instincts were telling her to search every inch of the girl’s body to make sure she had no other injuries, but she knew they weren’t at the point in their relationship where she could just investigate the girl’s body like that.

“It’s mostly my face and neck,” Mikasa assured her, “My muscles are just a little sore, is all.”  
“Okay,” Annie agreed tentatively. 

“Honestly, my head and throat hurt the most,” Mikasa admitted as she put her head against Annie’s chest. Annie laughed a little as she put a hand on the back of Mikasa’s head, trying to calm her.

“Hmm, are you going to start driving to work now?” Annie asked with a laugh. Ever since Mikasa first started working, Annie insisted that she drive to work, especially when she worked late or walked home in the dark. 

“Yeah,” Mikasa agreed with a slight laugh.

“Was it scary?” Annie asked after a few moments of silence.

“Mhm,” Mikasa admitted with a nod, a slight shiver passing through her body at the memory. 

“Do you want to stay here tonight?” Annie offered, “Tomorrow is Saturday anyway.”

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed, “Yes please.”

“Okay,” Annie said with a smile as she put her hands under Mikasa’s butt, lifting her off the counter.

“You don’t have to carry me, you know,” Mikasa told her with a laugh.

“Shh, let me spoil you,” Annie shushed her as she walked towards the stairs, hardly able to see over Mikasa’s taller frame. Mikasa shifted to one side of Annie, so the blonde could see. Annie huffed at this, but she said nothing.

“Thank you,” Mikasa said appreciatively when Annie placed her gently on the blonde’s bed. 

“Mhm,” Annie hummed, and Mikasa reached out, grabbing the blonde’s hands. The raven-haired girl pulled Annie onto her, causing the blonde to laugh in surprise. The two easily fell into their usual routine of kissing.

It was more intense than usual since the two hadn’t seen each other outside of school since Mikasa started her new job. Annie even took advantage of the opportunity and snuck her hands up Mikasa shirt, searching for bruises.

“You’re not as sneaky as you think you are,” Mikasa whispered against the blonde’s lips.

“What are you talking about?” Annie whispered innocently.

“I told you I’m fine,” Mikasa assured her. 

“Well, you did come to my house bleeding, and you collapsed on me,” Annie reminded her, “Excuse me if I’m worried.”

“Yeah, okay, fair point,” Mikasa agreed as she pulled away from the kiss. 

“Tired?” Annie asked as she got up and crawled to the top of the bed to get under the covers.

“Mhm,” Mikasa hummed as she too crawled to the top of the bed, getting under the covers while trying to get comfortable.

Annie opened her arms wide, and Mikasa laughed as she scooted towards the blonde. Annie wrapped her arms around Mikasa, and Mikasa did the same. The latter put her hands up the blonde’s shirt, wanting to warm her hands. She felt Annie’s muscles tense and shift away from the cold, and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Your hands are cold,” Annie complained.

“That wasn’t a problem a few seconds ago,” Mikasa reminded her with a smirk. Annie just grunted as she gave up, and Mikasa flashed her a thankful smile of appreciation that seemed to be enough reward for Annie.

“You know,” Annie said quietly, not sure if Mikasa was asleep or not, “I think this is the first time I’ve properly held you.”

“Hmm,” Mikasa hummed indifferently.

“I think… I wouldn’t mind being trapped if it was with you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have mixed feelings about this chapter. I was struggling with what to write for a while, and as always, I reverted back to my habit of writing angst when I'm confused. I feel like this was a little sudden, but it let us see a lot of aspects we never would've seen before. We realize that Mikasa still struggles to accept that part of herself that killed people, and she still has a lot to work on before she's fully healed. Additionally, I thought it'd be nice to bring awareness to many issues women face such as being followed or jumped since it's International women's day AND women's month. Hopefully this chapter was still enjoyable even though it's a little short and rushed! Thank you for your patience <3
> 
> Feedback and suggestions? (Especially suggestions)


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